My legs were not yet ready for an intense leg workout at the gym this morning. Still recovering!
I kept things light and began with 20 minutes on the elliptical before doing three sets of 15 repetitions of the following exercises at a lighter-than-usual weight:
- Step ups
- Deadlifts
- One-legged leg press
- Lunges
- Hamstring curls on exercise ball
Though my legs still feel a bit fatigued, they’re almost back to normal and lightly working them out felt good!
I rounded out my workout with another 10 minutes on the elliptical while reading Better Homes & Gardens magazine which reaffirmed my disinterest in gardens (totally skipped that section) and also made me feel bad about my lack of interior design skills. At least I found a great recipe to try!
Breakfast
Initially I wanted to make banana bread protein pancakes this morning, but we only had a small amount of oatmeal, so I made a batch of Stonewall Kitchen gingerbread pancakes and added some oats to the mix!
Topped with cinnamon chia seed granola and syrup!
Dating Duration Before Engagement
Last week I finished reading American Wife, the book we selected to read for the PBF October Book Club.
The book follows the life of Alice Lindgren, a Wisconsin girl who grows up, gets married and inevitably finds herself in Washington D.C. as the first lady of the United States.
In the book, she falls in love with Charlie Blackwell and they are engaged within a couple of months.
I remember taking a child development class in high school and I had a teacher who was adamant when she said that couples should date for at least three years before getting engaged because during a three-year timeframe, you’re likely to go through a significant change together, have some serious fights and weather a few dramatic events.
Ryan and I met my freshman year in college and dated for 5 1/2 years before getting engaged. Oddly enough, when we did get engaged, I still wasn’t sure we waited long enough (I was only 24!) even though I definitely knew he was “the one” and absolutely saw a future with him. Big decisions take a long time for me to make because I tend to over think them, almost to a fault. Getting married was a huge deal to me and I wanted to do it once and do it right.
To be totally honest, if Ryan would not have said “we’re getting a dog,” I’m not sure we’d even have Sadie. Yes, I wanted a dog, but I was so worried about being a good dog owner and giving a dog enough exercise and attention that I always talked myself out of it. Now I can’t imagine life without Sadie!
Though I tend to be overly cautious with big decisions, I absolutely love the stories of couples who met, got engaged on the third date and were married for 65 years. That kind of spontaneity and passion makes the romantic side of me turn to mush!
In the end, I think the ideal amount of dating time before an engagement completely depends on the couple.
Question of the Morning
- If you’re married, how long did you date your spouse before getting engaged?
- If you’re single or dating, how long do you think you’d like to be with someone before getting engaged (assuming you want to do so one day)?
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I think this is an interesting topic, because I often shy away from telling people how long my husband and I dated before getting married (9 months). Really, there’s no reason to have any shame in this, as everyone is different!
Interestingly, it was a similar dating-length as both of our sets of parents.
By the time I get married my fiance and I will have been together for 7 years. I’m only 24 right now and I know it seems young but I love him and I know we’re perfect for each other.
We aren’t married yet, but my fiance and I got engaged about 5 years after we started dating. That was a year and a half ago and we plan to be engaged for a loooonnnng time before getting married!
Great topic today! Well…here goes bearing my soul…I was engaged once, after three months of dating. It was that “spontaneity” and “passion” feeling. To my dismay, my fiance ended up having horrible addiction issues as well as other things. Three months for me is not long enough to get to know someone’s soul, heart, passions, and character…or at least not with him. I am in a happy relationship now, and have to say…we have been together 4 months and I feel I am just scratching the SURFACE of who he genuinely is…and I love every minute of it. I do not say the 4-letter “L” word yet, and am OK with that. I want it to have so much meaning when it is eventually said. 🙂
it took me & ryan four months to say “i love you!” 🙂
Well, we were completely crazy for sure. We got engaged 2 weeks after we met and married 4 weeks later. However, he is in the Navy so our entire life has never happened in the way “normal” people’s lives happen. LOL Family and friends thought we were nuts at the time, but to me, when you know, you just know. I guess we were right because even with all the stresses that military life puts on us, we are still happily married. We’ve had 4 kids and in January, we will celebrate our 15 year wedding anniversary! 🙂
i got chills reading this! congratulations to you and your wonderful family. 🙂
I’m probably in the minority here, but my husband and I married 6 months after we met…I met him Thanksgiving weekend in 2004, and we married June 17, 2005. Things are going well for us, though…married 6 years and counting 🙂 And, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!
🙂 yay! that makes me smile!
My husband and I met in high school and just recently got married in early October. So we essentially dated (minus a few breaks during college) for 11 years. It’s safe to say we like to give big decisions a lot of thought. haha
I feel really lucky to have met him so early in life. 🙂
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 years…we are both only 24 but I want to get engaged within the next year or so. Why wait when you want to be with someone? Although I definitely understand your hesitation…sometimes I can’t imagine being someone’s wife before I’m 30!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years and living together for 2.5 years – we are just waiting until he finishes up grad school to start worrying about the whole marriage thing – he’s got under a year left 😉
I have been thinking about this ALOT lately! I am single but I think I would like to date 6 months- 1 year before getting engaged! My parents dated for 3 months before their engagement and they have been married for 20 years on the 17th of November! I agree with you that it totally depends on the couple! I have always wanted to be married in my mid twenties, especially because of my quest for my PhD never ending until I am 30! I really want to be married before I graduate with my PhD!
My boyfriend and I have been together since sophomore year of college (we’re both 24 now) and plan on getting married eventually. We live together now but I’m still in grad school and neither of us are where we want to be financially before planning such an expensive event! I’m one of those “been dreming of my wedding since i was 12” kinda girls so I don’t mind waiting until we can do it right! (I’ll def use a couple of your DIY beautiful wedding ideas as inspiration!)
We dated for a little under 2 yrs, were engaged for 5 months (I was 24 when he proposed) and now we’re happily married 🙂 I would’ve married him 3 months into dating if he was ready!
We dated for 2 years and 3 months and will be engaged 9 months before getting married next summer. Our wedding date is 3 weeks before our 3 years anniversary.
I think the timing was perfect, though I’m SO ready to be married now!
We date for almost 2 years before getting engaged, and then were engaged for just over a year before getting married. I also recall a teacher being adamant about the three year rule about dating before marriage and then three years before any kiddos too! However, I think it was just right for us, and over a year later I still couldn’t be happier! 🙂
We got engaged in June and our 5 year dating anniversary was this Halloween! When we get married we will have been dating for almost 6 years (next August).
I’ve been with Scott for 6.5 years now. I hope he pops the question soon. I feel like I’m getting old lol.
I was just talking about this with my roommates last night! We were all telling the stories of how our parents met and got engaged. There was such a variance in the stories–our parents knew one another anywhere from 9 months to 4 years before getting engaged.
As many people have said, I personally think it depends on the couple as a whole as well as individuals. I dated someone for 3.5 years, and I was definitely seeing the future and wanting to marry him, but he was in med school and the timing just wasn’t right. I’m now dating someone else, and things feel right, but only time can tell.
It’s not super romantic, but I don’t think there is only ONE right person out there for everybody. I think its a combination of chemistry and timing. As you get older, I think it’s increasingly common to get engaged with a shorter duration of dating time too.
I just got engaged two months ago after dating for 7 years. I am 27 now and we met in college.
I think WHEN you started dating is a lot more important than HOW LONG you dated.
For example, 7 years of dating when you are 12-19 isn’t quite the same as if you’re 30-37.
My ex and I broke up after 4 yrs together, so I definitely don’t see myself engaged after a couple months! I think I’d need at least 2-3 years together before thinking about marriage.
Your pancakes look absolutely delicious!! I think you are right on that it does depend on the couple but I think being with someone for at least a year is generally a good rule of thumb… someone once told me that you need to see someone in every season and I think that’s good advice that I plan on following!
We were together about a year and half before he poped the question! Our engagment is longer though, as we will have been engaged for another year and a half before our May wedding. BUT – I first met my fiance in first grade, and this is the 3rd time we have dated over our many years of knowing one another. Third times the charm 🙂 He is my best friend – and I have known him for 21 years!
After reading these comments, I don’t think we’re the norm at all! My husband and I met and were engaged in less than a year. We met when I was 25 and wanted to wait until we had been together at least a year to take the jump, but he had the ring and was so afraid that he’d loose it that he popped the question about an hour after picking it up! It was actually perfect and just what I wanted; no pressure & our own pace (even if it was fast). This NYE will mark our 3rd wedding anniversary!
Congratulations on your race, I’m so impressed that you’re working out already. I couldn’t walk for a week after my last 1/2 marathon. Nice Job!!!!!! (and I love your story).
My hubby and I dated 3 days shy of a year before getting engaged and I was only 21! We had been through so much together making our relationship stronger, the biggest being the death of his father who I never got to meet. We knew from day 1 God meant for us to be together forever and we have a wonderful marriage!
My husband and I dated for 3.5 years before getting married. For 18 months of that we were engaged. It seemed like the perfect amount of time for us because we got to really know one another.
I have told him from the beginning that to me, divorce is not an option. I don’t even consider it as something that exists. I wanted him to be comfortable with the idea, that although both his and my parents are divorced, that if wanted to marry me, it would be for life.
I think the problem comes when people don’t truly consider their vows. They just hear “through the good times and in health” without considering “the bad and sickness.”
I think it depends on the couple, but I also think too many people rush into it. Such an interesting topic!
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for just about 8 years. We met at 19 and 20 and after college did long distance for 4 years before moving in together. I was ready to get engaged when we moved in, so I have been a little impatient (Societal pressures don’t help) – but I know we will get engaged and married at some point and I’m okay with that 😉
My husband and I only dated 10 months before we got engaged. And all of that time was spent in a long distance relationship. When you have to get to know someone over the phone you learn things you might not have otherwise. Then we ended up waiting a year before we actually got married.
I am one hundred percent in love with my husband and I knew he was the right guy for me. But he and I both always encorage people not to rush into a marriage.
We got engaged quickly out of neccesity because I was going overseas, but I can’t even begin to tell you how lucky we are that we ended up in the right decision, because so many people don’t.
My Fiance, Ryan, and I first met in 9th grade homeroom. My older brother, Ryan, and I were all in the same class of 17 freshmen. My brother and Ryan quickly became best friends. Ryan and I were in love with each other since we first met in 9th grade, but neither of us thought that the other would ever be interested. Years passed and Ryan moved from Florida up to North Carolina to help out his mom. Although we texted regularly I didn’t see him again for a couple of years. Then, on memorial day weekend of 2010, seven years after we had first met, Ryan came down to Florida to visit. That weekend we finally admitted our feelings to one another. After that weekend, he went back to NC and put in a request to transfer to Tampa. We were constantly either texting or calling one another until he moved down about a month after labor day. Fact: he moved from NC to FL for me before we had ever even kissed. We moved in together within a month and got engaged on 12/4/10, after less than six months of “dating”. I’m really glad that we moved in together when we did and also that we got engaged when we did. We waited so many years for each other, and we just couldn’t imagine being apart any longer. Now, we are pretty much inseparable and we are planning on eloping in Italy late next year followed by a reception in the US for our friends and family. <3
*my older brother Scott, Ryan and I
what exciting wedding plans! italy sounds amazing. i hope you have a wonderful time!
Awe-thank you so much! =o)
My husband went on our first date in April 2001, we were engaged Memorial Day weekend of that year and got married August 25, 2001.
10 years later we are still in love 🙂
I’ve been dating my bf for 7+ years now. we were really young when we started dating, but I’m hoping for an engagement soon… he, on the other hand, is very career-driven and wants to have that in place before making a bigger commitment.
I think it totally depends on where you are in your life… but I couldn’t imagine dating for any less than 2 years before getting engaged.
We were dating for 4.5 years and living together (gasp!) for 2 years before getting engaged a few months ago. I think it depends on the situation, and that age plays a large part in the length of dating time. We were 21 when we started dating, so for us this was the perfect length of time.
I have friends that had been dating since high school and were together for 8 years before getting engaged, then another friend who was only dating her now-husband for a few months… different strokes!
I’m single, but when I do get engaged in the future I’d want to wait around six months before I get married. I know that may sound short to some, but being Jewish (and Orthodox at that), that’s pretty standard. No, wait, actually that’s kind of *long* for most of them! A lot of my friends date for a very short period of time (I had one friend who dated a guy and are married within, oh, two-to-three months. Sometimes less. But it’s the culture, it’s the way of things — it certainly isn’t the absolute standard, but it happens very frequently. The goal is dating for marriage — not dating just to date.
Me? Yeah, not so much. I have to be dating someone at least a year before I get engaged and wait more than three months to marry. Seriously, though — I have friends who condensed the engagement/marriage so that the total time they’ve known each other up until their wedding date is six months or less.
Ugh. As you can see, I can go on and on about this! I kinda get carried away!
Thanks for this post, Julie. I enjoyed reading all the comments. Unlike most of you, I don’t believe in marriage for myself in the traditional sense, nor do I believe in “the one.” But I definitely want to find someone to love and be loved by for a long period of time, which might prove hard to find without these concrete expectations. With that, I am 30; he’s 29. We’ve been together a year and a couple months, and we love each other very much, but we’ve had some rocky patches that have exposed issues that we have both made a concerted effort to work on, which you’d think is a good sign, as if we’re worth the work to stay together, but the agony and doubt that has ensued from these issues persist to the point where I don’t feel confident about a future with him. Wish I knew he’s NOT the one, for I’d be able to grieve and move on. But I never was one to believe in a soulmate, so where does that leave me? Any advice?
oh that is definitely tricky. i am a firm believer that EVERY relationship takes work. it’s not always fantastic, but if it’s fantastic the vast majority of the time and you find yourself completely in love with the person, i think it’s worth trying to work on issues. when you said “i don’t feel confident about a future with him,” i would think you’d definitely want to talk about why you’re feeling that way with him. maybe it’s something you can figure out together? maybe he has similar concerns? of course i’m not involved in you situation at all, but please know i wish you the very best!
I’m single and have never been in a serious relationship so I don’t know how much reality I actually have in my ideas about this.
But – I think it really depends on the age. At 28, despite not having been in a serious relationship, I feel quite confident not only in who I am, but what I would need in a spouse. Thus, I would feel comfortable with a shorter engagement (probably not less than 6 months though). Yet, for people in their early 20s (or younger), I think there’s a LOT of value in dating for at least a year and being engaged just as long. I changed so much in that time frame and the guys I dated/liked at that point I know would be horrible for me today.
All that being said, it can really vary so much from person to person.
My hubby and I were together for 2 years before we got engaged, but then we were engaged for nearly 4years before we got married. Dont worry – that wasnt 4 years of wedding planning 🙂
After being together for 1 year, my hubby moved to France and we were doing the long distance thing when we got engaged. Although we both knew we would get married one day, it was more of a sign of commitment to each other during that time.
We’re both still happily together, after 8 years, two county moves and two furry babies! (We took as long deciding on getting a cat as you did with Sadie! 🙂 )
after 232 comments I am sure that mine doesnt count but I love my husband so much I wanted to add my comment. I am 29 years old and my husband (still weird to type) and I met and dated for eight months to the day….we started dating on 4/5/11 and got married on 11/5/11…it was just the two of us Saturday and then a luncheon with our family and friends.
I love him more than life itself and I know that even though we havent been together long…this is the man I see myself old an gray with….we work…and its not about time…its about knowing.
newlywed!!! congratulations!!!!
thanks, I will let you know when it acutally sinks in!!! LOL
Congrats Jessica! Lol, I was reading through the comments, I got married last Tuesday (1 week ago!) and it is soooo weird saying “husband” now. 🙂 but i love it. enjoy it!
congratulations to you, stephanie!
My husband and I got engaged after 3 months of dating, we’re engaged almost 3 years and have been married over 3 years. We’re going on our 6 yr anniversary of our first date in 2 weeks!
Hi Julie – I know this is a ton of comments to weed through but I couldn’t pass this up. I got engaged on Saturday after dating for 5 1/2 years and I’m over the moon!
I wouldn’t change a thing, the 5 years gave us both time to finish grad school, really get to know each other, get settled and become financially secure before “officially” starting our life together. I can’t wait to become his wife!!!
We met and started dating when I was 15, he was 16. We went to high school together. We were engaged shortly before I turned 21 and were married just after I turned 22. So we dated for just under six years before getting engaged.
10 years after we met we are still going strong! There have been some ups and downs but I am so lucky to have my husband in my life. He is an amazing guy and I love him so much. We have definitely grown up together, and I think that has made our relationship pretty strong.
We got engaged just after our 3 year anniversary. Then we got married just after our 4 year anniversary. We have been married for a little over a month now!! Yay newlyweds.
I totally agree with you that it’s entirely individual. I think when a couple knows they know, and the amount of time it takes to get there doesn’t matter. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We are high school sweethearts-started dating junior year of HS-and have been together since. We went to different colleges and after graduating in May 2010 have now been living together in a tiny NYC apt for a little over a year while he goes to grad school at nyu and I work and become certified as a health counselor/holistic nutritionist. People have been harping on us about engagement since year 3 (hello we were 19 then!) and we are still not engaged. I know I absolutely want to spend my life with him, but I am just now turning 24 (hooray for november babies!) and for us I feel like we don’t need to prove our commitment right now while we are both trying to get our personal/professional ducks in a row. We are happy abd love each other. But if it did happen soon I would not complain! 🙂 great question! It really gets us women talking away, eh?
Relationships are such funny, individual things! I can see both sides- when you meet someone and it’s the right fit, you just know, so why wait before committing? I also think there is something to be said about being together a couple/few years before marriage. My husband and I dated for a year, then moved in together, got engaged on our 2nd dating anniversary, were engaged for a year and 4 months, and married last May. (We just hit our 6 month wedding anniversary!) In the 4 years that we have been together, we’ve seen a lot- we’ve lived in 3 apartments and a house, we’ve both been laid off from our jobs, weathered long distance film shoots that kept us apart for weeks/months, we adopted 2 dogs, and have seen each other through the deaths of 3 grandparents. Many highs and many lows, but it’s made us solid. I feel like if we can navigate all of that together, life is going to be a good ride. Oh- and one thing I cannot stress enough- as my husband and I have learned individually and together (we’re 29 and 30) you can ALWAYS get married. Enjoy your twenties to their fullest- take risks, take chances, live life for you. The right person is the one that wants to go on the adventures with you/let’s you be the person that you are. And that right there makes for a solid marriage of two individuals. I wouldn’t realize how amazing my husband is, if I hadn’t given myself the time and opportunity to be amazing on my own:)
Just catching up on your blog today! My husband and I were together for TEN years before getting married!! We broke up for about 8 months in that time but still!! LONG time!!
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 years (we started dating our freshman year of high school)! I’m anxious to get engaged but I’m still in law school and we’re doing the long distance thing, which sucks (I’m in DC and he’s back home in Michigan). I always told him that I didn’t want to have a long distance engagement. I feel pretty confident that once we’re back in the same place for good things will progress quickly.
Hum… I think that less than a year is not enough… On the other side, I remember a “rule” that after 3 years, you should either get engaged or break up, because if you don’t know then for sure, then it’s not the right person. I think that this can apply if you began dating after you were 25! But at the end every story is different!
I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 21. I already had a little girl and was looking for the right person to help me raise her. When the guy I loved at 15 came back into my life I thought he was it but my DD didn’t like him and he didn’t want to be serious. A guy I worked with talked me into going on a double date with his friend, so I went and met this geeky guy who at first I didn’t really like. Well after a few more dates I introduced him to DD and she really liked him. After 7 months we moved in together, and were engaged at one year. A year later he adopted my daughter. We have been married for almost 12 years now and have three more children, and I don’t feel like a day had passed since we first fell in love.
My boyfriend and I are on our 4th year of dating and we are only 21 and 22. We’ve talked about marriage and have the full intention to tie the knot down the road. I could marry him tomorrow for all I care, but our lives are in a huge transition period and I think we need to wait a couple of years before things smoothe out. That being said that will take us to your time frame for getting engaged, about 5-5.5 years, but like I said I could get married now. I guess it depends on the relationship!
P.S. We’ve been married for exactly a month TODAY!!
My husband and I dated for a little over 2 years before he proposed (on the beach in Key West, it was so perfect!). But we were also 27 and 28. I think that few extra years makes a difference. I don’t think I would have necessarily been ready to take that jump at 24…not without feeling a bit nervous about it. But Jim and I also never experienced cold feet or got nervous about any of it. Throughout the whole wedding planning process, we were both just entirely excited to be committing our lives to each other. But I have respect for people who don’t take the decision lightly. I think part of the reason our country has a 50% divorce rate is because people make poor decisions about marriage…either they jump in too quickly or for the wrong reasons (like having a child together). It’s a BIG deal. And you need to be sure you can be in it for the long haul.
We will be celebrating our 7 year dating anniversary in three weeks. We started dating when we were both in high school and 16, (almost 17) and now we will be 24 soon! We have grown so much since when we were 16, but we grew up together and have a very strong relationship. I am definitely ready to get engaged and married, so hopefully it won’t be too much longer now. For now, I will just keep pinning wedding ideas. Hah!
I know we took the non-conventional route, but my other half and I knew we were it. I was only 19. We go together after a couple months of meeting, I practically moved in with him within the month after we got together, and we were handfasted (the traditional European marriage ceremony) within 6 months. It’s been almost 6 years and it’s the best decision I ever made 🙂
… the funny thing is, I’m NOT an impulsive person. It took me about an hour to buy a hat this weekend, but when you know… you know!
I think it really depends on how old the two people are, and how much experience they’ve had, as well as just the uniqueness of their relationship. My fiance and I dated 13 months before getting engaged but had spend EVERY single day and night together (with the exception of maybe a few) since the week after we met. We knew that we were ridiculously compatible and never got sick of each other. Also, we were both 29 and had had serious relationships before. When you know, you know! I think it’s good to know each other for at least a year though…they say 6 months is when you really start to show your true colors.