My legs were not yet ready for an intense leg workout at the gym this morning. Still recovering!
I kept things light and began with 20 minutes on the elliptical before doing three sets of 15 repetitions of the following exercises at a lighter-than-usual weight:
- Step ups
- Deadlifts
- One-legged leg press
- Lunges
- Hamstring curls on exercise ball
Though my legs still feel a bit fatigued, they’re almost back to normal and lightly working them out felt good!
I rounded out my workout with another 10 minutes on the elliptical while reading Better Homes & Gardens magazine which reaffirmed my disinterest in gardens (totally skipped that section) and also made me feel bad about my lack of interior design skills. At least I found a great recipe to try!
Breakfast
Initially I wanted to make banana bread protein pancakes this morning, but we only had a small amount of oatmeal, so I made a batch of Stonewall Kitchen gingerbread pancakes and added some oats to the mix!
Topped with cinnamon chia seed granola and syrup!
Dating Duration Before Engagement
Last week I finished reading American Wife, the book we selected to read for the PBF October Book Club.
The book follows the life of Alice Lindgren, a Wisconsin girl who grows up, gets married and inevitably finds herself in Washington D.C. as the first lady of the United States.
In the book, she falls in love with Charlie Blackwell and they are engaged within a couple of months.
I remember taking a child development class in high school and I had a teacher who was adamant when she said that couples should date for at least three years before getting engaged because during a three-year timeframe, you’re likely to go through a significant change together, have some serious fights and weather a few dramatic events.
Ryan and I met my freshman year in college and dated for 5 1/2 years before getting engaged. Oddly enough, when we did get engaged, I still wasn’t sure we waited long enough (I was only 24!) even though I definitely knew he was “the one” and absolutely saw a future with him. Big decisions take a long time for me to make because I tend to over think them, almost to a fault. Getting married was a huge deal to me and I wanted to do it once and do it right.
To be totally honest, if Ryan would not have said “we’re getting a dog,” I’m not sure we’d even have Sadie. Yes, I wanted a dog, but I was so worried about being a good dog owner and giving a dog enough exercise and attention that I always talked myself out of it. Now I can’t imagine life without Sadie!
Though I tend to be overly cautious with big decisions, I absolutely love the stories of couples who met, got engaged on the third date and were married for 65 years. That kind of spontaneity and passion makes the romantic side of me turn to mush!
In the end, I think the ideal amount of dating time before an engagement completely depends on the couple.
Question of the Morning
- If you’re married, how long did you date your spouse before getting engaged?
- If you’re single or dating, how long do you think you’d like to be with someone before getting engaged (assuming you want to do so one day)?
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Although I knew he was the one when I met him, hubby and I actually got married 5 years to the day after our first date. That gave us both time to finish our degrees and find jobs.
I knew I was going to love this post when I saw the title. My boyfriend and I met in college and have been dating for four years. We know we want to get married some day but we both want to wait to get engaged until we just feel a little bit more settled on career paths. It also doesn’t help that right now we’re long-distance, so the first step for us will be actually living in the same city.
I’m in the same boat (kind of). My boyfriend and I started dating when I was a sophomore in college (a little over 3 years now) and we are both fairly certain we want to be with each other for a long time. Like you, we both want to have solid, long-lasting careers before delving into getting engaged. Plus, while he is 24, I’m only 22 so marriage is not something I want to think about for at least 3 years! Like you we live about 2 hours away from each other so the first step would be living in the same place.
Wow Mallory – I am in basically the exact same boat you are in! But our distance is a bit longer (7 hour drive). We had a real talk about it a few months back, and we both decided we have a lot of growing and changing to do on our own before we are ready to be married to someone (essentially, be accountable to another). I told him I wanted to finish school first (but I am now getting my doctorate so that plan might change a bit).!
I was so glad to see your comment – it’s nice to hear I’m not alone!
This is crazy – I’m in the same boat. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years next month, and we have been long-distance for over 2 years! We both lived in Orlando when I was in school, and then after graduation, the job market was really rough and I had to move home to find a job. We’ve been discussing engagement for several years, but we want to be living in the same place!
Ditto to all of these. This month, we’ll have been together for 5 years and we’ve been long distance for the last 4 of those 5. No engagements here until we live in the same zip code!
My fiance waited until we were together for 5 and a half years before he proposed. He proposed this past March (the day before my birthday!). I honestly think it was a very long wait but we started dating when we were in college. We’ve been living together for 2 years now. It was worth the wait but I think we were ready a year ago or less. We will be celebrating our 6 year anniversary next weekend and when we get married, we will have been together for almost 7 years. 🙂
I love your story with Ryan! I think it’s super cute!
congrats on your upcoming wedding!!!
I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years… I just turned 23 and am a full time graduate student. I wish we could afford to live together, but right now it isn’t possible! I secretly would love to be engaged, but really believe that living together first is necessary. I can’t wait until the day we can get our own place!
I’ve actually been thinking about this topic a lot…seeing as I just got engaged about two months ago! People have generally been pretty surprised that me and my fiance dated just under a year before we got engaged, but then understand when I tell them we’ve been best friends for over 6 years! Although our “dating” period lasted less than a year, our engagement will last about 19 months!
I think there are a lot of different factors that go into making such a huge decision and they vary among couples. I have friends that have been dating their significant other for over 5 years and aren’t ready to get engaged, but I also have friends are already married after dating for just 6 months! To each their own 🙂
well said! with so many different personalities in this world, i don’t think there’s a set amount of time any couple should date before getting engaged. it totally depends on the couple.
We dated on and off for 6 years (we met in 1999 when he was 20 and I was 21). In 2005, we decided to give it an “all-or-nothing” shot and totally commit to each other. We were engaged in 2006 and married in 2007.
We dated four years before getting engaged. Then we were engaged for three years, and now we will be celebrating our first anniversary (and eight years together!) in just a couple weeks. 🙂
The pancakes look fab! I need to make some this morning… 🙂
I’m married and we just celebrated our 12th anniversary last week. We dated almost 5 years before that (4yrs and 11 months ☺) He had been done with college for a couple years, and had played a few years of minor league baseball. I had just finished college. We were ready to take the next step professionally and emotionally ~ together. 🙂
Ah, I agree! Marriage is a huge step and while it’s awesome to get engaged and married so fast, I prefer waiting it out to make sure it’s the perfect fit. We dated for 2 years before getting engaged and then we were married 2 weeks after our 3 year dating anniversary. It was the perfect timing for us!
Blake and I dated for 3 years before we got engaged. We lived in sin for 2.5 of those years… so I felt like we knew the good, the bad, and the ugly. We were married a little over a year later…
and non-related – If Pentatonix doesn’t win The Sing Off, I’ll be totally shocked.
I KNOW!! i hope they win and then go on tour. i would totally pay to see them live.
My guy and I have only been together about 4 months. Last night, while driving in the car, I totally saw our future and can’t picture my life without him. 30 minutes later we were on a spontaneous furniture shopping trip for our future home. I don’t know how long we will date and I am not in a hurry, but I love him without any doubt.
A woman I work with met her husband in the summer, engaged by the holidays and were married in spring. All less than a year. They have been together for 40-something years now.
your comment about you & your boyfriend gave me goosebumps! so sweet!
That’s my parents… blind date on New Years, engaged in February, married in April, had me in November 🙂 24 years later, still together!
We dated a year and a half. We are currently engaged and getting married in June. Our engagement will be exactly a year.
I don’t think there is a “right” amount of time – it is all up to the couple. That said, I do think far to much emphasis in our culture is placed on the acts of getting engaged and getting married rather than on the relationship itself and ensuring it is strong, healthy, and in the best interest of both individuals. I am currently single and I know for myself, I do not have the need to get married. I don’t think a wedding is necessary in order for me to be in a long-term, stable, healthy, happy and strong relationship. Heck, I don’t think that I need to be in a long-term relationship in order to have a healthy, happy, fulfilled life.
I wanted to add that I know mine isn’t a normal case. My husband was also my first serious boyfriend and the first guy I kissed. So I realize I’m nowhere near the norm. My best friend has been dating her BF for 2 years now and they are going to wait at least another year until they get out of college to get engaged. I really think it depends on what each couple is comfortable with.
My husband and I dated for 11 months before we got engaged. I was 18 and in my Freshman year of college. He is almost 6 years older and from the moment I met him I knew that we were meant to spend our lives together. We got married 4 months later shortly after my 19th birthday. We’ve now been married for just over 2 years and I don’t regret our short engagement or dating time one bit. He really is my best friend and totally completes and compliments me. We rarely fight and having him with me during the tough times we’ve encountered is the best thing I could ask for 🙂
We dated 2 and 1/2 years before getting engaged. Scott is 11 years older than me, so I like to say our time doubles into 5 years 😉
We got married at 3 1/2 and I feel like we planned it just right…considering I was 26. If I were younger we probably would have waited a little longer…
P.S. Your gingerbread pancakes look fabulous. I made myself a protein pancake this morning but it was fresh from instant oats…lol 😉
I dated my guy two years before we got engaged. We got married 9 months after we got engaged (3 months ago) so last weekend was actually our “engagement anniversary!” as well as our “dating anniversary!”
I felt those leg effects myself this morning, but for me it was kind of the opposite. I went for a run, and my legs were beat from lifting yesterday! I think finding the balance between heavy leg workouts and running is going to be the trick to marathon training.
I feel like this is my exact story. Started dating when I was 17 and he was 21, and now I’m almost 21 and hoping to graduate in the next two years so we can finally move in together and hopefully get married! We’re in our third year of long distance and I am more than ready to live closer to him.
ahh I meant to reply to Whitney 🙂
My husband and I dated for about 4 years before we got engaged. I met him when I was 17 and he was 21 so he had to wait on me to graduate twice… high school and then college 🙂
Wow! All these fantastic 5+ years of dating before engagement! I actually got engaged after about 8 months of dating. Before this relationship I has been with other boyfriends for several years without wantIng to get married… It was amazing how soon after staring to date my husband how I knew right away that he’d be the one. I’d never believed people who said to me “you’ll just know.” but wow we’re they right! We’ve been married for 2 years and I know I made the right choice, even though I swore I’d never get engaged before at least 1.5 years of dating. I’m so lucky to have him and am so in love!!
yayy! 🙂 so happy for you both. 🙂
I can relate to you! I started dating my fiance in April of this year and we just got engaged at the end of October.. I dated a few guys before but I never, ever really believed I would experience the whole ‘you’ll just know’ either and was ready to give up but with him, within the first few months I had no doubt he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and the same went for him. It’s really an amazing, undeniable feeling that I think those who have should appreciate because not everyone finds love, though I wish everyone could. 🙂
I totally agree that it depends on the couple – their previous relationships, expectations, values etc. I’m single, but I feel like for younger couples, a little longer is probably more appropriate, whereas if a couple is older, maybe it’d be ok to only date for a year or two.
And I agree on BHG- I always skip the gardening section!
I know that people can meet and get married and live happily ever after, but I’m like you: I take a while to make big decisions. I definitely think I would want to date someone for at the very least 1 year and then be engaged for 1 year. If you rush into something you may feel trapped and not want to dissapoint people if you realize it might not be right
My (new) Husband and I just got married 2 weeks ago. And we ‘dated’ for 10 years! If you can call it dating at 14?
Once again, your pancakes are making me veeerrry hungry!
high school sweethearts!!! i love it!
I guess you could say Hubbs and I dated for 6ish years, but some of that was time apart because he was a bit older and I was in college. When we officially got back together, it was about 2 years before we got engaged. It worked well for us 🙂
I guess we shouldn’t expect a baby from you and Ryan anytime soon, if big decisions take a while for you to make? I just feel like getting pregnant and blogging about it is in vogue right now! 😉
for real! i am such an over-thinker. i should probably start considering babies now if we want them in the next 10 years! 😀
I dated my husband for 4.5 years (met Junior year of college) before getting engaged and then we had a 1.5 year engagement. So our wedding day was on our 6 year dating anniversary 🙂
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 and a half years! We met when I was 15, so that kind of explains why we’re not engaged yet 🙂 I wish we could get engaged and married, 6 years is a long time, but where still a bit too young for Italy’s culture to get engaged…my grandpa would have a fit :D. Plus I still live with my family (the whole university sistem is different here).
PS- After our first date I did call my parents and tell them I was going to marry this guy. I was totally right!
My fiance and I dated two and a half years before getting engaged. I think it is definitely important to have to tackle some life changes while yo uare dating and go through some serious changes.
When we first started dating, i was in grad school living with some friends. He was at home… about an hour away..but we still had some privacy. Then.. I graduated.. moved home.. and had to find a job. We both lived at home.. and still had an hour between us. It was rough. We had no “us” time because we were with our parents. He spent a summer away at school gettinghis masters.. making the distance further. 1.5 years in, we decided to move in together. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think he was the one.. but it was defintely a challenge at first. We’ve been through manny ups in downsas a couple.. and have been there for the other’s ups and downs. I can’t wait to marry my best friends.. 9 months from Thursday!!
so exciting! congratulations!
My husband and I dated for about 4 years before getting engaged but I was the same way as you…still wasn’t sure if I was ready. In face, I had told him about a month before he asked me to marry him, that I wanted to wait. At that time he already had the ring and everything…oops! But I also knew he was “the one” and that I wanted to be with him forever…I was just young (23) and didn’t want to rush. But now I am SO HAPPY we’re married. I can’t imagine us only “dating” at this point in our lives. I think the most important thing is to be sure the he/she is “the one”.
i feel like i felt the exact same way as you!! i knew ryan was the one i wanted to be with forever, but i was young and didn’t feel “in a hurry.” now that we’re actually married, i am so happy we got married when we did. 🙂
My husband and I met in college and were together for two years, including a year of long-distance while I was at grad school and he was still in college. We got engaged after two years of dating and had a 1.5 year engagement. We got married in July!
I would have always said that I would have waited longer to get engaged, but that year of long distance really proved to me how certain I was that I wanted to be with him forever, and then I couldn’t wait!
long distance is HARD. if you can make it through that, i definitely think your commitment to each other is legit!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5.5 years but we won’t be getting engaged for at least another two years. I’m 22 so we started dating when we were 17. We live together now and that was a big enough step as it was. Plus, we are just starting out so I’d like to have time to save some money to have a kick ass wedding 🙂
Cheers on the kickass wedding! I’m not engaged either–and don’t plan to be any time soon, but my BF and I always talk about our wedding and how it will knock the pants off of all the other weddings we’ve ever been to! (or at least the one that didn’t have any music….)
I think it depends on so many things but one thing is age. I would have needed a LOT of time if I had met someone in my early twenties (and used a lot of time to figure out that my boyfriends then weren’t the right ones). But, now that I’m in my mid thirties, it’s a lot easier for me to know who has potential and who doesn’t. My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half and are planning on getting married soon. But, a year and a half would never have been enough time ten years ago!!
Well if three years is the optimal time frame I better be getting a ring next week! It completely depends on the couple. I’ve had one boyfriend ever, we’ve been together for 3 years minus a week. A lot of my friends ask me how I can stay with someone for 3 years and potentially my life never knowing what else is out there..but I feel like anyone can say that about any guy they’re with; you never know what else is out there but you know what is in front of you and how much you value it! Because my boyfriend is in a 6 year doctorate program I have no intention of being engaged or married until I’m 25 or 26, but I do believe that you have to have fought before you can really know each other. How a person fights says a TON about them.
Andrew and I met while he was on a business trip to Illinois from Texas. I just happened to be waitressing at the hotel restaurant and met him and I never believed in love at first sight until i saw him. We hungout a few times and then about a week later he had to go back to Texas. We continued communication and a few weeks later he bought a plane ticket to see me. We dated for about 3 months when he decided to move across country for me, to Illinois. After 6 months of dating, he asked me to marry him, with my parents permission of course, and I wouldn’t want it any other way! I think when it’s right, it’s right. And I had that feeling since the day i met him. 🙂
goosebumps!!! 😀
We waited 11 years :), but we’ve been together since we were 15. We were engaged at 26 and married at 27.
Between 1-2 years dating, and then a 5-6 month engagement. He won’t give me specifics because he wants it to be a surprise.
I think for younger women waiting for a few years is ideal. the “lust” stage of dating can last up to two years. Of course, each couple is different and I agree the “meet ,get married ,and last forever is TOTALLY romantic but you also have no idea what goes on in the relationships later.
On a personal note, I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years (started dating early in college) and yes… things are not always peachy and its important to go through a few of those stages and make sure you still love and respect the other person before marriage. It makes your love so much stronger and deeper!
I sound a lot like you in that department! We met our freshman year of college and had our first date the next night. I’m 24 now and we’ve been dating 5 1/2 years but I don’t want to get engaged AT ALL!! My friends think I’m crazy…
Two of the 5 years were long distance so I think that has something to do with it. We fixed that in August though 🙂 He was relocated to Newfoundland last year for 3 years so I moved there… crazy!! I’m just so happy to be in the same place as him that I could care less about getting engaged/married. One day maybe 🙂
Those Stonewall Kitchen pancakes look awesome! I don’t think there is any set amount of time you should wait before you get engaged, but I do think somewhere in the 3+ year area gives you a good chance of working out the kinks before you jump in. My husband and I were the same as you and Ryan. We started dating my sophomore year in college, got engaged when I was 24 and married at 25. For me, 25 was much younger than I thought I would get married, but when you find the right person things just click.
My husband is British, and I met him at a gala dinner in March 2008. We had one date that weekend, then he flew back to visit me in exactly 3 times before he proposed! He actually did not move to the US until a week before our wedding, but now it’s been 2 years and it’s still wonderful.
What matters most for me is financial/career stability… as long as you love the person and can’t imagine your life without them, I dont think there is a time frame for that. I also think it is important to live with your future hubs/wifey for at least a short time so that you can know their day-to-day life, and have an opportunity to manage money together.
My boyfriend and I met freshman year of college, started dating sophomore year of college, saw each other through grad school and law school, 3 bar exams (all passing!), and 7 years after we became a “couple” I still feel too young to be engaged/married! I just turned 26 and still have too much I want to do! With him, of course!
Just started reading your blog and love it!! Dental Student and I have been dating since February of 2009, and living together since September of 2010. Were only 25, so I dont know if were ready yet, but many of friends did start getting engaged! I cant wait to start reading along with this book club!
Haha it’s like you read my mind.. I’ve been thinking about this lately after a few interesting conversations. I definitely think at least three years is a good, solid marker so I’d have to say your teacher’s reasoning makes sense to me, although granted it depends on the couple. I also think that at least two years should be post-college… definitely food for thought!
your comment about “post-college” time made me smile! ryan and i have both said we felt like our relationship changed A LOT after college and those years after college taught us a lot and were very important to us.
I was the same way with my husband. We got married at 24 and always said we’d wait 5 years for kids, since we moved to other side of the country and getting settled. My family studies teacher in college said it was best to wait to have kids until 7 years into marriage. We didn’t plan to wait that long but with job losses and stuff we are. Now we’re are trying I can say my husband wouldn’t have been ready until now, but couple is different. You never know if those statistics are true!
Hi Julie. Iv’e been reading your blog for a long time now, and I love it. 🙂 Keep on keepin’ on! My husband and I were together for 2 years before we got engaged. Our engagement was a year long, now have been happily married for 4 years! I love him to death. Happy late Anniversary to the both of you!
I too met my husband my freshmen year of college. He was a junior at the time. We dated for 3 years and were engaged the last semester of my senior year of college. We just got married in August. I agree it totally depends on the couple!
We were only dating a little over a year! I’ve been married over 4 years now and things are good. We’ve been through quite a few life changers and were early on too, maybe that’s why it moved so fast!
However I do agree that the dating portion should be on the longer side, I think when you go through some of the bigger events in life it really shows you if your meant to be or not.
My husband and I dated for 9 1/2 years before we got engaged. We started going out when we were 16. I’m a lot like you in that I take a long time to make really big decisions, and I’d always told him I wanted to wait until after I was 26 to get married. You just change so much as an individual in your 20’s. I still remember the day I knew I wanted to marry him one day… it was about 6 years ago and I was driving to university and it just ht me – if I could spend the rest of my life with him, I would be happy. We got married in August, and yesterday was actually our 10 1/2 yr dating anniversary 🙂
We got engaged after 10 months but had grown up together and had been friends for 17 years! We never really had the get to know you phase or meet the fam nerves… and when it’s right it’s definitely right!
We dated about 3.5 years before getting engaged, and got married 15 months after that. We just hit 5 years of being together last month. And almost 6 months of marriage! I understand about being worried, since you were (are) so young. The length of dating/engagements decreases as your age increases I believe.