Today’s lunch came about as a total mistake.
I intended to make black bean burgers by following this recipe.
I wrote down all of the ingredients and figured I would just blend everything together in the food processor, like I did with my salmon burgers.
Wrong. Apparently I wasn’t supposed to put the black beans in the food processor. Oops.
I ended up with a bunch of gooey burger batter… nothing firm enough to shape into burgers. Since I hate wasting food, I poured the burger batter into a loaf pan and baked it for 50 minutes instead.
The end result was actually pretty tasty.
I present to you, black bean loaf!
Served with leftover steamed broccoli and fresh strawberries this near-miss lunch was actually quite a hit!
Now let’s discuss compliments…
Changing Compliments
Isn’t it funny how a certain compliment can make your heart swoon?
- I love the way you did your hair!
- Great job on that essay!
- What a pretty dress!
- You kicked some serious tookus in that soccer game!
- Awesome presentation today!
Anytime someone takes time to pay me a sincere compliment, it always makes me smile and makes my day a little brighter.
Over the past few months, since I’ve really poured my heart into blogging, I’ve found that while I naturally appreciate every kind comment, certain compliments from readers – ones I may not have previously valued as much – are now meaning more to me than ever before.
Compliments about my writing. My creativity.
As a teenager, I received praise from my parents when I’d get good grades and felt proud when a teacher would write encouraging words on a paper I wrote or a test I took. But, admittedly, the comments that meant the most to my teenage self were the ones that came from my peers about my appearance.
If I heard a certain boy thought I was cute, that meant way more to me than a teacher telling me I should submit a paper into a local writing competition.
I’m not sure when I began to appreciate and value compliments about my personality, intelligence and talents more than kind words about my clothes or my hair.
As a teen, the opinions of your friends and classmates mean so much and in my experience, it seems like teenagers typically don’t compliment each other on class projects or a peer’s warm heart or innate ambition. It’s all about your looks at that age.
Thankfully, it seems like as time goes on and teenagers become adults, skills, talent and effort are more widely recognized. As an adult, I find myself constantly impressed with the talents of others and less focused on their appearance. As my friends become doctors, lawyers and teachers, I am so proud of them not because they looked cute getting their degrees, but because of the hard work and time they poured into accomplishing such a monumental goal.
I’m impressed by the friend who volunteers regularly at her local church. The friend who spends time with her ailing great grandmother because she cares. The coworker who is constantly going out of his way to teach new employees special tricks of the trade to make their job less stressful.
These are the people I idolize now. These are the people I hope to emulate to become a better person myself.
Questions of the Afternoon
- What type of compliments mean the most to you now? Is this different from when you were younger?
- What is the most meaningful compliment you’ve ever received?
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I am a teenager and I’m going through the whole thing right now. I hate how focused my peers are on fashion, hair, makeup, all that stuff… when none of it means anything to me. Its hard to be the first one to realize that appearance doesn’t really matter.
As odd as it is, I took the comment “you have runners legs” as one of the best compliments ever because I have struggled so much with my body image and with feeling like a “runner” (whatever that means!). Having someone think I look athletic meant the world to me and was a sign that my fitness is paying off!
I was about to say this! Being called a runner meant so much to me! When a random person thought I had “runner’s legs” it meant SO much! 😀 More than being called “cute” or “pretty”, but those are nice, too!
Nice parallel structure! 🙂
On the same topic, I sometimes feel as though when women are given thoughtful, genuine compliments, we often try to tone it down (“Oh, really, it’s not *that* hard!”). While I think it’s important to remain humble, I think we should also embrace what we’re told!
I feel the same way. I even wrote about this on my “Fashion” page. As nice as it is to be complimented on your outfit/appearance, it’s that much nicer to be complimented on your character.
I love compliments like “you’re such an amazing friend” it makes me smile to know that my friends realize how much I love them and do value our friendships.
The most amazing compliment was probably being recognized as Woman of the Year for my community and charity commitement. I think being recognized for selfless work is the best!! It makes me want to do MORE for other people! 🙂
How you could possibly do more Kaella, I will never know!
You are an amazing friend. You are selfless, thoughtful, funny and always there when I need you. You treat my daughter as though she is family and always make people feel special. I consider you a sister, and you are an amazing woman!
I see what you mean!
You always like a little compliment and I appreciate them when I see they are honest. And because I’m a little shy, it touches me even more!
That is my go to recipe for Black Bean Burgers! Prepared correctly it is amazing also! 😉 And they freeze extremely well for later!
I just got married a few weeks ago and while I loved hearing I looked beautiful that day (let’s be honest – who doesn’t love hearing that?!), the best compliment from that day was when my Dad e-mailed me while we were on our Honeymoon and said how he got a lot of comments from others about how loving and at ease my husband (!!) and I are with each other (and that he couldn’t agree more). Nothing could be more important as we start our lives together!
i participate in a recovery program and the greatest compliement I can get is one says that whatever I said effected them in a positive way. They really got a lot out of sharing my experience. I really love that because i can use the things I’ve learned in life and share it with someone else, hopefully, helping them with their struggles.
that black bean loaf looks sooo good, I am definitely wanting to try that sometime!
The greatest and certainly most profound compliment I have ever received was when I was a 4th year nursing student. I had requested a 1 patient assignment of a patient who was palliative and required total care, and spent several days with just him.
There was one moment we shared where his big hand held mine, and he looked at me and between deep breaths of air told me that he was happy, because me caring had made him happy. It was one of the sweetest moments of my life,, and I will never forget Peter and all that he taught me.
I like a compliment that is genuine and sincere, and a compliment that usually reflects my morals, my values and the work I have done. This differs from when I was younger. I think as a teenager I was insecure and thrived on a compliment that had something to do with my wardrobe selection, my haircut or something along the lines of material possessions.
I think this is a wonderful post, you can really tell that you spend a lot of time thinking about your posts. Your posts are always well thought through, and enjoyable to read!
This compliment topic was on fox news yesterday. They were talking about how women complimenting women and how it differs from men complimenting women. When a women compliments a women it is almost 100% sincere. And women take womens compliments more seriously then guys who can be just saying that to attract a womens attention. interesting…and true.
I love compliments as well. Words of affirmation is definitely my love language!
I am a nurse and the best compliment I have ever received was from a patient that told me that I was made for nursing. He told me I was in exactly the right place and I should never change what I do. As a 24 year old who has only been a nurse for 2 years, this blew me away.
I have really enjoyed reading through the comments at others stories, too!
I enjoy compliments about my character; hearing people tell me that I’m someone they can turn to for help because I’m understanding always makes me smile. One time, a guy friend sat down on a sofa and when he got up, there was cat hair ALL OVER his coat! He started to panic because he’s allergic, and I was the only one who expressed concern. I thought, how horrible to be allergic to something (since I really don’t have allergies..*knock on wood*), and hoped that he would be okay. The rest of our friends pretty much just laughed their heads off at him for being so careless. He looked at me and said..”why do you care? man, you’re really pathetic!”..I was SO SHOCKED! PATHETIC?! well, that’s the last time I openly cared about you, I thought. BUT! He started to laugh and said, “no, haha, not pathetic, what’s that word where you can understand other people and you feel for them?” …OH, you mean EMpathetic! I most enjoyed hearing that, because I had written a paper about empathy being the outstanding personality trait that I feel is admirable. Good save, on his part! : )
This made me crack up! Pathetic, empathetic, same thing right? 😉
I love it when someone recognizes my hard work (at work). It’s just nice to be complemented on something that often goes unrecognized.
I recently read an post or article somewhere about giving other women compliments, and how it is more meaningful to give an insightful comment than an outward one. So instead of saying something general to a woman like “I love your hair/shoes/dress” say something like “What you said was so funny, you have such a great sense of humor!”. Women are so often complimented based on looks, and it look me a second to think about complimenting something deeper and how much it really means!
Great post. I have to say that compliments on my work ethic or presentations ( I give a lot of them for work) mean the most to me professionally. Personally, any compliment about my morals, actions, or ethics mean the most.
I feel the same as you. I’m just about to turn 30 and when I was younger it was very much about my appearance. I have one eyelid that is not even with the other and I was very self-conscious about it…so when someone said I looked pretty or my makeup was done nicely it went a lot farther than they probably thought lol!
But now that I’m older I appreciate people’s innate talents much more, and strive to help those close to me to bring them out. No one should spend time doing something they hate just to get a paycheck…there are always other options as you are doing here with your blog.
So I think it’s something that comes with “growing up”, we learn to appreciate people not only for their outer appearance but also what makes them special and talented.
The most meaningful compliment I’ve received is that my children were so well behaved and obedient. I work REALLY hard at being consistent with them as I want them to grow up being as wonderful as they are. I want them to give back to this beautiful world their talents…that will all go down the drain if they aren’t brought up properly (or at least it will be harder for them to figure it out with all the baggage that can come with a difficult childhood). So when someone said that to me it made me feel so good!
I think compliments that are not superficial seem more genuine to me. I think sometimes people complement your clothes or hair sometimes just to have something to talk about or to be nice, but if someone goes out of their way to tell you what a good writer or friend you are it’s really heartfelt. I think that’s part of the reason those kinds mean more to me.
When I first saw the photo of your “bean loaf”, I thought it was chocolate!
I love getting compliments about ANYTHING. They always catch me off guard, but I love them. Right now I love compliments about my parenting….with 2 little kids, it’s good to know I’m doing something right 😉 I really need to start giving more compliments to others! I think that is even more important 🙂
So here’s my compliment of the day: I love your blog. I love that you are real and very down to earth. Thank you!
A compliment that singles you out, makes you feel original and unique is the best kind of compliment. ( different from any-one else!) 🙂
I never, ever get sick of hearing that I am a good teacher. This year, a former student got in touch with me to say that I inspired her to major in education when she heads off to college in a few years. A week later, I received an email from a parent that told me she was thankful that I had chosen this profession because it gave her daughter an opportunity to learn from me. I was blown away. It’s moments like that that made me go into teaching in the first place.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but i love that you messed up this recipe! I see burger recipes all the time, but not so many veggie meatloaf recipes! I’m excited to try it!
Random question and I hop I don’t offend you because I love your blog tons, but did you and Ryan stop attending your church because you never post about going anymore? PS: really good post! 😀
we were in atlanta last sunday but we went the sunday before that. 🙂 it was on my blog, but i only mentioned it briefly in a sentence that sunday so you may have missed it.
Oh, silly me! Well I’m glad you’re sticking to it; church is so important to me 🙂 And knowing that it matters to my fav. blog is just so great!
geez you hit this right on the dot. I think appearance is such a central thing in growing up in America, especially as adolescents. Everyone feels that everyone is judging you even when they are not, and you are the center of the universe. This is generally a typically belief system of adolescents in psychology.. the egocentric personality. Its a bit sad now that this is beginning earlier in life, partially due to the media, resulting in girls resorting to controllling their eating habits etc. I have a new client who is 11 and has an eating disorder! How sad! Sadly this is happening very often and I have done research on it where there are some girls as young as 5/6 having eating problems, and eating paper to control hunger..The media is a huge issue with this (as well as many other factors) — weirdly I think all these social networks also help contribute to this.. for example, youtube, when parents take all these videos of their kids and post them, I had a client that thought she had her own TV station!!! Parents really need to parent and support their kids, and encourage self esteem (sorry for my little rant.. it comes close to my work environment where I see so many parents doing things that really negatively affect their kids!!)
I think it always make me feel good when my man tells me I look gorgeous. I think its also nice when people tell me I have a nice smile, or when I help them out (especially with my work) and that I have really helped them out so much! Also when you help make someones experience enjoyable whether its a birthday party etc.
I totally agree…I think the reason why we, as women, have body issues is because we put so much focus on looks and beauty and not so much importance on things such as intelligence and personality. We really need to teach our future daughters that smart girls have the most fun! 🙂
Julie you should read this article…my sister just sent it to me today!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html
The concept that is talked about in the article is not unlike what you’re talking about in your blog post. So often we raise our girls with compliments of, ‘you’re so cute!’ ‘you’re so pretty’ ‘your clothes are so nice!’ and forget to compliment them on their abilities. It is important to do so at an early age so our young girls realize how much value is placed on their ABILITIES and ATTITUDE and not just their looks.
Great post today. 🙂
~Laura
I agree with you!
As I age I would rather hear a compliment about my kindness, ambition or intelligence over one related to my appearance.
Recently, a friend told me that I inspired her. She inspires me too! The sign of a great friend!
I always felt good when I got a nice compliment on a paper, or a good grade on a test that I worked really hard for. At the same time, if I overheard a boy say that I was pretty (or tell a friend of mine, because that’s what high schoolers do), I felt flattered.
Now that I’m older, I don’t try so hard. In high school, I would wake up at 5:30 to give myself enough time to do my hair and make-up….freaking out if I didn’t look “perfect.” Now I don’t obsess as much. I really appreciate when someone compliments my intelligence, but I also like when my boyfriend compliments me when I’m at my worse- that probably means the most.
One of favorite compliments is an indirect one like someone complimenting how wonderful or well behaved my kids are. My family in most important to me so it feels like I’ve done a good job raising them when other people compliment them.
It means a lot to me when someone says I have a big heart…haha then I tell them to wait until I don’t have coffee, suddenly I’m the Incredible Hulk!
I do still like getting appearance compliments, but in a different way than I used to. For example, if someone compliments my legs or arms it feels great because it’s something I’ve truly put a lot of work into. Things like “nice eyes”… well that’s just genetic lottery.
I agree, compliments that hit a home run have changed. I still don’t believe the outside compliments because anyone can make them, but the inside ones are ones that matter most.
Best compliment ever:
“I can tell you’re you mother’s daughter.” I said “Thank you. I hope my heart is half as beautiful as hers….” * “Oh darling, it is JUST as beautiful as your mothers.”* my mother is an amazing woman! I was touched!
I love the compliments that relate me to my mom, too!!!! Especially when they say “you are so your mother’s daughter.” It just makes my heart beam!
Honestly, I think all compliments still mean the same thing to me…but only when they come form certain people. Compliments from my parents don’t mean a whole lot, because even though I love them very much and I know they love me very much, I don’t usually buy it, you know? Dad *had* to tell me I looked good in my prom dress. Actually, with things like prom and all that, everyone is supposed to tell you you look good. When someone who isn’t obligated to pay me a compliment says something nice or says it in a situation where it’s not obligatory, that means the most. When I’m wearing normal clothes and someone says they look nice, or when a random person–or better yet, a boss 😉 — tells me they like my writing, that means a lot to me. I just finished a freelancing project and the person who assigned it to me told me that I did an “AWESOME job. I am beyond impressed.” That meant a ton to me, way more than if my parents had said the same thing. I like compliments that I know are genuine.
I feel great about compliments I get on my “post baby body”. Makes a girl feel good when people say “you don’t even look like you had a baby!” I worked REALLY hard so those compliments are much appreciated.
My favorite compliments are the ones people make about my personality and fun-loving attitude and that they wish they could be more like me. No better compliment than for people to want to be like you.
I love this post, Julie. And i mean that! 🙂 I appreciate it when people recognize me for who I am, not just for my accomplishments. I also like it when people recognize how much work I put into getting where I am. Also, I like compliments on my writing, especially genuine unprompted ones. And for the record, I think YOU are a fantastic writer!
Talking about compliments, I want to take this chance to compliment you and your blog. I’ve been reading for a long time, but I’ve been a bit comment shy.
But, I just want to let you know that I love your blog; it is very well written (no typos! which are my pet peeve 😉 ) and you always have such interesting topics, like today’s, mixed in with your eats and workouts.
You seem like a very sweet, genuine, and fun person and I love following along on your adventures.
(even though sometimes I feel like a bit of creeper, reading about your day to day life … but blogs allow us all to be really nosy in an acceptable way, that’s what’s great about them 😉 )
So thank you for the lovely blog and congratulations on your recent career shift!
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment!
That is so true Julie. Just a simple little compliment can change someone’s entire day! I always try to say something to someone (even complete strangers) when I like something about them or that they did. Why the heck would I not? 🙂
I love this post! Julie, I love how insightful you are about life and things in general. And I appreciate that your blog isn’t simply about food; I like that you pull in so many different aspects of life. It’s thought-provoking, and you seem to be really down-to-earth and “real”, which is not something I could say for a lot of the food bloggers I follow. I’m grateful for your little space here on the Internet!
The best compliment I ever received was from a friend of mine who had a long struggle with depression. He said, “You taught me to be an optimist in a world that makes it very hard.” What a thing to hear. That’s stuck with me!
Thank you so much. And I think that is a wonderful compliment you heard. Very touching!
The best compliment I can get is when my parents tell me they’re proud of me. They say it often enough, but it still means a lot to me. I also really appreciate my friends who compliment me on moving to a new state not knowing anyone. When someone tells me they give me credit for taking such a leap of faith, it means a lot! I don’t give myself a ton of credit for things, so it’s nice to get a little compliment here and there.
As much as I dream of escaping Corporate America, the most meaningful compliment I’ve probably ever gotten came from that part of my life. An newer employee brought her family in (husband and baby) to meet her colleagues. She introduced her husband to me who said “So you’re the super-boss!”. I laughed and blew it off but he pressed on, saying, “No, seriously — you need to know how much K. respects you and appreciates you. She always says she is so lucky to work for someone she can learn from and look up to and who treats HER with respect. She’s a happier person at home now that she works for you.”
I was, and still am, profoundly humbled by that. In a very good way. Keeps me centered on what will matter after I’m gone, which isn’t how I contributed to the company’s stock price. It’s how I contributed to the lives of people.
This is such a great post. Not only does it make me appreciate compliments more, but it also makes me want to speak out more in class. Often times certain people make some great contributions to class discussions and the class would be so boring without them. I can’t wait until tomorrow’s class so I can spread a little love!
I am not sure what my favourite compliment would be, but I love when Jason compliments new recipes that I worked so hard on!
I actually love giving out compliments more than I like recieving them because I know just how great I feel when I get them. Although I do like getting compliments on my appearance (seriously who doesn’t?), I like getting compliments about my character as well!
Good save on the black bean loaf 🙂
I totally agree with you about how compliments about personality, intelligence, and work ethic are much more important as an adult.
One of the most meaningful compliments I’ve ever received was somewhat double-sided. A VP in my office said that people in our office made snap-judgements about me based on my looks and happy demeanor, and that as they got to know me I really surprised them with my intelligence. It stung that people may have had a less-than-stellar first impression, but it also made me realize that while I can’t change their first impression (based on shallow observations anyway), I can change their minds by showing them what else I offer.
I love getting compliments about being a role model. My younger cousin will be entering her senior year of high school in the fall and calls me up for college advice and how to listen to your heart. Or when I was a camp director, parents would tell me about how much their kids loved me and wanted to emulate me. It warmed my heart to hear that I was/am such a positive influence. And the best part, is you really have to listen, because these compliments aren’t laid flat “you are a great role model to me.”
There’s only one I don’t care for, the basic, “you are smart.” I believe everybody is smart in at least one way. Would you rather hear, “Jewlie, you are so very smart” or “Gulie, you write so eloquently I can really feel your passion through your words”??
Love this post and I can definitely relate to it. In my teens I always appreciated compliments about my looks so much more than my scholastic abilities or talents. Now that I’m 29, I see so much more than looks in people – I see what a great hardworking mother they are, or a triathelete, or someone’s zest and passion for life.
And even with you, I first noticed what a very attractive and healthy woman you looked to be…but what truly draws me to your blog is your creativity and your beautiful way of writing…you’re the whole package! 😉 And I wanted to let you know your talents inspire me daily to be myself and write from the heart on my blog, so thank you 🙂
Firstly that lunch looks great- classic example of a ‘good’ mistake!
Secondly I love this post! Although I never really put much thought into it, compliments about my character/skills now mean so much to me than about my looks! When I was younger, getting told ‘how nice my outfit’ was or ‘how much weight I had lost’ used to send me to cloud 9! I wont lie, I still enjoy receiving those kind of compliments but definitely don’t take to heart as much as the former kind of compliments. I hate to say it but a lot of appearance-based compliments, I feel at least, are just conversation starters or automatic.
All of the comments on this post are making my heart warm and fuzzy. Great topic, julie!
And I’d have to say the comments I love the most deal with my worth ethic and how determined in am. Makes me want to achieve even more!
Hah! That blackbean thing actually looks like a chocolate chip brownie or something! Ok, as long as we are on the subject of compliments I have one for you that I think everytime I see a picture of you: You have the most beautiful smile. Genuine and full of joy!
Hey Julie,
I think you are really onto something here about compliments. It is evident in the way I choose to spend my time each day; in highschool I would spend hours at my make up and hair, but now? I spend hours blogging or learning more about my career. Also, I wanted to mention to you, I made a black bean buger recipe this weekend from “Daily Garnish” and they turned out great! Have a good day :).
Thanks for the tip! I’ll check ’em out.