Early yesterday morning, my mom and dad called me to let me know that my grandmother, Mimi, passed away peacefully during her sleep Saturday night.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know how much Mimi means to me. She was the matriarch of my mother’s side of the family and was always the spunkiest member of the bunch. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that I will no longer hear her stories and contagious laughter or feel the warmth of her hugs or taste one of her homemade sugar cookies.
This morning, I find myself sitting here, feeling the weight of losing Mimi, unsure what to really do with myself. When emotions have overwhelmed me in the past, one thing helps me work through everything and that is writing. So today I am writing a letter to Mimi, my beautiful grandmother.
Dear Mimi,
I love you. I miss you.
I miss the smell of your house. I miss watching you add an item to one of your many lists, your handwriting a perfect cursive that reflected your incredible artistic ability. I miss watching you spread jelly on your English muffin at the breakfast table in your silk floral robe. You somehow always managed to look glamorous at 7 a.m.
I miss the way you would use the words “tickled to death” to express your excitement over anything that brought you joy. I miss the way you would light up whenever you’d tell stories about Papa and the love you two shared. I know he was so happy to see you, the mother of his children, in heaven on Father’s Day yesterday.
When I learned of your passing, the tears came immediately. I couldn’t stop them, but I was surprised when I also couldn’t stop all of the happy memories that came flooding to the forefront of my mind. These memories only made me cry harder but they also left me with a feeling of comfort. I had 30 years with you. Thirty years with a grandmother who could not have loved her daughters or grandchildren more. Thirty years with a grandmother who absolutely could not wait to become a great grandmother for the first time.
Your reaction to the news of our baby is one of the most joyous memories I have of you. I will never forget the way your hands shot into the air or the squeal of delight that came from your lips when you learned you were going to be a great grandmother to a baby boy.
I wish with all my heart that you could have met our baby, but I will be forever grateful for the baby shower you and Aunt Laurie threw for me two weeks ago. You were surrounded by your family. Your sister, your daughters, your nieces and grandchildren and so much love and laughter!
You are at the center of so many family memories. Big Thanksgiving dinners at your house, served on your best dishes. Family Christmases in Gettysburg and long evening chats in your family room – you in your chair and Papa in his. A scotch on the rocks sitting on the table next to you, of course. Sanibel Island vacations and gigantic seafood dinners at McT’s and Gramma Dot’s.
We have so many memories together, Mimi, and I treasure all of them.
One story you loved to tell was a story about the time when you called my parents’ house to speak to my mother when I was very young and I answered the phone. You would laugh when you spoke of how I talked and talked to you for the longest time before you eventually asked, “Julie, where are you?” My reply? “In the closet.” Apparently I took the phone in the closet to hide because I wanted lots of uninterrupted time to talk to you. I crave that time right now, but part of me knows I can still talk to you whenever I want.
From what we’ve been told, you passed away peacefully in your sleep. I hope you were dreaming wonderful dreams. You’ve given me so many wonderful memories and served as a pillar of strength and love in our family for as long as I can remember. A social butterfly, through and through, I know you will be missed by more people than you can possibly imagine.
Count me at the very, very top of that list.
I love you, Mimi.
With love always,
Julie
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I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, I will be thinking of you and your family.
Such a sweet letter. Sorry for your loss.
This breaks my heart. My heartfelt thoughts go out to you and your family. I loved Mimi’s picture when she found out you were pregnant!! I laughed out loud as it was just too darn cute! “) She will be missed by your blog readers as well.
So sorry for your loss Julie. Such a hard thing.
What a beautiful letter. So sorry for your loss but grateful you had such a loving grandmother.
My prayers go out to and your family.
I’m not a regular commenter (I am a regular reader!) but I felt I had to comment after reading today’s post. Reading your letter made me tear up at my desk. I was extremely close with my grandmother too, I looked up to her more than anyone in the world. When I lost her it felt unreal, like life would never be the same again. Sometimes I genuinely forget she’s gone, and it has been almost 7 years. When she passed, several people wrote to me to say she would always be with me, because I would carry her in my heart. At the time, I believed that those were just words people say in times of loss, I didn’t believe that having her in my heart would ever be enough. I just wanted to tell you that the pain you are feeling will subside and you WILL carry Mimi in your heart forever. You will think about her and smile, shed tears, and even though you will miss her, you will feel nothing but happy when you think of her. When something reminds me of my grandmother or I wish she could be with me, I always think about her being in my heart, with me at all times and it has become a thought that is very comforting to me. You will have Mimi and your memories of her with you for the rest of your life. I know how sad you must feel now, and I hope that you will reach that happy place really soon. So many hugs, Julie! I’m so sorry for your loss. <3
Your letter to your grandmother Mimi is so beautiful and filled with love. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Oh, Julie… my heart aches for you. This was a beautiful tribute to your grandmother. I lost my sweet grandmother recently as well, so I know exactly how you’re feeling right now. Just remember, “The important stuff stays.” The memories… the things she taught you… the legacy she left behind–it all stays. Forever.
My sincerest prayers for peace are with you. <3
I cannot begin to express my sincere apologies Julie. My grandmother, who was one of my best friend for 23 years, passed away one month ago and just this last Saturday was her memorial service. It is one of the most heart breaking things and I feel your sadness and loss. But I also feel the happiness of knowing they are at peace. I truly wish you great comfort in this most difficult time. Hold onto those close to you and bask in the wonderful memories you have of her. My thoughts are with you and your family!
Beautifully written. Sounds like your grandmother was a wonderful woman. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, Julie.
Your letter brought tears to my eyes.. That was so beautiful to read.
I am so sorry for your loss Julie. The letter you wrote to her was beyond beautiful.
I have been a reader for years now and every time she was mentioned I always thought to myself what a truly beautiful person and what a beautiful relationship they must have. <3
Sending you so many hugs!
xo. Jenny
Please accept my condlences, too, along with so many of us who have enjoyed your Mimi posts. Your love and respect for her have always come through in your posts, and the photos of her finding out about your baby boy are just the best. I lost both my parents and my brother a year ago, and I think the letter you wrote to her is a beautiful way to express your memories and grief. From my experience, I’m still startled when I happen on things that surprise a memory from me, but it’s true that those memories continue to make me smile and become less sad as time passes. I know you’ll have lots and lots to share with Baby Fagen, and each batch of sugar cookies will include stories. Best wishes during this sad time, to you and your family.
I went through this three years ago. It doesn’t get easier but you grow more accustomed to finding other people in your family to fill the gap. Hugs!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss Julie. As a long time blog reader I know how much your Mimi meant to you and the fondness you would recount in your holiday recaps. Wishing you the best during this challenging time, but once reading the first sentence I got a glimmer of a smile knowing that she was just at your house for the shower.
Julie, I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful letter you have written for your grandmother. As hard as the next few days, weeks, months will be, it certainly helps sharing and reflecting on those wonderful memories with your family. One of my favourite memories of your grandmother, from your blog, is when she found out about the baby! The picture you captured says a 1000 words about how happy she was! My thoughts are with you and your family.
Very sweet tribute to your grandmother! Such fond memories. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss, Julie. That letter you wrote to Mimi is absolutely beautiful. I lost both of my grandmothers within one year of each other (and one right before I got married), and I can understand how hard it must be. I am sure she is looking down at you and will be there when your baby boy is born! Stay strong!
so sorry and sad to see this news. you wrote such a beautiful letter to a beautiful soul. i can’t what you’re going through, but wanted to know i’m thinking of you all.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that there are no words that can make the pain less. Your Mimi will always be your little angel on your shoulder.
Hugs to you!
I’m so very sorry for your loss Julie. Your letter is beautiful and I know your grandmother will always be with you in your heart. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers
Julie I am so so sorry! Keeping you and your family in my prayers as you go through this tough time. Stay strong!
I am so sorry for your loss, Julie. This letter is beautiful.
Julie, I am so sorry to hear about your Mimi’s passing. I know you have mentioned before that she had beautiful cursive writing and I have seen people turn their family’s loved ones cursive into necklace designs. Here is a link with an example but I am sure there are many variations you can find on the internet http://www.brevityjewelry.com/products/signature-necklace/#
So so sorry for your loss. What a joyful and beautiful woman she must have been! Keeping your family in my prayers during such a tough time & sending hugs your way!
I”m so very sorry for your loss, Julie. May you find comfort in the many wonderful memories you have of your grandmother and strength from your family in the next coming weeks and months. Sending hugs and warm thoughts your way!
so sorry for your loss! this was a really beautiful letter. i know that your mimi will watch over your family (and baby boy!) from heaven. <3
I am so sorry, Julie! You and my family are in my prayers. Your letter was beautifully written, and I am sure your Mimi would love it!
So so sorry. What a beautiful tribute! Keep telling Mimi and Papa stories…it keeps them alive in your heart. God bless you and your family.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Anyone who has enjoyed your blog knows how precious and special your Mimi was to you–and you to her. Clearly, the world was made brighter by her being in it. You are in my thoughts.
oh Julie, I’m so sorry for your loss! I know the ache too well of wishing a grandparent could have met your baby. It’s so deep and painful but what a blessing to have so many precious memories to pass on to your son. I love that you appreciated her while she was here with you and aren’t looking back with regret. I will be praying for you and your family in the coming weeks. Sending our love to you!
Oh, I’m a teary mess for you, girl! Your letter was a beautiful, beautiful tribute to your grandmother. Sounds like your little boy will have another angel on his side.
Julie – I’m so sorry for your loss. As someone who loved and cherished her grandmother as much as you do, I feel for you. I was the oldest grandchild and only girl, she used to call me her ‘old friend’. Your letter reminded me of all the good times I shared with my ‘old friend’. I have things of hers around my house that remind me everyday of her love and I consider myself lucky to have gotten to know her as much as I did – cherish every moment you had with her and know that your baby will know her very well, thanks to all the great stories you’ll share. My thoughts are with you and your family. Kyla
Julie, that was a very beautifully written letter; I’m so, so, so sorry for your loss. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years now and it was extremely apparent how much and how deeply you cared for her whenever she was mentioned. You and your family are lucky to have had her in your lives and she will continue to be there in your hearts and watching over you as well. Your family has gained a guardian angel. I’m sending love and prayers for you and your family. <3
Dear Julie,
I have been a follower of your blog page gor over a year now. I always enjoyed reading about your visits to your sweet Mimi’s house. It broke my heart to see that she has passed. I am so very sorry for your loss. But like you said, your memories will forever be in your heart and you can tell all those beautiful stories to your baby boy. Your youching letter as inspired me to write one to my mom. She has been in Heaven four years now. I hope your pain eases as time goes by. Keep in mind that your mimi will be watching over you.
Sending love, prayers and light your way. God Bless you.
What a beautiful letter! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing this special person with us 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost my mother-in-law 8 days after our twins were born (she never had the opportunity to see or hold them unfortunately) so I know all to well the feeling of sadness when someone you love won’t be there to shower your little one with hugs, kisses and laughter. She will be watching over you and your family so make her proud and show your little boy lots of pictures of his great-grandmother.
Julie,
I’ve read your letter to Mimi twice now and each time have felt such heartache for you. It is apparent how much you loved her and how important she is to your family. Your baby boy will have a sweet angel watching over him now. May you find comfort during this time.
Julie,
I’ve read your letter to Mimi twice now and each time have felt such heartache for you. It is apparent how much you loved her and how important she is to your family. Your baby boy will have a sweet angel watching over him now. May you find comfort during this time.
I’m so sorry for you and your family’s loss. The letter you wrote was so beautiful. My prayers are with you.
I am so sorry for your incredible loss. You captured her spirit so beautifully it feels as though I knew her for those 30 years along side you. Many hugs and well wishes to you and your family. <3
What a beautiful tribute. I’m wiping away tears. My thoughts are with you and your family.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family and you.
Oh Julie, my heart is breaking for you. I have no words that will help – I’ve been there, and I know nothing, not even time, erases the pain of losing a beloved grandparent. How beautiful, as you pointed out, that on Father’s Day of all days, your grandfather got to meet the mother of his children at the doors of Heaven.
Know that you and your family will be in my prayers. May God hold yall in the palm of His hands and make His peace and His presence unmistakably known through the weeks to come. <3
Julie,
I am so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you have so many happy memories with her. You and your family are in my prayers.
oh, how my heart hurts for you. She sounds like an incredible woman, Julie. Thinking of you and your family.
I am so so sorry! Big hugs to you!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Julie. What a beautiful letter. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Oh no! So sorry for your loss! My heart goes out to you and your family during this time. You and your family were lucky to have such a gem, who spread so much joy that her loss is felt so greatly. God bless, and may the memories she shared with you last a lifetime, and may the joy she spread to you be felt in big and small moments, so that you know that she lives on. xoxoxoxo and hugs from afar
It’s easy to see how much love you have for your grandmother and how special she will always be to those who knew and loved her. Sending Prayers and positive thoughts to you and your family.