(18 weeks pregnant)
I am probably way oversharing considering the fact that this post is a bazillion words long but if there’s anything you’d like addressed that I didn’t touch on related to our baby news, please let me know in the comments section and I’ll get back to you!
As for how I am planning to document this pregnancy on the blog, I am planning to take a very laid back approach, much like I did when I shared my pregnancy with Ryder in this space. I am glad I shared weekly updates about my pregnancy with Chase because I’ve heard from so, so many of you who have referenced them during pregnancy and I’ve honestly really loved having such a detailed reference point to look back on as I go through pregnancy again. That being said, I was in such a different mental space during my first pregnancy (and it’s truly the place I hope and pray most moms are in during pregnancy) but now it all feels messy and complicated… with big sprinkles of immense gratitude and joy in there as well.
My plan is to share monthly recaps of my pregnancy unless I feel compelled to share more or less. A big part of me wants to document everything for my own memories and I also enjoy taking you guys along for the ride because expecting a baby is obviously a huge part of my life right now and not chatting about the baby we’re so excited to have in a few months feels weird, too. I hope this goes without saying at this point, but if reading about pregnancy and babies causes you pain right now, please, please take some time away from my blog and be kind to yourself. And know that you have a lot of love coming your way.
And now here’s a deep-dive into my first and second trimester (so far), our journey to having this baby, whether or not we’re finding out the sex of our little one and more!
Knowing We Wanted More Children
Ryan and I knew before we got married that we wanted to have children. We were on the same page with wanting two kids from the beginning but we’ve always said we would “evaluate everything” after a child entered the picture because it’s impossible to know how a baby will affect your life and change things. When Chase turned one, we knew we wanted to try for another child. Fast forward a year and two miscarriages later, even when I was pregnant with Ryder, I never felt like he was going to be my last pregnancy or that I was “done” being pregnant. I kept waiting to feel a sense of closure and a finality to our family of four but it never came, even months after Ryder was born and we were in the thick of two-kid chaos. My feelings began to morph into a strong desire for another baby and Ryan shared similar feelings. We agreed to start trying for another baby earlier than we might have had we not worried about experiencing additional loss(es).
After our third miscarriage, I hesitated to try again. I wasn’t sure I could handle another pregnancy or loss. When I found out I was pregnant with our baby several months later, I felt a deep sense of “this is it — I’m done” in my heart whether we had this baby or not. I just don’t think I could’ve kept trying again, at least not for a long time, because I felt myself going into a dark place emotionally. I surrendered this pregnancy to God early on and began praying not only for our baby’s health but for the ability to fully trust God with my pregnancy and our baby, whatever the outcome.
I hate that we’ve lost three babies but I also have Ryder and the fact that he wouldn’t be here if we had two of the babies we previously lost is confusing and complicated but proof in my heart that God is always, always good and knew Ryder was the baby I was meant to have through my heartache. I remember some of you saying one day, someway, somehow, I’d have another child when I was in the thick of my second miscarriage and “everything would make sense” and this was really confusing and hard and even a little upsetting to read (because when? how?) and yet… it was also oddly comforting. And now I get it. I’m praying that once I have this little one in my arms, I’ll feel a similar sense of peace.
How I Found Out + How I Told Ryan
I found out I was pregnant a couple of days after Christmas. My period still wasn’t due for several days but I had a weird feeling that I might be pregnant. I took an early detection pregnancy test and when it came back positive I was filled with a myriad of emotions. Happiness, obviously. But also anxiety, fear of loss and a desire to not let myself get too attached or emotionally invested until I was further along and things looked good.
Ryder was napping but Ryan was playing with Chase and I immediately rushed downstairs with the test in my hand and mouthed to him, “I’m pregnant!” He was excited and we exchanged hugs and weird whispered excitement because we already knew that if I became pregnant we were going to wait to tell the kids. (Chase never knew about any of our prior losses and that’s exactly the way I wanted it.)
How We Told the Boys
Our initial plan was to tell Chase and Ryder after my 18 week appointment since I knew I’d be going to maternal and fetal medicine to be monitored at various points in my pregnancy. Well, our plan to wait didn’t hold because when I was around 15 weeks, Chase turned to me one day in the kitchen and said, “Mom! It looks like there is a baby in your belly.”
(My 15 week belly — the day Chase asked if there was a baby in there!)
Ryan and I immediately made eye contact and smiled and then of course Chase sensed something and the questions came flooding. We told him that there was a baby in my belly and I only wish I had the moment on video because it was so darn sweet. He had the BIGGEST smile on his face and his eyes got really wide and he said, “Whaaaat!?” We told him we didn’t know if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl and he was so excited. He then got a confused look on his face and looked at my belly and said, “Why did God do that?” Well, we certainly prayed for God to do that many, many times!
As for telling Ryder, since he’s so young, we just pointed at my belly and told him there is a baby in there. He mostly just says “baby” when he points at my belly and then gets bored of any baby talk. Haha!
Our Due Date
Our official due date is September 9, 2020. I’ll be 20 weeks pregnant tomorrow!
Becoming Pregnant + The Early Days
I’ve had a few of you ask me to share whether or not we did anything in preparation for pregnancy and the only thing I did other than take prenatal vitamins and have sex on and around ovulation was ask to begin progesterone the minute I found out I was pregnant. A bunch of you recommended progesterone to me after our two losses in 2017 and though my doctor did bloodwork that made her think that wasn’t an issue for me, she said she had no problem prescribing me progesterone once I became pregnant with Ryder if it made me feel better. At that point I wanted to feel like I was doing something so even if progesterone served mostly as a placebo, as long as it wouldn’t hurt anything, I was all about it.
When I became pregnant again last summer, I didn’t request progesterone again and couldn’t help but wonder if that might’ve made a difference for me with our third loss. I talked about this with my doctor and she said to call her the minute I became pregnant again and we would start progesterone immediately so that’s exactly what I did. I took progesterone up until I was 12 weeks with this pregnancy which is exactly what I did during my pregnancy with Ryder.
Because we wanted to begin progesterone so early, I went into the doctor the day I found out I was pregnant which set off another rollercoaster of emotions. To make a long story short, I ended up at the doctor for bloodwork every other day for a week or so because my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were so low and weren’t doubling the way my doctor likes to see in early pregnancy. It was a mess of wondering whether or not I was actually pregnant to then worrying that I was pregnant but the pregnancy wasn’t going to last. Thankfully everything eventually looked good and I began progesterone and went in for biweekly ultrasounds through my first trimester.
At 10 weeks, I was also referred to maternal and fetal medicine for a more detailed screening and bloodwork because I will be 35 when I deliver in September and that is officially “advanced maternal age.” (I definitely prefer that term to “geriatric pregnancy” — haha!) I got myself all worked up about that appointment but it ended up doing a lot to ease my mind and my anxiety when everything with our little one looked good.
Finding Out: Boy or Girl?
We will not be finding out this sex of this baby until he or she arrives! It was the most incredible experience when we were surprised by the sex of our second baby and I cannot wait to experience that all over again.
I mentioned this on the blog when I talked about our decision to wait to be surprised by the sex of Ryder, but when I was pregnant with Chase, I wanted to know the minute I found out I was pregnant whether we were having a boy or a girl. To be 100 percent honest, I was kind of hoping for a baby girl when I was pregnant the first time. I wasn’t disappointed to find out we were having a boy – not at all! – but I was intimidated and a bit nervous since both of my parents have sisters, I have a sister and I feel like I’ve been surrounded by girls my entire life. But then we had Chase and he was the freaking BEST. He changed our lives in the best way and I quickly came to realize I could have a bazillion boys now and I would be 1,000 percent happy. Couple this feeling with the losses we experienced and I when I say I just want a healthy baby, I mean it from the very bottom of my heart and soul. I just want a healthy baby.
Boy or girl, we will be beyond thrilled!! I can totally picture us with a little dude crew and adding a little girl into our mix would be absolutely amazing as well.
Any Boy/Girl Intuition?
Oh gosh! This is hard!!! All of my pregnancies have been SO different so I try not to read into how I’m feeling too much. My pregnancies with Chase and Ryder were so different and this one is very unique as well so I feel like that doesn’t reveal too much.
Fairly early on in pregnancy, I had an intense feeling that this baby was a little girl. I’ve also had two vivid dreams that this baby is a girl but then at my 18 week appointment, when I saw our baby dancing around on the screen, something switched and I went right back to feeling like maybe, actually, this one is another little boy. I truly have NO idea!
Any Name Ideas?
After waffling back and forth between two girl names when I was pregnant with Ryder, Ryan and I decided on a girl name when I was in labor with Ryder and, go figure, he ended up being a boy and we didn’t have a name for him for two days! Haha! (We were torn between the names Ryder and Cade.) The baby girl name we loved for Ryder is still a top one on our list for this baby but it’s not a “sure thing” in the least. Ryan and I are also in an intense disagreement over the spelling of the name (I like the traditional spelling but Ryan is more into the phonetic spelling to “make things easier”), so if it ends up being that name, it will be interesting!
As for a boy name, we are fresh out of ideas! I actually just brought a baby boy name to the table last week that I like a lot and Ryan seemed to like it too, so maybe we’re on our way to having a boy name for this little one? We’ll see!
The First and Second Trimester (So Far)
As mentioned above, the first week after I found out I was pregnant was a bit of a rollercoaster. Once everything seemed to be heading in the right direction, I’d love to say I relaxed, but anxiety follows me around throughout pregnancy. I told my doctors that the days leading up to my appointments are the hardest (not to mention the way I feel in the doctor’s waiting room), but then when we get good news, I feel a rush of relief and gratitude and that carries me through several days until the cycle repeats. Thankfully, once I was around 8 weeks pregnant, I began to feel all the symptoms of pregnancy I remember from the past, mainly nausea and exhaustion. It’s kind of bizarre to wake up in the morning feeling relief when you feel like you want to puke but that’s the only way I can describe the way I feel. It’s oddly reassuring to “feel” pregnant.
(12 weeks pregnant)
As the weeks continued on, I found myself telling Ryan that this pregnancy felt much easier for me than previous pregnancies from a nausea perspective. I threw up many, many times when I was pregnant with Chase and Ryder but the only way I can describe the nausea I’ve felt during this pregnancy is to attribute it to a lasting sense of car sickness that just kind of followed me around all day long and peaked in the evenings. I only threw up when I had the stomach bug but I’d still find myself dry heaving a lot. The evenings were not my friend for a long time — easily several weeks into my second trimester — and I would often find myself eating “dinner” between 3 and 4 p.m. because I knew if I waited until after 6 p.m., I’d feel too nauseated to stomach anything. Also, preparing the boys’ dinners made me want to gag so lunchtime dinner prep for the whole family became a necessity.
I began feeling relief from some of the less-than-comfortable pregnancy symptoms around 17 weeks though I still often have a few days where I am so incredibly exhausted by 2 or 3 p.m. that I just want to sleep (not possible, by the way, with two kiddos to care for all day)! The exhaustion during this pregnancy has definitely felt more intense than prior pregnancies but I’m not sure how much of that has to do with pregnancy or the fact that mom life is in full swing over here and there isn’t any time to sit down and relax during the day… and if there is, I’m working. Let’s just say 9 p.m. bedtimes are my BFF!
Cravings/Aversions
As far as cravings and aversions are considered, they also haven’t been nearly as strong this pregnancy. I’ve been able to eat vegetables most of this pregnancy which is awesome! I also remember wanting to puke at the thought of meat for weeks and weeks when I was pregnant with Ryder and that hasn’t happened with this pregnancy, though I did have some weeks of strong “don’t bring that anywhere near me” feelings with random things like tomato/marinara sauce (except on pizza — there’s no rhyme or reason here, folks), barbecue sauce, etc.
Cravings have been super random and some odd things of note include pimento cheese (I don’t even like this when I’m not pregnant!), beets (especially pickled, vinegary beets), Pirate’s Booty (one big bag = one serving), cinnamon rolls and gummy candy which is a consistent pregnancy craving for me! I also cannot get enough fruit right now and eat a million servings a day. Mangos are my favorite along with watermelon, berries, pineapple, oranges, grapes… pretty much ALL fruit sounds good at all times! And ice cream, too, of course.
Physical Changes
The way my body has changed this pregnancy is blowing my mind because it definitely went into “go-mode” a lot earlier than ever before. I swear I had a noticeable (to me) bump at only 8 weeks! I am sure it was mostly bloating but even my belly button started looking strange early on. By 10 weeks I was still able to hide my growing belly with loose-fitting clothes but the bump was undeniable!
(10 weeks pregnant)
I know a lot of women notice breast tenderness and growth early on but this didn’t really happen to me until the second trimester and now my boobs seemed to catch the memo and are in pregnancy mode along with the rest of my body. Like prior pregnancies, I almost instantly began feeling softer all over and also feel like my arms and hips are already bigger than before.
My body gained a decent amount of weight in the first trimester (maybe around 10-12ish pounds?) which is another thing I’m used to thanks to prior pregnancies. I know a lot of the weight gain guidelines say women may not gain much or only a couple of pounds in the first trimester but this has never been the case for me and I just embrace it. Right now, at almost 20 weeks pregnant, I’d guess I’m up 15-18 pounds but I haven’t stepped on a scale since I was at the doctor’s office around 14 weeks. Our baby is apparently measuring on time “to the day” so I’m taking that as a good sign that things are progressing well!
Fitness
(Just over 2 months pregnant)
The moment I found out I was pregnant, I began dialing back my workouts quite a bit. Though I know it’s often safe for women to resume their workouts as usual in the early weeks of pregnancy, for my peace of mind, I felt more comfortable keeping my heart rate lower (always maintaining the ability to carry on a conversation) and opted out of many plyometric exercises and boot camp workouts that focused on high-intensity cardio.
Strength workouts have been my best friend and make me feel strong. Walking is also my favorite right now and this pandemic has me outside walking with the boys and Sadie every single day… sometimes multiple times a day! I’m typically working out four(ish) days a week right now but I definitely wouldn’t describe my workouts as overly challenging. They’re usually 30 minutes or less and emphasize strength training and simply moving my body above all else.
Aaand I think that catches us up! If you’re still reading at this point, thanks for sticking with my rambles as I tried to make sure I covered as much as I could in one spot. I thought about breaking this post up as it started to get super long but also wanted everything in one place so hopefully those of you who are interested in pregnancy and how things are going could pick and choose what sections interested you most. As always, thank you for following me and my long-winded blog posts! I’m counting my blessings big time right now and you guys are always on my list. Thank you for making me and my life a part of your life!
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I always love and appreciate these posts. They are so informative, and you shared many things that I’m sure will help women experiencing similar things like with the anxiety and food aversions. I also appreciate you sharing about wanting/needing to take progesterone. I think some women feel a sense of failure if they need medical intervention, but sometimes the body just needs a little boost or help at times. This is really comforting as I don’t know what my future holds, but I’ll feel no less than if I need some help in the beginning. ? I am so excited to follow along. You look beautiful, and your body is very smart to know exactly what you and the baby need. Have a great week!
Thank you for sharing all these amazing details. We’re all celebrating this wonderful news along with you! I’ll be praying along with you that your little one continues to be healthy and will be looking forward to your updates when you feel ok with posting them!!
God bless you and your sweet family. I have three boys who are all grown now. I had always wanted to have a baby girl, but God in His infinite wisdom knew how precious these boys would be to me. You are in my prayers. Thank you so much for sharing.
Angie, I have two boys and I will never forget what a woman told me (who also had two boys). She said, “Having a granddaughter is the best!” 🙂 I know every child is different but I have had SO many people tell me that having boys is harder til age 10, then girls are typically harder. At my 15 year HS reunion a woman said, “We had three girls and were desperate for a boy. Now that we have girls ages 14, 12, and 10, and a young boy…I wish I had six boys!” Lol! By my 20 year HS reunion, the family looked very happy! Teen years can be tough no matter what! 🙂
I think I have been reading your blog for nearly 10 years but haven’t yet had the chance to say congratulations! You look beautiful and so full of joy in all your bump photos. I truly hope and pray you have a happy, healthy and safe pregnancy and look forward to following alone. Thanks for sharing this precious time of life with us. ❤️
^^ *along (oops, noticed a typo in my comment above! ?)
Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words, Julie! <3 So grateful to you for reading for so long!
Oh Julie, I’m so happy for you all! Like you, I know what it’s like to experience a “normal” first pregnancy, go through loss, then experience a stressful pregnancy. I actually had two scary moments during my pregnancy with my rainbow baby (and oh how I remember those anxiety filled moments in waiting rooms) but he ended up being fine! I am so excited for you to become a mom of three! Seeing how happy you have been with Ryder after experiencing such heartbreak will give hope to anyone who is in a tough season right now while trying to have a baby.
I can’t wait to hear about your names after your baby is born! I love baby name discussions so much! Is Cade a contender for a boy or no? My friend wanted to name her first Cohen if she had a boy (she had a girl, Bella,) but for her second pregnancy, her boy name changed to Caleb. (She had another girl – Ever!)
It’s funny because when I was pregnant the first time, my husband said no to my #1 boy name choice, Brady, because he is a Ravens fan and they don’t like Tom Brady! But he said if we had a second boy, we could name him Brady. We wore torn between Liam and Tyler and definitely chose wisely! My first son is such a Tyler (Liam or Brady wouldn’t have fit!) I got my Brady and my husband’s sister had a Liam, so it all worked out! 🙂
I love the names Camden and Hayes. I also love the names Harlow and Winter (Nicole Richie has a daughter named Harlow Winter Kate!) My husband definitely didn’t agree to those girl names (but we had boys!) but I think they are fun.
I also looove hearing about baby names and the names people are considering. We loved Cade so much 2 years ago but it’s not even on the table this time around which kind of makes no sense! Haha! Isn’t it crazy to think of your little ones with their “almost” name? I cannot see Ryder as a Cade AT ALL and that was almost his name for 2 days! I also LOVVVVE the name Hayes. That would honestly be my #1 boy name right now but one of my closest girlfriends named her baby boy Hayes last year. It’s such a beautiful name!
I felt so bad because my best friend and I had the same girl name (we both ended up having two boys but if we both had had girls we were fine about using the same first name!) But then, when I had my second son we named him Brady Carter Daniel (my father in law was British so my husband and sons all have double middle names) I told her I felt so guilty because her first son was going to be named Brayden Carter but she switched it to Brayden Christopher. She knew Brady was my boy name forever but when we decided to use Carter I felt like I was stealing her name. She laughed and said she didn’t care at all! She named her second son Cameron Jude!
Fun fact – when I was pregnant with my Tyler a middle school classmate ( and fb friend)was due 4 days before me. She announced she was having a girl named Taylor and I remember thinking that I loved the name but could never use it because Taylor was a president and my last name,Wilson, was also a president. I thought, “My child can’t have two president names!” Then I realized we were already set to name our son Tyler Wilson which is also two presidents. Lol! When we needed a first middle name for our second son, we came up with Carter because of a cute little boy named Carter playing in the baby pool next to us one day. By then I figured adding yet another president’s last name would make sense!
I love name stories so much! When I taught seventh grade English before I had kids, my students would write name papers all about their name and they would include what they were almost named and what they would have been named had they been the opposite sex! I was almost named Samantha until my dad started saying Sam. 🙂
Your Ryder is definitely such a Ryder! And Chase is such a Chase! And I loved your Paw Patrol Halloween costumes!
So happy for you and your family, Julie 🙂 I find it so interesting to read about how even through the busy chaos with 2 kids, you just knew you wanted another baby. My daughter is my first child and she will be 18 months next month. A few months ago, I had a strong desire to have another baby in the next year or so. But since then we’ve had some difficult periods with sleep and teething and life is crazy now with the Covid-19 situation, and I don’t feel like I can manage going through that again. I would love to have another child, especially so my daughter will have a sibling but I am worried about the hard times. I also needed to have fertility treatment to have her and she went into ICU for a week after being born due so I am also struggling with those 2 things. Have you ever felt like this?
Oh man it can be HARD to really navigate your feelings about more children when things around you are hard or you’re going through a challenging phase with your little one (or life). For me, I always knew I wanted two children because my sister has been such a pivotal part of my life and I always dreamed of our children having at least one sibling. It’s so different for everyone and I don’t think anyone can tell you what’s right for you and your family. And sometimes what we THINK we want may change! I think giving yourself time and patience and really digging deep to see how YOU feel not how you think you should feel, etc. is helpful but I know it can be so hard. Also, in reading your comment, I can only imagine that this decision would feel even more intense and challenging given the need for fertility treatments and your experience with your daughter in the ICU after her birth. That’s all A LOT to handle, I’m sure, and not easy to navigate. Sending you love and prayers that you will get some clarity and peace about what is right for YOU and your precious family.
So happy for you Julie! I enjoyed reading this post.. as I am due with my second baby on June 1. It’s an anxious time to be pregnant and have to deliver during a pandemic.. but it’s nice reading how other pregnant mamas are hanging in there to.
Sept 9 is a great due date.. that’s my bday! 🙂
It really is such a crazy time! I had a friend deliver her baby 2 weeks ago amid all of this and she has her sweet baby girl home with her now and everything went well. It does sound like a very different hospital experience than usual with all of the COVID-19 concerns right now but leaning on other expectant moms right now is so helpful! Sending you love and best wishes for a healthy delivery and little one!!
Congrats! I am so happy for you and your family. I am expecting baby #4 9/16/20, so I’ll be excited to follow along a parallel journey.
Aw love that our due dates are so close!! Congratulations to you!!
I’m so happy for you guys! Thanks for sharing all of the details. I love reading pregnancy posts. Pregnancy after multiple miscarriages must be so hard. I’ve had one miscarriage and am actually pregnant now (very early) and it has been so much harder. I try to basically forget I am pregnant but with so little going on right now, it’s hard to distract myself. We have our first ultrasound in 10 days when I will be just past 8 weeks and that can not come fast enough. I had no signs that I was miscarrying with my last baby, so it’s hard to trust my body this time around.
Your bump is so so so adorable! You look beautiful and healthy! I will hope and pray that things continue to go well for you guys!!
Also, I just wanted to say I was advanced maternal age for our first baby and everything went really great. I mean, some challenging things happened like getting a blood clot in the 3rd trimester, but that had nothing to do with my age and was only related to a genetic abnormality I have that made me susceptible to blood clots. So bottom line, try not to let that label bother you too much!!
So happy for you and your whole family! <3 Hoping and praying for y'all. 8 years later and your blog is still the first one I check each morning!
I am 15 weeks pregnant with my second and SO enjoy you sharing your experiences! I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and found myself nodding “yes” when you were describing the anxiety cycle leading up to an appointment, feeling awfully nervous in the exam room, and then having a rush of relief once you receive good news from the doctor. That cycle feels exhausting, but I’m trying to turn in into gratefulness in view of the amount of joy and gratitude I will feel when I finally get to hold my baby!
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey with us! I am praying for your pregnancy this morning <3
Yay Congrats to you and your family! My due date with #2 is this next week and so nervous/excited to expand the family. I have enjoyed watching your journey and after experiencing multiple miscarriages myself, I can understand how scary it can be to start the journey of another pregnancy. My doc also has me on progesterone (at ovulation).
So excited for you!
This post honestly made me cry. I’m also pregnant and due September 24 with a rainbow baby after three losses. One loss was before my son but the other two were close together last year. My husband and I decided to take a break from trying because I was in such a bad place and knew I couldn’t handle another loss; we weren’t sure if it would be a short break or if we were done and blessed with just our son. Well, God had different plans and I found out I was pregnant just a few months later. I relate so much to this post, the anxiety, cutting back on exercise just to be safe, wondering whether to call this baby our second or our fifth. I’m sorry your motherhood journey has had so much pain and loss but it’s also comforting to read a story from another mother who understands the all the emotions that come with recurrent loss. Congratulations and thank you for sharing!
YES. I honestly have an internal battle every time I say this is my third baby because it feels like my sixth, you know? And when people ask about “trying for a girl” it can hurt, too, because we found out we did have a girl… we just lost her. It’s all complicated and painful and I’m sorry you know this all too well. Thank you for sharing part of your story with me. Praying September is a wonderful month for both of us! <3
This was such a fun read this morning! I have twin 18 month boys and expecting baby #3 in November. I’m so excited for you and your family and looking forward to following you along for this journey!
We are due date buddies!!! I’m September 9th as well with my second little girl! I can absolutely understand the anxiety you are feeling…though my first pregnancy was easy breezy, in trying to have a second, we suffered a loss after a year of trying, and then underwent fertility treatments for an additional year. I feel like I’m finally feeling a little more comfortable/confident as we are hitting the 20 week mark, and every little roll and flutter that I feel makes me stop and smile a bit 🙂 Excited for my anatomy scan on Wednesday!
Many, many congratulations to you and your family, Julie! This is so incredibly exciting and I can’t wait to continue to follow along.
I am currently in a very dark place in our journey to start a family and your openness has been incredibly helpful to me. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year. We were finally successful 14 months in only to learn that we’d lost that baby last week. I know you understand the feeling – I feel completely shattered, and I feel as though I’ve lost all trust in the hope and excitement that comes along with a positive pregnancy test. For over a year I’d been praying to see that second pink line, and once I finally did that positive test betrayed me in the worst way and brought on more heartbreak. I can’t even begin to think about trying to get pregnant again out of fear that it’ll just continue to result in feelings like this, but I do know that with time and healing I can get there. Do you have any thoughts or words of wisdom for finding the strength to try again? I want more than anything in the world to be a mother, but I find the fear and emotion surrounding all the possible outcomes is so all-consuming.
Thank you for being open to sharing your heart. I’m continuing to send you and your family lots of love during this wonderful, exciting time! <3
Kaitlyn, I’m just a blog reader but my heart ached for you reading this comment. I’m sure this has been so hard and that the grief is so real. I don’t have any great advice, but please know that I’ll be saying a prayer for you tonight. I hope you can find peace and feel strength as you navigate your journey ahead.
I’m so so excited for you Julie!! I’m about two days a head in my pregnancy right now so it’s very cool to read everything that has been going on with yours!! I actually have horrible pregnancy anxiety and so wish I had that pure joy of pregnancy! My sister lost her little boy at 36 weeks due to a heart condition and then her third was born and had to go right into heart surgery! My first lost his heartbeat in labor and had to go into emergency c-section and it’s so hard to sometimes just relax but you just love each of those babes so much even from the very very beginning!! Praying so hard for you and excited to be on this journey at the same time!!
So September 18 IS a possibility! Although I don’t remember you ever being overdue with Chase or Ryder, so I won’t get my hopes up 😉
I really appreciate you sharing about knowing how you wanted more children. I wanted to ask in my comment on your pregnancy announcement post, but thought it might be too personal. I would like to have two kids, but my husband would like to have three – right now, we’re thinking that we’d try for two and not-try-not-prevent for a third, but who knows how any of that will actually shake out. If there’s anything I’ve learned from reading blogs, it’s that people’s family planning visions and family planning realities rarely align perfectly. We will see what God has in store for us when the time comes.
I also didn’t know that *having* a baby at 35 put you in the “advanced maternal age” category! I thought you had to *conceive* the baby at 35 or later, not just give birth at 35 or later. Though my understanding is that being in that category mostly means you have more appointments, which is hopefully helpful for easing some of your anxieties? I’m sure if I were pregnant and anxious (or should I say when I’m pregnant and anxious, haha – there is like a zero percent chance I, the queen of anxiety, will be a calm pregnant lady!), I’d appreciate as many appointments as I could get for reassurance.
Also (so many things to say today!), do you think you’d share your “candidate” baby names after you have the baby? I’m so curious about your potential girl name, especially with the spelling! Haha. Totally fine if you don’t want to share – just something that piqued my curiosity when I was reading!
I truly am so happy for you and your family. It just made my day to read your announcement last week, and I’m sending you lots of good thoughts and prayers for a peaceful, healthy, smooth pregnancy, labor, and delivery 🙂 <3
I thought the same as you (I conceived at 34) but they were like, “nope! Advanced maternal age!” Because I would have the baby at 35. I honestly barely found it different than being pregnant at 30/31 though…just a few additional tests. I know every pregnancy can be a bit different though!
Chase’s reaction to the pregnancy is ADORABLE!! Thank you for sharing all these details, including your desire for a third baby. We currently have two kids and our younger kid is the same age our oldest was when I got pregnant with my second. It’s been bringing up the conversation of whether we should go for baby #3. I’m so excited to follow along!
Thanks so much for sharing this! I also wish you had a video of Chase hearing he was going to have a baby brother or sister because it does sound pretty hilarious and sweet.
Also, September is the best time for a birthday! Mine is September 8, and I’ve always loved it. I was a little old for my grade, so got my license first and things like that, and September is a great time of year in general. ha! August is pretty awesome too if he/she decides to see you guys early. 🙂
Excited fo you all.
last month I had a dream that you were pregnant with and Emily. Hmmmm…didn’t want to mention it until now.
Love Chase’s reaction! Very intuitive of him!
I had literally turned 35 the week before I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd. When I called my doctor, they had me come in early for being ‘advanced maternal age’. Uh, come again? 35 years and a few days is old? Talk about a kick in the pants when you’re already hormonal! It ended up being a good thing because I thought I was 6 weeks along, but after an ultrasound, I was actually 10 weeks! I hadn’t been feeling well, but thought it was food poisoning! Nope, a baby! haha
So, so happy for you and your family. I love these updates! Even as someone who isn’t close to motherhood yet, it’s so nice to see all the details for hopefully future use. Also, I’m 33 and going through a breakup, which means I will most definitely be a “geriatric pregnancy” by the time I eventually (hopefully) have kids, but that’s okay. That term is rough though, isn’t it?! haha. Sending you lots of well wishes for a healthy pregnancy!! xo
So thrilled for you guys and thank you for including in your post the number of babies (and why) and, randomly, the weight gain. As a first time (boy) mom-to-be, people keep asking ‘how many do you want?’ and I keep thinking that I have no idea; also it’s kind of a weird thing to hear when you’re just hoping for a safe and healthy baby #1 lol, but I digress. Reading that the decision came to you is reassuring. Also, about the wight gain, I gained 10-12 in my first trimester and am up about 23-24 lbs in my 24th week and I don’t even look very pregnant, but I swear the baby apps say it’s too much, which has made me nervous, though my doctor says I’m completely fine. Long story, it’s reassuring that others, including you, have had the same experience, especially because you have gone back to looking so strong and amazing after both of your previous pregnancies.
Any ideas for the nursery? 🙂
I loved reading your recaps! We seem to have somewhat similar pregnancy symptoms (I am in my 12th week). I am struggling with beverages not sounding good even though I’m thirsty (I have a strong aversion to plain water)! Do you have any tips for staying hydrated? Thanks Julie and congratulations again!
I am so very excited for you! What an incredible answer to prayer. I so admire the strength and faith you’ve had throughout the journey of growing your sweet family. I’m expecting my first little one on September 30!
I am SO excited for your family! Thank you for sharing the details–I’ve been a reader for a long time and love reading (I have two littles–ages 2.5 and 1 yr so I appreciate the content). May I ask what audiobooks/stories you play for Chase during his naptime? I am looking for some for my daughter. Thanks!
Hi Julie!
Long time reader here. I just wanted to say how happy I am for you and your family! I always look forward to reading your blog. Additionally, your pregnancy recaps and Chase/Ryder growth updates have been a great source of comfort and knowledge for me as I’ve navigated my first pregnancy and taking care of my little one (my son will be one in a couple of days). I will keep you in my prayers for a continued healthy pregnancy. Thank you so much for sharing your life with your blog readers! 🙂
So awesome to read your blog and follow along w a “due date buddy!” I can totally relate to the cyclic feelings of anxiety and then gratitude and relative calmness that come w the appointments. I was an exceptional mess last week w my anatomy scan and the fact I had to go solo because of covid 19 precautions 🙁 thankful we are both experiencing healthy pregnancies so far! We can’t wait for our Madeline to arrive in a few months ❤️. Can’t wait for more of your updates as well!
Congratulations! I have been a reader since your Florida days, and I am just so happy to hear your news! I truly appreciate your pregnancy posts, more than ever now, because I am pregnant with my first (Sept 12!) and it’s so nice to reference them! Thank you!!
So happy for you!! I’m due with my first Aug 24 with a girl, so not too far ahead of you! I’m so excited to finally read along in your journey while I’m experiencing it at the same time. Yay!!
So happy for YOU, Kelsie! I’ve loved reading your comments over the years so much and am excited we’re doing through this together-ish!
Excited to see if you’re planning on sticking with the Paw Patrol theme for this one? A little Skye? How could you not?!
Haha!! Oh believe me this has definitely come up — LOL! I draw the line at Rubble though. 🙂
This is so exciting, I love this post. My son’s birthday is 09/09!!! He was also my “sex change” baby. Meaning, I had 2 girls first, and then him. So I’m going with it’s a girl (not that you asked lol) I also compared the ultrasound pic to all 3 of mine, and the skull shape looks most like my girls, so….I don’t know. I cannot wait to follow along on this journey with you either way. Congrats again.
YAY!! i love all the similarities between you and I, Julie! I for sure feel connected to you in this journey. I am 15wks with my 2nd, and our first (chase and my daughter ramona) were also just weeks apart. My pregnancy this time around sounds very similar to yours too! Ive been able to eat so many more things then i was with my first prenancy! Veggies/meats …and LOVING gummy candies/fruits/citrus! I have a feeling im having a girl (finding out tomorrow!!) because we did not find out the first time around and I really feel like I need to know his time around,( what with all the pink around our house) , plus for my heart to prepare for a boy (if thats what it is) I wanted to find out this time around. I am so excited to follow along with you and see if we are having the same gendered baby!
I am so happy for you! Congrats! I can relate to everything you mentioned in this post in regards to the anxiety. I had a missed miscarriage in November at 10 weeks with my first pregnancy and I had no signs leading up to the ultrasound that something was wrong. In fact, I still had intense nausea and threw up the day before my appointment. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and have extreme anxiety about my 10 week appointment next week. I am trying to stay positive but I am just so scared. Your posts really help me through these difficult times.
I’m so happy for y’all! I’m also pregnant (second child), and due 4 days after you (and we’re not finding out baby’s gender either)! My son was born early at 30 weeks so I also have quite a bit of anxiety this time around. My OB is wonderful and I have confidence in her guidance, and I’m also trying my very best to turn this pregnancy over to God through prayer (some days are easier than others). I work for a medical center and manage an institute that researches infectious disease so life right now (as it is for many of us) is all about COVID-19. I’m hopeful that we’ll at least know more about this disease in September and that we’ll be able to navigate maternal care better than we’ve been able to since this all started, but of course that contributes to some of my anxiety as well. Has your doctor talked about virtual visits?
Hi Julie,
Loved reading your update and I’m so happy for you and your family.
I’m pregnant with my first after an early miscarriage last Dec. My due date for this one is 9-21.
I just turned 35 and after 2 inconclusive Harmony tests, I’m being referred to a maternal fetal doctor as well. My husband and I really hope it’s just a fluke and that things are ok.
I wish the best for you! And I look forward to following your pregnancy!
This is great news! I haven’t been keeping up with blogs lately because of Covid but so glad to see this! I’ve followed you a long time and am so happy to see your family grow!
How exciting!! So funny that Chase found out on his own observation . If you need to satisfy your pimiento cheese craving with something homemade, the best recipe (IMO) is the one from the Joy of Cooking. Don’t eat it all at once!
So happy and excited for you! I am a longtime reader and went through my first MC while you were expecting Chase. I now have a very active 3.5 year old boy and am expecting my 2nd on the same exact day, September 9th! My son’s birthday is 9/2, so hoping baby 2 holds off a few days so they at least get separate birthdays 🙂 I would like to hear about how your pregnancy is differing due to COVID, for me, my husband & son couldn’t attend the 18 week ultrasound, which was really disappointing. Here’s hoping someone can join me in the hospital for the birth! 🙂
Congratulations!!!!! Get ready for that chaos that is three children lol. I’m only half joking lol. Three is fun!!!! There’s always something going on. Best wishes to your family
Congratulations!! I’m also pregnant 22 weeks and love hearing about other bubs coming into the world. I would love you to do some what I ate Wednesday pregnancy editions!!!
Congratulations Julie! I am so so happy for you and your family. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I’m praying for a peaceful, healthy pregnancy ♡
Hi Julie! I’ve read your blog for a long time. I really appreciate you sharing about your life and pregnancies. I am in a VERY similar boat as you are. I have two kids and I am really going back and forth about whether or not we are “done” or not. All I am doing is praying and enjoying my children day to day. How did you truly KNOW you wanted one more baby? Was it just a feeling? I am also turning 35 in a few weeks and will be “advanced maternal age” if we have another. 🙂
Happiest, happiest, HAPPIEST news for yall. Sending all our love, prayers & thoughts. xx
So happy for you Julie! I am currently 33 weeks pregnant. Thank God (I say this truly) I have never suffered the loss of a miscarriage. Other than that, my pregnancy has been very similar to yours haha. I am in my 3rd pregnancy (expecting a 3rd girl!!). Considered “geriatric” which is bizarre. Similar symptoms around the same times. I can totally relate to the fear. Though I have never miscarried, I have feared it up until 20 weeks. So far, everything has gone fairly well for us (other than breaking big toe a few weeks ago! Own fault). Have been following you for many years. Love your workouts and commitment to blogging. Congrats to you and your fam! Will be praying for you all. Enjoy this beautiful time ❤️
Marysue
Congratulations, girl! So happy for you and excited to be along for the ride. My two kids were born around the same time as Chase and Ryder, so reading about them is extra fun. I think early in this pregnancy you posted about a chopped salad and I was like, “is she??” You were all about that chopped thai salad when you were pregnant Ryder lol wishing you the best!!
Hi! Congrats! Although I have never experienced a miscarriage, I have had trouble conceiving and have had plenty of dark times as well. We’ve been trying for our third for several months now, and been filled with disappointment each month. My friend recently shared this blog post with me that gave me so much encouragement. I just felt compelled to share it with you too! Praise God, HE alone is in control!
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/god-of-the-womb/
Hey Julie you look phenomenal pregnant. I looked like death warmed up for sure. On your blog you posted about your family is growing my immediate thought was you’re having a girl but then again when I was pregnant with my boys I thought they were girls. Even had names picked out too. I bet if you ask Chase or depending on how much Ryder is talking what they think you’re having and what names they like you would get a good answer within reach. Chase was right about Ryder being a boy maybe he’ll guess right again. Either way God bless you, the baby and your whole family. Guaranteed the baby will be beautiful, loved and cherished immensely. Take good care mommy. Enjoy the extra time with your boys. School will be back up again before you know it.
Your longest posts are always my favorite <3 So happy for you and your family! Excited to learn the name when it's time 🙂