Hello and Happy Blog Talk Tuesdays, friends.
We are officially on week five of this series. Dang!
Past Blog Talk Tuesdays topics have included:
- How to Start a Blog, Blog Focus, Self Hosting and More
- Blogger Safety
- Company Outreach: Receiving Free Products, Hosting Giveaways, Posting Product Reviews and More
- Connecting with Other Bloggers
Today’s post was inspired by the presentation I did with three fellow bloggers at the Healthy Living Summit last weekend about handling negativity in the blog world. We crafted our presentation based on the responses we received to the survey we posted on all of our blogs a couple of weeks ago.
I am using some of those questions as well as the questions I received from you guys in the comments section of the blog and through emails for this post.
Rising Above Negativity in the Blog World
- Where does a blogger experience negativity?
When I first began blogging, I assumed the only place a blogger experiences negativity is in the comments section of their posts. Wrong! In the nearly two years that I have been blogging, I’ve seen or heard of negativity in the form of blog comments, tweets, emails, magazine articles and blog posts by other bloggers to name a few.
Also, I know many bloggers have experienced negativity off the blog in their personal lives from family members, friends, colleagues or peers who don’t support or understand blogging.
- What do you do about negativity outside your own blog?
I know of bloggers have experienced extreme negativity outside their blog – though Twitter, magazine articles and blog posts by other bloggers. This can be very hard to handle since it’s not in your own space where you can defend yourself openly for people to see your side.
I personally have a hard time understanding how people have such anger inside about bloggers and basically make a hobby out of saying mean and hurtful things about other people. It reminds me of high school drama and the group of girls who loved making other people feel inadequate and bullied.
If I read a blog and realize I don’t like it, I won’t read it again. Why continue reading something that makes you annoyed or angry… or a blog that simply doesn’t interest you?
That being said, there have been blogs out there that I used to read that seem to pick apart bloggers all the time. I used to read these blogs (they’re like a car accident – you can’t look away), but eventually I realized that I never left their blog feeling happy or uplifted. I felt sad and upset.
I unsubscribed from these blogs in my Google Reader and try my best to never read them. (This is not referring to blogs that exist to try to help bloggers improve their blogs by giving general examples.)
- How do you handle negative comments?
It depends on the comment.
For the most part, I tend to ignore negative comments because many people who say nasty things are just trying to get under your skin. I rarely delete comments but I am 100 percent supportive of bloggers who do. It’s your blog and your space and you deserve to delete comments that you feel are inappropriate. Comments that are wildly profane or inappropriate or those that attack loved ones will always be deleted.
Note: There is a ginormous difference between a negative (evil!) comment and constructive (polite!) criticism. Most bloggers I know understand the difference and welcome polite differences of opinion or criticism, but blatant attacks on a blogger are a whole separate beast.
- Do you find it hard not to respond “in kind” to a mean commenter? I think it would be so hard not to tell them off!
Oh gosh, yes. I was a public relations major in college and I always say that studying PR helped me more in blogging than any of my other jobs after college. When someone says “I hate you, you’re ugly” or something of the sort, I would love to say “Well aren’t you a peach?” and then go kick them in the shins, but then aren’t I just perpetuating the negativity?
I don’t want to see a fight break out in the comments section of my post and prefer to simply let it go or respond in a way that is both polite and compassionate.
That being said, if a negative comment comes from someone who is not anonymous, I will send them a personal email to ask if I did something to offend or hurt them in any way.
This has only happened once since basically all negative comments are anonymous (shocking!), but I have been able to find contact information by being sneaky and locating a commenter’s personal blog or accurate email address by searching for their IP address (a unique number connected to every computer) on the back end of my blog. This brings up all comments they’ve ever left on my blog – both positive comments that were not anonymous and the negative ones that were.
Many times bloggers know exactly who leaves a negative comment on their blog.
For more detailed instructions about the techy side of negative comments (looking up IP addresses, moderating and blocking negative comments), definitely check out Healthy Living Blogs this upcoming Thursday where you will find the full tutorial from our presentation posted.
- How you you remain positive after a negative comment?
When I received my first truly evil comment, I was upset for days. There have even been times when the nastiness of a comment has made me question whether or not I wanted to continue blogging.
I had what I’ll call a “negative comment epiphany” about a year into blogging. One negative commenter (anonymous, of course) commented on my blog when Ryan was away on his bachelor cruise (and therefore unreachable). She said something along the lines of “Just wanted to let you know I saw Ryan kissing a brunette girl the other day. Just thought you should know!”
Um, what!?
I didn’t question the validity of the comment because Ryan and I have a secure relationship and haven’t had any trust issues, but I did feel angry! Why would anyone want to sabotage my personal relationship?
I looked up the commenter’s IP address and found that she lived in Michigan (a state Ryan has never been to) and eventually I found her personal blog because she had left previous comments on my blog that were not anonymous.
When I discovered her blog, I went from angry to sad. The woman had a lot of personal issues and some serious negativity in her own life.
It was an eye opening experience for me because it made me realize that many times the negative comments people leave on blogs have nothing to do with the blogger. The commenter is often dealing with personal demons or bad things on their end and the blogger becomes an easy target for negativity.
That being said, I don’t use this train of thought to excuse myself from negative comments. Ryan’s mom said something to me the other week that I will never forget: “If you find yourself becoming defensive about something, maybe it’s because you have something to be defensive about.”
So true.
Negative comments that are totally ludicrous roll right off my back. A comment that makes me immediately become defensive makes me wonder if there’s some truth behind it. It’s then that I’ll go to my family and friends – those who know me better than anyone – and ask if they feel the same way.
***
And now, after all this Debbie Downer talk, I leave you with this happy picture of puppy Sadie to make you smile. 
Questions of the Day
- Bloggers: Have you ever received a negative comment? How did you deal with it?
- Readers: How you you deal with negativity in your day-to-day life?
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Everything you said is so true. I’ve only been blogging for a little over 2 months, but have definitely questioned myself– “do I want people to read that? Would they judge me or hold it against me?” But I’ve realized the people who I care about are going to give me support and the people who I don’t know are the ones who would criticize me.
**Not saying that if I don’t know you, you would automatically criticize what I say. Just saying (like you mentioned) that the negativity I might see would likely be from a total stranger and that I shouldn’t care about it anyway
Although I haven’t experienced much negativity on my blog, I hope that if I ever do, I will handle it with the grace that you do. Is it odd that part of me actually thinks I’ll be excited that someone cared enough to be rude or mean? Haha 🙂
Just like in life, you gotta brush off the haters! Great tips!
Though I have yet to receive a negative comment (knock on wood), I imagine that I’d try to ignore it a la Heather’s whole “your blog is your castle” style. No one should storm the castle without your permission. I’ll just have the guards (aka the delete button) throw them out!
When I was younger (in college), I received a really hateful facebook message from a guy I thought was pretty cool, though, and even after deleting it and blocking him, I’ll admit that just thinking about it 5 years later hurts. Why people are ever just cruel without reason is beyond me, but luckily there are enough beautiful, kind, loving people in this world to block out most of the haters. And, for the rest, there’s Baby Sadie pics.
A great post. I’ll bookmark it to read more thoroughly as it’s a difficult subject. Especially the friends/family not being supportive part….love the dog pics too 🙂
It is really sad that people with so many personal issues stoop to such pathetic means like intentionally hurting other people’s feelings to try and feel something!
I guess all we can do is keep our heads up and be the better person! 🙂 Great post, Julie!
This was a really, really great post. I loved hearing about your insight, and hope that I will handle any negative comments the same way.
I have yet to get one, but I know it’s coming!!! I will just have to remind myself that haters are gonna hate, and when people act out in a disrespectful way it is because the problem lies with THEM, not with YOU.
I wish I saw your presentation because I bet it was awesome!
Once again– awesome installment.
I’ve only been blogging for about 2 months and have ALREADY received my fair share of negative comments. They can be extremely discouraging but I just need to keep in mind that those are the people who just want to bring me down!
You’re so right that most of the time (whether on blogs or elsewhere) when people are rude and mean to others it’s because they have a lot of negative feelings about themselves. I do my best to always remember that and just feel sorry for them instead of getting angry. It’s taken a bit of practice though!
Love “blog talk Tuesday” Also that puppy pic of Sadie is ADORABLE!! It made my morning! 🙂
This post makes me want to give you a big hug! Boo to negativity and hurtful comments! Have a GREAT day! 🙂
Some people love to hate happy people, you know? Sure, I don’t post about all my bad/fat feeling/sad days, but I generally have a good, happy life and that’s what I write about. Some people would rather pick you apart than go fix their own situation. It’s just sad.
This! Way too true.
Great post. (I’m really loving these Tuesday specials!) I haven’t had any negativity yet, and my family has been extremely supportive. I know that it *could* happen any day though, so it’s best ot be prepared. Knowing that it happens to everyone sooner or later will surely help me handle it.
Is it weird that my favorite part of these posts is always the sadie pictures?! I love the little thought bubble’s you put up with them.
Glad you two are reunited!
she’s my favorite part of EVERY post. 🙂
I love love the Sadie pics and bubbles too! Especially the poo one, you made me laugh out loud 🙂
I haven’t received any negative comments (yet!) but when and if I do I will definitely refer back to this post. Great tips Julie, and I love your positive outlook and advice about it all, thanks!
I think it’s really hard to decide what I love more about these posts – the information or the pictures of Sadie. Haha. There are some real classics on here 🙂
That said – another awesome segment of this! In terms of the negativity I tend to just ignore it. People can have their opinions and I can have mine – it’s what makes the world go round I suppose! I fully realize not everyone is going to agree with me and that’s okay!
Great post! I, pesonally, just don’t get why people feel the need to be negative on someone’s personal blog- especially on sites that have such a positive vibe and message. It just seems like such a waste of time and energy (not to mention hurtful) to be mean to someone for no reason and then continue to read their site. It’s amazing what people feel comfortable writing online (most often under annonimity) that they would probably never say to someone in “real” life.
This is a great post! I haven’t thought much about negativity in regards to blogging because although I’ve been blogging for over a year, my blog is not very big so I have not dealt with anything scandalous.
I also try to refrain from posting anything that might be controversial because I’m horrible at taking criticism, however I want to get away from that. I think my blogging style would improve greatly if I wasn’t always afraid that I was going to offend someone or make them think less of me. Hopefully I will get to that point and if I receive any negative comments or feedback, I hope I can handle them the way you do!
Wow. I cannot believe someone would do something so highschoolish and ridiculous….but then again, I have seen many comment threads where I clicked on to make a nice innocent comment and saw a swarm of ridiculous arguments started inside the thread that immediately turned me away. Knowing how deep my own insecurities are, some people do not know how to deal with them and are jealous and lash out out at others for fun. It’s sad.
You pictures of Sadie with the new(ish) addition of the comments make me laugh so hard sometimes, I almost spit my coffee into the computer screen!!!! Thanks for the laughs each morning!!!
Look at Sadie when she was a puppy!! I attended HLS and loved your speech. Awesome info, but the coolest thing?
My name is Julie and have a dog named Sadie!
oh my gosh..i seriously just got my first negative comment yesterday. it has been bothering me so much!!! i was SO tempted to write back “you sound fun” or something sarcastic but i didnt. i also didnt know if i should publish it or not..but i did. i guess thats just part of having a blog..sometimes people dont agree with you..i would personally never leave a rude comment, but ya can’t control everyone/everything. thanks for the post!
Ryan’s mom’s quote–woah! I’m definitely tucking that one away for future use.
Another great Tuesday post Julie! I’ve yet to deal with a real negative comment but I definitely foresee it being very difficult for me to let it roll of my back. In real life I usually don’t hesitate to respond but you’re right it’s not worth it and the last thing I want to do is encourage a fight on my space.
I didn’t know a lot of those IP address tips, very helpful!
OMG your Sadie photos are making me crack up this morning!!!!! Awesome speech bubbles! 🙂 Luckily, I haven’t had a truly nasty comment left on my blog yet, but I know that it’s bound to happen one day. I just don’t understand why people feel the need to leave nasty comments – after all, no one is forcing them to read your blog!
Like you, I try to steer clear of blogs full of negativity – I know everyone has their hardships, but I see that as something different from constant daily negativity. I try to keep my blog a happy place, and since I post first thing in the morning, I find that starting off positively sets the tone for the rest of the day. On that note, have a fabulous Tuesday Julie! 🙂
I don’t have a blog, but i read a lot of them and it drives me crazy when people just post hateful, mindless comments. I really like when bloggers encourage intelligent conversations and discussions in the comments sections of certain posts. Usually when that happens, I’ve noticed the readers are more apt to just shut the negative commenter down and not let them build any steam. We’ve got your back, bloggers 🙂
Also, I love love love the captions you put with Sadie’s pics…Seriously making me crack up at my desk 🙂
Wow! I am shocked just reading this! I can’t believe how rude some people can get….loved the last picture of Sadie! Perfect ending haha 🙂
As an official newbie (I’m still setting up the blog site!) these blogger Tuesdays are a great help. The IP address tips are great, I’m be ready for any negative comments that come my way, but i guess you don’t know how you will react until it happens to you. 🙁
Quick question…I’m having problems with Image Drop Shadow Plugin..Do you use it?
I think it goes both ways. You can always tell when a comment is meant to hurt someone’s feelings just by the tone or even the words. But I know there are some bloggers who seem to get offended and defensive over comments that simply state they disagree with them and attack whoever left the comment. So not only should readers be respectful of bloggers and other readers but bloggers need to respect others’ opinions as well.
i think you meant to post this in response to the comment below. 🙂 and i 100 percent agree with you that bloggers and readers need to respect each other’s opinions. there’s a REAL difference between differing opinions and just being mean.
I’ve never received a negative comment but I have left one that was perceived as a negative comment. I truly meant it as constructive criticism (though maybe I had less than perfect intentions because I DID leave it anonymous) but it’s a touchy subject, based on the blogger’s negative voice. I was not alone in my response, but I was probably the nicest in saying it.
(There’s a vizsla on the morning news!)
It’s interesting how you went from furious to sympathetic towards a negative commenter, kind of forces you to look beyond the surface.
I don’t deal well with negativity in day to day life because there is almost no negativity in my day to day life.
I have only been blogging 6 months and haven’t had negativity…yet! This post helped me prepare for the inevitable occurrence of those negative comments and I appreciate you opening up about the negativity you’ve experienced. I can’t imagine anyone saying anything negative about you! You are beautiful and ALWAYS so positive!!
while I don’t have a blog, I am a vegetarian and eat high volume meals. People always (esp women) comment on how much I eat and they don’t know how I stay thin. It used to bother me bc who wants someone talking about what they bring to lunch EVERYDAY! But I know their comments come from insecurities and jealously. If they ate healthy they could also eat low calorie, high volume meals and have room for a treat or two everyday without gaining weight. I have learned to brush it off bc I’m happy!! Screw negativity!
Thanks so much for this Julie, I was hoping you’d share your presentation.
This isn’t something I’ve had to deal with yet but I feel more prepared now.
Fortunately I am yet to receive a negative comment but it really annoys when I see them on other blogs! No ones forcing he/she to read a blog so why be hurtful?? Just stop reading right! I remember reading the MC article and was shocked how low she stooped! Bloggers are normal people too with feelings! Thanks for your constant positive energy despite any harsh comments you receive!
Thank you again for another great post!! I literally LOL’d at some of the Sadie pictures, especially the “I say we send them poo” hahah
Sadie definitely did a good job of adding some great humor within this post…I loved it! 🙂
I really appreciate you writing about this. I just started a healthy living blog about a month ago and never even thought about negativity being such a big deal. Then I somewhat experienced it first hand and was shocked! I also was very disappointed and frustrated at first, but then I realized I just needed to let it go. You’re a great example, Julie. Thanks for sharing your insight and advice! I’m sure you and the other ladies on your panel did a great job with this topic at HLS!
Great post, Julie! I am so glad that you decided to recap you presentation in you series. I am gaining SO much information from these posts.
While I have only had one negative comment on my blog – regarding a grammatical error I had made (some teacher you are .. type deal) … I DO come across negativity in my job often – at the hands of parents.
The biggest comment I had ever had to deal with was a parent telling me that their child was misbeahving because I was the teacher… it has never happened before and maybe the student should move to a new class. As a first year teacher.. it was HARD to just brush this away. While I KNEW it wasn’t true… there were thoughts in my mind – criticizing what I should be doing differently..was I a bad teacher.. etc etc.
Two days later – I received an apology note from the parent – regretting everything she had said to me and explaining all of the stress that was in her life right now – it made me feel so much better and helped to make me NEVER second guess my abilities 🙂
I just love you and I always leave your blogs feeling positive and upbeat, and I thank you for that! It’s refreshing. And I totally agree with Sadie – send them poo! LOL!!!
Another AWESOME blog talk Tuesday post 😀 These MAKE my Tuesdays…seriously.
I cannot believe that someone tried to mess with your personal relationship- that is REALLY messed up. And, I had NO idea about the IP address- that’s really good to know- thanks 🙂
& I love Ryan’s Mom’s quote- that is awesome. I will be keeping that in mind.
& BEST part of the post was definitely happy Sadie puppy!!!
Great post! I’ve only recently started blogging and haven’t received any negativity yet. Actually, I’m really surprised with how nice people are! It amazes me. But I realize with time, negativity and mean comments might occur, so I’ll be ready! Even though it’s best to ignore mean comments, I can understand why it could upset your for days. Crossing my fingers it doesn’t happen!
I’ve only been blogging for 2 and a half weeks now, so I haven’t had any negative comments so far. I do love the good ones people leave, it makes me feel great that I’m connecting with people – the whole purpose of my blog! I have gotten a few comments from people I know about blogging, but I just push those aside. I started my blog because I enjoy doing it and hope to inspire others the way that some blogs (including yours!) have inspired me to live a better life. We just have to keep the good parts in mind and brush off those haters!
I’ve only dealt with one negative comment (from anonymous of course) and it was purely hateful. It attacked my family and friends, and there’s no way I’ll allow someone to hurt the ones I love. So I deleted it. I haven’t received another negative comment (knock on wood!) so I’d have to say I’m very fortunate, but I absolutely LOVED this post! If I ever have negativity issues with people in the future, I know who to turn to 🙂
This is so great! Thank you for sharing your stories about being hurt and overcoming negativity. I haven’t received a negative comment yet, but I could see myself taking it very personally and just being hurt by it. I guess just like real-life negativity, I need to surround myself with my loved ones and talk it out with people who know me and know how to calm me down. I didn’t even realize there were bloggers who just slam other bloggers. Maybe I’m just naive? But why waste so much time to hate on something you don’t like?
Thank you so much for talking about this subkect. It’s so important to rise above negativity!
I have found that the best method is to be nice and pleasant to all negative people. It really irrates them…being negative back just feeds their fire. I would much rather blow sunshine up their butt!! 🙂
I always tell myself this: Nobody can MAKE you mad. You have to ALLOW them to do so. So DON’T.
Whitney – I love that! I’m totally stealing it! LOL
Negativity in the blog world is so mind-boggling to me! I know that people are allowed to have their own opinions, but like you said, I wind up just pitying the people who make negative comments because there’s usually an underlying personal reason behind it.
I usually just kill ’em with kindness…in real life and in the blogosphere. It usually works!
I’ve (knock on wood) only recieved one very hurtful comment in the year or so I’ve been blogging. I knew automatically who it was (a personal attack from a “in real life” person.) and only confirmed it later with the IP address when they left a nice comment.
Talk about your crazy 😉
Thank you for this post – it’s good to know that even people I ADORE get rude comments. I guess it’s all part of the blogging game!
Great discussion, Julie! I’ll say it again…I love your writing style. It’s so clean and concise and easily readable! I have yet to get a negative comment, thank heavens but I am not a “big-time” blogger like yourself 😉
In my personal life I combat negativity with positive thought about the traits I DO like about the person who is speaking negatively to me. I know that we all have our faults and I try to air of the side of compassion.
Hi Julie…Your blog is super cute and helpful! Love it. I came across it a few weeks back on pinterest.
P.S I went to H.S with you in Chicago..ahh the days!
Keep up the great blog xoxo
Tara
Ahh the good ol’ Fremd days!! 🙂
Wow Julie I am really like the very last part with the story about your “epiphany” and Ryan’s moms comment/advice! it is very well put and so so true!
In negativity in general I think I handle it very similarly to you. I let things go and I am not easily offended and I think I second guess myself if I do get on the defensive like “geez why am I so upset by this?!”
Since my blog is still a baby I havent experienced any negative comments (yet) and I hope to keep them off the blog for readers pleasure and the sake of keeping a positive atmosphere – unless they come in the form of positive criticism of course! or polite “disagreements.” For now I have a comment monitor on where I have to pre-approve any comments from nwe commentors in hope to weed out spam and anything truley spiteful.
Julie, anyone that writes negative comments about you is clearly just jealous!! I don’t understand negative people either. I guess you have to just take the comments with a grain of salt. You have such an amazing, inspiring blog. I love your positive attitude. Thank you for so many great reads!!
Thank you so much for this Julie! I would have loved to hear your presentation, but this will have to suffice! I haven’t received a negative comment yet, but I’m sure that i will be upset when I do! I’ll definitely remember to come back and read this post when that day comes. I have already had some people outside of the blogging world question why I am doing this and they make comments…I just try to remember that they don’t really understand this amazing community and the joy I get out of blogging :).
Btw- I totally want a vizsla after seeing your Sadie pictures all the time!
Love you Julie! You are seriously so freaking awesome!
Thanks for the Sadie pics!!