While I’m learning to let go of a lot of things, I feel like I’m gaining a heck of a lot more. Day in and day out, nothing makes me happier than being with my boys and I truly do love this phase of life even if it feels totally insane. Being a mother to Chase and Ryder is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world and my boys make my heart ache with love. It’s a consuming, vulnerable, pure, overwhelming and intense kind of love and I think I’d use those exact same words to explain how I feel about motherhood in general. It’s intense, vulnerable, pure, overwhelming and completely consuming.
So how are things with two kids in the mix? Great. And also crazy. Some days I feel like I’m killin’ the whole motherhood game and other days I look down at my sweatshirt covered in smears of who knows what (likely baby food, breast milk and boogers) and find myself coaching my three-year-old on the tone he’s allowed to use when he says the word “Mom” because if he whines the word “Moooooom” one more time, so help me…
But let’s back up a bit.
In the beginning, if I’m addressing caring for a newborn only, I’d say things felt much easier the second time around. Mothering a newborn didn’t feel nearly as stressful or as challenging. There’s so much to figure out when you’re a first-time mom and there’s also a TON of information coming your way so it can feel really overwhelming. Thankfully this time I didn’t read much about life with a newborn and I trusted myself to be the best mom I could be to Ryder. I also had first-hand knowledge to lean on that helped me remember that the really, really hard phases with a baby are fleeting (even if they don’t feel that way in the moment) and that has undoubtedly made it easier to deal with exhaustion, sleepless nights, figuring out routines, etc.
This time around, Ryan and I also knew to expect the first six months to be a blur. I read a lot about the first six weeks feeling challenging after I had Chase and remember wondering why I was still trying to wrap my head around everything and struggling to do much six months after we had our first child. Knowing that it took me a solid six months to find my groove after Chase was born helped make my expectations more realistic this time around. Now that I’m just over seven months postpartum, I can say that, once again, it took me at least six months to find my groove but, on many days, I feel like I’m still looking for it.
As I write the above, I don’t want anyone to think that less struggles with a newborn means that the transition to two kids has been easy. In fact, for me, I’d say it’s been a harder adjustment than life with one child simply because it’s impossible to accomplish pretty much anything and there’s just no break… ever. To be perfectly honest, it can be really, really draining. With one child, when a baby sleeps, there are breathers in the day even if they feel short and even if you jam-pack them with household to-dos, but with two kids in the mix, it feels like one kid always needs something and “breaks” (even if a “break” means time to do laundry) feel non-existent. From the time my boys are up until the time they’re asleep, it can feel like I’m in overdrive.
I am sure this feeling is exacerbated by the fact that I’m also trying to juggle working from home while mothering two boys. I know I am so incredibly lucky to be able to call my blog my job and there isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t feel grateful for this space and your readership and the fact that it gives me incredible flexibility. I value this blog and love sitting down at my computer and writing and sharing with all of you. The challenge in this phase of my life is finding the time. The only way I’m guaranteed to get any work done is by setting my alarm and waking up at 5 a.m. to crank out work before the boys are up and then I cross my fingers for a good morning nap for Ryder so I can get another hour (two if I’m lucky) of work done while Chase is at preschool before I pick Chase up again around lunchtime. And if the boys’ afternoon naps happen to overlap, it’s incredible and I try to get as much done while they sleep as possible.
After writing all of this, I have a feeling a bunch of you are wondering why I don’t look into childcare to help open up more windows for work and while it’s something I’ve thought about extensively, my heart doesn’t want to go that route right now. It wants to be with my kids and it wants to be in the middle of the chaos, even if that means some things need to fall to the wayside and I have to cut back on the time I can pour into this space and say no to certain opportunities. Right now I’m okay with that. If things ever change and I find myself feeling differently, we’ll absolutely go that route. I also think that perhaps when I’m done nursing, I’ll feel more ready to explore childcare options. I have the same lipase issue I had last time with my breast milk which makes it hard for me to pump and freeze milk ahead of time and Ryder isn’t great with a bottle so I just feel stressed about leaving him for too long which admittedly also contributes to my lack of desire to seek childcare help. Right now I’m actually more interested in outsourcing help for the blog since it seems like every full-time blogger out there has a team of people supporting them and I am a one-woman show. I could definitely use help with social media (Pinterest scheduling, sharing old posts on Facebook, etc.) and photography since neither are my passion and all of the social media stuff is incredibly time consuming. All I really want is more time to write and share with you guys in this space so if I can find help to take away some of the tasks that pull me away from writing, I’d love to do so in the future. If this is where any of you shine, please let me know! I’d love to chat!
Letting Go of Perfection and Comparison Trap Struggles
I know this is a bizarre thing to comment on, but becoming a mother of two has made me less tolerant of social media and the curated image of perfection. Of course people are going to share beautiful photos of their kids and family time together (I totally do, too!), but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’ve found myself unfollowing more and more accounts that seem to curate “mom life” with photos of houses that are squeaky-clean, dogs that somehow don’t shed or drool, children who have their hair brushed and never make a mess, families that somehow go on vacation after vacation together, etc. It’s not realistic and not how my real-life friends and I are and yet I was finding myself comparing my life to this non-reality time and time again. Why isn’t my kitchen always glistening and spotless? Should I be taking the time to put on a full face of makeup and curl my hair every day? How are these women seemingly at home with their kids all day but also flawlessly running their own businesses?
Once I realized what was happening in my mind, I began unfollowing “perfect” accounts and started spending less and less time on Instagram and social media in general. It’s been really good for me and the dreaded comparison trap and I’m almost a little annoyed at myself that I let it get into my brain as much as I did! Also, I should say I don’t fault these accounts for what they’re sharing on social media at all! Many of them have hundreds of thousands of followers and clearly inspire many and run incredible and admirable businesses but, for me, following certain accounts was beginning to cause me to fall into the comparison trap too many times and I needed to make a change.
Cleaning + Household Upkeep
While we’re on the topic of living not-so-perfect lives, one thing that surprises me is how much the cleanliness of our house can overwhelm me on a day-to-day basis now that we have two children. How do you guys keep your houses clean with kids in the mix? No, really, HOW!? I want specifics!
Something about adding another child into the mix has made it a lot harder to keep on top of cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, dishes, etc. For me, nap time is work time so any cleaning we do is usually little bits of tidying throughout the day when the boys are with me (sooo you can guess how efficient that is…) and then a quick end-of-the-day clean.
Committing to a 10-minute clean every night after the boys are in bed helps me wake up in the morning to a clean kitchen and a house that looks at least somewhat organized before the chaos begins again, however, throughout the day, I cannot help but look around and see all the housework that still needs to be done. If any of you out there have established some kind of a cleaning system/schedule that works for you and your family, please let me know because we need to figure something out!
Physical Changes and Post Baby Body
On the physical side of things, I haven’t really been focusing too much on “getting my body back” because, honestly, my mind has just been so wrapped up in motherhood and figuring out life on a day-to-day basis. I remember feeling the same way after Chase was born and don’t remember focusing on my body until I was 6 months postpartum. I’m just now beginning to want to put a little more time and energy into focusing on eating better and while I don’t plan to go on any kind of a diet, increasing my protein intake (rather than just eating fats and carbs all day) and focusing on meal prep helped me fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes last time, so that’s my plan this time around, too. (This blog post talks more specifically about my postpartum weight loss journey after I had Chase in case you are interested.) It’s so easy for me to totally neglect protein and vegetables in my diet since fats and carbs are the easy foods to grab and snack on all day so taking time to prep food for myself on Sundays is important for me. It took me 9 months to return to my pre-pregnancy weight after Chase was born and I have a feeling things may take a little longer this time around.
If you want the total truth, I had a moment last week when I was at the gym and looked in the full-length mirror and just felt down. I am currently about 7-10 pounds up from my pre-baby weight and still very soft all over. My middle feels much thicker after Ryder, my love handles spill out over the sides of any pants that aren’t high-waisted, cellulite is BFFs with the back of my legs and booty and sometimes it feels like a struggle to find clothes that fit well other than athleisure and cozy sweaters. This is not something I think about daily and while I truly am content with my body as it is, I would like to see some tone return and some weight loss occur. Right now it seems like the internet is insisting that you must love every part of yourself to be “body positive” and oh my gosh do I love my body for what it helped me bring into this world, but I also think it’s okay for me to want to feel more comfortable in my skin, especially if the way I hope to achieve my goals allows for plenty of time and grace.
While I have zero plans to follow a specific diet, eliminate certain food groups or track my food intake every day, my current plan is to try to pay better attention to the food I am eating and focus on balanced meals and snacks that include lots of vegetables, quality sources of protein, healthy carbs and fat. I’m also really hoping this will help with my energy levels as well since I’m no stranger to the afternoon crash at the moment! Sugar is still my BFF around here so taming my sweet tooth is another goal. If you are also a sugar monster and have any tips on getting that under control, I’m all ears because right now I’ve been eating my fair share of sweet treats every single day.
Fitness
On the fitness front, I have been working out regularly for a few months now (usually 4-5 times a week) and love the way my workouts make me feel strong and centered. I feel strength slowly returning and it feels great! The 30-45 minutes I spend at the gym or Burn Boot Camp are often the only 30-45 minutes I have in a day where I’m doing something 100 percent for myself, so it’s something I feel committed to and something that makes me feel like a better mom throughout the day as well. I swear regular exercise does more for me mentally than it does physically!
I feel like this time around I was a lot smarter about my postpartum recovery in terms of when I chose to incorporate certain exercises back into my routine than I was after Chase was born. (Looking back, I think I resumed jumping and plyometric exercises WAY too soon after I had Chase and that was definitely not good for my pelvic floor.) Once I began working out again, I pretty much avoided traditional core exercises and plyometric exercises for months to give my body and my pelvic floor time to heal. Now things are beginning to feel a lot more normal and I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in the gym. I don’t have to modify nearly as many exercises these days which feels great!
As far as fitness-related goals, in the coming weeks and months, I’d like to focus on building back some of the strength I’ve lost and be able to do more push ups and pull ups at the gym. Reaching for heavier weights and challenging my muscles is oddly fun to me, so I’m looking forward to slowly beginning to push my body again.
Aaand that’s my ridiculously long-winded postpartum update! I warned you guys it was going to be a long one and hope I addressed the areas of interest to all of you but, if not, please let me know! I talked more in depth about all things related to sleep and nursing in Ryder’s 7 month update, so if you’re looking for how things are going on that end, definitely check out that post. As always, thanks so much for following along and for all of your support during such a transitional time in my life. I appreciate it so much!
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I found myself nodding and saying ‘yes yes yes!’ to so much of this post. I work in influencer marketing so I SEE those perfect Instagram accounts every single day as part of my full time job with work, and it can be exhausting. Sometimes at the end of the day the last thing I want to do is log onto Instagram on my phone and even look at my personal account. I’m glad you’ve unfollowed accounts that don’t bring you joy or that bring you down, I do that pretty regularly as well! I just get worn out seeing houses that look 100% perfect in every single photo with the same filter. I’m pretty sure it would take an entire maid service about a week to make my house look that clean. I am also almost 6 months PP, and also feel very soft, and not quite there physically. I feel like life is still just insane with two kids (also 3.5 and under!) and some days and nights I look around and think, ok where’s the mom? Oh wait, that’s me, and I have to do everything! Ha! Exhausting for sure. We will survive!
I hear you on the clean house! We added #3 child 5 months ago and I have no time! We are good about being tidy and i do admit I feel into the mari kinda trap (but I love it) doing quick cleans, keeping up with laundry, etc. But vacuuming, mopping, dusting? I’m lucky if that happens 1x a month. It’s real life and with young kids its messy!
Exactly! We’re okay with the tidying over here but the deep clean stuff is always WAAAAAY on the backburner!
If it’s financially feasible – having a housekeeper come once or twice a month do do the deep cleaning is a game changer. Instead of spending a full day on a weekend cleaning, those hours open up for the things that are more important to you and precious, but the regular deep cleaning helps keep things feeling a lot cleaner during the in-between weeks as well. It might be something to consider to give you more time with your family and more sanity about the house 🙂
I have a not quite 3 y old, a 18m and im currently 29 weeks pregnant and I strongly suggest a house cleaning service. they come every 2 weeks and it’s wonderful!!!! Of course I have to vacuum almost every day but I don’t do the floors, toilets or dusting
I decided to send my kids to daycare only part time while I work part time so this way I’m saving money that I can use for cleaning.
I work as a nurse in L&D and working is a breeze compare to staying at home. Working part time is the best decision we’ve made. I want to be there for them but at the same time the first few years are so exhausting. Keep it it you’re doing great!
We have an 18 month old. A few months ago we got a cleaning person who comes every 3 weeks. At first I felt guilty because it’s obviously a luxury but god is it worth it! I would rather spend less on other things in order to have that.
I fully agree with a cleaning service! I absolutely had to start it when I was super pregnant with my #2 and I kept them for that first year after he was born. There was so much laundry and dishes and toy clean-up that the “real” cleaning just didn’t happen for me, so having that taken off of my plate allowed me to use my time wisely. I thought I’d feel guilty because I stayed home, but we all need a little help sometimes and asking for it is totally okay.
get a cleaning person!! just do it. you won’t regret it.
I was going to say the same thing. I’m pregnant right now, but for the past year we’ve had someone come in to clean our house every other week. It’s definitely a splurge, but when we look at all of the other things we have on our plates (which is about to become even more full when the baby arrives), it made sense to outsource a task that (a) didn’t bring us joy and (b) freed up time for more important things.
I feel like, if you have the means, and can outsource tasks you don’t like or don’t have time for (lawn care, cleaning, etc.), it is totally worth it!
I have 4 kids and each child is such an adjustment in its own way!! My kids are older 6-14 but it is always busy! I also run my own online business, workout, work at the desk a couple time a week at Burn too and volunteer at school so I guess I am just saying it doesn’t slow down! One of the best things I did for myself was hiring a cleaning lady once a month to really deep clean and then the kids help in between..my stress level is lower and it is nice knowing my house is really clean even when my kids leave stuff out! ha! It is soooo worth every penny.
Oh and I feel you on social media. I have to use my work Insta but I have really shrunk who I follow on my personal account and am almost to the point where I just delete it. I can’t take it anymore…who has time to match with their kids with perfect hair under a rainbow and take pics of it! 🙂
Hey Julie! I’m a long time follower of your blog, I’ve always enjoyed how open and real you are! (I actually met you in CA at IDEA Fit a few years ago!) If you’re really looking for someone to help with your social accounts, I’d love to toss my name into the hat – this is what I do for work right now for another company. Please let me know if that’s a real possibility.
I would recommend a robotic vacuum. You can run it once aday and feel like SOMEHTHING gets accomplished. It gets all of the crumbs, dog hair and anything else that ramdomly makes it to the floor. It handles hardwood, carpet and rugs just fine too. I read lots of reviews before I bought one and the one I got was not terribly expensive and does great. I would highly recommend it if you don’t already have one. I don’t have small kids, but I have 2 dogs and work a lot, so it has been an awesome purchase.
YAAAAS! If only it mopped too lol
(I have four dogs, and it does great with all the fur plus the grass and dirt they bring in from outside!)
I agree with the mopping and cleaning the nathrpoms would be a plus too! ?
Bathrooms.
This is such a wonderful post and perfectly encompasses how I feel about life with a baby and a toddler. It is a gift to be able to experience it, but boy, is it exhausting! And I need to try unfollowing the perfect-mommy bloggers/influencers…sometimes I don’t realize the stress my subconscious comparison is causing!
Julie, I can’t thank you enough for this post! I have a 7 year old son and a 3 year old son and can still relate to SO much of this! I have a very small photography business and when I was briefly on Instagram I followed mostly photographers. I have struggled with mental health my whole life (but counseling and the right medication and exercise when I can have gotten me to my healthiest place I have ever been) and my counselor says Instagram is the worst! Now I just check a few pages every now and then and am so much happier! I love littlewhale3 though. She and her family have insane clothes but she always keeps it real and how she has dealt with horrible loss in her life is admirable.
I keep a very small “real” mom page on fb because I couldn’t handle the constant perfection being posted on social media. Being a mom is wonderful but it’s hard. If my house is clean my husband or older son will ask, “so who is coming over?” :-).
I can’t wait to hear about how you add protein and veggies to your diet because I need to do this too! Your blog is always a bright spot in my day. Thank you!
I forgot to add that keep in mind that we tend to be much harder on ourselves. In all of your pictures you look beautiful and your house looks so nice and you eat so healthy. I definitely have said to my husband multiple times that, “I just want to be more like my favorite blogger Julie”. 🙂 I think that’s why I especially appreciate your honesty in this post! We want to do it all but there aren’t enough hours in the day when you have kids!
The only reason my house is not filthy is we have a cleaner. We do spend 10-15 every night to straighten and clean the kitchen but I’m in awe of anyone who can deal with cleaning on top of parenting! Thank you for being so real!
yes mamma!!! thank you for being honest and keeping it real!! i second the cleaning lady, if only once a month for a “deep clean”it does wonders 🙂
We have a literal cleaning schedule or it’d never get done. We choose one day a week for each ‘big’ job – on Mondays I dust, Tuesdays I clean the bathrooms, Wednesdays I vacuum and mop, sheets are Saturdays… and I do a load of laundry pretty much every morning so I don’t have a mountain. My house is never clean all at one time, but I can manage a little bit each day to keep it reasonable. It’s the only way I’ve found that keeps me sane, and our house ‘kind of’ clean. Ha!
Gosh I just love these posts! You are one of the few bloggers that I have been able to follow for years because you are so honest and real. I’m pregnant with baby #2 right now, and have to stop myself from looking at the pregnant fitness instructors (influencers? Not sure their real title!) because being 20 weeks pregnant and still having abs is not my life right now, nor is it what I need to be comparing myself with daily. Thank you so much for posting about real life with two little ones. I’m sure I’ll have to come back to this post in a few months when my life gets chaotic with 2 under 3.
Thanks for the honesty, Julie! Currently preg with #2, abs my babes will only be 19 months apart. I’m so worried about how hard it’s going to be to keep up with everything and never get a break! It really is temporary though, right?! I also had excess lipase when nursing my first…I was hoping maybe it wouldn’t be an issue this time but I’m wondering if certain people are just prone to it. Darn!
I’m 3 months PP with my first and took a social media break due to postpartum depression and anxiety. It was only 2 or 3 weeks, but honestly the best thing I could have done for myself. Motherhood threw me for a loop and the loss of independence and freedom took (and is still taking) time to adjust. The comparison trap is so real and I felt like an inferior mother seeing all these “perfect” moms of multiple children, when I was struggling with one.
I saw a post on Instagram the other day that said something like, “you wondered how you’d make it through pregnancy and you did; you wondered how you’d survive life with a newborn and you survived” etc. The next step is going back to work full time next week, and while I’m sure it will be a total shit show, I know that I can handle it. Motherhood makes you realize how deep you can dig for strength.
Also I totally agree with you about the housework! It feels like never ending bottle washing and laundry over here. With such little free time I prioritize the top 2-3 things I need to get done for the day and that seems to help!
I really appreciate your honesty and transparency!!! I feel like you look amazing! I know I don’t know you personally, but I thought just the other week how awesome you look post-baby! And I personally didn’t lose all of my baby weight until I was done breastfeeding, so definitely give yourself grace!
I could not agree more with the other commenters encouraging you to hire someone to help clean your house. My husband and I are not wealthy people, but we budget for a cleaning lady because it is SO WORTH IT! Seriously! It has removed so much stress from my life and it makes me so happy the day she comes (and the days afterwards). My kids also love it when our house is so clean! It is so so worth it!
I just want you to know that I find you very inspiring! You seem so real and honest. This post is a total testament to that. Plus, your blog is so relatable and positive in nature. I always get excited for your posts, and I am so grateful that you share so much in this space! Thank you for what you do!
Thank you for this post. I have a 7 month old (he’s just a few days younger than Ryder) and I feel all these things daily. I feel like we’re finally in a groove, so I appreciate hearing that you feel like it took a full 6 months with both of your babies to feel that way. We have a house cleaner, which is fantastic, but the house is definitely not tidy in between her visits – and I’ve learned to be okay with that. I’m slowly finding time to cook dinner a few nights a week after work and when the baby is in bed. I don’t think anything can prepare you for how drastically motherhood changes your life, so I truly appreciate finding other mothers (whether in person or online) who are honest about this. We’re all in this together. 🙂
Looks like a ton of people came to say the same thing, but I would consider hiring someone to come clean! Time with your kids and time spent doing work that’s fulfilling to you is much more valuable than using to clean–but that being said, having a clean, organized home is important to keep things running smoothly.
Obviously this all comes down to resources, too. I’m lucky that I can choose to outsource cleaning.
Talk to me about gym childcare! I’m dying without my weekday workouts, and am searching for a gym with childcare, but my baby also doesn’t take a bottle very well and frankly I’m just a little nervous about leaving her in the childcare while I sweat. How early did you start with Chase? Any recommendations or tips? I should also say that my babe doesn’t nap or even nurse on the go very well either ? ?
Hi Juile.
I’ve been following your blog for a few years now. I’m a personal trainer also and have played with the idea of blogging but never had to time to get started so I’m living my dream thought your blog, lol.
Always love your honesty and I find myself checking for new blog post daily. I’m a stay at home mom of 2 (3 month pp) and love seeing that I’m not the only one struggling at times. But my heart is full of love an do wouldn’t want it any other way!
I’d be totally interested helping you with your social media upkeep!
Thanks for your encouragement and sharing your beautiful family with all of us!!
Franka
Simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing!!
Thanks for this post! Mom of 3 littles (4,2,5 months) and feel similarly about so many things. The transition from 1 to 2 was definitely the hardest for us. It took almost a year to find a groove. It will come soon! Can’t say enough for having a cleaning crew come 1x a month just to do the deep clean stuff & I heavily rely on HT online express lane groceries, cleaner, and amazon prime! I’ve also just accepted that the dishwasher and washing machine MUST do one load a day to keep up! Thanks For keepin it real 🙂
I’m in the middle of reading Jen Hatmaker’s “For the Love”. She talks about parenting in today’s world and fighting for Grace in a world of Impossible Standards. I’ve also read her book “Of Mess and Moxie” She is a REAL mom and a great Christian read.
I’m so glad that others suggested getting someone to do cleaning every other week… I think that would have been a huge help when my boys were little. I’m sure you can find someone local who would be personable for you all.
Always love how open you are with this blog… you’ve created such a beautifully safe space here! XO
I love this post and can relate in so many ways. I had 2 sweet little boys exactly 3 years apart and we just welcomed our third little man. All I can say is buckle up mama – we had just adjusted to our two and got in an amazing groove after a few chaotic years, and now we’re doing it all over again. So much of it is fleeting and just a phase, but man, it’s intense and in so many ways actually gets more challenging as the kids get older. Enjoy those sweet little guys, before you know it they’ll be reading graphic novels and bickering with their friends. 😉
Some families have daily chores and/or responsibilities for kids, starting as young as 2-3 years old. Examples by age group:
https://www.yourmodernfamily.com/age-appropriate-chores-for-kids/
Like everything else, it may or may not work for you and your family (since I know a lot of people read your blog, my sister has daily chores for her kids but my in-law doesn’t, and neither is a better or worse mom). But if it does, maybe it would help a tiny bit with the house. I think you’re Wonderwoman already fitting in 10 minutes a day of cleaning on top of work, kids, and meals!
Also, I know you’re not looking to do a Whole30 reset where you cut out entire food groups, but if you wanted to try cutting just added sugar (sugar, agave, honey, maple, stevia) for 2-3 weeks and eating fruit instead, it really could help with sugar cravings. I had to do a version of paleo for chronic illness and no sugar was allowed but fruit was, and I was surprised how my daily (ahem…twice daily…) chocolate habit wwnt appealing when I stopped eating sugar. When you take a break from sugar and then add it back in, your body may not crave it as much. It takes longer for some people than others.
Last thing: I am SO WITH YOU on the perfection online. Like my gal Amy P says, “Good for her; not for me.” Perfect social media accounts are not my jam.
*habit was not as appealing. Don’t know what autocorrect changed that to!
You are one of the very few blogs I have followed regularly for years, and just appreciate how real/open/honest you are. I appreciate your positive energy, as do all of your thousands of followers! Keep it up, Mama!
Embrace the chaos. Seriously. Embrace that shit hard. I was recently talking to my sister who has 2 kids that are in every sport possible so she’s always running around. Her house is a total disaster and she can barely find the time to shower. She was telling my mom and myself about how life is just insane and my mom said she actually really misses being so busy and running around like crazy with us as kids (we were also in every sport out there). If you house hasn’t been vacuumed in a week, but you made it to the gym every time you wanted, then vacuuming can wait. If sometimes your eating toast for supper because you were out playing with the kids too long and the store closed, you’ll survive. So long as everyone is happy and healthy, everything else can wait. Hug the crap out of your kids while they’re still young enough to think you’re cool!
Love this Stacey- well said!
I realized lately now that my youngest is 2, it seems to get easier as the kids get older.
I also find that usually I’ll get a good 2-3 weeks where I feel like I’m really rocking it, and then a hiccup happens and I find myself humbled and having to start again!
I agree with the other comments, Julie, that I appreciate your honesty and from outside perspective, you and your family seem just lovely!
Working on grace, not perfection, good enough, and letting things go!
Thank you for such an honest perspective, I loved reading this as a new momma to a 7 money old and in the process of thinking could I ever handle another one.
Get a Dyson Animal – seriously the best thing ever. Can make your house feel clean in about 2 minutes. It is SO much easier than lugging out a vacuum and plugging it in, as silly as that sounds.
I see that several others have suggested the same, but seriously, hiring a cleaning person was a total game changer for my husband and I. We have a 5 year old and 18 month old and we both work full time outside the home. Even with a cleaning person there is still a ton to do between toy wrangling, laundry, day to day tasks but knowing that the big deep cleaning jobs are done weekly frees up so much time and mental energy that can then be better spent on family time. We prioritize this in our budget over other luxuries. Love your blog and your honesty!!
julie, dearest, my gosh you’re amazing. first i’d like to point out how lovely your writing is and that your posts are always SUPER low on typos. the thoughts you have and the way you craft them for us is such a treat and i appreciate every lovely post you give us.
second, you’re an incredible mother and wife. you have the perfect insta family without all the photoshop and behind-the-scenes edits. honestly, i can’t even describe properly what i’m trying to tell you. the accounts you were looking at, if you take all the editing away, they’re all chaos and nightmares. i can’t imagine the psychological warfare those moms go through to get those perfect pictures, seriously. you just being you is a breath of fresh air. another layer of that is your angelic disposition and overflowing kindness covering all of it such that you ARE the perfect insta family, just in the real world… and what those moms could never accomplish (NOT that we’re having a comparison match here, at all! They’re fun too.)
third, the sugar demons will haunt you every moment you’re not giving them more sugar until you kick them completely. i only speak of the cane (and corn) varieties, because fortunately other sugars aren’t so aggressive. but we’re finding out more and more that cane sugar isn’t food and the quantities we’re consuming it, even in “healthy” foods, is so much more than our bodies can even handle.
xox,
laura
I agree with some of the others – a cleaning person is the best money you will spend! We still do the day to day tidying up but have a cleaning service come in once a month to clean the bathrooms, kitchen, mop, dust, etc. It’s worth every penny for us!
You should hire a cleaning service. Anyone who can swing a job with NO childcare deserves a little help somewhere. Mine comes every other week. It’s super affordable. Also, on the weekends, when I fold all the laundry, my husband entertains our daughter while I call my Mom & sister. It’s my time, but I also get something done.
Loved this post! I have an almost 2 year old boy and a 4.5 month old baby boy. It’s been fun keeping up with your family because I see so many similarities to my life. Thank you for keeping it real!
For help with cleaning, I follow How Jen Does It on instagram and youtube. She is a lovely lady with wonderful tips in managing the home. She also has 2 boys, (both teenagers now) but she has content where she talks about keeping a house clean with 2 littles running around.
I’ve been reading your blog for five years now and for whatever reason, this post is probably my favorite one you e written! Thank you for touching on the social media comparison trap (& for sharing your own personal struggles.) I appreciate your willingness to be open and honest with us as readers. Keep up the amazing work! I too, have two boys (2 years and 4 months) and work part time from home. It’s not easy! I’m definitely sipping my morning tea with you at 5am next to the computer!
I had my son the day after you had Ryder and I also have a 3-year-old, so I definitely relate to all of this! The only thing that’s worked for me as far as sugar goes (and I’m a sugar FREAK) was following something my sister talked to me about, which was kind of a sort of “intuitive eating “thing, but not quite. Basically, she said that I should eat healthy mini meals frequently throughout the day and that I needed to stock up on a lot of filling foods to keep my metabolism going (potatoes, oatmeal, yogurt, etc.). Now, eating so often is SO HARD for me because I’m so busy taking care of the two kids all the time, but when I’ve actually taken the time to eat something healthy and wholesome when I start noticing the first stabs of hunger, it definitely helped me a TON with not wanting to sugar so much (since I was always grabbing it whenever I’d waited too long and just needed the stress relief and the carbs STAT).
I’ve also chosen to go off of refined sugar in January, but it’s been kind of awful, ha ha. Basically, peanut butter cookies made with honey have saved my sanity multiple times! It did help me lose the last 3 pounds to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight though, which I *guess* has kind of made it worth it.
You’re doing great things, and I appreciate you keeping it real here!
I would love to see your cookie recipe!
I’ll try and see if I can post it up on my blog within a week or two! It’s a good one 🙂
Sara, here’s the link to that recipe for the PB cookies made with honey:
http://www.toloveandtolearn.com/2019/02/04/why-ill-probably-never-have-a-sugar-free-month-again-recipe-for-pb-cookies-made-with-honey/
Hi Julie
My boys are 3 and 7 months also so I love reading this and can definitely empathize. My husband and I both work full time so the addition of number two has meant some major household consolations…
– we don’t cook anymore (lots of cheap takeout and a meal delivery service!)
– we hired a cleaning lady (for Christmas we asked for money from our parents to help with this!)
– we don’t really get errands done on weekends (I’ll sometimes take a day off work whe the kids are in daycare just to do errands and go to a yoga class!
It sounds like you are managing the chaos well, keep it up mama!!!!
Great to hear everything is coming together for you. If you had the budget I’d suggest adding help with the cleaning – imagine knowing everything is going to get a proper clean and all you do is tidy. That may be easier than finding a good fit for you business side of things – once the standard clean is agreed to they would just come and do it, the business side of things is adding a relationship/collaborator which would require more of your time on an ongoing basis
I have a 3.5 year old and a 9 month old (and a 7 year old dog). It’s such an interesting gap! Both are changing so much all the time still. I love being able to be with both of them right now. I have no advice for chores…!
Oh the comparison trap….I do my best to avoid to but sometimes I get sucked in. It’s hard!
I feel the same about the body positivity messaging. I think all mums should be proud of what their bodies have done! For me I don’t want my body back but I want this new body to be strong and allow me to do all the things I want to do. I know it won’t look the same but I still want to be fit and healthy when I’m ready. I had two c sections and it takes a lot to get the core back but once I started feeling stronger I was able to physically do more things with my kids!
Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you for being transparent and honest!
I love reading your blog mainly becuase of how honest and open you are about real life!
You’re an amazing person and your doing a fantastic job!
♡
Thank you for this post. It was a great read in addition to being so honest and raw. As a long time reader and new mom I apppreciate this post more than you know! Thanks for sharing and being so candid. I can relate to lots of this post and I think many other moms and women can too!! Sending lots of love.
Uggg, I feel your frustration with cleaning. A constant battle here too. Would love a post rounding up tips/systems people recommend in the comments.
I so relate to you on the social media comparison front. I just recently took a huge step back after I found myself constantly comparing my life and post partum body to others on Instagram, Facebook, etc. I appreciate your transparency more than you know! It’s a breath of fresh air to read real-life, relatable post partum blogs, and I’ve always felt that you are so open, honest, and genuine! Thank you!!
Oh man, I feel ya on the social media front. I got rid of Instagram a few months after my daughter was born because I felt so much pressure to only post pictures of “perfect moments” (LOL when you have a baby).
AND I need cleaning tips too…
I’d like to echo everyone’s comments with a hardy THANK YOU. My hubby and I are hoping to start a family soon and this is such a refreshing, honest and beautiful account of motherhood!
On the social media topic, have you considered hiring a Virtual Assistant? I run a small VA business focused on marketing and social media (posting to networks, creating graphics, copywriting, etc.) and I’d be happy to share my experience if it would help you scope out what you need / what to look for! This is a pretty standard VA service you could definitely get some help with for an affordable price so you can focus on what you want to focus on! 🙂
On the cleaning front… have you heard of Clean Mama blog? She has a cleaning routine that breaks down tasks by day – https://www.wunderlist.com/webapp/#/tasks/4679218044
Welp. Hit send too soon (and too caffeinated!). Here is the clean mama link: https://www.cleanmama.net/2018/10/the-secret-to-keeping-your-home-clean-most-of-the-time.html
Welp. Hit send too soon (and too caffeinated!). Here is the clean mama blog link: https://www.cleanmama.net/2018/10/the-secret-to-keeping-your-home-clean-most-of-the-time.html
Hi Julie,
I found the book, Simply Clean by Becky Rapinchuk, to be very helpful! Basically, you spend 10-15 minutes each day doing one specific task (e.g., dusting on Tuesdays , vacuuming on Thursdays, etc.) rather than trying to do everything all at once. I have a two year old at home and also run my own business, so finding the time to clean is difficult!
This is the routine that that we follow, and it has really helped me to feel less over-whelmed with the housework: After dinner, while my husband gives our son a bath, I spend about 20 minutes doing my daily cleaning task, putting toys away and throwing a load of laundry in. Then my husband cleans up the kitchen while I put our son to bed. This has worked really well for us because all of the major jobs are being done once a week, so the house stays (mostly!) presentable. Hope this helps!