While I’m learning to let go of a lot of things, I feel like I’m gaining a heck of a lot more. Day in and day out, nothing makes me happier than being with my boys and I truly do love this phase of life even if it feels totally insane. Being a mother to Chase and Ryder is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world and my boys make my heart ache with love. It’s a consuming, vulnerable, pure, overwhelming and intense kind of love and I think I’d use those exact same words to explain how I feel about motherhood in general. It’s intense, vulnerable, pure, overwhelming and completely consuming.
So how are things with two kids in the mix? Great. And also crazy. Some days I feel like I’m killin’ the whole motherhood game and other days I look down at my sweatshirt covered in smears of who knows what (likely baby food, breast milk and boogers) and find myself coaching my three-year-old on the tone he’s allowed to use when he says the word “Mom” because if he whines the word “Moooooom” one more time, so help me…
But let’s back up a bit.
In the beginning, if I’m addressing caring for a newborn only, I’d say things felt much easier the second time around. Mothering a newborn didn’t feel nearly as stressful or as challenging. There’s so much to figure out when you’re a first-time mom and there’s also a TON of information coming your way so it can feel really overwhelming. Thankfully this time I didn’t read much about life with a newborn and I trusted myself to be the best mom I could be to Ryder. I also had first-hand knowledge to lean on that helped me remember that the really, really hard phases with a baby are fleeting (even if they don’t feel that way in the moment) and that has undoubtedly made it easier to deal with exhaustion, sleepless nights, figuring out routines, etc.
This time around, Ryan and I also knew to expect the first six months to be a blur. I read a lot about the first six weeks feeling challenging after I had Chase and remember wondering why I was still trying to wrap my head around everything and struggling to do much six months after we had our first child. Knowing that it took me a solid six months to find my groove after Chase was born helped make my expectations more realistic this time around. Now that I’m just over seven months postpartum, I can say that, once again, it took me at least six months to find my groove but, on many days, I feel like I’m still looking for it.
As I write the above, I don’t want anyone to think that less struggles with a newborn means that the transition to two kids has been easy. In fact, for me, I’d say it’s been a harder adjustment than life with one child simply because it’s impossible to accomplish pretty much anything and there’s just no break… ever. To be perfectly honest, it can be really, really draining. With one child, when a baby sleeps, there are breathers in the day even if they feel short and even if you jam-pack them with household to-dos, but with two kids in the mix, it feels like one kid always needs something and “breaks” (even if a “break” means time to do laundry) feel non-existent. From the time my boys are up until the time they’re asleep, it can feel like I’m in overdrive.
I am sure this feeling is exacerbated by the fact that I’m also trying to juggle working from home while mothering two boys. I know I am so incredibly lucky to be able to call my blog my job and there isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t feel grateful for this space and your readership and the fact that it gives me incredible flexibility. I value this blog and love sitting down at my computer and writing and sharing with all of you. The challenge in this phase of my life is finding the time. The only way I’m guaranteed to get any work done is by setting my alarm and waking up at 5 a.m. to crank out work before the boys are up and then I cross my fingers for a good morning nap for Ryder so I can get another hour (two if I’m lucky) of work done while Chase is at preschool before I pick Chase up again around lunchtime. And if the boys’ afternoon naps happen to overlap, it’s incredible and I try to get as much done while they sleep as possible.
After writing all of this, I have a feeling a bunch of you are wondering why I don’t look into childcare to help open up more windows for work and while it’s something I’ve thought about extensively, my heart doesn’t want to go that route right now. It wants to be with my kids and it wants to be in the middle of the chaos, even if that means some things need to fall to the wayside and I have to cut back on the time I can pour into this space and say no to certain opportunities. Right now I’m okay with that. If things ever change and I find myself feeling differently, we’ll absolutely go that route. I also think that perhaps when I’m done nursing, I’ll feel more ready to explore childcare options. I have the same lipase issue I had last time with my breast milk which makes it hard for me to pump and freeze milk ahead of time and Ryder isn’t great with a bottle so I just feel stressed about leaving him for too long which admittedly also contributes to my lack of desire to seek childcare help. Right now I’m actually more interested in outsourcing help for the blog since it seems like every full-time blogger out there has a team of people supporting them and I am a one-woman show. I could definitely use help with social media (Pinterest scheduling, sharing old posts on Facebook, etc.) and photography since neither are my passion and all of the social media stuff is incredibly time consuming. All I really want is more time to write and share with you guys in this space so if I can find help to take away some of the tasks that pull me away from writing, I’d love to do so in the future. If this is where any of you shine, please let me know! I’d love to chat!
Letting Go of Perfection and Comparison Trap Struggles
I know this is a bizarre thing to comment on, but becoming a mother of two has made me less tolerant of social media and the curated image of perfection. Of course people are going to share beautiful photos of their kids and family time together (I totally do, too!), but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’ve found myself unfollowing more and more accounts that seem to curate “mom life” with photos of houses that are squeaky-clean, dogs that somehow don’t shed or drool, children who have their hair brushed and never make a mess, families that somehow go on vacation after vacation together, etc. It’s not realistic and not how my real-life friends and I are and yet I was finding myself comparing my life to this non-reality time and time again. Why isn’t my kitchen always glistening and spotless? Should I be taking the time to put on a full face of makeup and curl my hair every day? How are these women seemingly at home with their kids all day but also flawlessly running their own businesses?
Once I realized what was happening in my mind, I began unfollowing “perfect” accounts and started spending less and less time on Instagram and social media in general. It’s been really good for me and the dreaded comparison trap and I’m almost a little annoyed at myself that I let it get into my brain as much as I did! Also, I should say I don’t fault these accounts for what they’re sharing on social media at all! Many of them have hundreds of thousands of followers and clearly inspire many and run incredible and admirable businesses but, for me, following certain accounts was beginning to cause me to fall into the comparison trap too many times and I needed to make a change.
Cleaning + Household Upkeep
While we’re on the topic of living not-so-perfect lives, one thing that surprises me is how much the cleanliness of our house can overwhelm me on a day-to-day basis now that we have two children. How do you guys keep your houses clean with kids in the mix? No, really, HOW!? I want specifics!
Something about adding another child into the mix has made it a lot harder to keep on top of cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, dishes, etc. For me, nap time is work time so any cleaning we do is usually little bits of tidying throughout the day when the boys are with me (sooo you can guess how efficient that is…) and then a quick end-of-the-day clean.
Committing to a 10-minute clean every night after the boys are in bed helps me wake up in the morning to a clean kitchen and a house that looks at least somewhat organized before the chaos begins again, however, throughout the day, I cannot help but look around and see all the housework that still needs to be done. If any of you out there have established some kind of a cleaning system/schedule that works for you and your family, please let me know because we need to figure something out!
Physical Changes and Post Baby Body
On the physical side of things, I haven’t really been focusing too much on “getting my body back” because, honestly, my mind has just been so wrapped up in motherhood and figuring out life on a day-to-day basis. I remember feeling the same way after Chase was born and don’t remember focusing on my body until I was 6 months postpartum. I’m just now beginning to want to put a little more time and energy into focusing on eating better and while I don’t plan to go on any kind of a diet, increasing my protein intake (rather than just eating fats and carbs all day) and focusing on meal prep helped me fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes last time, so that’s my plan this time around, too. (This blog post talks more specifically about my postpartum weight loss journey after I had Chase in case you are interested.) It’s so easy for me to totally neglect protein and vegetables in my diet since fats and carbs are the easy foods to grab and snack on all day so taking time to prep food for myself on Sundays is important for me. It took me 9 months to return to my pre-pregnancy weight after Chase was born and I have a feeling things may take a little longer this time around.
If you want the total truth, I had a moment last week when I was at the gym and looked in the full-length mirror and just felt down. I am currently about 7-10 pounds up from my pre-baby weight and still very soft all over. My middle feels much thicker after Ryder, my love handles spill out over the sides of any pants that aren’t high-waisted, cellulite is BFFs with the back of my legs and booty and sometimes it feels like a struggle to find clothes that fit well other than athleisure and cozy sweaters. This is not something I think about daily and while I truly am content with my body as it is, I would like to see some tone return and some weight loss occur. Right now it seems like the internet is insisting that you must love every part of yourself to be “body positive” and oh my gosh do I love my body for what it helped me bring into this world, but I also think it’s okay for me to want to feel more comfortable in my skin, especially if the way I hope to achieve my goals allows for plenty of time and grace.
While I have zero plans to follow a specific diet, eliminate certain food groups or track my food intake every day, my current plan is to try to pay better attention to the food I am eating and focus on balanced meals and snacks that include lots of vegetables, quality sources of protein, healthy carbs and fat. I’m also really hoping this will help with my energy levels as well since I’m no stranger to the afternoon crash at the moment! Sugar is still my BFF around here so taming my sweet tooth is another goal. If you are also a sugar monster and have any tips on getting that under control, I’m all ears because right now I’ve been eating my fair share of sweet treats every single day.
Fitness
On the fitness front, I have been working out regularly for a few months now (usually 4-5 times a week) and love the way my workouts make me feel strong and centered. I feel strength slowly returning and it feels great! The 30-45 minutes I spend at the gym or Burn Boot Camp are often the only 30-45 minutes I have in a day where I’m doing something 100 percent for myself, so it’s something I feel committed to and something that makes me feel like a better mom throughout the day as well. I swear regular exercise does more for me mentally than it does physically!
I feel like this time around I was a lot smarter about my postpartum recovery in terms of when I chose to incorporate certain exercises back into my routine than I was after Chase was born. (Looking back, I think I resumed jumping and plyometric exercises WAY too soon after I had Chase and that was definitely not good for my pelvic floor.) Once I began working out again, I pretty much avoided traditional core exercises and plyometric exercises for months to give my body and my pelvic floor time to heal. Now things are beginning to feel a lot more normal and I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in the gym. I don’t have to modify nearly as many exercises these days which feels great!
As far as fitness-related goals, in the coming weeks and months, I’d like to focus on building back some of the strength I’ve lost and be able to do more push ups and pull ups at the gym. Reaching for heavier weights and challenging my muscles is oddly fun to me, so I’m looking forward to slowly beginning to push my body again.
Aaand that’s my ridiculously long-winded postpartum update! I warned you guys it was going to be a long one and hope I addressed the areas of interest to all of you but, if not, please let me know! I talked more in depth about all things related to sleep and nursing in Ryder’s 7 month update, so if you’re looking for how things are going on that end, definitely check out that post. As always, thanks so much for following along and for all of your support during such a transitional time in my life. I appreciate it so much!
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Hi Julie! I’m a long time reader and follower of all your social media accounts 🙂 If you’re looking for help, I’d certainly be willing! I’ve been managing brand social media accounts for the past 4 years and I was the one who reached out to you to bring you on as a partner of LuckyVitamin a few years ago.
As always, love your blog and love the content. Let me know if I can help!
Hi Julie. I love your post. I might suggest you hire a cleaning team every 2 to 4 weeks. Have them come while you are working out and come home to a clean house. It could be the best money you spend.?
Same, girl!!!!! My kids are 9 months old and almost 3 years old, and life is crazy and amazing! For cleaning the house, I compare myself to a hamster on its hamster wheel, and I find myself singing to myself, “Just keep swimming…” a la Dory from Finding Nemo. I’m constantly cleaning the kitchen, and I implement the 10-minute clean-up time after the kids go to bed, also. Good luck to us!
Hey Julie, thanks for sharing this post. I’m due with my second this summer so I am eager to hear how the transition from one to two kiddos has been for others. I totally agree with you that spending time with the kids is the most important thing right now and sometimes we just have to let go of the idea of “perfect.” I think you’re doing a great job!
Oh, the memories … hang in there baby.
It all works out in the end. Life is hard yard by yard, inch by inch it’s a cinch.
Hey Julie! I totally understand about balancing it all! I echo one of the other readers – hiring help for the house does make a big difference (even if it’s just every so often to help out with bigger items!). Also, I’d love to chat with you more about helping out with photography!!
I relate to this so much! I’m a first time Mom with a 9.5 month old and I remember feeling so defeated when I was still really struggling to find a groove after the first 3-4 months. I also recently started unfollowing accounts that consistently give me a bad “gut-feeling” or make me feel down about anything related to motherhood and life. The “all-consuming’ness” of motherhood has definitely been a hard transition for me too – and it’s not that I don’t want it to totally consume my life and my time, but sometimes it’s just HARD. Thank you so much for this post, your vulnerability, and realness <3
In terms of keeping up with cleaning… we just hired a cleaning lady to come every 2 weeks and if you can find that within your household budget at all I HIGHLY recommend it. I put it off for so long because I thought we'd figure it out and didn't want to spend the money but like you said, I don't want to be spending naps or after bedtime cleaning when there's other things that need to be done and I wouldn't mind maybe watching some TV and relaxing a bit too 😉
You’re doing a great job! Have loved following your blog and seeing your family grow over the last few years. Have considered hiring a house cleaner instead of adding child care? We added one when we had baby #2 and it was the best decision EVER! There is still cleaning and tidying to be done daily but they take care of the big ticket cleaning.
Echoing others that a biweekly cleaning services helps IMMENSELY. My husband and I switch off dinner duty and the other has kitchen clean up duty, and our 2 year old has recently started doing “chores”. She feeds the dog and she cleans up her toys before naptime and bedtime every night.
Another vote for the biweekly cleaning lady! I clean the kitchen every night because I think that’s sanitary (food scraps being around would gross me out) we clean up all the toys/mess half with the kids help before bed and then I finish and I do a quick vacuum (because my kids inevitably bring snacks into the other rooms which drives me nuts) but I only really started doing that since I got a cordless vacuum. That’s it unless a spill/mess happens – otherwise, the cleaning people handle it. We both work full time and have 2 kids 19 months apart. Our family watches them in our house and I am so incredibly thankful for that but having multiple adults and kids in our house 24/7 makes A LOT of dishes and A LOT of mess (especially bc it is grandparents who love the 2 kids but can’t really keep up with them but that’s okay their relationship is worth it.)
Hi Julie! I work from home full-time, and have an almost one year old son. I have a “mother’s helper” that comes to take care of him while I am working. I love it, because I am able to get my work done, but am available to my son whenever he needs me. It’s also great because I can get some cleaning done during down time at work while my son is occupied. Even if you hired a mother’s helper for a couple of hours a day it might enable you to get more done while still being at home with the boys. Love the blog!
I have 1 baby now (also 7 months old) and cleaning the house is daunting. His nap schedule is still unpredictable at times so most days I’m lucky if I just get to clean the kitchen quick and do some laundry, forget about floors, vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, etc. What I’ve found to be helpful is to have my husband take over parent duty for 1-2 hours on a Saturday or Sunday so I can devote that time to cleaning. I’d much rather be spending that time together, but it feels good to get the house chores done for the week and gives him one on one time with the baby. Maybe you can work out a schedule with Ryan where he takes the boys out or entertains them for a couple hours on the weekend and use that time to get the house together for the week ahead.
Another vote for a bi-weekly cleaning service! I hesitated for a long time but then realized I could not do it all myself.
Also, thanks for all your honesty. It is refreshing and makes it so much easier to relate as a mom of two (18 months and 3 1/2)!!
I love all of these comments! Seeing how many people have commented shows that we are all feeling the same way! If you ever are having “one of those days” (I remember that blog post of yours was hugely popular too!) please feel free to glance at my fb page “Motherhood is Pure Bliss and All the Other Lies”. It is not for profit…it is only to show that motherhood is chaos and even the craziest moments and experiences will be funny (one day). I always say to myself, “Well, I could laugh about this or I could cry… I think I will choose to laugh!” I have some messy house videos I haven’t been brave enough to post yet that would blow people’s minds. I take them to laugh about later…and I do. It’s all just a season of time!
Also, I think we need to talk to ourselves the way a close friend would talk to us. We are always our harshest critics!
Loved reading this! I so appreciate how real you are! I’ve got three kiddos, 4 and under and totally relate on the house cleaning. I’ve started giving myself one chore a day (bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, sweep/mop) and started doing one load of laundry a day (thanks Emily Ley!). My house is far from perfect, but it has really made things feel so much more manageable !
Spend the money to get your house cleaned every couple of weeks! Total game changer! My hub and I both work full time and refuse to spend our weekends/free time cleaning. Of course we still tidy up daily but we aren’t scrubbing baseboards. ? It really is so nice having the whole house clean at the same time.
I tooooootally can relate to the house stuff and feeling overwhelmed by how messy and “undone” it gets every.single.day. with two kids! I am the same in that I am really affected by surroundings. I try to pick things up as I go, but it’s not quite the same. One thing I have had to let go of is this idea that bc I am at home I should be doing some sort of “house cleaning” every day, and instead, embrace what I did growing up – once a week on Saturday. We still tidy each night/dishes/etc. but we tried this last week, and I think we are going to LOVE this new tradition. My youngest (16 mo) won’t be too involved yet, but my 3.5 year old LOVES to clean and help. So we are going to blast some music and do all the “majors” every Saturday morning around 9 or 10 – dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, bathrooms, sheets, (yard work when it’s not 0 degrees outside), etc. and then celebrate by going out for a donut down the road. I love the idea of doing it all together, blitzing all the major things and leaving the little things to the daily. Much more manageable for us!!! 🙂
I love this idea! Thanks for sharing!
I’ve been a long-time follower, and just had to tell you that you are one of my all-time favorites!
While I don’t have any great advice (as I’m just trying to find my mom groove also) I just want you to know that I love your down-to-earth style, and think you’re such an engaged, amazing Mama to your kiddos. You may not always feel it, but you are definitely “mom goals”!
Thank you for inspiring us all in such a positive way.
Much love!
I agree it was such a challenge to adjust to 2 children. Just sharing your time between 2, when your first got all the attention before…that was a real emotional challenge for me. I am not 9 months post partum with my second and just now feeling almost back to my normal self. I just kept up with the workouts and eating more veggies, and my body eventually figured out what to do. I saw a quote once that has stayed with me, “You were someone before you had kids, and that person still matters.” I may have to wake up before 5am to get my workouts in…but I remind myself that “she” still matters and deserves her time too =)
As a ton of people have said, hire cleaners. They get the cleaning done, you just have to tidy up. And probably vacuum in between but I find my kids will watch me vacuum. I don’t know if you have an upstairs but we don’t let the dog upstairs anymore and take our shoes
Off at the door so the upstairs doesn’t feel like it needs to be vacuumed in between cleanings. I make my husband do his own laundry which still leaves mine, both kids, towels and linen for me but at least I don’t resent folding his underwear anymore. ANd some cleaners will do laundry.
Enough about cleaning. I have a 6 month old and 2y4m old and sometimes I feel like I’ve failed because I can’t even get us out of the house. My toddler has day care 3 days a week (all day) but then I feel guilty for “dumping”
Him off. The baby starts in two weeks when I go back to work 2 days a week and I’m excited that at least once a week I’ll have a day to myself but I also feel like I’ll have to be productive so I don’t feel guilty about letting other people take care of my kids. It’s so tough! There’s no right way and yet it feels like everyone else has something figured out that I’m missing. Thanks for sharing the real side of motherhood!
Aaaand this is why you’re my #1 favorite blogger. I’ve been following since the beginning and I love how REAL you are. Even as your blog grew and you gained more followers, you have continued to be yourself and that’s what I love about you. I TOTALLY struggle with the comparison trap on social media and I now have a rule that after a certain time in the evenings, I completely log out of any social media and focus on living my life, for pete’s sake!! I even deleted the FB app on my phone because I was so over it.
Also totally appreciate you being honest about your body goals. Wanting to lose weight or firm up doesn’t mean you aren’t body positive. People who say they love EVERY SINGLE THING about themselves are usually lying. We all have things we want to improve, both physically and mentally, and it’s ok to want to do that, as long as you are being healthy about it.
Basically I just wanted to say I love following you, and keep on shining!
Thank you so much for your comment, Colleen. You absolutely made me smile! <3 And I also deleted the Facebook app last year and don't miss it a bit!
Hi Julie – I’m a long time blog reader and am currently 5 months pregnant! I love reading your baby/postpartum posts! When I was in my first trimester I had zero energy so we decided to hire a cleaning service to come every 3 weeks. Like a lot of the other commenters, it has been a game changer for me! I was going to wait until I had a baby to hire a cleaning service, but I’m so glad I did now! They do all the deep cleaning so I don’t have to be near chemicals (something I was worried about being pregnant), but I still do daily cleaning (vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, tidying up). Now my weekends are free because I’m no longer spending hours dusting, cleaning the tub, mopping floors, etc.) which is great since my husband and I work full-time.
I also love your honesty on the comparison trap. I think it happens far too often and I think I also need to go through my social media accounts and unfollow the intragramers who make me feel…how do I put this, down about myself because their lives seem so much better.
I’m not a mother, so I definitely can’t speak to balancing adulthood responsibilities with parenting responsibilities–I have a hard enough time staying on top of cleaning myself, and it’s just me and another adult in my house!–but I do have a raging sweet tooth, so I can try to offer up some of my experience in that department. I’ve found the best way to keep things under control (other than cutting out sweets entirely, which is doable, but what’s life without at least some sugar, right?!) is to only keep sweets around the house that are very easy to portion control. I found I have a lot of trouble feeling satisfied after a meal without dessert, because I usually expect something sweet at the end of a meal. To remedy that without going overboard, I started buying myself big bags of Lindt truffles – they’re high quality, so I’m able to limit myself to one, and since they’re pre-wrapped and portioned, it’s easier to have an appropriate amount (compared to, say, having a pan of brownies in the kitchen where I can cut “one” that’s a quarter of the pan, ha). I put one in my lunch bag for work (and leave the rest of the bag at home), so then I only even have the option of having one for dessert. Obviously that wouldn’t work for you the way it works for me, since you don’t eat your lunch at an office, but I’ve found even on days I work from home I only have one truffle. They’re rich enough that having more than that feels like too much (and this is coming from someone who takes “dessert serves 2-3 people” on a menu as a challenge to conquer alone, haha). I don’t know if that’ll help at all, but it’s really made a difference for me: buying high quality chocolate that’s pre-portioned so I can have enough to be satisfied but not go overboard.
I love this tip! Thank you, Bethany!
Oh gosh! I’m a full time working mama to a 17 month old and I struggle daily with the whole cleaning of the house thing! I swear my house is never clean!
I love what you wrote about unfollowing unrealistic people on social media. I’m always on the lookout for people to follow who make me feel validated in my mama/life struggles rather than making me feel like I’m less. That’s why I love your blog and posts like this one! It helps knowing I’m not alone!
xoxo!
Reading this has helped me feel soooooo much better about my postpartum life. My youngest is 3 months old and getting back into shape has been a struggle bus because I became pregnant with her when my middle child was only 7 months old, so I hadn’t lost all the weight from that pregnancy before getting pregnant again. I too have had to unfollow many accounts, mainly because I will compare myself to women who seemingly have a “perfect” body immediately after giving birth, while I feel like the scale is stuck on a certain number and won’t budge. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing about the comparison trap. I think a lot of women (and men!) feel that way but we just don’t talk about it enough.
Have you read Candace Burre’s (yes, Dj from FullHouse!!) book on faith based excerise and weight loss called Reshaping it All! I really liked her attitude and perspective. You may find it refreshing too:) You are a wonderful mom and gorgeous lady.
Hi Julie! Long time reader here. Just wanted to say thank you for always keeping it real and being yourself! You are genuine and don’t try to be perfect like a lot of other bloggers do. That’s why your blog is and has always been my favorite!
Regarding the house cleaning, if you can afford to hire a cleaning lady that comes every few weeks to do a overall house clean, it is a total game changer! There is just no time or energy to clean the whole house after working and taking care of kids all day, so it is worth every penny! They’re only this little once, so enjoy it as much as you can! 🙂
I do have a question in regards to how do you and Ryan feel now especially after having 2 kids about being far away from your families? I know you have a tight-knit, supportive friend group, but there’s nothing like family being close! (We are across the country from ours and it is HARD!) Do you guys ever think about moving back to FL to have your boys group up closer to their grandparents, cousins, etc.? Maybe this could be a blog post topic? Thanks for reading my question 🙂
Oh man we talk about how wonderful it would be to live near family ALL THE TIME. It comes up a lot but neither Ryan nor I want to leave this area. We truly LOVE our home and our friends here but if we didn’t have such a great group of people around us here, I am sure it would be a lot harder. We are super close with family which absolutely makes it challenging to not have them around (and I am now especially struggling with not seeing my sweet baby niece all the time) but we somehow manage to see them fairly often considering the distance so we just try to always have a visit on the horizon for something to look forward to — and FaceTime helps a TON!
Hi Julie, love your honest post! I have three kids and a fourth one on the way, and I feel like with each baby I have to “let the house go” a little bit more and it’s always a little bit of an adjustment at first because I love things to be clean and organized but now I just do what I can when I can and I’m ok with that. I have a 5, 3, and 1 year old and sometimes I can get them to help me dust and even my 5 year old likes to help vacuum. I also think getting someone to come clean your house once a month would be money well spent if thats an option. A little off topic, but I’d love to hear what your thoughts were on the Align leggings throughout pregnancy? Did you end up wearing them throughout your entire pregnancy and post partum and love them just as much?
Thanks!
I think you are probably getting this a lot, but I have a 6 month and almost 3 year old, and we also have a cleaning team cimeevery two weeks. I still clean up like you do during the day and do kitchen/obviouslynecessary cleanups at night, but having someone come every two weeks ensures our bathrooms, kitchen, and floors get a deep clean, all sheets get changed, etc. I was reluctant for a long time and even was embarrassed when my family (who does NOT employ such help) found out. However, coming home to a spotless house and not having weird crap growing in the toilets has made cleaning day my favorite days. This and gym childcare are my fav mom hacks.
And I second the body thing. I’m only 7 pounds up too and can technically wear my old clothes, but also have down thoughts about myself. But as you said, we have two beautiful kiddos, and it’s 7 lbs, not 30. All in good time. I have no advice for the sugar thing. I had cake for lunch after coaxing my toddler into his room for quiet time.
Everyone does their cleaning differently! If you want to hire help- do it! I try to incorporate it into activities we are already doing. While my two toddlers play in the bathtub I clean the rest of it and then hubby gets them out and dry and I finish the tub/shower area. There are lots of opportunities I have worked the kids routine into my cleaning and it works for now, I’m sure it will change and I am prepared for that. I also set a routine to do one full load of laundry a day sometimes it’s all kids clothes and some days it’s just sheets from one room, etc. but this helps me not fall behind because I can throw in whatever few clothing items we have from the day before and I’m not folding a huge basket of laundry, just two or three outfits.
I feel like getting Chase into the habit of solitary play would be super helpful for your sanity. My two year old spends a good chunk of time entertaining himself with his toys and so I tend to get things done during his playtime and the baby’s nap time. It’s awesome that you guys get so much fun time out of the house at Discovery Zone Kids, etc but my momma friends and I seem to do those kid-revolved activities much less often, and get away with a lot of independent play with our 2 and 3 year olds respectively, so maybe that’s why we’ve all found parenthood with two so tolerable. Every kiddo is different though!!!
First things first… you go girl. You are doing GREAT, probably better than most. Keep encouraging yourself and cutting yourself some slack.
Next, we hired a cleaning company for house cleaning and it is life/marriage changing!!! After baby number two and between the dog, the kids, and our full time jobs and schedules, we actually had them come every week!!! It was basically the best thing ever because just when we would get anxious about the house being a mess, boom, it was cleaning crew day! Now that baby number 2 is actually almost three, we have a much better handle on life and switched back to every 2 weeks. But it’s one of the things we have chosen to spend money on in these early kiddo years, and boy has it been money well spent! Get yourself a cleaning service.
Lastly, after baby number 2, it has really taken me 2 years to get toned and lean like I was. And I let myself take the time. Let yourself take time. I find it so hard to believe these mothers who are so lean and toned and prebaby weight and are still breastfeeding. The body is holding onto hormones and calories for that precious milk. Give yourself a break and promise to give yourself more time. You’re an exercise healthy food blogger!! Come on – you will be back in no time. All in good time.
Keep up the good work — this is one of the few blogs I’ve been a longtime follower of. Thank you for sharing.
Xoxo
Hi Julie, long time reader here 🙂
I am going to echo everyone else and say hiring a biweekly cleaner is the way to go! I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old and I was so tired of cleaning on the weekends instead of spending time as a family. Like everyone else, I still do the day to day tidying and vacuuming/kitchen, but its a relief to know the other things will be taken care of. I felt ashamed at first since I am a SAHM, but the little ones are demanding and I take the mom part of my job seriously. If you can’t hire a cleaner my tips are clean the shower while you shower, clean kids bath during bath time, do 1 load of laundry a day, do one chore a day (dusting, windows, mopping, or bedding, etc) and most importantly…. keep the “junk” out. I don’t keep clutter around.
Also I have someone come watch the kids 1 full day a week. This is my catch up day! Errands, work, etc.
Agree with you that being a mom at home with 2 kids is crazy town. I have the same nursing dilemmas as you so I can totally relate! I am only 5lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight and I 100% get what you are saying. 5lbs seems like no big deal but I am much softer and celulite on the back of the legs too, blah. I cannot diet either because that nursing hunger is REAL.
Thanks for this encouraging and uplifting post! Needed this reminder about the comparison trap. Love following your sweet family!
What a sweet & honest post! Thanks for sharing 🙂 I offer Pinterest services and would love the opportunity to chat with you further to see if I might be able to take some things off your busy plate. Let me know!
Girl, I am RIGHT there with you. What a refreshing post to read. I have a 4 year-old and a 10 month-old and a house that badly needs to be cleaned/organized. I don’t even understand how moms handle more than two littles – I bow at their feet, because I can barely juggle life with two. You described it so perfectly with the words “intense, overwhelming, pure vulnerable…” And yet it there is NOWHERE else I’d rather be. I find myself staring at my babies at night while they sleep and mourning the fact that this phase won’t last forever. Crazy, right? Oh, and for the record, I too am a sugar addict. I chalk it up to nursing and hormones and figure I’ll deal with it after this crazy phase of life.
I do the exact same thing! Isn’t it insane!? At the end of every day I feel like I ran a marathon and yet I KNOW I will want to go back and re-live this phase of my life one day. That’s motherhood in a nutshell, huh? <3
Cheering you on, mama! Thank you for giving us a glimpse into the transition of family of FOUR. I found myself nodding while reading your post because it brought back so many memories. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job maintaining perspective and soaking in all the beauty this chaotic stage has to offer. My kids are still young–Almost 2, 4, 6–but it really feels like we’ve entered a new stage of parenting and I already miss the insanity that was the baby days (*sniff*).
At the end of each day, if your kids know they are loved, you’re doing a WONDERFUL job. <3
Find this post very encouraging! Have had 3 children and found the early years very hard work. You are doing very well, it is impossible to do as much with several children – something has to give/fall by the wayside. Usually the things that really dont matter that much in the big scheme of things. I found the flylady.net system really does work – great for self care and totally manageable – just 15 mins a day and the routines for getting clothes/lunches ready night before really makes a massive difference to how the next day goes. Also great for when you feel totally overwhelmed and dont know where to start.
A very smart person once said that trying to keep up with the cleaning when you have children is like shoveling snow when it’s still snowing. 🙂
I keep thinking about the comparison trap of social media and how it impacts us as adults… I can’t even imagine what it’s like for teens. I have told my parents many times that I am so thankful there was no social media when I was in school (I am 38) and I am thankful every day that I wasn’t ever on social media during dating/difficult breakups. I can see how social media truly impacts mental health. It can be positive in so many ways but very tough to handle too.
I think about this ALL of the time! I am not sure how to handle it as my boys get bigger because I can only imagine going through adolescence with social media in the mix, too.
I love that metaphor about cleaning and the snow! Just throwing out another idea…with the major caveat that I only have one child and am generally quite clueless about house management…have you ever thought about outsourcing your laundry? Earlier this year, we realized that hiring cleaning help was not in our budget, but something had to give-I was totally overwhelmed with work and the baby. Anyway, once a week, we drop off our laundry at a wash and fold. It is pricey, but saves a lot of time and stress. As far as cleaning, I try a (very, very simplified) version of this daily cleaning schedule: http://littlegreennotebook.com/2012/03/my-cleaning-process-and-500-give-away.html. The goal is no laundry or cleaning during the weekend, and while I’m far from achieving it, the laundry + daily chores have helped. Thanks for starting this conversation!
I can relate to ALL of this.
Ok …. someone who changed my life when it comes to FINALLY finding REALISM/HILARIOUSNESS on Social Media.
Enter Celeste Barber. Seriously ….. not only does it take away the need to unfriend the “perfect”. But it let’s you ADD humor back into your life. A two for one in my book 🙂
Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom and just sit in the empty bathtub and scroll through her Insta. My 5 year old usually is banging on the door saying “Mommy … are you watching the Barber lady again?”. Hahahahahahahaha!
Hey …. I’m the “bathroom Wiper” all day long …. sometimes I just have to take a few minutes for myself and she is a great way to spend it if you want a good laugh before you cry. We’re here in Minnesota and on day 4 of No school. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 🙂
Love your blog. Fun watching the boys grow up before all of our eyes!
I’ve seen her account and she is HYSTERICAL!!
Julie! Long time reader (since 2008??) as well but almost never comment! This post struck some chords though!
I’m a nurse midwife by trade, have a 2 year old and a newborn, and work full time in the military. First, you’re doing great – absolutely spectacular. I tell my patients during pregnancy, postpartum and as a mother – you have to be the nicest to yourself you’ve ever been (in how you talk to yourself) because the daily, 24/7 mama duties can be overwhelming. I like to think of my babes as my “little warriors” and as crazy as my little warriors get sometimes, it’s a joy to shepherd them through the highs and lows and each day.
Here’s my tips as a busy mama of two:
– I echo the house cleaner; I specifically had someone come in every week for ONLY 2 hours to do the floors, the bathrooms, and the kitchen. It was only $70/week and the return on that time to play with kids and relax was 10-fold. If you’re looking for just a little help with the cleaning, seek out the specific chores that would help you the most for the cleaners to complete.
– Move stuff around the house as you go through your day – I stole this from Gretchen Rubin. Take a single item from one room to the other as you move through your daily activities. It helps move things to where they need to go and then you’re not picking up clutter at the end of your day.
– Have a “mom counter space.” This is a small space on my counter where I literally PILE things on sometimes that I can’t deal with now but will after bedtime. It’s mail, packages, school forms, the “mama can you hold it” items, etc. Putting them in one place helps me crush that pile at the end of the day and address my tasks for the next day each evening.
– Put your babes to bed early and get up early. All babies sleep differently, but I have found most will wake up at that same time each morning regardless of when you put them down. Our babes go to be at 7pm (although our newborn nurses multiple times throughout the night still). And I try to get up by 5:30 or earlier to work out, do a devotional and start a load of laundry before the babes are even up. It’s amazing what you can get done it that time.
– TOYS?! I found that a dedicated playroom is the way to go for us. I only have books in the bedrooms and that has greatly reduced the toys all over the house. We also do a “clean up” every night before bath time and sing the clean up song as we clean the playroom. Sometimes our 2 year old helps a lot and sometimes I do 95%, but it’s the habit and the help you’re working.
– Dishes… this is something Chase could help with! We do dishes as a family after dinner every night. Our toddler takes her plate from the table, dumps any remaining food in the trash, the puts it in the sink. She then stands by the edge of the dishwasher and we hand her silverware and toddler-safe plate ware to load in. She loves it and it helps us out. Then we give everyone a lysol wipe and we all wipe down the table, floors and chairs together. Again, the table clean up is inevitable after every meal, so we found a way to incorporate it into our daily dinner routine.
– Lastly, postpartum weight loss. Women’s bodies are amazing and it took you 10 months to grow a beautiful babe – give your body that same grace to get back to it’s new normal. Strength training is my upmost recommendation. As well as pelvic floor therapy for EVERY woman after EVERY birth. Also recognize, that as long as you breastfeed, your body holds onto a little extra fat to make sure you can provide milk for your babe. That extra 5-10lbs takes the longest to burn off but is there for such a great and beautiful purpose.
Thanks for all the great posts over the years and being true to you, your family and readers. Also recommend – I Know How She Does It by Laura Vanderkam to any mama looking to carve out extra time in her life!
Thank you so much for taking the time to share all of this, Jamie! So helpful and lots of great tips. I appreciate it!!
hello- long time reader. with all respect, don’t you feel your instagram feed portrays the exact image that you criticize and so harshly compare yourself to in your post above? and as a woman who holds a full time job outside of the home and manages to take care of household chores, etc after work/on weekends.. i find your sentiments a bit out of touch with reality.
Hi Lily! First, thank you for reading for so long. I am sorry you feel my Instagram portrays what seems to be frustrating me with social media. Yes, it’s absolutely filled with smiling and happy photos (which I fully admit to in my post) but the accounts that were causing me to feel “less than” were ones showcasing moms in perfect outfits, snapshots of gorgeous, squeaky-clean homes, children in coordinated outfits who look totally put together at all times, etc. They’re mostly filled with professional photos and staged pictures which I found myself comparing to my reality. I struggle with social media in general because it doesn’t show the full picture so I can absolutely see how my account could do something similar & am trying to be more mindful of that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. What I’ve always loved about your blog is how real it is and I just want to say keep up the good work! 🙂
Thank you for your kind words, Lynz!!
Thanks for such a real post, Julie! My kids are 3 and 5 months, and this is such a relatable post. I think it’s so beautiful how much you enjoy being your boys’ mama. They are so blessed to have you!
Thank you so much, Correen! I appreciate it!
disheartened by your deletion of comments. lets talk about transparency and keeping it real!
Hi Lily! I just commenting here because your intial comment went to moderation — all first-time comments and comments from new IP addresses initially go into moderation to prevent spam commenting — so I just didn’t have the chance to see it and approve it. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t read your comment and just disregared it.
I have a 3.5 year old and an almost 2 year old, and it does get easier after the first year! The kids play together now, which gives me some time to get household tasks done during the day. After feeling run down and way too busy, my family has started to say “no” to having plans (other than church and the occasional family/friends gathering) on Sundays. This gives us a day at home to spend time together and get little odds and ends done before the week starts. I know your family seems to do grocery shopping together on Sundays, but consider doing curbside pickup or grocery delivery to free up some time on the weekends to get things done or just relax at home.
I actually JUST signed up for an Instacart membership this week and I am already loving it!!! I feel like it’s going to be so, so helpful. Thank you for your comment & encouragement!
I love how real and vulnerable you are in this space, while maintaining a positive outlook on life. You are truly an inspiration. Your words about social comparison are so interesting – certainly to some, the pictures you post of your gorgeous family could be a source of comparison, and I see some have come here to say just that. This shows me that this is something we ALL struggle with – it is so easy to look to someone else and decide they have it easier than you, or that you are failing in comparison to them.
The difference to me is that you’re not pretending that this whole motherhood thing (I mean, this whole *life* thing) isn’t hard, as well as wonderful. I love that you let your readers in on your struggles, but it seems that you are a person who truly tries to see and make the best of every situation.
My son is a few months younger than Chase, and I’ve been following along your growth as a mama, and relating so hard. It surprised me how long it took to truly feel I had things “under control”…. in many ways I feel I am only just getting there! I echo what others have suggested – if hiring some cleaning help is a possibility for you, go for it. Or(/and), as I’ve done,try to accept that there may be some dust bunnies, your countertops will only rarely gleam… but your heart and attention are exactly where they need to be.
Thank you, Mila! It really is so easy to feel like we’re failing on a daily basis but it really is wonderful even if it is totally draining and hard sometimes. <3 Sending you supportive mom vibes!!
You gotta enjoy this time while they are little! Once you’re ready, maybe you could get some in-home help so you’re still kind of around and not missing out on too much — but still able to get more done?
I’m a longtime reader/lurker. Currently working in social media full time but transitioning to part time to be with my 8 month old a little more. I will have some free time on my hands if you’re interested!
I have the same lipase issue and have found that if I freeze the milk right after pumping and give it to my baby (9 months) within a week or so after freezing it, it doesn’t have the soapy smell/taste and she’ll take it. Not a great solution, but being able to use at least a little frozen milk has come in handy occasionally. This is my second, and I’m guessing I had the lipase issue with my first and he just didn’t care about the change in taste because he never had any issues taking frozen milk. I’ve also been able to donate all of my frozen milk this time around to a baby who doesn’t have any issues with it. Crazy how some babies don’t mind that taste.
this post though! so realistic and honest and a really good read. i don’t have kids (ok, its only me!) but I’ve been a looong time reader and it had been an absolute joy reading about your life over the years. i think you are crushing it and are a fabulous, completely loving mom who is doing the best she can. and y’all are the cutest family!! as readers, we truly appreciate you being so down to earth and yourself. so while i have no advice to help you whatsoever, ha!, i just wanted to say how great you are, as a mom, wife, and blogger 🙂