Since today was one of the every other Fridays that Ryan has off from work, he met me at my office for a mid-day date!
Date!
I talked him into checking out Ritazza, a café located downtown that serves everything from sandwiches to soup to salads to Mexican food! (I’ve been there a few times and love their salad bar.)
I ordered a salad topped with lots of veggies and balsamic vinaigrette dressing, but Ryan said he couldn’t get Jimmy John’s out of his head (not that I blame him).
I toted my salad to Jimmy John’s so Ryan could order his favorite sandwich.
Salad To Go!
Salad Time!
I ate my whole salad and had a few bits of Ryan’s club.
After we were done with our main meal, we walked to Starbucks for some beverages.
Though I really wanted a Frappuccino, I cannot help but classify that drink as a “sweet” and since I gave those up for Lent, I opted for an iced mint green tea instead.
Green Tea Fo' Me
I slurped it down in no time! Ryan and I laughed when he was finishing up his Frappuccino and got to the bottom where only the whipped cream remained. That’s when I usually swoop in a eat it all.
It was hard to watch him eat “my bites.” He literally opened up the cup to dump the remaining whipped cream into his mouth which I told him was all wrong. You have to slowly scoop it out with a straw so it lasts longer and you can really enjoy it! C’mon!
All in all, it was a great lil’ lunch! I love hot dates in the middle of the day.
And now onto some serious talk.
The other day a wonderful reader asked me to discuss how I handle comparing myself with other women. I think it’s something we all struggle with and her inquiry inspired me to write up this post…
The Comparison Trap
As a woman, it is so, so hard not to compare ourselves with other women. With friends, family members, coworkers, the teeny girl in spandex at the gym. Amazingly talented and incredibly beautiful women are everywhere.
But guess what? You’re one of them.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to the Sunday service at our church. Our pastor said something that resonated with me and I found it very applicable to women everywhere.
“When we romanticize the situations of others, we will never be satisfied with what we have.”
That quote is one of the reasons I wrote the “We’re Not Perfect” post about me and Ryan.
As a woman who is fully immersed in the world of blogging, I read blogs and have found myself romanticizing the situations of others many times. I’ve caught myself believing that certain bloggers lead perfect lives. They can run marathons. They have a perfect marriage. They have an amazing job. Their house is always spotless. They eat healthy, veggie-packed meals without lapse.
The thing about blogging is that you only see what people put out there for you to see. The same is true with people in your day-to-day life. You only know what they tell you about their lives, marriages, jobs and successes.
If all you ever read and all you ever hear is how wonderful things are for those around you, you may struggle with comparing your life to theirs. You may feel resentful, inadequate and unfulfilled.
Here’s the thing: Their lives aren’t perfect either.
You only think they are because you’re romanticizing their situation. Sure, they may be completely happy. They may have a wonderful and supportive husband. But they may also have a lot of debt that they’re struggling to pay off. They may have a family member battling cancer. You just don’t know.
Aside from simply envying the lives of others, it’s so easy to feel jealousy over the appearance of others. How many times have you left the house feeling confident only to have a girl walk by you on the street who made you feel like an instant troll?
Trolls Aren't So Bad!
Avoiding the comparison trap is a challenge. It’s a battle so many women struggle with every day. I wish my hair was as thick as hers. If only I lost some weight, I might look as amazing as she does in those jeans.
Well, you’re not her. You’re you. But that’s amazing.
Maybe she is lusting after your amazing smile. Maybe she would love to have your bubbly personality or your drive in the workplace.
I 100 percent admit that I struggle with the comparison trap. I might feel perfectly okay about myself as I head out on a date with Ryan. Then this freakin’ beautiful girl and her boyfriend walk into the restaurant and sit near us and I feel instantly self conscious. Why? I’m pretty cool, too! Why do I suddenly feel insecure?
So how do we overcome this? How do we feel okay with just being ourselves?
Know this: Being you is pretty darn fantastic.
I try to remind myself that comparing my looks, intelligence, job, successes, failures and love life to others doesn’t change anything. If I am feeling insecure about one aspect of my life, it is up to me to change it. Additionally, if my insecurities are completely unfounded, it is up to me to work on me and my love for myself. It is up to me to try to remember that I am my own person. I will never be someone else, which is a very, very good thing.
Questions of the Afternoon
- Do you struggle with the comparison trap?
- How do you try to overcome it?
Of Possible Interest
- I’m really excited to share that a recipe from PBF is featured on Women’s Health Magazine’s homepage today! To check it out, simply click here. Woo!
- Benefits of Mixing Up Your Workouts (FitSugar.com)
- Forget the Treadmill. Get a Dog. (NYTimes.com, featuring a picture of a vizsla like Sadie!)
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This is such a great post Julie! No matter how self-confident I am, it is still always a challenge not to fall into the “comparison trap.”
I just have to tell myself exactly what you said – I’m ME, not her, and I’m pretty freakin’ cool! 🙂
Have a great friday!
i think that should be the motto for today. “i’m pretty freakin’ cool!”
Julie, what a great post! I saw your tweet, and I was excited to see what the “heavy” part of your post was!
What your pastor said is SO TRUE. I definitely fall in the comparison trap. It is so hard to look at pictures of people and think, “Oh if only I could…” It gets us no where.
The life that God has given is a blessing. I try not to forget that.
i agree 100%. feeling jealous or envious brings us NO joy. finding peace and happiness within ourselves is a challenge, but something i really strive for every single day. it’s hard, but so much easier when you think about all the blessings we have in our lives.
i LOVE this post. and your blog 😉
Amazing perspective pretty lady! How true is this? I think there will always be moments/days/times when I fall into the comparison trap but thankfully aging comes with some wisdom and each year I get a little more thankful that I’m ME and learning to appreciate the beauty in others and allowing it to INSPIRE me rather than to CRUSH me or make me feel INADEQUATE.
Just had a hot lunch date with my Ryan too today. LOVE them. 🙂 Have a great weekend Julie!
exactly! this is something i’ve only been able to do recently in my life. using what might be jealousy as inspiration is much more productive!
Julie I totally agree with you — we see only a snapshot of someone’s life — and it is what THEY want us to see. And thats ok — no one needs to know everything about me!
Yes I struggle with comparing myself — to other bloggers, people at the gym, people at work, neighbors, family, etc. I remind myself that they aren’t perfect and there may be times when they compare themselves to me! That doesn’t mean I’m so great, it is just that we all do it from time and time, and it is important to recognize your strengths and that you are valuable person!
Great post Julie! I find myself falling in the comparison trap a lot. There are days when everyone else seems to have perfect lives and in contrast I feel distinctly average. It’s funny how you mentioned how you feel seeing a ‘beautiful’ couple walk in while you’re out having dinner… I always imagined you and Ryan to be one of these beautiful couples! ( you two do look great together!)
It’s so easy to compare yourself with others, especially when you’re 19 like me & still finding who you are. One thing that keeps me going is knowing that my parents love me for ME, my boyfriend loves me for ME, and my family & friends love me for ME. This gives me confidence in loving MYSELF – you have to love yourself first, and everyone is beautiful in their own, special way. It’s what makes you YOU!
Thank you for this post Julie 🙂
What a great post, Julie! The comparison trap is something I find myself struggling with too, try as I might to always focus on the positive. You wrote a great entry, that I’m sure many will bookmark and come back to read as a pick-me-up, as I have. Thank you for always being honest and bubbly, even when discussing “heavier” topics!
What a great post Julie! I definitely struggle with comparing myself to other women. It’s something I’ve really been trying to work on lately, because in the end no matter how much I compare myself to anyone else, I’m still going to be me. I constantly find myself envying my petite friends who can rock high heels everyday, so I try to remind myself that they probably wish they had long legs like I do. I also try to remind myself that my boyfriend, family and friends love me because I’m me… why would I try to be someone else?!?
I love the troll picture by the way, and congrats on the Women’s Health feature! So awesome!!
me too!!! i think as a taller girl, it’s easy to envy “tiny” and “petite” women… but that’s NEVER going to be me… and that’s okay.
As one petite woman, I would say I definitely envy people’s long legs sometimes! So even if you envy petite women wearing heels, they more than likely are wishing they had your long legs!! :)) rock your long legs and feel proud!;)
Your positive attitude is one of the many reasons I adore this blog. Wonderful entry, thanks for the inspiration!
Thanks for this lovely reminder Julie – I needed to hear it today! 🙂
you are wonderful, mindy!
Amazing post with some great advice! It is so hard to stop comparing yourself to others (it almost becomes a habit) but you’re 100% correct…we romanticize their lives and situations. Well said 🙂
I struggle with this A LOT, but I try to keep in mind that just as I’m jealously observing that perfect girl next to me in the restaurant, there’s some aspect of me — my personality or my appearance — that she wants too. No one is perfect and EVERYONE, even the most beautiful, perfect, happy people, is insecure about *something*.
I used to feel like I was forever struggling with the comparison trap — since I was a little girl. I’m definitely making progress, and adopting a healthier lifestyle has helped a ton. I’d often compare myself to other women, feel bad about it, then drown my emotions in a bowl of ice cream. Finding blogs like this one has made me realized that I have the power to change my health, weight, outlook, etc. Petty comparisons are such a waste of time — something on which we’ve expelled way too much energy. Your pastor had it right when he called people out on romanticizing others’ situations. Truth be told, that girl I just compared myself to is probably comparing herself to me! Vicious cycle indeed. I could go on..haha. But I don’t want to leave a huge comment! =)
You definitely have to eat the whipped cream slowly so it lasts longer ;). It is my favorite part of a frappucinno!
Do you add mint syrup to their regular iced green tea?
i am printing this out and hanging it in my room.. thanks so much for this inspirational post!
Oh my gosh do I struggle with this! Whether it’s at the gym, trying to run my hardest and seeing someone running harder or looking at those with what looks like a perfect relationship and wishing I had the same. And the list of comparisons could go on and on! A lot of times I just need to take a step back and be more forgiving of myself. Reading positive, happy blogs (especially like yours!) and knowing that I’m in very good company helps a lot!
Thanks for the really relavant post Julie! 🙂
Fab.U.Lous!
This is actually super timely because I’m thinking of starting my own blog and have posts written but can’t think of a name! I finally came to terms with just picking something that suits ME and not comparing it to all the others I love (like PBF;)) I have it narrowed down to a few now so hopefully it’ll be up and running soon.
I’ve been catching up on your blog after just finding it–oh what I was missing out on! LOL! Such a great post, keep up the great work.
Oh…and very happy to see your recipe featured at Women’s Health. So cool!
Great life advice, Julie! I think it is so true, so many women fall victim to doing this – just ahve to remember and highlight the positives, and like you said, WE DON’T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY, ONLY WHAT THEY PUT OUT THERE!!
aw, Julie, I love this post!! its sooo true! And its so nice to know that I am not the only woman who falls prey to this! And I like your outlook…. we all have our special qualities someone else may envy.
We are all beautiful, just the way we are 🙂
Really perfect article, i have been wondering how other bloggers feel about this topic regarding other blogs, I am new to the blogging world and before when i was just a reader/commenter it never dawned on me. But now that I have my new very own blog I find myself looking at other blogs with envy. I know I have a lot to learn but I think “will I ever be that good?” and “can i really do this?” but then i remind myself I am doing my blog for me thats it. Really awesome post today.
i think it’s natural to compare yourself… even in blogging. it’s like being in school… you naturally compare your test scores w/ your peers… or in the work world, you compare your success w/ a colleague’s success. the blogging world is definitely not immune to this! i really try to use other bloggers as inspiration and motivation. we have so much to learn from each other and amazing blogs really push me to try to make my blog the best it can be… for ME. 🙂
YES! thanks again for the article. I got so much inspiration from a bunch of blogs (including PBFingers) in my personal life you have no idea. Which also inspired me to start my blog. I have also learned so much from so many amazing beautiful women in the blog world. I need to be my own biggest supporter. Thanks for always being so positive.
Love love love this post. So true, and I’ve been wanting to write something like this — only you said it so much better than I could have! Thanks for putting it out there.
I definitely 100% struggle with this issue. Sometimes, I find myself comparing myself to others so much that I end up getting so fed up with myself!! What the heck!? Why do I let that happen? I don’t know all the answers… but I do think that it’s important to have these feelings so there is always a drive to improve myself, but not over do it so thats all I think about. I work in an environment where there are women of all shapes and sizes, and graduating college about 2 years ago, I am still somewhat smaller?? than most of the women, but there are definitely ladies that are much smaller than me. I find myself ok at work most days, but when I go back to my old college town (Aggieland what what!!) I constantly find myself looking at all these girls and being envious. I have gained some weight since graduating, and I remember that I used to be able to walk around campus in shorts and have no insecurities. It’s a work in progress, but I’m slowly getting back to the way I was, and I know most of my motivation comes from… “Summer is coming and so is “shorts” season.” I have started to adapt a somewhat healthier life style (definitely healthier than in college), however I am no longer walking miles around campus each day, I am sitting in a cube now.
I have a food blog but have been trying to determine if I want to make it a “lifestyle” blog I guess you could say, where you post some of the main meals you eat and talk about your life daily. Sometimes I am scared to put all that information out there, but sometimes it makes me think that it would hold me accountable in ways.
I get caught up in the “their life must be perfect” world too when it comes to following blogs, but seeing other bloggers have real struggles make them seem like they are like me. Thanks for this post Julie!! It really is relevant in my life and I’m sure many others.
GREAT post! I don’t normally comment but this really hit me. I’ve been falling into the comparison trap alot lately myself. Keep up the good work…your blog is awesome. I’m a fellow Central Floridian as well. 🙂 P.S. Tried the Kale and Raspberry Salmon and they were both YUMMY (ESPECIALLY the kale)!!!
I really love this post! Lately I feel like I have been falling into that comparison trap a little too much. I try to remind myself that the best motivation comes from within myself, rather than through the envy of other people. Thanks for the inspiring words 🙂
You know I’m all over discussing the comparison trap and the fact that we all have our issues so we should never feel inadequate compared to others. I’ve talked about it so much because I know so many feel it. And its another reason I try to always share my struggles so people know its not perfect and I have hard times too. Great post, Julie. Love ya!
tina, i think your “body after baby” posts REALLY help with this. i think so many women compare themselves to celebrities who have a baby and then bounce back in like 3 weeks! it’s not realistic and it’s so wonderful to see you and your pictures because i think we can all agree that you look amazing and you are going about your changes in a healthy way that’s realistic and inspiring.
This is an amazing post! As a new blogger – I am feel like I am struggling with the comparison game a little more than when I was a lurker. 🙂 It’s good to have bloggers like you to remind us all that who we are is perfect. Great post!
awww great post Julie!! It’s sooo true~I mean, we’re all imperfect and therefore falll into that trap from time to time. But I always remember how God says in His Word that I, you, and the girl next to me are all beautifully made in HIS image. That having HIM is what makes me so beautiful! Also, if I can’t love myself for the way I’m made, then how can I love others rightly? (is what goes on in my heart) It’s not always easy, but He reminds me that in the end, we should all compare ourselves to Him~b/c in the end, truth is that we all fall back on the same level of falling short of His perfect love, glory, and just who He is. This may not be so tangible to some individuals, but standing on His truth keeps me sane and goin! 😀 Thanks Julie~
Awesome, awesome post lady! I am guilty of this too, and it always just makes me feel terrible about myself. I read this great quote somewhere recently (I *think* it’s part of the lululemon manifesto but can’t remember for sure) Anyway it’s “Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to.”
I love this post, Julie! I wrote about something similar last night based on Carrie’s post on Moves n’ Munchies. I think people really need to love themselves first. It’s easier said than done, but it is possible. There will always be those days we get down on ourselves, but we have to train ourselves to get back up and keep on trekking. Love this!
This is such an important message that cannot be covered enough.
For me, I do/did a lot of modeling, acting and singing auditions, and the comparison game never stops. I wrote a post about this, but I’ll say it again here. Say, for example, I were standing in line for an audition and I’d see a girl and I’d think, “she’s thinner and prettier.” Now, if you remove the -er, the words become less powerful and become just adjectives instead of superlatives. “She’s thin and pretty.” That’s just fact. There’s no comparison there. She may be thin and pretty. I’m also fit and cute. I’m smart. I like me. THAT is what matters. She can be those things and I can be those things, but there is no relationship, and thereby comparison, between the two.
WHEW, sorry! That felt good! Now, though, the only comparisons I truly struggle with are with other bloggers regarding blog things. It’s ridiculous! For example, I think it’s so amazing you are hugely popular and are featured on Women’s Health mag’s website. But then I wonder, “well, why isn’t SnackFace being picked up by anything?” And it’s just silly, you know?
Anyway, thanks for bringing this up! It’s SO KEY!
kayley, i LOOOOOVE this. your second paragraph is spot on! i am making a mental note to remove the “ier” from my mind!
and i’m such an ass for misspelling your name. my best friend’s name is michaela and i always call her kayley! i’m sorry!
You make a great point, Kailey! I like the idea of turing words of comparison into merely adjectives. I think we can all appreciate people who are smart, talented, good-looking, etc.; it’s not until we compare them to ourselves that it becomes problematic.
Well…I’m no magazine…but you just picked yourself up a new reader, Miss Snack Face. 🙂 I love dropping the “ier” No relationship…no comparison. Perfect.
i love this post…i think we all need to hear this from time to time. made my day!
Beautiful post, Julie! Thank you for the reminder that being who *YOU* are is a gift and a blessing and we are ALL beautiful beings! Just the way we are! Thank you for inspiring me today to fully appreciate the awesomeness of myself! And the awesomeness of others, without judgements, jealousy or comparisons. 🙂
I definitely struggle with the comparison trap! The easiest way for me to battle the comparison thoughts is to think of all of my good qualities. That usually does the trick and puts things back in perspective 🙂
Thanks for the great reminder! I totally fall into that trap and it’s good to hear that I’m not the only one.
Unfortunately it’s probably one of those things that will always happen to some extent but having great people in your life to lift you up helps as well as remember what your unique gifts are. Everyone has something so great to offer.
I’m always trying to be more positive and it’s something I struggle with from time to time in real life so I’ve decided that my blog will always have an upbeat tone because like you said, people only see what you choose to put out there and why not limit the negativity you’re sending out? Your blog is a great example of that and I’m so glad I stumbled across it.
Cheers!
oh YEs i fell into the trap especially when i first read blogs because all these people had such amazing lives and i was there sitting at home all depresssed… while i can say that blogs have really helped me deveop who i am and who i want to be.. i definitely fallinto that trap sometimes, but i do remind myself how far ive come and how COOL I am!
you are WAY cool, carrie!
LOVE this post!!! Thanks for posting it, puts everything into perspective. Hope you have a fabulous weekend!!
you’re so, so right, Julie.
I find myself doing the same thing… because we bloggers only share what we want to, everyone assumes our lives are exactly what we report. so untrue… there are so many boring/sad parts of my life I *don’t* include in my blog.. such as my 2 year relationship breakup.
Instead of blogging about how miserable I am (it happens), I use my blog as a focus on the positives in my life. No one wants to read about sad stuff, anyway!
To avoid the comparison trap, I typically stop myself and think about all the things I’m proud of about myself. “She has the flattest tummy ever! But I bet she can’t keep up with me in a half marathon!” 🙂
I struggle with this a lot, and even so with losing weight down to a healthy size. I’ve always been overweight, and at one point in my life was at least a size 18+. It took a really long time, but finally this last year, I conquered “myself” and am now about a size 6. It’s kind of funny b/c I thought that when I got to a size 6 that I would be okay with myself, and that I wouldn’t “wish” to be a smaller size. But I still find myself seeing a girl that has thinner thighs than me, or a flatter stomach, and wanting what she has! A few years ago, I would have killed for the body that I have now! It’s really easy to get caught up in it all, but somehow you have to be content with what God gave you!
This is SUCH a great post!! And a coincidence too since my last post was also called the ‘comparison trap’ (but was more about comparisons between bloggers)! Anyway you are SO amazing and gorgeous and don’t you ever forget it!!! 😀
Hi 🙂 I am new to your blog and just wanted to say I really enjoyed this post and definitely plan to come back! I’ve actually been struggling with romanticizing the lives of others lately and it’s good to know that others do it, too, and that I am not alone in that. And I often think, “WOW, she has a great body! I wish my thighs looked that thin!” — but, you’re right, I need to remember that my thighs are pretty damn cool too. 🙂
Great post, Julie! You are very perceptive.
“But guess what? You’re one of them.” <–Love it! We women seem to frequently forget this.
I liken the personal comparison trap to my wardrobe struggles. I often feel like I have no cute clothes, especially when I see others sporting absolutely fabulous outfits. I get an intense urge to add new pieces to my closet. It's not until someone compliments MY outfit or shoes or bag that I start thinking, hey, I have cute clothes and a good sense of style, too! And then a light switch goes off and I realize I actually do like the items in my wardrobe. Now if only that affirmation could come from within . . . right? 🙂 I'm working on it!
This is one of the hardest things girls, including myself, go through. How can we not compare ourselves when EVERY girl is so beautiful inside and out? Although I compare myself and at times feel jealous or inadequate, I always remember that everyone has problems, everyone has insecurities, and sometimes we’re all fighting or struggling for something. Instead, being supportive and looking to others for inspiration is the best way to go…though it’s not the easiest to remember!
loved this post…you have a great way with words. every young woman should be required to read this!
i’ve made it a habit to read your blog – it’s a wonderful break from the daily office humdrum. thanks so much for putting yourself out there!
This is such a good topic. I definitely struggle with comparison. One thing that’s helped me is to stop giving it a voice. Sure, I’ll have fleeting thoughts of envy, but if I don’t respond verbally and think something positive about myself mentally I can usually keep the negativity from creeping in.
This was such an awesome post! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about the Comparison Trap.
great post! so very true!! and I love when I get to leave the office too 😀 it breaks up the day
This post is great! This is something I find myself dealing with at times, and I make a concentrated effort to push those thoughts out of my mind when they occur. It’s not always easy though! I’ve been following your blog for a while now and your posts always make me think and make me proud to be a strong woman. You are an amazing writer, Julie! 🙂
Wow, I totally love this post. You put this issue and its solution into words SO well.
Also, congrats on the Women’s Health Magazine shoutout…awesome!!!
Julie, this is such a great post. I try my damnedest not to compare myself to others, but it happens. I have come to realize that I only feel unattractive or self-conscious when I put myself up against somebody else – so why do it?! I mentally kick myself in the ass when I find myself falling into the comparison gap. The solution? When I see someone who’s thin/pretty/smart I compliment her! You wouldn’t believe how quickly that makes the comparison game disappear.