Earlier this week we learned that Sadie has hemangiosarcoma, an aggressive form of cancer, and typing up these words leaves me in tears because I hate thinking that something is going on in our girl’s body that we cannot cure and help her fight. To be honest, I’ve been a bit of a mess. (I wrote and scheduled the blog posts I shared this week before Sadie’s vet appointment and since we received this news I haven’t been able to write or think about much else.) Sharing this news with all of you makes the whole situation feel permanent and understanding that we are approaching the end of Sadie’s life doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel okay. It feels like intense pressure on my chest, tears in my eyes and the very best dog wrapped up in my arms. A dog I don’t ever want to leave me.
We were hoping and praying Sadie’s ultrasound would reveal an infection we could treat that would explain her weight loss. With no symptoms other than decreased appetite and weight loss currently presenting (other than typical 13-year-old dog things), our vet was hopeful and so were we. When the results came back and our vet told me Sadie has cancer, I held her in my arms, stroked her soft fur and asked a million questions with tears streaming down my face.
Is there something we could’ve done? Could we have found this sooner? What do we do now? Our vet explained that this type of cancer is extremely aggressive and often not found until it has progressed to the point where palliative care is the only recommended option for older dogs. When our vet began discussing the end of Sadie’s life, I was overwhelmed. She’s not ready to go. Not yet. I know she’s not. She’s happy and still acting so much like herself. Our vet agreed. It’s not her time. Not yet.
She still has more nighttime cuddles to give when she presses her warm body against my belly under the sheets.
She still has more walks to go on with the boys when she stops to sniff everything from bushes to the air.
She still has more spoonfuls of peanut butter to lick and chicken scraps to eat as I prep dinner and she stays glued to my leg.
She still has a boat ride she needs to go on where she keeps us safe as Captain Sadie at the bow of the boat.
She still needs to lie down and place her head on my neck a hundred more times, Sadie scarf style.
She still has so much more love from us to receive and we need to make sure she knows deep within her bones that our love will be with her always, always, always.
When I left the vet with Sadie trotting beside me and her medications in my bag, I felt heavy and heartbroken. Sadie has been a constant source of love, comfort, craziness, humor and everything good wrapped up in a wiggly little body for 13-and-a-half years.
I know it’s not Sadie’s time to go yet. I hate thinking that her time is coming. Our vet said it could be days, a week, a month. She doesn’t know. We don’t know. If it’s her time, I hope and pray she will let us know. This is not a decision Ryan nor I feel at all prepared to make.
Right now I’m trying to keep my focus on Sadie. For the first couple of days after we learned about her cancer, I felt like I was almost grieving her before she was even gone. That’s not how I want to spend this precious time with our girl. I want to enjoy her. To love her. To cherish every amazing thing about her. I think Sadie thought I was insane at one point this week because I couldn’t stop following her around, stroking her sweet face and wrapping her up in cuddles every chance I could.
She’s not ready. We’re not ready. And we’re going to make sure that until she is ready, her days are filled with more love than she can imagine and all of her very favorite things because she is and always will be the very best girl.
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So heartbroken! 😪😪 Prayers for the family and sweet Sadie
Julie, my heart goes out to you and your family. In a weird way, I feel like Sadie is a part of my life, too. Thank you for sharing her with us.
I pray that Sadie lets you know when it’s time and you and Ryan find some semblance of peace in this totally nightmarish situation.
Long time reader, first time commenter. I am so sorry about this news. My 11 year old yellow lab was diagnosed with this in Feb 2017 and passed away in Oct of that year. I found the Hemangiosarcoma facebook groups to be a HUGE help. We started on turkey tail mushroom and kept yunnanbiayo on hand for micro bleeds and he lived 8 months post diagnosis in almost perfect health, it was the last month or so that the decline began. I urge you to be aware of the signs/symptoms of micro-bleeds (small internal bleeds that happen with HSA that then are re-absorbed by the body). Happy to chat more if you have any questions, I am more than willing to share all I learned with my boy’s diagnosis. my email is annie.ellen.cody@gmail.com
I second this. My 8 year old German shepherd was diagnosed with the same cancer in April of last year. I also gave turkey tail mushroom and yunnanbiayo, that I ordered from bestChinesemedicine.com. He lived until January 2ns of this year. This is so heartbreaking to go though. I’m so sorry.
First time commenter here too and I absolutely agree with giving Sadie the yunnan baiyao pills! My dog at 11 years old (German Shepherd mix) was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma and our vet recommended he be enrolled in a national study that tracked dogs given this supplement with this kind of cancer. Unfortunately, I can’t find the link to the exact study, but it was done at the Blue Pearl clinic in Tampa, FL. Our dog was initially given less than 6 months to live but ended up living another 2 years once we started him on these pills (they finished the study before he passed away and were so impressed with the results!). We noticed such a difference in his energy levels and overall happiness when we started him on these! So sorry you have to experience this though.
Oh, Julie. How absolutely heartbreaking. Not feeling like you have time is a terrible, terrible feeling. I truly hope you find some joy and peace in the time you have left.
Ugh, I am SO SORRY! I’m in tears just reading this. I’ve read your blog since I was in high school – well over a decade ago. I remember when you got Sadie and your constant chats of her sweet, needy self always made me chuckle. Love and positive vibes to you and your family during this difficult time ♥️
Sending so, so much love to you all. My family is also going through this right now with our 12 year old dog. It certainly isn’t easy, but I do think there are some moments of joy too. Big hugs. I love how you call her your very best girl 🙂
Sweet Sadie… Such sad news. Prayers for strength while you celebrate her life in the upcoming months.
Oh I’m sorry. Losing a beloved pet is so much hard. Especially your first first “kid!” Hugs and prayers.
Oh Julie I am so so sorry to hear about Sadie. I am sending hugs and prayers to you, Ryan and your boys.
I am so sorry that your family and Sadie are going through this. Lots of hugs to Sadie and you and your family.
Julie, I haven’t commented in forever- but you know I follow you on Facebook and Instagram 🙂 I feel like I’ve “known” Sadie forever- like pre you and Ryan getting married. She is such a special pup- and she will forever make me smile when I see her pictures. Just know I am thinking of you all. This is NOT an easy time by any means, but I am so glad you get some extra, special time with your girl. Sending prayers and all the happy vibes to you guys. I’m actually about to feed my dogs a second dinner – your post makes me want to spoil them even more than they already are. Sending love ❤️
Dear Julie, I’m so very sorry to hear about sweet Sadie’s diagnosis. Sending all the love to her & to your family as you deal with this difficult news. I lost my wonderful vizsla Evie to hemangiosarcoma when she was only six, back in 2015. (Evie was even on your blog once many years ago when you published photos of dogs in their Halloween costumes- Evie was a hot dog 🙂 I think it was 2008.) Once we found a lump in Evie’s armpit, she only lived a few more days. I hope this will not be your experience, but I wanted to mention that she hemorrhaged after we took her for an off-leash hike (post finding the lump, but before we even had a definite diagnosis- which we never got, until the hemorrhage). I think exercise may increase the risk of this- at least it did in our case- and having the choice taken out of your hands of when to peacefully let your pup leave is very traumatic. So I wish you calm and peaceful time with Sadie for all the days you have left. Love her, spoil her, soak up all the hugs and kisses, and I recommend taking videos too, which you’ll always treasure. I’ve enjoyed following Miss Sadie on your blog and I’m sending her lots of love. I know I’ll always remember her. She’s such a good dog.
I am so sorry to read this. Sadie is so sweet, my heart goes out to you all. It doesn’t get easier but she has brought so much joy to this world, even to blog readers like me – what a gift she is! I love to read about her adventures (so many, I remember reading about when you came across a bear while hiking) and how much she is a part of your family. Much love to Sadie and the whole family.
I’m so sorry! My 10 year old dog here in the Lake Norman area just passed of the exact same cancer. It was very fast. We thought we had 2-6 months, we ended up having weeks. Cherish every minute and know you gave her the best life!
Sending you all so much love. It’s so hard that our beloved dogs have such short lives, but thank god she has had such a wonderful one with you all as her family. Sending you all big hugs <3
Oh, such heartbreaking news. I’m so sorry. I hope she still has many more happy, love filled days with your family. Sending prayers and love to you guys
Never enough time with the fur babies. We had similar news with Julio (our 13 year old golden) in 2019. Sorry to hear you’re going through this. Sending love and prayers. ❤️
Oh Julie, I’m so sorry 😢 I’ve enjoyed your blog since you were pregnant with Chase and Sadie has been such a part of your life that you share. She seems like such a precious girl and it’s so apparent that she’s so loved. Praying for you and your family 💔
Hi Julie, I wish I could find words to soothe your heart. I have loved Sadie through your words and pictures. I laugh with you from my home, giggle at some of those pictures, and smile when I see Captain Sadie. I got my dog (a Border Collie named Molly) 7 years ago after seeing how Sadie was as much a part of your family as your kids were. I am sure in my heart that Sadie knows how much she is loved. I will be praying for all of you as you Love Sadie now, when she needs it the most.
I am in tears for you ; also remembering the pain of saying goodbye to our sweet yellow lab. They give us so much and only ask for love in return. I’m glad Sadie has been there when you brought each little boy home from the hospital.
I’m sure she can sense how much you love her.
Oh no ,,,,, 😢
So very very sorry Julie & Ryan.
A long time reader of your blog Julie.
I so love 🧡 Sadie.
With all of you, the entire families, sweet & adorable Sadie will be in my thoughts & prayers continually.
My heart breaks for you and Ryan. We had to put our lil girl down in November and I don’t think I’ve ever known loss like that. I cried with you while reading your post. You have done good by Sadie and you should be so proud you got to be her momma. In a way, she was your first “kid” and showed you how to care for someone other than you and Ryan. That’s special. I’ve seen Sadie grow up through the years and always got happy to see her go on all of your adventures with you. She’s lived a fulfilled doggy life. My heart goes out to you.
I’m so sorry to read this. This is the part where some of us share our pet loss experiences, not because we particularly have any great answers for how to handle it but because it’s so incredibly hard and sharing helps us realize how many of us feel your grief and are sympathetic to what you’re going through. I lost my sweet pitbull Sidney over 4 years ago. She was 16 and had been suffering from pneumonia during her final 6 months despite being on medication, etc. Initially, she had more good days than bad, still wanted to go for walks, still ate, still loved her doggy ice cream, still followed us around the house, still loved sun bathing. And, initially, the vet agreed that it wasn’t yet her time, but as the months went by, we knew what was happening, until the one morning my husband and I woke up and realized that it was in fact her time. We knew the day was coming as the bad days had started to outnumber the good, but we were never ready for it and could never be ready for it. We said our goodbyes and thanked her for 16 years of pure joy, love and happiness and then cried our eyes out. I’m so sorry for your dear Sadie and have loved seeing her in your blog over the years. You’ll know when it’s time, but in the meantime, enjoy every moment and know that she knows she hit the jackpot being able to spend her life with your family. Sending you love and light.
Julie and family,
When our beloved dog was aging in his last year, we threw him a birthday party. The kids helped plan it. We hired a local photographer to take family pictures, invited our one neighbor couple who also loved our dog. Had hot dogs, bone pretzels, balloons, and doggie cake with pup cakes. We cherished that day and those memories, and my daughter, who was a baby at the time, talks and knows about our dog Chasey in heaven. We also did a paw print in paint and my husband plans to get a tattoo of it on his shoulder.
I’m so sorry your family is hurting. Sounds like you have lots of good advice, prayers, and love coming your way.
I, too, am crying….I have known Sadie since the day you brought her home and I look forward to antics and photos with every post
Sending you more love than you can imagine … and NO, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY … you are a dog momma.
Julie.
I’ve been following since the very beginning of blogger time! Sweet Sadie is such a special dog, and I remember back what seemed like 10 years ago how badly I wanted a V because you had one! Sadie has been a part of SO much of y’all’s lives and she will continue to live on in your heart forever. I can’t say anything to take away the pain, but know you’re not alone and we are thinking about you all!
All my love,
Claire
Julie, I’m so sorry to read about what’s happening to your sweet sugar face Sadie. Of all the animals I have had, I was the closest to my siamese cat Duches. I still miss her terribly. She lived 14 years. I truly believe she’s in heaven waiting for me as are all my other pets as well. It’s never easy to say goodbye even though we know it inevitably comes. Right now we have 3 chihuahua/terrier mixes we love. When I think about losing them my heart aches. Enjoy whatever time you have left with her and take lots of pictures. Some people have a small bucket list for their pets as they approach the end. Hugs to you and your sweet girl. She’s so blessed to have the family, love and care she does. What a wonderful life you have given her and what a wonderful loving pet she is to y’all. God bless you all. Lots of love, prayets and thoughts sent your way.
I am so sorry. Seeing pets go through something like this and knowing we have to say goodbye someday is unbelievably tough and heartbreaking. Prayers for you and your family.
I am heartbroken for all of you. I’ve been following you for years and feel like Sadie has been a part of my life too. I am so sorry.
Prayers for your whole family during this time. Our animals truly become family members and letting them go is the hardest thing ever. To give you a little comfort, you will definitely know when it is her time. We went through this exactly 2 years ago with our 12 yr old King Charles spaniel. Trust me, she’ll let you know and you’ll feel confident that you are doing what’s best for her despite how hard it is ❤️
Sending you all the love in the world. We went through this with my nearly 16 year old labradoodle.. And you will know when it is time.
I’m so sorry, Julie. Your hearts must feel like they’re breaking over and over. What a difficult post this must’ve been to write. I’m so sorry her journey has come to this point.
I understand you want your time with her to be present. For those moments when you want to be present but you’re having big feelings, I just wanted to say it sounds like you may be experiencing premature grief. It’s normal, it’s not unhealthy, and it’s something our brains sometimes do to help us process difficult information in pieces, when digesting it as a whole is too much (says my therapist). You are not losing your mind, even though it can feel like it.
Your family’s love for Sadie has always beamed off the screen. I promise you she knows she’s loved beyond measure. She’s brought so much joy to so many people, and it feels like a gift to have gotten to know her from afar over the years. What a beautiful spirit.
Sending you all love during this difficult time. <3
Aw! This was just heartbreaking news, Julie. I am so, so sorry to hear. I hope you will be able to find and feel peace and be able to just enjoy and relish all the moments you and your family have left with Sadie. But I am so sorry y’all have to go through this painful process. God Bless! ❤️
Julie, I am so sorry about your sweet girl. You might want to go ahead and buy the book dog heaven for your kids for after you loose your sweet Sadie. It helped my son get through losing our dog.
Julie I’m so so sorry 😢…this is my first comment but I’ve been reading your blog since before you brought Sadie home and I have enjoyed every single post about her…especially when you referred to her as your Velcro dog ❤️. I’m sending all the prayers possible to you, Ryan and the boys.
Long time reader sending much love and aloha to you and your family. Sadie has always been such a sweet part of your blog; I have loved watching her grow up alongside your boys. You and Ryan have given her the best life; take those amazing memories with you.
So so so sorry to hear this. Been reading your blog since as long as I can remember. Have loved watching your family grow. I live in North Carolina near Fort Bragg got a vizsla in 2012 after getting married because of Sadie and the way you talked about her. We also have 3 kids and a vizsla which has made reading your blog and connecting with your life so easy and fun over the years. Praying for the Lord to cover you in His comfort and provide you and Ryan the words to comfort the kids. The Lord is so gracious and faithful and He uses every struggle to mold us into what He has in store for us to produce Him. Just wanted you to know how many lives Sadie and your words have touched over the years, and I’m sure many more who you won’t ever know as well!
*glorify Him not produce
oh sweet julie, my heart breaks with yours. I have old dogs, 16 yrs old, and they are still full of live and love, but I know their time is soon. Its a really hard chapter to close, especially now when ours kids find such joy in them as well. Prayers, lots of prayers and love from california
Sending you so much love, Julie. Dogs are family. Take care. Hugs
I’m so very sorry to hear about Sadie. Your post brought me to tears. We lost our dog about 5 1/2 years ago and the pain runs deeply. Such a difficult experience watching a beloved pet struggle with day-to-day activities. Sending you many hugs.
Take care of yourself, lots of love, God Bless