My legs were not yet ready for an intense leg workout at the gym this morning. Still recovering!
I kept things light and began with 20 minutes on the elliptical before doing three sets of 15 repetitions of the following exercises at a lighter-than-usual weight:
- Step ups
- Deadlifts
- One-legged leg press
- Lunges
- Hamstring curls on exercise ball
Though my legs still feel a bit fatigued, they’re almost back to normal and lightly working them out felt good!
I rounded out my workout with another 10 minutes on the elliptical while reading Better Homes & Gardens magazine which reaffirmed my disinterest in gardens (totally skipped that section) and also made me feel bad about my lack of interior design skills. At least I found a great recipe to try!
Breakfast
Initially I wanted to make banana bread protein pancakes this morning, but we only had a small amount of oatmeal, so I made a batch of Stonewall Kitchen gingerbread pancakes and added some oats to the mix!
Topped with cinnamon chia seed granola and syrup!
Dating Duration Before Engagement
Last week I finished reading American Wife, the book we selected to read for the PBF October Book Club.
The book follows the life of Alice Lindgren, a Wisconsin girl who grows up, gets married and inevitably finds herself in Washington D.C. as the first lady of the United States.
In the book, she falls in love with Charlie Blackwell and they are engaged within a couple of months.
I remember taking a child development class in high school and I had a teacher who was adamant when she said that couples should date for at least three years before getting engaged because during a three-year timeframe, you’re likely to go through a significant change together, have some serious fights and weather a few dramatic events.
Ryan and I met my freshman year in college and dated for 5 1/2 years before getting engaged. Oddly enough, when we did get engaged, I still wasn’t sure we waited long enough (I was only 24!) even though I definitely knew he was “the one” and absolutely saw a future with him. Big decisions take a long time for me to make because I tend to over think them, almost to a fault. Getting married was a huge deal to me and I wanted to do it once and do it right.
To be totally honest, if Ryan would not have said “we’re getting a dog,” I’m not sure we’d even have Sadie. Yes, I wanted a dog, but I was so worried about being a good dog owner and giving a dog enough exercise and attention that I always talked myself out of it. Now I can’t imagine life without Sadie!
Though I tend to be overly cautious with big decisions, I absolutely love the stories of couples who met, got engaged on the third date and were married for 65 years. That kind of spontaneity and passion makes the romantic side of me turn to mush!
In the end, I think the ideal amount of dating time before an engagement completely depends on the couple.
Question of the Morning
- If you’re married, how long did you date your spouse before getting engaged?
- If you’re single or dating, how long do you think you’d like to be with someone before getting engaged (assuming you want to do so one day)?
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I have been with my boyfriend for about 15 months, and I think that we will probably get engaged after dating for about 2 years (or maybe less). He is about 9 years older than me and waiting for me to graduate from college in May, which I think is a great idea. For us, I think that this is a perfect amount of time. Although I knew after dating him for a couple of weeks that I would marry him someday 🙂
My fiancé and I got engaged on August 20th (and are eagerly planning our wedding next September 22nd!!), and we were together 4 years before getting engaged. I think each relationship is different, though, and it depends on the couple, the circumstances, where you are both at financially and emotionally in your life, and where you see your lives going together.
I agree with Krista. I don’t believe there is a “set” amount of time that you date before you become engaged. My fiance and I dated for a little over a year and a half before getting engaged. However, we have friends that have been dating longer than us and the girlfriend believes that they should have been engaged before Kevin and I specifically because they have been dating longer! I knew that my fiance was the right one and was in no hurry to become engaged. Engaged or not, I knew we would still be together for a lifetime!
I actually have been thinking about this a lot. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now (not a long time at all!). Both of my best friends say “he’s the one!”. I’ll be 30 and he’s 32. I think even if I knew he was the one, I can’t even imagine getting engaged after dating less than a year. I think it does take a while to REALLY get to know someone and knowing myself, I have to think about things for a while (he’s the same way).
On the other hand, my parents were engaged less than a year of dating, and now have been married 40 years! They were 24 and 25 when they got married but were also married for about 8 years before they had my sister.
I felt the same way about not wanting to jump into it. Steve and I started dating when I was 18 and I never expected him to turn into the one, but the longer we were together and the more serious it got, I knew I needed to wait until I was absolutely sure–like you said, I just want to do it once and do it right! So after almost 7 years I was finally ready (he had told me he was ready long before and had been waiting patiently for me to come up to speed). I absolutely think waiting was for the best. I went into my wedding day with no nerves (other than the speaking my vows in front of everyone part) and without a doubt in my mind! 🙂
While 8 years is a long time to date before getting engaged, we started seeing eachother when we were 19! So young! Now we have been together for 10 years and married for one 🙂 Couldn’t be happier and more sure of my choice!
I’m as single as it gets right now! So I’ve had a lot of time to think about this… I’d probably like to be with someone at least a year to three years before getting engaged. But my engagement would also last at least a year, I’d like to enjoy it!
such a lovely story!
woops sorry, wrong comment!
I have one of those spontaneous love stories! I met my husband at a publishing company where I had been working for 2 years, he had just been hired in a different department. I was 20, almost 21. Saw him, and “felt it” at first sight. He did too, he asked me out to a movie and instead we ended up talking all day/night. He proposed to me, completely spontaneously and I said yes. We just knew! So, engaged on our first date, he never left my apartment after that date and we’ve never been apart. We got married 7 months later, and have been married for over 10 years. We have 3 children (also spontaneous decisions, haha!!) and we are as on love as 2 peole can be, very happy life. And yes, we have been through A LOT. But we knew from the beginning we were the “do it once” types and didn’t feel the need to wait if we were sure.
that’s so cool. congrats to you and your husband on living a happy life together with three children! i’m sure they’ll love to hear your story one day.
We were engaged after 2 months of dating (though we’d known each other for years), but we were engaged for 2 years before our wedding. Soooo, I guess it balances out? I figure each relationship is different, and you do what’s right for you. We just celebrated 3 years of marriage – so far so good!
My husband and I were together 3 years before getting engaged, and 5 years before we got married. It was all about our personal timing and making our own plans work! I like the idea of three years, though, because it’s true that you need to see each other during the rough times – then again, if those rough times come within the first two months, maybe two months is enough!
I’ve been reading your blog for a while, I’ve never left a comment, but I couldn’t help it with this topic!
My husband and I definitely have a story to tell the grandkids! Our first date was September 8th….yes as in two months ago. The following Monday, he was at my house watching the Bachelor Pad season finale with me (He’s a trooper!) We were joking around and I said we should just go to Vegas and elope. He looked at me dead serious and was like, “Okay, let’s go.”
I was totally caught off guard, but then I started to think about it, and it just felt right! Now, I’m totally like you, I overthink and overanalyze everything to a fault. But with this, there was no doubt or second guessing. I happened to have my wedding dress in a box under my bed from a previous engagement that had been called off. At 11 PM, we packed our bags, loaded the car and drove Vegas. We arrived at 4 in the morning and were married that afternoon.
I’ve never been happier and love our story 🙂 No kids for a while though, I’m only 25 and we have a lot to learn about each other!
ahhh! thanks so much for commenting! what a story! that is definitely one to share with the kids! 🙂
I got engaged 3 weeks ago this Friday (geez, time is just FLYING by!) and we have been together 2 1/2 years. We won’t get married until I graduate in 2 more years. We knew with in 2 weeks of dating that we were in love (I was 21, it was a month before before my birthday). We have been living in our own place for over a year before we finally had the finances straight that we could even afford an engagement ring! We are 24 & 30, so when we marry in 2 years I thing the ages & how everything else will fall into place will be perfect.
I find it interesting how other relationships work, like people only dating 6 months & getting engaged, people getting married straight out of high school, or while in college. To each their own, because most people right now think we are crazy for waiting 2 years to say “I do”, but that is what will work for us.
I have no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with Todd, and yes it will be hard to wait so long for that day…but I want to be able to focus on school right now, and once I graduate I need to take my state and national exams (vet tech), so we are waiting until Halloween 2013 to get married 🙂
congratulations on your engagement!!
I think the number of years really depends on where you are in life. The X and I were dating 2.5y before the engagement….and it still failed. We actually had HUGE events in year 1…his PhD program, my awful job, his serious car accident, my unknown illness.
I’m now 33. I’ve been with the BF for 10m and honestly feel really confident he’s my forever guy. Again, we’ve had some big events to deal with…he had to do 3 jobs for a bit and his mom has had some serious health scares and he saw me through major surgery, even sitting for 5h and stroking my head in the recovery room. i moved in after only two months…but i felt like in our 30s we both knew quicker what we wanted and needed and we were more honest about that than a 20yo might be.
HAHA! My husband and I got engaged just after our three year anniversary- and got married last week on our 5 year 🙂 funny how that three year thing works out
I agree and think it totally depends on the couple. My younger sister had only been dating her husband a year (she is 24). My older sister (she is 27) just got engaged last weekend and has been dating her finace for 5 years. I am 25 and have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 years and we are not engaged. We met at the end of our freshman year of college.
It’s definitely all about personal timing. For us, we are strongly committed and for now, we are happy with that. We do hope to get married in the next few years, but put absolutely no pressure on ourselves which I think allows us to have as good of a relationship as we do. He gets WAY more pressure from other people than he does from me. We are happy and that’s all that matters.
We dated for 2 years before getting engaged (the proposal actually came a week after our 2 yr anniversary).. we were then married just under a month before our 3 yr ‘dating’ anniversary! 🙂
My boyfriend and I were together for about 4 years before we broke up for 4. We’ve been back together about a year and plan on getting engaged sometime in 2012.
Hi Julie! I actually JUST got engaged 2 weeks ago! I’m only 23, and let me tell you, I never thought I’d be this young. I’ll be married when I’m 24 (8.17.12). My fiance knew the moment we met in January 2007 that he would marry me, but we only dated for a year then broke up due to being in different states. We talked on and off (after NOT talking for 2 yearS). When we dated we said if we broke up, we would meet in the parking lot where we first said “I love You” on October 22, 2011. We weren’t expecting to be dating (We got back together around last February), and we both knew we wanted to marry. So I met him at the parking lot on 10.22.11 and he actually asked me to marry him! I WAS SHOCKED! When I said yes, after sobbing my eyes out, he said he knew he would ask me on that date the moment we made it. Such a cute love story, and I’m so lucky to be living it!
ahhhh this made me cry! that is unbelievably sweet. congratulations to you!
I also had the mindset of waiting 5 years before you get married. I’ve been dating my boyfriend since my freshman year of college. I was 18 and he was 21. It will be 5 years coming up in February. We did the long distance thing for two years and then after I graduated in 2010 we moved in together. Going on a year and a half living together we’ve been through a ton. We’ve dealt with the loss of a parent, fights about cleaning and our first vacation together. I know I’d love to spend the rest of my life with him so when it’s meant to be it will happen. Until then I’ll just stare at wedding boards on pinterest and gather ideas1
I’m loving all these sweet stories! I think it just depends on the relationship. I know one couple who met on a blind date and were engaged a month later – and now they’ve been married for more than 30 years. Then others date for 10 years and still aren’t engaged. It’s one of those things you can’t predict. (Side note: Those pancakes look amazing.)
My BF and I have been together almost five years now. We recently moved to California and moved in together (something I did not want to go before getting engaged, but moving out here it just made sense to not have to get two crazy expensive apartments).
Anyway, these five years have taught us so much–it’s true. I fully support the three-year theory. And I’m pretty sure he is proposing around Christmas time—I’m so excited!
I am just like you in that normally I tend to overly think the big decisions. My now husband and I only dated for 4 1/2 months before getting engaged and got married 6 months later. I am definitely not typically that spontaneous of a person and definitely threw my family for a loop with my decision. However, they were fully supportive and I think the fact that my mom was so supportive is what told me that it was the right decision. As cliche as it is sometimes when you know you know. (just for the record we were not pregnant because you know someone might read this and think that was the case)
I dated my husband for 4 1/2 years before he popped the question and our whole relationship was long distance. He was living in Dubai and I was living in London. We were engaged for 6months, don’t think I could have handled any more time apart!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year but I knew within two months of dating that he’s the one. He fell in love with me pretty much at first sight 🙂
We won’t actually get engaged until later this year but I know when we do it will be the perfect time.
I was dating my husband for just about 4 years before we got engaged, & we got married a year & a half later.
I think it depends largely on how old you are when you start dating a person! You could be dating your high school sweetheart since the age of 15, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready to get married at 18 or 20! On the other hand, I think if you’re older, you have a better sense of who you are/what you want in life, so the amount of time spent dating could be a lot less!
The title of this post immediately pulled me in. I’m actually struggling with this quite a bit. My boyfriend and I met January 16th 2010 and started dating January 17th 2010. I knew right away that he was the man that would help make my life everything I wanted it to be. And so far, he has. We moved in together in June of this year and the last 5 months of co-habitation have been absolute bliss. Recently (and suddenly) I lost someone very close to me to cancer and he was there for me in every way. I never imagined I could feel this loved.
I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with this man. We’ve talked about it and he wants the same. He’s 34 and I’m 27 so we both feel that we’re old/mature enough to make that step. And with seemingly all of my friends getting married (we had 11 weddings this year!), the idea of getting engaged is not far from our minds – or the minds of our less-than-subtle friends and family.
I’m trying to be patient (the ball is, after all, in his court with this one) but I feel myself turning into one of those stereotypical girls that spends hours on theknot, pinterest, etsy, etc. looking for wedding ideas. Am I ridiculous for being so eager when we haven’t even been together for 2 years?? Meanwhile he’s so confident and laid back about the whole thing..”I need to have a sit down with your dad”… “it will be our time soon”. He knows I love surprises and I like to think it’s scheming but I just don’t know! I can’t wait to get engaged but I kind of need to(?). oy.
it seems like it’s right around the corner… 🙂
We dated for exactly one year, got engaged, then got married one year later (married at age 22). When you know you, you know!
I think it’s totally the personalities of the couple but also where you’re both at in life that really makes a difference. In HS I was in a 4 yr relationship (but never once contemplated marriage), in college and the year after I was in a 5 yr relationship (and talked about it but something held me back) and l realized I wasn’t ready because he wasn’t the right person. I was then in a 2 yr relationship and thank God we spent that long together before talking about it because we just didn’t match well in certain scenarios but it took us that amount of time to get to the depth in our relationship. We broke up and I stayed single for almost a year and a half really focusing on me before dating again.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months and I already know he’s the one. Heck I knew it easily after 6 months and we even went to look at rings so it’s coming sometime soon! Honestly I think the biggest difference here is we’re both at an age where we know ourselves (27), we know what we want and don’t want out of a relationship and we have those past experiences to help us in our relationship. Our biggest strength is communication so the little things never bother me – I know if we live together and he has habits that drive me nuts I can just talk to him and work to fix it before getting resentful. Our core values and life goals match so well – we’re going to make sure we always have open communication so the little things don’t add up!
Now…I just excitedly wait! 🙂
I used to be one of those people who was really “judge-y” about couples who rushed into moving into together, getting married, etc….and then I met my husband. I knew he was the one after just three months; we moved in together at six months; and we were engaged after nine. We got married a year later and have now been married for almost five. I feel like the universe was smacking me down for being such a jerk before. 🙂 When you know, you know!
hahaha that made me laugh! so glad you found a keeper so fast!
My hubby and I met freshman year of high school and dated from sophmore year until college graduation, when we got engaged. Like you, I was young (22) when I was engaged and married at 23 (I’m now 25). I too felt like I was engaged so young compared to most of my girlfriends but we dated for 7 years and I knew he was the man I wanted to spend forever with. I did second guess marriage so many times when I was engaged becasue I was terrified I would be a bad wife, lose my private time, have trouble living with my man, etc. Two plus years later…I couldn’t be happier. Worry and fear are normal and exciting at times. If you feel you are ready regardless of your age or how long you have been dating, I say go for it. However, make sure you are ready because marriage is forever (at least for me).
My husband and I dated for a year and a half before getting engaged. This January we’ll have our 3rd year wedding anniversary. 🙂
My parents met and got married within six months. They were never even engaged. They worked at the same place and happened to have the same day off on a weekday and decided to get married that very day. they’ve been married for 25 years. I know this is not something that works for most people, (kim and kris) lol. I think it takes a good year to figure out who someone really is and to see all sides of them.
My parents met and got married within six months. They were never even engaged. They worked at the same place and happened to have the same day off on a weekday and decided to get married that very day. They didn’t even have rings for each other. My mom chose to wear a ring from an ex boyfriend as her “wedding ring”. Later on of course they got official rings from each other. they’ve been married for 25 years and have owned businesses together most of their married life. I know this is not something that works for most people, (kim and kris) lol. I think it takes a good year to figure out who someone really is in order to see all sides of them.
My husband and I got engaged after 4 years of dating. We actually just got married September 23 of this year! I knew he was the one the first day we started dating so I would have tied the knot years ago but law school and master’s degrees got in the way! I’m glad we waited though because our wedding was everything I could have ever wanted!
P.S. Those pancakes look fantastic!
My husband and I dated for a little over a year before getting engaged and then had a 6 month engagement before tying the knot. This was perfect for me because although I knew Ben was “the one” about 3 months into dating, I still wanted to go through trials and see if we could get through them together. I also wanted to know absolutely everything about him…obviously that still hasn’t happened, but I love everyday of trying!
We got married on our 4 year anniversary- and I was only 21.. Now looking back I think that although we waiting an appropriate time to get married- I was too young. Not that I wouldn’t have chosen to marry him- but I wish I would have lived alone and went on adventures before living together and getting hitched- which lead us to separate over this summer- fortunately we are working it out now which I’m thrilled about, but I do think it could have been avoided had we had that time prior
My personal opinion is that I need to know someone through at least all 4 seasons before deciding you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I once had a boyfriend who I started dating in the Spring, and all was good. Then in the Winter, he got dry skin on his face and it sicked me out so bad (I know, how shallow, right?) But he refused to do anything about it, and his face was literally flaking off everywhere. Ick. He was also pretty moody in the Winter, claiming it was due to lack of sunlight, (which I understand) but, no thank you!
LOL!
Hi Julie! First – you’re such a talented writer! I stumbled upon your blog a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been hooked – it gets me thru the slow hours at work!
My fiance and I were dating for a little more than two years before we got engaged, and it felt like it took FOREVER. I knew (or at least I think I did) during the first month of us dating that I could have a future with him, so having to wait that long to start it was killing me! We’re getting married next October and at that point we’ll have been together for four years.
i’m so glad you found me! and congratulations on your engagement! october weddings are the best… but i’m a little biased. 😀
I agree with you Julie! October weddings are the best 🙂
woooo! 😀
Wow this seems to be a hot topic! I met my Mister about 2 years before we started dating… we finally got together and dated for a little less than a year, engaged 14 months and now have been married for 2.5 years. It’s been a whirlwind 4.5 years, but I couldn’t imagine waiting any longer to marry him!
My fiance and I dated exactly a year before getting engaged. He surprised me with the ring on our anniversary day, at the exact minute that we first met (he’s pretty good with remembering details!!!) in the spot where we first kissed. Our engagement will be just under a year, with the wedding on September 2, 2012!!
We’re both in our late 20’s, quickly became each others best friend, and knew there wasn’t anyone else we’d want to spend the rest of our lives with!
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We met in college, were friends for 3 months before we both admitted to having feelings for each other. As soon as we found this out, I basically moved into his dorm room, and we now live together. We have lived together from the get-go, and both decided we want to marry each other within a few short months. Right now isn’t the right time for engagement (need to be able to afford a ring before you can have one!) but we both want to start young. His family all got married in their late teens, and everyone in my family had babies before the age of 21. I don’t plan on moving THAT fast, but we both know what we want, and plan on having it all before the age of 25. Getting into a career before engagement isn’t a big deal for us, but it is a very huge deal before children. I may only be 21, but everyone tells both of us that they’ve never seen us happier before. When you know, you KNOW!
I should also add, I guess, that we’ve known each other since we were toddlers and that our mothers plotted to get us together our whole lives.
We were together five years before getting engaged including living together for two years, then were engaged for a year before getting married. Now we’ve been married for 7.5 years ad we couldn’t be happier. That being said, I think it’s all about knowing yourself and what will work for you and your relationship. I don’t think there’s a magic number.
Oh love this post! It’s been a big topic in my life lately. My boyfriend and I have been dating since our senior year of college. This December will be 3 years. We bought a house together this past May and since then I can’t even begin to tell you how many have asked when are we getting married. (I consider the house my promise ring haha) I’m really in no rush, even though I know he’s the one and we’ve talked about marriage. He just says, he has a plan. But if I were to go home tonight and he’d ask, I’d for sure say yes and I’m pretty sure he knows that. I have a feeling it still may be a couple more months til he pops the question though.
Now I’m literally going to go read every single comment on this post to see what other people have done. 🙂 yay.
Like you, I think it depends on the couple. I’m single now, but I was with an ex for 5 1/2 years….and then we broke up. My bff dated her boyfriend for 10 years and they just finally got married. Different things work for different people, and that surprises me that your teacher was so adamant on a set number as the “correct” number of years! I wonder if she followed her own rule?!
ha! i wonder, too! i never asked!
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over 1.5 years and we already know that we want to get married. We’ve had to deal with a lot the past year which may be why we feel so sure after a relatively short period of time. I’m not sure how long it’ll take for him to actually propose and for us to get married, but in the meantime I’m sure and look forward with excitedness for the day he pops the question.
I kind of agree with your teacher, Julie. I think ideally, couples would wait a couple of years to get engaged so they can experience big life changes and some dramatic events together. I think this is really important to long term viability as a couple. Also, I feel like after one year you think you know the person, but it takes year 2 and 3 to really solidify your understanding of your significant other.
Obviously this isn’t to say that people who get engaged on the early side won’t work out — clearly there are plenty of readers who are proving that wrong with their comments. And this isn’t to say that you can’t “know” the person is the “right one” right away. I just think ideally, a couple years is necessary to “verify” your feelings before you make things legal.
Just to give you some background on me: I dated my fiance for about four years before we got engaged. I knew I wanted to be with him for life within the first month of meeting him. I’m glad I waited, not because I changed my mind, but because it was important for us to learn about each other more before we decided to officially join our lives.
I am not dating anyone at the moment, but I feel like when I meet “The One” we’ll be married like 3 or 4 months after we meet…yea, lol.
i completely agree with you when it say it depends on the couple. I was with my boyfriend for almost four years before we broke up. We broke up after we both graduated college and realized that we were at different points in our lives. I was moving to the Northeast for my job and he was still at home. I do think that you should both graduate college and live together before you get engaged. I think when college is over, real life begins and you don’t know how you’ll work as a couple until you face certain problems that arise with a job, home, etc.
I think it depends on a lot of things…where you are in your lives emotionally and financially, and how you feel about each other.
I have been in 2+ year relationships that I knew weren’t going to last.
Now, I have been with my boyfriend only 6 months but we just moved in together. I am usually really cautious, but I am 100% sure he is my future husband.
After our first date, I called my best friend and told her I just had dinner with my future husband.
He feels exactly the same way. It’s just….right. We want to wait until our careers are more stable, and I’m in no rush. Whether we get married in a year or 5 years, I know he is the guy for me.
I think it really depends on the couple. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship for 7 years and was 2 months from getting married when I called it off because I knew he wasn’t the one. But after 1 week of dating my husband, I knew he was the one. We dated for 2 years before getting engaged and were engaged for 6 months before getting married. Best decision of my life, hands down.