Saturday Morning
To be completely honest, Saturday morning began on a heavy note for a myriad of reasons. I’ve been feeling so many things related to the murder of George Floyd and also unsure how to best proceed with addressing this on the blog. Not mentioning it here feels very wrong because it’s something I cannot stop thinking about so I am bringing it up to say I don’t know what to say other than to share that I know my feelings pale in comparison to the way black people feel and have felt for years and years. While I worry about using the wrong terms and inadvertently offending black men and women whom I desperately want to feel my support and concern myself with figuring out the best ways to grow myself and raise children who are anti-racist, black people worry about their lives. It’s horrible and must change.
I read a powerful quote from Naomi O’Brien last week that said, “If you’re trying to teach your kids to be anti-something, you need to be direct and intentional about exactly what it is you’re trying to teach them.” Her Instagram caption impacted me deeply and will shift the way I parent moving forward. Please take the time to read her words:
My boys are young — almost 2 and almost 5 — and while we’ve always tried to raise them to appreciate and celebrate the differences in others, the way I plan to discuss race with them as they continue to grow and mature will change. Conversations will be more direct, explicit, longer and ongoing. They’re conversations I’m having with myself right now as I continue to research ways to help, educate myself, LISTEN and learn from those sharing their stories and experiences and resources.
For those also looking for a path forward related to educating yourself and taking action against racism, this roundup from writer, lecturer and activist Rachel Cargle was helpful to me. And this list from The Key Bookstore + this image from artist Jane Mount includes lists of anti-racism books I hope will be of interest to many of you. I’m beginning with White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo.
Saturday Afternoon
We managed to make it out on the lake after a morning walk with Sadie on Saturday and I focused on the sun and the water and my family. Last week felt heavy in another way when I read about a beautiful three-year-old girl who passed away following a shocking cancer diagnosis back in April. It ripped my heart out and left me in tears numerous times throughout the week. I’ve thought about Stevie Lynn Stock over and over again and my heart aches so deeply for her family. Losing a child is every parent’s worst nightmare and it’s impossible to know what to say or do, especially when it affects a family I don’t directly know. Outside of donating to this family, I can only think they’d want me to love my babies and deeply appreciate my children and I thought of Stevie and precious children gone too soon over and over again this week as I played with my boys, held them close and tried to mother them with more patience and love.
We spent several hours on the lake on Saturday and it was a bit of a milestone lake day for the boys for a few reasons. We switched Chase out of his puddle jumper and into a life jacket following his former ISR instructor’s recommendation and it was a huge success! (His instructor is not a fan of puddle jumpers for numerous reasons, including the restrictions they put on a child’s arms and the way they teach children to “run” in the water versus swim horizontally which she believes can inhibit the progress of ISR. She is still obviously a big proponent of water safety but prefers life jackets and recommended this Hyperlite life jacket for Chase and Ryder once Ryder reaches 33 pounds. In the meantime, this is the life jacket Ryder is wearing and it’s proven to be the infant life jacket both of our boys have tolerated best.)
As for Ryder’s big milestone, he said he wanted to swim “by himself” in his life jacket where he couldn’t touch which was huge! He’s usually very clingy in deeper water so it was neat to see his confidence grow a bit. Seeing how proud he was of himself as he splashed around less than a foot away from me and Ryan even though he didn’t realize we had a hand on his life jacket the whole time was adorable.
Oh and this is Ryder’s “thumb’s up” sign which I think is just way too cute. He’ll figure it out eventually, I’m sure!
After our time on the water, we headed back home and put Ryder down for his nap just before it was time for the shuttle launch. Chase is obsessed with space (even more so since the discovery of his favorite space-themed kid’s podcast) and was SO into the countdown.
We watched the launch and the engines drop off and he was in absolute awe.
The rest of our Saturday included work on the computer for me while Ryder napped, yard work for Ryan and Chase (well, not really “work” for Chase), pizza for dinner, baths and early bed times all around.
Sunday
After Saturday’s 85-degree temperatures, Sunday felt like a return to spring and we made the most of the mild weather and took the boys on a long walk on a local greenway. We actually drove to the neighborhood next to the apartment complex where Ryan and I first lived when we moved to the Charlotte area and did our old favorite walking route with the boys which was all kinds of nostalgic!
The walk took us to Birkdale Village where we ordered smoothies from Clean Juice to sip on while the boys played with the toys we packed in the stroller and raced Ryan across the grass approximately one million times.
Oh and Ryan wasn’t the only one to get an at-home quarantine haircut! Last Thursday, I followed this tutorial that a bunch of you recommended to me via Instagram and cut Chase’s hair!
It turned out better than I expected… as long as you don’t look too closely at the sides. Ha!
We made it home around lunchtime and dug into sandwiches, mango slices and bell peppers before Ryder went down for his nap. I once again used Ryder’s nap time to work while Ryan and Chase spent more time outside (bless these weekend working windows because getting work done during the week right now is just plain HARD) and then we headed over to my friend Lauren’s house for some fun in her backyard. It was so, so nice to get together and round out our weekend with our families.
By the time we made it home, there wasn’t time for anything other than a quick bath for the boys and dinner before everyone was ready for bed. I began working on this blog post a bit before bed and then called it a night after reading until my eyes would no longer stay open.
As for the week ahead, we have a whole lot of the same old stuff on the agenda. I’m planning to share a glimpse into our weeknight meals from last week and hope to have a moment to type up a pregnancy recap with you guys since it’s been a hot second since I’ve shared anything and I’m almost in my third trimester. Time is flying!
I hope you all have a good Monday and, as always, appreciate you making my blog a part of your day!
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Hi Julie,
I think it’s wonderful that you addressed the murder of Mr. Floyd on your blog. As a black woman I worry about my male family members in a way that I don’t worry about my white husband. And as a black woman, I can only say so much regarding racism, white people have to speak out against it as well. I fully agree with what Naomi O’Brien said regarding being direct and intentional with our children. I’m currently pregnant with our first child and this is how I will explain to him about racism, homophobia etc.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for your comment, Megan. I hate that worry about the safety and lives of your family members are a part of your daily life. I needs to change and I hope that this desperately-needed conversation continues and that we can all grow and learn and change for the better.
Hi Julie,
I’ve been reading your blog for years now, and your pregnancy recaps helped me through my pregnancy last year. My son is almost one now, and the events that have happened over the past few weeks (George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and the Chris Cooper video) have been weighing heavily on me as well.
While I’ve had a diverse friend group and have always treated everyone equally, these past few weeks have made me rethink that notion of equality vs anti-racism. This interview on NPR spoke to me (https://www.npr.org/2020/05/31/866426170/raising-white-kids-author-on-how-white-parents-can-talk-about-race) and I’m going to be ordering this book as well (just in case you wanted another to add to your list!)
The system we currently have in place is clearly broken, and it is only through education and empathy that we can begin to fix it. We already have so many fears for our children as they start to explore the world around them, no parent should fear that their child will be harmed by the very people we pay to protect them.
I just listened to this interview and it was very helpful. Thank you for sharing, Audrey.
Your photos from the weekend are so happy and beautiful! And thank you for taking the time to write about the heavier things and how you hope to do your part with what you can.
Thank you for commenting on George Floyd and the steps you are taking to be actively anti-racist and raise anti-racist kids. I’m taking notice of the bloggers and influencers I follow and paying attention to the people who comment on the situation, and how they do so. I am firmly against people “staying in their lane” and think people with platforms SHOULD take a stance on issues regardless of how it affects their “brand.” I’d also love to see reviews of the books you’re reading to educate yourself! Have a great day.
i’ll definitely be sharing books i’ve loved for myself and our boys as we read and learn from them!
Thanks for commenting on racism, learning how we can truly teach anti-racism (and other prejudice) to our baby boy once he’s here and as he grows has been top of mind to us too. I also know what you mean with the heaviness and hard news. I don’t now if it’s part of being pregnant during this crazy, uncertain, and (right now sad) time, but sometimes it’s so hard to not feel so much weight and anxiety, mentally. The news hit me so hard too and I find myself wondering how much pregnancy emotions make my mental state even more fragile. I have been praying like crazy for peace, calm, strength, and the ability to guide my family, that’s for sure. I hope you can find some comfort in your boys, Ryan, and Sadie. My husband, parents, and our fur babies, and God have been getting me through 🙂 .
Thank you for bringing up racism on your blog, and especially for encouraging your followers to listen to voices of WOC like Rachel Cargle. Sitting in your own discomfort around your privilege is doing the work.
Hi Julie, I’ve been reading your blog for years now. One of the reasons I keep coming back is that you write with honesty about not only happy occasions, but also about heavier topics.
I also feel that I have a lot to learn and read up on. I personally found this article from cupofjo really timely and helpful: https://cupofjo.com/2020/06/raising-race-conscious-children/
that was a very interesting read — thank you for sharing!
Thank you for being so open and honest, Julie. It breaks my heart that so many blogger women I follow (mostly white–I’m working to diversify my Instagram and Feedly) have just ignored all the pain and hardship that’s happening. I’m proud of you for going on the journey you’re undertaking and by ignoring the easy road of staying silent. I’d love to recommend How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi–it really opened my eyes. Sending love and peace to you and your family.
I appreciate the recommendation and will add it to my list of books to read. Thank you!
As a woman of color who’s followed your blog for years, I wanted to say that really appreciate that you brought these issues up. I understand how hard it can be and how scary it is as a person in the public space to talk about these things and I just wanted to thank you for not shying away from it.
Thank you for talking about these issues in such an open way. I have followed Stevie’s story since the beginning and it has absolutely broke my heart. I broke down several times last week and just cried. Littlemissmomma is an inspiration and has a way with words. I feel for her entire family. It’s amazing how a story can touch you and you don’t even know the person. Being a mom changes you in so many ways and I couldn’t help but hug my kiddies tighter the last couple of days.
I happened to come across a post on Stevie Lynn a few weeks ago. It’s so heartbreaking thinking about that beautiful little angel suffering and the unimaginable heartbreak her family is going through.
Being stuck at home for 2 toddlers for 11 weeks has been the hardest time but this along with everything else in the world is making me hold my babies a lot tighter every day.
I’ve been thinking about your post all day, so I thought I’d come back and let you know. What you shared about teaching children to be anti-racist, intentionally… being specific about what happens and clear that it is wrong… has stuck with me. I can’t help but feel like I can’t do much to fight the systematic racism in this country, but I can definitely intentionally teach my children that it is wrong.
Thank you
Julie you spoke so eloquently about a George Floyd and the current events. Thank you so much for using your platform to shed light on this.
Julie-
I’ve been a follower of your blog for years. Often I find myself nodding along with your comments and thinking “me too!” I echo so many of your feelings about this week. I have realized how much I have to learn about my own privilege and have been introduced to many resources that will help to begin to educate me. I also have been gutted by the news of sweet Stevie. I have followed Ashley’s blog for years, so I feel like I “know” her. I pray for her any time their family crosses my mind- which has been often.
Thank you for being so candid with your thoughts.
As a Black woman living in Oakland, I cannot say enough how much this post means to me. Cleaning up the graffiti left on our Black, Latinx, and Chinatown businesses by folks not from here, while Oaklanders peacefully march for justice and systemic change, deck out their cars and caravan for change, and store owners give out free drinks and food, my heart felt hope and unity see the beauty of the movement. The pain is indescribable. It is painful the silence of white people, the cheery posts during times when many of us watching are reliving our losses, seeing more losses added daily, and watching the world so easily care more about businesses than our lives…There are times when a happy upbeat, life is great posts is NEEDED during all of this, and there are times when it does serve to remind us there are two Americas, and we don’t get to live in the latter. Yesterday, high school students peacefully protested with their parents, grandparents, teachers, for hours without any unrest. A curfew went in effect and as 20-30 students were walking home together (for safety, what we as teachers tell them to do, stay together, stay in groups), police rounded them up and my friend watched as they arrested them all, during a pandemic. Their parents were not allowed to pick up their children, who were being held. All I can think of is the pain of the mothers who lose their children to violence and police brutality, the mothers who hear their children crying and cannot hold them. I have consoled my students after police tackled them, pulled guns on them, injured them, beat their father in front of them, shot their friend–in all cases it was harm first, find cause later, and in none of them was cause found. The violence is not increasing, it’s just making the news more and we do need white allies to be more vocal and keep educating themselves, keep making themselves uncomfortable with the unlearning. I highly recommend reading White Fragility and following @theconsciouskid (for parents and families) to help with the journey. Other resources (you’ve likely read this) “75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice” (https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234). Thank you for being committed to being an ongoing ally and doing the uncomfortable work, and I kinda look forward to your review of White Fragility
Hi Julie! Thank you for speaking out on your blog and working to improve yourself and your family. One thing i would be interested in hearing you address is the achievement gap. Black children score consistently lower than white children across the board in our schools. You recently mentioned you plan to red shirt both your children. This is one of the many factors which create this achievement gap. I would love to see a blog post addressing how this affects your decision.
Thank you for using your voice. We hear it!
Hi Julie, I have followed your blog for years and loved reading your pregnancy updates and watching your kids grow, I’ve cooked/baked some of your recipes, done your workouts, and always look forward to your Friday posts. I can’t tell you how grateful I am you shared your thoughts and feelings about the murder of George Floyd. I live in Minneapolis and this is a heart-wrenching and angering time for my city and for our country. Thank you for speaking out.
I just saw this link to children’s books recommended by Women’s Day and thought I would share it:
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/18-childrens-books-help-talk-174500434.html