Hello and Happy Blog Talk Tuesdays, friends.
We are officially on week five of this series. Dang!
Past Blog Talk Tuesdays topics have included:
- How to Start a Blog, Blog Focus, Self Hosting and More
- Blogger Safety
- Company Outreach: Receiving Free Products, Hosting Giveaways, Posting Product Reviews and More
- Connecting with Other Bloggers
Today’s post was inspired by the presentation I did with three fellow bloggers at the Healthy Living Summit last weekend about handling negativity in the blog world. We crafted our presentation based on the responses we received to the survey we posted on all of our blogs a couple of weeks ago.
I am using some of those questions as well as the questions I received from you guys in the comments section of the blog and through emails for this post.
Rising Above Negativity in the Blog World
- Where does a blogger experience negativity?
When I first began blogging, I assumed the only place a blogger experiences negativity is in the comments section of their posts. Wrong! In the nearly two years that I have been blogging, I’ve seen or heard of negativity in the form of blog comments, tweets, emails, magazine articles and blog posts by other bloggers to name a few.
Also, I know many bloggers have experienced negativity off the blog in their personal lives from family members, friends, colleagues or peers who don’t support or understand blogging.
- What do you do about negativity outside your own blog?
I know of bloggers have experienced extreme negativity outside their blog – though Twitter, magazine articles and blog posts by other bloggers. This can be very hard to handle since it’s not in your own space where you can defend yourself openly for people to see your side.
I personally have a hard time understanding how people have such anger inside about bloggers and basically make a hobby out of saying mean and hurtful things about other people. It reminds me of high school drama and the group of girls who loved making other people feel inadequate and bullied.
If I read a blog and realize I don’t like it, I won’t read it again. Why continue reading something that makes you annoyed or angry… or a blog that simply doesn’t interest you?
That being said, there have been blogs out there that I used to read that seem to pick apart bloggers all the time. I used to read these blogs (they’re like a car accident – you can’t look away), but eventually I realized that I never left their blog feeling happy or uplifted. I felt sad and upset.
I unsubscribed from these blogs in my Google Reader and try my best to never read them. (This is not referring to blogs that exist to try to help bloggers improve their blogs by giving general examples.)
- How do you handle negative comments?
It depends on the comment.
For the most part, I tend to ignore negative comments because many people who say nasty things are just trying to get under your skin. I rarely delete comments but I am 100 percent supportive of bloggers who do. It’s your blog and your space and you deserve to delete comments that you feel are inappropriate. Comments that are wildly profane or inappropriate or those that attack loved ones will always be deleted.
Note: There is a ginormous difference between a negative (evil!) comment and constructive (polite!) criticism. Most bloggers I know understand the difference and welcome polite differences of opinion or criticism, but blatant attacks on a blogger are a whole separate beast.
- Do you find it hard not to respond “in kind” to a mean commenter? I think it would be so hard not to tell them off!
Oh gosh, yes. I was a public relations major in college and I always say that studying PR helped me more in blogging than any of my other jobs after college. When someone says “I hate you, you’re ugly” or something of the sort, I would love to say “Well aren’t you a peach?” and then go kick them in the shins, but then aren’t I just perpetuating the negativity?
I don’t want to see a fight break out in the comments section of my post and prefer to simply let it go or respond in a way that is both polite and compassionate.
That being said, if a negative comment comes from someone who is not anonymous, I will send them a personal email to ask if I did something to offend or hurt them in any way.
This has only happened once since basically all negative comments are anonymous (shocking!), but I have been able to find contact information by being sneaky and locating a commenter’s personal blog or accurate email address by searching for their IP address (a unique number connected to every computer) on the back end of my blog. This brings up all comments they’ve ever left on my blog – both positive comments that were not anonymous and the negative ones that were.
Many times bloggers know exactly who leaves a negative comment on their blog.
For more detailed instructions about the techy side of negative comments (looking up IP addresses, moderating and blocking negative comments), definitely check out Healthy Living Blogs this upcoming Thursday where you will find the full tutorial from our presentation posted.
- How you you remain positive after a negative comment?
When I received my first truly evil comment, I was upset for days. There have even been times when the nastiness of a comment has made me question whether or not I wanted to continue blogging.
I had what I’ll call a “negative comment epiphany” about a year into blogging. One negative commenter (anonymous, of course) commented on my blog when Ryan was away on his bachelor cruise (and therefore unreachable). She said something along the lines of “Just wanted to let you know I saw Ryan kissing a brunette girl the other day. Just thought you should know!”
Um, what!?
I didn’t question the validity of the comment because Ryan and I have a secure relationship and haven’t had any trust issues, but I did feel angry! Why would anyone want to sabotage my personal relationship?
I looked up the commenter’s IP address and found that she lived in Michigan (a state Ryan has never been to) and eventually I found her personal blog because she had left previous comments on my blog that were not anonymous.
When I discovered her blog, I went from angry to sad. The woman had a lot of personal issues and some serious negativity in her own life.
It was an eye opening experience for me because it made me realize that many times the negative comments people leave on blogs have nothing to do with the blogger. The commenter is often dealing with personal demons or bad things on their end and the blogger becomes an easy target for negativity.
That being said, I don’t use this train of thought to excuse myself from negative comments. Ryan’s mom said something to me the other week that I will never forget: “If you find yourself becoming defensive about something, maybe it’s because you have something to be defensive about.”
So true.
Negative comments that are totally ludicrous roll right off my back. A comment that makes me immediately become defensive makes me wonder if there’s some truth behind it. It’s then that I’ll go to my family and friends – those who know me better than anyone – and ask if they feel the same way.
***
And now, after all this Debbie Downer talk, I leave you with this happy picture of puppy Sadie to make you smile. 
Questions of the Day
- Bloggers: Have you ever received a negative comment? How did you deal with it?
- Readers: How you you deal with negativity in your day-to-day life?
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This is such an interesting and informative post, Julie…it makes me sit up and think, and it’s such an important topic to discuss and bring to the fore…so thank you for doing so with such openness and candid-ness. 🙂 I really enjoyed reading this – as a blogger, and as a reader. And I love the photos of Sadie…she’s a cutie! xyx
Another great blog talk tuesday post! As a new blogger I’ve been experiencing some negativity about my blog in my personal life like close friends.
How do you deal with friends who find it funny to sabotage your blog behind your back?
I have never had anyone write anything negative about me, but I have had someone try to comment to me about another blogger. Super odd and I deleted it. I don’t give people like that energy because it’s not worth it.
On a side note, Sadie is too cute, such a swet puppy face!
Just because someone chooses not to blog about the hardships in their life, doesn’t mean their life is all ‘rainbows and glitter’. It’s just a choice to keep the tone of the blog uplifted!
I admire that you can do both on your own blog, but it is your choice to do so. If you didn’t, someone else might say they think yours is the perfect life!
I didn’t read all the comments, but what I will say, as a blogger now, but first a foremost a reader, sometimes…and I only mean sometimes, if someone (like me) doesn’t have exactly the perfect life (and who does), but reads a lot of blogs (like yours for example) that seem to only write about rainbows and glitter :O), then sometimes, sometimes it can really wear on a person and send home (to our heads) that our lives pale in comparison. Yes we should not do that, but people do (myself included sometimes); its just hard not to. Personally I like to see (read) that those out there also have bad days and get mad and have fights with their SO’s. Maybe its too much info, and maybe bloggers dont want to ‘portray any negativity’, but portraying undying perfect love and perfect house and perfect life can really make a person feel bad.
While I still read your blog every day, several times a day, there are days that I wont because I am having an abnormally bad self kind of day you know? Then I go read the blogs that I know will write about struggles as well as triumphs. And by struggles I dont mean having to eat in the hotel cafeteria :O)
Love the blog talk tuesdays since I am trying to grow my blog readership. And yes, I am one of those that blogs (some) of my hardships but try to keep it to somewhat of a non crazy person status. :O)
i can completely understand that. and while i do not want to portray my life as solely “rainbows and sunshine” i DO want to keep my blog positive – as i want to keep my life positive. i really try not to dwell on the negative but i know that by NOT posting about fights i have with ryan or other issues in my personal life that are just that – personal – it may appear that i dance in the rain and sing all day long. that is actually what inspired me to write this post: https://www.pbfingers.com/2011/02/02/psa-were-not-perfect/ – and my posts about my struggles in a past job, etc. thanks for your comment, junie. i really appreciate it and the respectful way you stated your thoughts. 🙂
I remember that post. And how it made me think Whew! :O)
oh and because of all of that, some people feel better (weirdly) if they attack the person writing the blog.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I’ve been thinking about this subject a lot since you told us you were speaking at the HLS, and I really just wanted to hear more about you or other’s experiences.
You have such an amazing attitude, and I suppose you also have to develop a thick skin for these things (although you shouldn’t have to in the first place!!)
I feel like I want to defend my favorite bloggers from these weird attacks– if you won’t sink down to their level, maybe us readers can! 😉
Hey Julie, love the puppy photo – so cute. Thanks for your blog talk series! You have inspired me to ditch blogger and take the leap to wordpress and I have to say it is a MILLION times better!!
🙂
you win some.. you lose some, Its hard to please everyone and some people are a little hard headed of certain subjects. To each their own. I will receive an email or comment every now and then judging the way I look, or raise my babies. I just think they really don’t know me do they?? I sometimes laugh it off, if it really bugs me Ill talk to my hubs about it and he always makes me feel better.
ryan’s comebacks to the hateful comments are always my favorite 🙂
Hey Julie! Great post – I received two negative comments recently…both under different anonymous emails. By figuring out the IP address I determined they were from a long-lost ex bf…who apparently isn’t over me? Sheesh…losers.
My current bf’s reactions to the negative comments are my favouirte too, and I’m so happy that I have a partner who does support all things involved in my blogging!
Great post Julie!
I think that people who spend their time trying to bring others down are either very insecure about their own lives or very unhappy and want others to join them in their misery.
They’re obviously not in a good place and it’s more sad than anything else. Don’t let them bring you down! 🙂
Great post! I haven’t received any negative comments myself. But I probably don’t have enough readers for that?
I did get one comment once that was about my husband. It wasn’t bad, but I thought it would hurt his feelings and I know he reads my comments – so I deleted it.
These posts have been so helpful. I haven’t been blogging very long (and sometimes not very consistently) but it’s so refreshing and encouraging to hear things I readily identify with. Blogging can sometimes leave you feeling vulnerable and insecure; it’s a scary thing to know that there are those who will read with an intent to wound or malign. No different than the real world I guess…but still…there is something different about blogging because, as you said, sometimes you don’t have the ability to address the issue with the person.
Thanks for these posts! They’ve been so helpful!!!
I agree on your comment about not reading blogs that make you angry or mad.
Why would I want to read a blog that I get angry about. I love and feel privileged to read blogs such as yours where you share about your life. If i didn’t enjoy it i would stop reading.
Hey, new reader here. I love this post. Unfortunately, there are haters out there whether it’s in the blogging world, school or work place. I worked with a hater for 3 years. And you’re so right, it’s about them, not you. Often times the person is pretty miserable anyways.
On another note, Sadie is so damn cute. I’m sure you’ve mentioned this somewhere but what kind of breed is she?
Look forward to reading more!
she’s a vizsla! 🙂 i love her to death. 🙂
Great post girl! I have been reading blogs for almost 3 (including yours haha) years and haven’t started my own because I don’t think I have the time but also because I’m afraid of any backlash like this…it definitely can be intimidating to start a blog and I know any negativity would really bother me at first. Maybe I’ll finally start up a blog though and reference this post need be! Btw, I really wanted to comment that I saw another ‘Sadie’ dog, I know her breed but I’ve only ever seen one other vizsla once in NYC…I saw a girl bringing her for a run along the Hudson, SO cute, I really want one!
Negativity exists everywhere and it is unfortunate that someone can truly make or break our day. I try to just let it roll off and think happy thoughts. Sometimes it is hard to shake the negative feelings, but it is important to do that so people realize they cannot affect you. I love your posts, you are a light in my own life and I find myself doing things and buying things because you have had a good experience and write about it. Your feedback on things makes me realize that it could work for me too. “Just Keep Swimming” – Dory.
I’ve had one negative comment on my blog. They left their email address but didn’t leave their name. While it kind of shocked me to see that reaction, I didn’t comment back because I didn’t want them to know it bothered me.
I’ve also had some issues with my mom reading about my shopping habits and getting mad at me. We didn’t talk for 3 days because of one post and we usually talk every day. It definitely made me feel like I had to hide things on my blog, which I never want to do. My dad also didn’t like the name of my blog and how I may be portraying myself to potential employers. For a while it made blogging not as fun, but I’ve talked to both my parents and I think they’re both enjoying my blog now.
Great post, Julie. I have just recently started blogging (after being inspired by your blog)! I always wondered how I would deal with negative comments. I would personally probably delete the hurtful ones and keep the constructive criticism ones. I think the way you deal with it is great and love all your advice!
Thankfully most of the weirdness on my blog via comments are captured with Akismet and are spam. Not so much negativity. I do get negativity in other areas, but what I’ve found is usually the person who is criticizing my choices is completely ignorant as to what they are saying. They don’t understand much of what they are saying and usually are just repeating what they have heard, instead of investigating for themselves.
I don’t mind that people have opinions and I don’t mind constructive criticism. If I do get a negative comment I first wait a little bit before I respond to let any bad feelings pass if I get them, then respond politely sharing something that they may not have thought of and helping them see that there is another viewpoint etc. If they keep going after that though I don’t bite into it. I’m here to educate and help as much as I can, but I know that where your thoughts go energy flows. If I keep myself surrounded by positivity, there is less room for negativity to come into my life.
Good to know about the IP address search. You are sneaky lol! That would help to understand though and get a clearer picture of what might be going on with that person and help with sympathy and empathy. Great post and worth a tweet!
I like your philosophy, Julie. I recently got into blogging myself and have luckily not had any negative comments (but, I also haven’t had many readers besides my loving friends and family, so maybe that has something to with it!) It’s sad how some people hide behind some anonymous profile and much such ugly comments. If they had to use their real names and identities, I can’t imagine how much negative posting would go down.
Anyway, I can’t even handle reading negative comments on other people’s blogs, so I’m not sure how I’d handle negative comments directed at me! I hope I can handle online negativity with as much grace as you do if and when it does happen.
I love your detective work about the IP addresses. Well done. It’s SO right. People tend to want to spread their own misery.
On my blog today I mentioned my new found wisdom about crazies, and I think it totally applies: If there is anything I have learned from watching reality TV (hello Bachelor Pad) it’s that when confronted with a crazy, always stay level headed. The crazy gets so much more upset and ends up making a fool of itself and eventually sabotages itself.
PS Sadie is my fave. I keep seeing a dog like her in my neighborhood and I get excited. The owner may be scared of me now…
This is a great blog post. I think it’s important that bloggers know how to stand up for what they believe in. Especially bloggers who post more about there life and give readers information that is privileged. I personally have never received any hate comments on my blog because I guess people don’t feel the need to hate on an art blog! But I notice health blogs get picked on a lot because people might feel jealous, envious or differently about the lifestyle that you (as in health bloggers) live.
You offer very important tips to over come cyber bullying. Thanks so much!
Also, I love any post that has your cute baby Sadie in it!
I loved this installment of Blog Talk Tuesdays! I’ve gotten a fair share of mean comments, and at first, they really bothered me. I saw them as personal attacks on who I was as a person since I try to portray that very clearly in my blog. Then I realized that these people don’t even know me. They think they know me. Then I just laughed it off!
BUT I did receive a few comments from a reader, and let me tell you, they were nasty. I had to block “him” because he would comment on every single post. It just became too much. Some people, I tell ya…
I’m glad you made the note about the difference between a differing opinion and a truly mean comment. I’ve seen so many so-called “blog controversies” that happen because someone left a comment expressing an opinion that was different from what the blogger stated – and then many other ganged up on that person, calling them a ‘hater’ and ‘jealous’
I truly believe that everyone should be entitled to his/her own opinion and should be able to speak it – in a respectful way.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I hate the sometimes ‘mob-mentality’ that happens. I’ve had to stop following a few blogs because they allow commenters to bash others who leave opinions (again, not hateful comments) that differ from the blogger.
I really respect how you have run PBFingers and really haven’t seen that type of activity happen here – so kudos to you 🙂
Thanks for posting this series (Blog Talk Tuesdays)–such great tips!
I just have to say I LOVE your blog. Reading it every day makes law school a little easier 🙂
We’re also semi-neighbors, which makes it even more awesome. I’m in Gainesville for law school, but my family is in Tampa. Small world isn’t it?
Anywhoo, I haven’t been part of this blog world long enough to receive any negative comments, but you take it in such stride. I have so much respect for you and everything you’ve done with this blog. Sadly, people sometimes direct their personal jealousy into negativity towards others. You do such a good job balancing it and staying positive and focused on what’s really important <3
I haven’t dealt with any negative comments yet, but now I’m so glad I’m armed and ready once that first one comes along! I tend to be a pretty positive person, “looking on the bright side” is something I try to do in negative situations. Not to say I’m always a bundle of sunshine, but I do make an effort.
Thanks for the tips 🙂
I work in a service job and realize that the majority of the time, people are not mad at me directly so I just let it go and don’t take anything they say to heart. Plus, I like to live by the motto,”If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I love all of the life lessons that you can learn from Disney movies!
I’m not a blogger but this is so insightful! I applaud you for having such a strong backbone! 🙂
First of all, AWWWWW SADIEEEE!!! 😀
Okay moving on, I am quite blessed to see that you are able to have compassion on the ones who try to hurt you!! Not many people know how to do that, and I love that you’re seeing the person hurting others through the right lenses. It’s almost like, they should know better, but then…they don’t. And that’s because hurt people usually want to hurt people. Thanks for such an interesting post Julie!
“If you find yourself becoming defensive about something, maybe it’s because you have something to be defensive about.”- Word!
And like you said, it is sad in a way. Someone could be having the worst day of their life. You just never know!
I haven’t had a negative comment, but I deal with negativity on a day to day basis. I’m glad you said what you did about when you read a blog that makes you angry or upset to just stop!
That has happened to me recently where a person has been basically talking about me on her blog in a non direct way where you can tell who she is talking about. I made the mistake of reading it last week and it really got under my skin. I have not gone back to her blog since then, and I definitely won’t. A blog is not a place to put down other people.
my experience was the same. a blogger was blantantly talking about me without saying my name… referencing my dog, the foods i eat, etc. it was hard to read and one day i was just like “WHY am i even reading this!?”
who would ever say anything about your dog? She is just about the cutest thing ever!!
That’s one bad thing about the internet- you can’t stop what others do.
Thank you so much for these posts! I am a BRAND NEW blogger, and I need all the advice I can get! Thank you for posting so frequently and making my 15 work breaks fun 🙂
Really great points! I haven’t encountered any negativity but I can see how it could happen (and how difficult it is to relay tone through writing)! And if all else fails, just do what Cely did on her blog post today @ running off the reeses. hilarious 🙂
I love the quote about the candles, it is so true! I wish I could’ve seen your panel at HLS.
I am a teacher and I find that parents that say negative things about me/my teaching style/policies have their own insecurities and their negativity manifests itself to me through complaints and unkind words.
I do my best to ignore it (and most certainly don’t engage in it) and kill them with kindness!
gosh, sadies pictures really do make me smile! i was eating some peanut buttaahhhh and it reminded me to catch up on your blog. such an great post! this, and the “comparison trap/self esteem” posts always leave me in a better mood and ready to take on the world! one hater at a time!
First, I want to say I LOVE your blog, I smile every time I get the email that says Peanut Butter Fingers. I have had a few days where things in life have gotten to me & my attitude was …let’s just say awful….your blog came & totally changed my mood & gave me the attitude adjustment I needed.
I don’t have a blog & I rarely post on the ones I read, but I LOVE the candle comparison…it does seem that people who put others down do so in hopes of feeling better, but really there’s no way to feel better with such hatred inside of you.
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME SMILE!!
Julie, great post!! Even if people don’t blog (like myself..yet), you can use your great advice in all aspects of life. You worded everything so well. There is no space for Debbie Downers in our lives. You made a great point that most of the time, these people are fighting personal dramas. If these people have nothing nice to say, we should just ignore them.
Oh and your Sadie pictures are ADORABLE!! And she looks like a Clemson doggie with her orange and purple collar and then purple sunglasses! Go Tigers 😉
Great Post!! 🙂
I completely agree with you that if you don’t like someone’s blog or agree with their views then just don’t read it! No need to leave hateful comments. I haven’t been blogging for very long so haven’t dealt with any of that on my personal blog but in real life it can be hard to brush off the negativity. I believe 90% of the time attacks made on others are not personal but rather have to do with the attacker’s own issues or insecurities. We just become the outlet for them to exprsess their feelings…
I LOVE the pictures of your dog with the speech bubbles! Some of them made me literally laugh out loud!
HAHAHA! Oh my gosh, I just died laughing reading that Sadie poo comment! Keep the Sadie stuff coming, love her!
I don’t have a blog but I think that is so clever that you can search their IP address! I am also not very tech savvy but this really impresses me. People are so quick to post negative things when they assume it cannot be linked back to them. That is so horrible that somebody commented that they saw Ryan cheating…..What is wrong with some people?? By the way, I love Sadie….she is adorable!!!
I like Sadie’s idea of sending them poo. I’m sure she has some to spare.
I agree that if you don’t like what was in the blog then don’t read it. I have wanted to respond to commentors stupid comments more then the blogger. There is no point in wasting your time to write a nasty comment. Most of us have better things to do.
Three things:
1) I am NEVER going to get tired of that first “Sadie-the-grump” photo!!! I love that dog. PS, there’s a canine nutjob sitting next to me on the couch who loves her, too – hah.
2) I don’t even know you, yet it makes me incredibly sad to think that the blog world might have lost you due to the poison of negative commenters. You are a gifted writer, a funny writer, and a compassionate writer. The world needs more like you and I am very glad that you rallied. And since I’m older than you, OK, a little bit proud as well 🙂
3) Ryan’s Mom is a very wise woman. That comment pulled me up short and made me think. Is she Yoda?
Loving Blog Talk Tuesdays, Julie. Good stuff. Keep it coming!!
LOL – yoda! that cracked me up. (and yes, yes i think she may be…)
I look forward to your blog everyday and to be honest, when I read it I feel happy. Your dog is especially adorable…:) Thank you for keeping up with your amazing blog.
I LOVED this workshop and I’m so glad I went. I received one nasty comment only a few weeks after I started my blog and I was so upset. After a few days I was alright and deleted it from my inbox so I would stop looking at it! I tried the IP thing, but they never left another comment so I couldn’t find them 🙁
I’m with Jenny (who commented above). I love your blog and it puts a smile on my face. I love the pup too! When it comes to negativity in my daily life, I let it roll off my back. I think it started when I hit 30 or so (I’m 34 now), that I realized drama and negativity have no place in my life. Life is so short and precious that we should try to enjoy all the beautiful things it has to offer. You said it best in your post today….those that write the negative comments, usually do so because they are unhappy and they want others to feel as they do. They are down, so they want to bring you down. It’s pretty immature, but some people never grow up. Keep up the great writing and don’t let any of it get to you! You inspire others!
I’m so uncreative with my Blog Talk Tuesday comments, mostly because I’m obsessed with this series. I haven’t really had to deal with negativity on my blog (the upside of having barely any readers! Yay! Haha), but I think all of this information is so useful. I really appreciate your story about the blogger from Michigan, too…definitely something important to keep in mind in any bullying situation.
I dealt with it recently on facebook. I commented to another blogger that I wish I was attending the same event she was because I knew we would have a blast and get along well. Another blogger decided to comment on my comment in a pretty underhanded manner. It really hurt and made me feel so unwelcome and uncomfortable. I was thinking exactly the same thing you initially thought, “What did I do to you to make you hate me?”. I then realized that I am spending way too much time and energy on this person, who clearly has her own issues and doesn’t know me AT ALL. That helped put things in perspective.