Days that were once filled with marathon feeding sessions, naps and non-stop cuddles are now filled with lots of interactive playtime, goofy faces, breastfeeding that often feels like a small battle and naps that only last for a hot second.
Mothering a four month old baby has me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted but also somehow completely joyful every single day.
When I go into Chase’s nursery after a 20 minute nap that I was really hoping would be closer to 60 minutes, I often walk through the door feeling incredibly frustrated but that somehow fades when I see the big goofy grin on his face, emerging from his cozy swaddled little body.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: God made babies so darn cute as the ultimate defense mechanism against overwhelmed and frustrated parents.
Though the transition from the bassinet beside our bed into the crib in Chase’s nursery went smoothly this month, I am beginning to think we need to do something to encourage Chase to get into a routine and sleep more soundly once he goes down at night… But oh my gosh all of the different sleep training and scheduling philosophies out there leave me feeling lost, overwhelmed and clueless as to where to begin. Please help! I need a Cliffs Notes version of this stuff or something. Some days I feel like I am on the verge of tears all day long after a rough night, super-short daytime naps and little time left to try to work from home during the day.
(Sometimes the only way I get anything done at all is by wearing Chase in the Baby K’Tan as I bounce around and work on the computer from the kitchen counter or let him sleep swaddled on my lap when he refuses to nap in his crib.)
I’ve heard through the grapevine that baby sleep and sleep training is incredibly controversial but I am all for the philosophy that parents are just doing the best they can and trying to make good decisions and that best suit their baby and their family. If there is something you did that helped your baby sleep soundly and nap well, I welcome your advice and thoughts.
Right now, we’re putting Chase to bed between 7 and 7:30 p.m. after bath time (<— we’ve had MAJOR bath time progress since last month) and a big bottle of breastmilk. Chase wakes up to nurse at night between 12:30 and 1:30 a.m. and again around 4 a.m. (Sometimes he falls back asleep immediately, but most of the time several rounds of Paci-Pong occur when we’re getting up to replace his pacifier before he’ll get back to sleep.) We thought this was more or less our new routine but then last night we had the worst night we’ve had in months and Chase was up at 11 p.m. to feed and then awoke again at 2 a.m. and remained awake until 4 a.m. He was wide-eyed, cooing and having a grand ol’ time while Ryan and I stared at him on the monitor, willing him to go back to sleep. I’ve read all about the four month sleep regression and if the sleep pattern we experienced over the weekend and last night is any indication, we’re smack-dab in the middle of it. Mommin’ ain’t easy and babies can totally kick your butt.
But aside from challenges related to sleep, Chase is just the coolest.
He’s playful, smiley and energetic and I never thought I’d have so much fun with a baby who cannot talk, walk or sit up.
He’s my absolute favorite.
Chase has started putting everything in his mouth and loves holding onto toys and fingers. My mommy heart explodes when he grips onto my shirt collar and fingertips. He’s much more observant these days and super interactive! He can generally entertain himself on his activity mat or in the Rock ‘n’ Play (facing a window because OUTSIDE ROCKS!) for about 10-15 minutes before he needs a buddy.
The way Chase smiles is my favorite thing in the universe. Ryan and I say that he smiles in a way that seems to overwhelm him and overtake his whole body. His face lights up, his body scrunches over and he often has to look away when he’s smiling so hard. It’s just the best thing ever and simultaneously makes me want to laugh out loud and cry big fat tears because I know this time is so fleeting.
I’ve learned to cherish cuddletime because it already feels like it’s fading. Chase would now much rather be held upright so he can look around, push off our legs with his feet, nod his head and coo away at anything and everything. He found his voice this month, that’s for sure!
Everyday, I am overwhelmed by the love I have for our sweet baby boy. I feel so blessed to be his mother and I’m pretty sure I have never smiled so much in my life, even if a lot of my smiles are sleepy ones. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for our boy and he is truly the biggest ray of sunshine in my life.
I love you, Chase!
Likes
- Outside
- Faces
- Playing airplane
- High-pitched voices
- His Oball
- Playing in his activity jumper
- Pushing off everything with his legs
- Mirrors
- Lights
- Reading a book with mom at bed time
- Dad’s silly faces
Dislikes
- Being carried like a baby (unless he’s sleepy)
- Mom singing to him at night (Oh the horror!)
- Having his ears cleaned and nose wiped
- Rubbing his back (Patting only, please!)
- Stroking his hair (So hard to resist!)
Four Month Baby Favorites
Below you will find a few of our “must have” baby items from the past month! More detailed lists of our previous favorites may be found in the monthly recaps linked at the bottom of this post.
- Baby Einstein Activity Jumper
- MyBaby Sound Spa Sound Machine (This one lasts forever and doesn’t automatically switch off after 20-45 minutes like so many others)
- Boppy Lounger
- WubbaNubs
- Oball Rattling Ball (He is OBSESSED with this toy! He loves gripping all the different quadrants and putting it in his mouth. I will be giving this toy to all of my expectant friends in the future!)
- Zipper Onesies
- Baby Einstein Musical Toy
Past Baby Updates
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Oh my gosh I just had to comment on this because I just sleep trained my 5 month old and it was THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE FOR HER AND MYSELF. Like you said, it’s so controversial, but I honestly think a well rested mother and baby are so much happier. I can’t comment on napping because my daughter goes to daycare and they just let her sleep whenever she falls asleep. But as far as night time, sleep training worked like absolute magic, only took 3 nights total, and I really can’t recommend it enough. I used a version of the Ferber method I think it’s called.
Around 7:00 pm I would start bath time, get her jammies on, and give her a bottle. Then instead of rocking her to sleep, I just put her down in her crib still awake and leave the room. Personally I hate the sound of a baby crying, so I would set a timer for 10 minutes and turn the monitor off so I can’t hear it. After 10 minutes was up I turned the monitor back on. If she was still crying I would go into the room and pat her back and sing her a song, then leave again. I never picked her up. Then I would set the timer for 12 minutes and do it again. Increase the intervals each time. It never took her more than 25 minutes to fall asleep. When she woke in the middle of the night I did the exact same thing, never picking her up, until it was time for her to get up for the day. I have a pretty chunky baby and her doctor says she actually doesn’t need to eat in the middle of the night, so that’s something to keep in mind. After only a couple days of this routine, she now only cries for a minute when she first goes down at night at 7:30 and sleeps completely all through the night until about 6:30-7 am. It has worked fantastically for us, and I honestly think she is a much happier baby now that she’s not up all night and all day.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do!
We followed Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby, and I am so glad we did! When my twins were about 5 months old, we were u p between 5 and 6 times a night. With both of us working full time, it just wasn’t sustainable….
Sleep training isn’t just about putting your baby into the crib and leaving them. It is the whole package — learning their signs of sleepiness, having consistent routines and teaching them to self soothe. The sleep training forced us into a routine that we did not vary for a LONG time (so we did it when we didn’t have any trips or any changes to the routine coming up). Everything was exactly the same each night, but we did let them cry. And you have to have reasonable expectations. Our kids have always been early birds. They needed to be in bed by about 6:30, and if they woke up after about 3, they needed food/ diapers etc…
Sleep training was life changing for us. The babies not only felt better because they were sleeping better, but they became the best sleepers of any of my friends’ kids. As they grew up, they never came into our room, and we’ve never had bedtime battles or problems transitioning from the crib. They will go to bed before bedtime if they are tired. After we did sleep training, if they cried in the middle of the night, it was because there was a problem, so we always attended to them immediately.
One thing to note is that even though my kids slept incredibly well, they have always been early birds. It is just their nature. So one of them was up around 5 every single morning, and even at 11, I can count on one hand the number of times they have slept until 7.
He is so adorable!! Such cute pics! The four month sleep regression is the WORST!! It’s horrible – my baby is 7 months and the sleep deprivation of that regression is still burned into my memory. As far as what helped us, I really like the book ‘healthy sleep habits, happy child’. I do think, though, that different things work for everyone, so I would just keep trying different philosophies/books until you find one that works for you guys. One thing that I found essential is that because of breastfeeding my husband had to help with the night soothing – if I went in there, my baby immediately wanted to nurse, which then of course reinforced the night waking, etc. Eventually when my baby didn’t need to nurse at night anymore, I would send my husband in there to soothe when he woke up, and he would go back to sleep once he realized that he wasn’t going to nurse with daddy. Then he eventually stopped waking up. Good luck mama!! He’s so cute!! 🙂
Just had another thought. What if, instead of a bottle before bed, you had Ryan give him a bottle at his first wake up so you can sleep through it? As long as you pump whatever he takes from the bottle the next day, it shouldn’t harm your supply.
I forgot we did this with my oldest son for a while. I would nurse him until his bedtime at 7:30ish and go right to sleep after him. When he woke the first time, his Dad would give him a bottle (usually between 10 and 11) and then I would get to sleep until his next wake up. That 4 hour stretch of sleep really helped me out.
Chase is adorable!! We followed Baby Wise and our little guy never really needed sleep training. He started sleeping through the night by around 4 months, but that’s not to say there haven’t still been plenty of hiccups.
Thanks for keeping your posts so real and honest. Parenthood is amazing, but I can totally relate to feeling on the verge of tears all day. It can be really hard to balance it all sometimes!! That’s what I’m still struggling with the most. But it’s all worth it. : )
I’m sorry it feels so hard some days. Seriously sleep issues are infamous for baffling parents. I have often said 4 to 6 months is the hardest-which is not reassuring at all, except that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We sleep trained both of ours and I feel like my personality plus theirs required it. But every parent and baby is different. It is so hard to listen to your baby cry and do nothing, however when they wake up after a full nights sleep and everyone is well rested and happy it is totally worth it for me. I’m a better mom when I am fully rested. It’s was hard to navigate all the theories out there but just keep in mind that it is not wrong to trial and error. There isn’t an easy fix or a perfect answer. And you may still have many hard days ahead of you. The important thing is that you can handle it. It may not be easy but you can do it.
Sounds like you are doing everything the best way possible thus far. Read the book, a the Happy Sleeper. The writer was my mommy and me teacher and her approach really saved us. It is sleep “teaching” and it worked so so well. 4 months is honestly the hardest for sleep, but it will get better. All those routines that you are doing now will help SO much as he gets older! Crib naps might suck now but they’ll lengthen as he gets used to it. No matter what books or advice you get though, it’s hard to be sleep deprived!! So so hard!
First of all, you’re doing a great job!! Being a mom is amazing but also so overwhelming :). In terms of sleep training, we used Moms on Call and loved it. The best part is that is has an app that tells you everything that you need to know. It’s not perfect (as I’m typing this my son just woke up from a 20 min nap!) but it’s a great guide.
In terms of working from home, I’m lucky enough to do the same but finding the time is a challenge. I hired a nanny a couple of days a week and now leave the house and work at a coffee shop. If you can swing it I would highly suggest getting help even just a few hours a week.
Good luck with the sleep training!
Sounds like my dude when he was that age. I found months 4-5 to be the hardest so far and he just turned 2! We were sick of reading so took the easy way out and watched the Sleepeasy Solution DVD one night and implemented it the next night! We ditched the swaddle, the pacifier and moved him to his crib (versus rock and play) all at the same time too (ooops….might have been too much at once?! Who the heck knows??!!). Night time sleep improved in 2 or 3 nights. Day time naps took almost a week or maybe 2 to settle into a rhythm but eventually I would simply put him in his crib wide awake (for a nap) and he would drift off to sleep all on his own and they even lengthened a bit…I think he was taking 3 naps consistently at 4 or 5 months and they would be at least an hour each, give or take. It was amazing to just close the door and know that I didn’t have to run back in 100 times for what would probably but only be a 25 minute nap. Obviously, this is just what worked for us but thought I’d share in case it could be helpful.
Hi Julie!
I just wanted to say that you’re doing an amazing job, mama. I’m a stay-at-home mom to a now 1yo and I can’t imagine maintaining my house, sanity, and blog during nap times. I remember feeling really overwhelmed by all the sleep advice too. I found that a lot of techniques required more structure than I was willing to create. What helped for us around the 4 month mark was the Magic Merlin Sleep Suit. Once she was asleep, she stayed asleep. I also have always followed a time between nap guide. So at 4 months, most babies need 1.5-2hrs. Between naps. That worked better for me than set nap times. Hopefully you get the rest and breaks you need soon. Being a mama is the hardest, most rewarding role.
I know there have been comments on your blog encouraging you to do what you need to do AND that is very true. Some times the internet can be overwhelming when you start reading articles on what works and what doesn’t. You are the mommy and you know what is best. What works today might not work next month or even next week. Also, some babies just don’t sleep all.the.time. like most tend to think. Chase reminds me a little bit of my baby girl when she was 4 months old. She was not the best sleeper at all. From the moment she was born, she didn’t nap all of the time. When she did, it was a quick cat nap here or there. She probably slept 5-6 hours at night if that and then would be wide awake. I did breast feed but also supplemented with formula when she was 3 months old. But honestly, don’t get overwhelmed with other suggestions or anyone telling you how to mother your baby. You’re doing the best way you know how. Also, this time will pass and a new phase will begin. I honestly can say, you will always be a sleep deprived mama. That is what happens when we become mothers. The good thing is Chase is healthy and happy; you’re healthy and happy and YOU look FABULOUS. XOXO
Heather
Everything about this post is adorable, and I was smiling the entire time I read it. You’re so honest, but your love and happiness also completely shine through in your posts. I hope you find a sleep system that works for you soon!
Oh man, your son sounds SO, SO much like mine in the beginning with sleep. I wasn’t a stickler about schedules since he was a poopy sleeper and had colic for the first few months so I kind of got him into a habit of falling asleep while being rocked and nursed and always putting him down when he was sound asleep that was (is!) hard to break. I avoided most/any/all sleep training because it overwhelmed me, but at around 6 months we tried CIO and then stopped, picking it back up at 12 months. That time it stuck and I was able to start putting him to bed with just a quick nurse and then he’d fall asleep. (he was still a really bad night sleeper and would wake up multiple times a night.) This also helped his naps! I’m not sure if it was just his age or the fact that he was getting used to sleeping on his own, but he started napping 1.5 hours consistently. Then when I got pregnant again, we started weaning at 15 months using a mix of CIO and shortening nursing sessions, (I have a post about how weaning from day nursing went) and eventually stopped nursing all together by 17 months. He now sleeps through the night (one month later) 4-5 times a week with only 1 wake up other nights, AND consistently naps 2-3 hours at a time.
ALL OF THAT TO SAY, from one exhausted mom of a bad sleeping boy to another – it gets easier.
Ugh the 4 month sleep regression was really tough for me too! I would highly recommend 2 things: letting Chase cry for a few minutes (set a timer because it is SO Hard) before you replace his paci/comfort him and introduce a “lovey” (soft blanket or stuffed animal) so he can use that to soothe himself back to sleep instead of using you or the paci. My now 13 month old is still obsessed with her bunny lovey and I love watching her stroke her bunny as she settles down for the night. She sometimes sucks on its ears too for comfort. It will get better soon I promise!!
What a cutie! His smile is contagious, even through a computer screen!
Have you thought about doing a dream feed before you go to bed? That helped us eliminate the first wake-up (since my son would be eating at 10:30ish, he usually would sleep until 4 or 5).
Do we have the same baby!? E HATES his back rubbed, only patted, and I cant cuddle because there is too much going on for him to see (which makes me sad). Also, we play the Paci Pong every night, BUT I have heard once they can put it in their mouth themselves, put like 8 pacis in his crib and it will be MUCH better lol!
Oh the 4-moth sleep regression, I know it all too well having lived through it with both of my sons. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are going through it but I promise you will make it through:) I am a HUGE advocate for sleep training. It is work has worked best for both of my boys and our family. We both work outside of the home so it’s been real important and necessary for both boys to have a pretty set schedule and routine AND a good nights sleep. I have found the Ferber sleep training method the best for us. It’s a graduated sleep training method so your baby can learn to self soothe on their own but it’s not just cold turkey letting them scream. The first night is ALWAYS the hardest but with both boys by the second night they only woke up once and then started sleeping great from them on. With my second son (11 months old) we’ve had a few relapse where we’ve had to repeat the process due to a cold or teething but it has made all the world of difference.
My second suggestion would be to maybe start putting him to bed a little earlier. Maybe start bedtime routine/bath around 6:30 so that he is done in bed closer to 7. Again with my second one, we have noticed this little adjustment has made a huge difference. He struggles during the day with napping so usually he is exhausted in the evenings. He was getting over tired by the time we’d put him to bed which would lead to multiple wake ups during the night. This small little change has kept him sleeping through the night. Once he learns to self soothe and put himself back to sleep, you can slowly push his bedtime back out.
Most importantly, you have to find what works best for you and your family. Everyone has their own way and what they think is best. Do what works and feels right for you. Good Luck Momma – I know it’s not easy and it is trying but you are doing an awesome job! Hang in there!!!
We are smack dab in sleep challenges as well! I have researched the heck out of sleep, and everyone has a theory, but it is very, very biologically NORMAL for infants to wake frequently during the night (especially breastfed infants). Somehow I thought sleep would magically happen once we passed the four month sleep regression, but all babies are truly unique. I have also read that babies generally don’t sleep through the night until their weight is between 11-15 pounds (interesting!). I found a website that has a TON of science based articles about sleep and infancy. Although I don’t subscribe to the theory of evolution per se, her articles make a lot of sense. Hopefully you can find some information that will be helpful if you decide to check it out. The author also includes books for “gentle sleep training” vs. cry-it-out methods and cites her reasoning for doing so. Good luck!
http://evolutionaryparenting.com/myths-and-facts-about-night-wakings/
Hang in there! You are doing great! My little girl did not sleep for the first two months due to an undiagnosed dairy allergy. I know how long those nights can be. She’s now 2 and a half (and still not sleeping through the night, but that’s a more recent story…). When she was tiny, I would have to nurse her to sleep, then rock her, then put her in her crib soooooo carefully. If she woke up, the whole process would start over again. When she was about 6 or 8 months old, I got her a security blanket ( http://www.amazon.com/aden-anais-Security-Blankets–Elephant/dp/B006ZSYIAE/ref=sr_1_5?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1445456028&sr=1-5&keywords=aiden+and+anais+elephant ) and she instantly started going down on her own. I’d put her in her crib, awake, and hand her the blankie, and she would grab it, roll over, and was out. Worth a shot?
I love love love your Chase check-ins. We have a 15 week old little boy and I find that I can relate so much to your thoughts and feelings. And Chase is so incredibly cute!
We haven’t reached the 4 month sleep regression yet (dreading it!) so I can’t offer any tips on that; however, we have been testing out some sleep methods that are *knock on wood* mostly working for us. I’m back to work now, so it helps tremendously (a) if Desmond sleeps and (b) if we get into a routine.
Desmond isn’t a fan of swaddling, so we’ve been using a Baby’s Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit. It seems to help him fall asleep and stay asleep since his movements are more muted in the suit. I know Chase is swaddled and seems to not mind it, so this may not be relevant at all for you.
Secondly, we do a dream feed at around 11 each night. I go to bed much earlier but set my alarm for 10:55 so I can get up and get his bottle ready. He stays asleep while I feed, I give him a few minutes to resettle into a deep sleep, and then I put him back down to continue his snoozing. Most of the time, he’ll sleep until sometime between 4 and 5:30.
Of course, I’m probably jinxing myself for writing this, and he’ll end up completely switching things up on me, but so far, this has been working for us (although I’d love it if he’d extend his sleep time to 6:30!)
I didn’t have time to read the previous comments (have 7 month old baby ha!) but all i can say is MOMS ON CALL!!! It is CLIFF NOTES VERSION. there is a daily schedule- we followed it to a tee and she first sleep through night at 4 months and continues to be a good sleeper. If you want , I would be happy to pass along our book to you- I’m done with it! Just email me and I will mail it to you. My mom friends and I all have 7 months and all followed it and it worked for us (also , we live in Charlotte and if you would ever want to meet up for support/advice let us know)!
My daughter is literally two hours older than Chase! We visited the pedi yesterday and I confessed to her that I feel like I broke my baby – she used to only ever wake up once at 4am to eat and went right back down. Between rolling over at 3 months (RIP swaddle! We miss you!), the 4 month sleep regression, a little cold, and mama going back to work (you’re so lukcy to be a WAHMama!) we haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a month. My pediatrician assured me there’s nothing we can do besides working out a night time schedule and hoping for the best. Talk to Chase’s doctor about it, but ours said there’s not much moms can to do help (or hurt LOL) a baby’s sleep cycle until they are at least 6 months old. Breast milk is to quickly and easily metabolized by baby’s tummy so they’re going to wake up and we’ve just got to struggle through it and it will just get better! You’re doing all the right things!
…she also said that the most up to date research on food was to start closer to 4-5 months rather than waiting until 6mos per the recommendation of the on staff nutritionist, allergist, and occupational therapist – even for BF babies. I thought we were going to be doing baby led-weaning at 6 mos so now I have some catching up to do! I spent a good hour at Target reading the labels on cereal, cups, and spoons. It’s really overwhelming, but my pedi reminded me that no matter what parents choose to do, most kids are eating real food, potty trained, and sleeping through the night in their own beds by kindergarten. As long as the baby is safe, happy, and healthy, that’s all that matters. When the baby moves to his crib or starts eating solids isn’t going to make or break anything.
Hi Julie!
I have a baby that is about a week younger than Chase, and it sounds like we have had similar months! Literally when you write every month about him, they sound like wild, on-the-go, non-napping kindred spirits! 🙂
Wright (my son) was sleeping pretty well (waking up once, around 4-5am) until 10 weeks or so. He then was taking terrible naps and waking up 2-3 times per night up until I started this sleep training this week!! This week, I called a friend in desperation, and we have had so much better of a time after coming up with a sleep training schedule! He is sleeping until 6am now. Here is what we did:
-We stopped swaddling him and put him in a sleep sack
-We fed him a bottle of pumped milk (6 oz) so that I could gauge how much he is taking in and I would pump to make sure he is able to get that much from me.
-We give him a paci at night, but we stopped going in and putting it back in if he woke up.
-We stopped a middle of the night feeding altogether. This was so hard the first night… I had to turn off the monitor to keep me from going in there. I could still hear him across the hall. Usually, I would go in there after just 10 minutes and feed him, but my friend instructed me that I couldn’t go in there until 6am at the earliest. I know this sounds SO harsh, but its worth it because each night got better and better! We just completed our 3rd night, and he woke up once at around 3:30am, cried for 3 minutes or so, and went back to sleep until 6:30am!
I think it is harder for us mamas than it is for them. They just need a few nights to get used to the change… they are creatures of habit!
If you want to talk through a schedule, I would be more than happy to give you my number. That may sound crazy, but it helped so much to talk and ask questions than just read a book… especially with a friend who had just completed the same thing!
I have a 10 month old who sounds a lot like your guy-not a great sleeper, terrible napper but not waking up every hour at night. That honestly is not a bad nighttime schedule for 4 months. I think its more the naps that are frustrating or at least they were for me. I was just like you 6 months ago obsessed with trying to figure out sleep schedules/training. Honestly we tried letting him cry around 6 months with us in the room comforting him and it was a disaster. Letting my child scream himself to sleep (because he screams not fusses) felt so wrong and against all my mommy instincts. I decided to just wait it out and let him figure sleep out on his own-right now he sleeps through a few nights a week and other days gets up around 12 and 5 for a feeding.
My advice? CIO is not the only option. Babies need their moms. Hes not playing you hes only 4 months old. His sleep will get better. Do whatever you need to do to get him to nap well (hold him, rock n play etc) so you know hes not overtired and have a solid predictable bedtime routine and bedtime (between 6-7). There are more sleep regressions plus teething/standing/learning to crawl/walk to come so try not to stress about it-it all comes with having a baby. Caffeinate and let people help you. Send Ryan in when you know hes not hungry. You won’t always be this tired.
My little man is going to be 18 months in a few days and he didn’t sleep through the night before 12 months :S What worked is the 5-10-15 method and some other advices. I had to read an entire a book about it and trust a friend who did it successfully before agreeing on it. And it broke our hearts to let him cry (especially daddy, he had a rough time letting him cry, even for a few minutes) but we had to. So it worked and it worked fast. Sometimes he still wakes up but usually fall back asleep fast. What the book told me is that bad sleeping habits are usually caused by us, parents. For us, our mistake was to give him a bottle of milk right before bed, meaning that he NEEDED milk to get back to sleep if ever he was waking up during the night. From what I understand from your post, it seems like the bottle and the cuddling to sleep are in fault. Rocking a baby to sleep is also a common cause. If he always fall asleep in your arms (or on your stomach) you are giving him a bad (sleep) habit. So it’s not only about letting the baby cry, it’s about breaking those bad habits and let him be self-governing in his sleep. I hope this help. Good luck in finding your way!
Oh he is just a doll!! So sweet! love his sweet little smile!!
I can help!!! Basically, you want the baby to follow a pattern: When the baby wakes he eats, then he is happy and awake for awhile. When fussy, the baby goes to sleep. Always in that order. The baby never associates feeding with going to sleep (other than in the middle of the night). He learns to put himself to sleep. That way when he wakens after only twenty minutes, he can put himself to sleep. This method made our third baby a complete joy- with sleep! I think I got this method from “Solve your child’s sleep problems.” This method works easier the earlier you start. I started it with my first child at 12 months. It was effective, but painful for both!
Ugh the 4 month sleep regression. For us it started around 3.5 months and didn’t really get consistently better until around 6 months 🙁 However, there were things that helped tremendously. Sounds like you have a good routine set up before bed which is great. Just stay consistent and try to lay him down in the crib while he’s still awake so he learns to put himself to sleep. But, he’s also still so young, so if you need to keep nursing to sleep I think that’s okay until about 6 months when you can focus more on official “sleep training”. You could try a dream feed – I never did that because I was always terrified she’d wake up too much and not go back to sleep! A lovey was a game changer for us too that we introduced at 6 months. There’s a Facebook group that I’m a member of “Sleep Sisters Get Quiet Nights” that’s run by a gentle sleep coach. The group is supportive with ideas and support! Also, naps at this age stink and, for us, naps didn’t get better until around 7 or 8 months (started being longer). We used the Baby Merlin after swaddling and it was a great transition for us that helped us get through the regression. Unfortunately, baby sleep goes in such ebbs and flows and there seems to be always something that comes up that impacts it (sickness, regression, mental leap, etc.) but you learn to survive because each period is so fleeting. I know it’s hard to see that now when you’re in the trenches, but it will get better. Do what works for you and your family and you’ll be doing the right thing 🙂 Hang in there mama!
MOMS ON CALL. So simple. It’s in plain speak. No over explaining or confusion. If you follow their guidelines I believe it truly does work. It also has a TON of other practical advice on what to do when your baby is sick, feeding guidelines, etc. It’s made me so much more confident as a first time mom.
We’ve been doing it since our daughter was 4 weeks old. She’s been sleeping through the night since 9.5 weeks old. I know crying it out is not for everyone. (No crying it out that young but we had to a little bit when we dropped the swaddle at 3 months and for napping). Our little lady was a terribly fussy baby and her demeanor has only started to shift since she’s been able to crawl the last month or so. I think as the mom of a fussy baby it wasn’t as hard for me to listen to her cry bc there’s a whole lot of crying in our house anyway! I understand that it may be harder for the mom of a more laid back baby to hear their little one be upset. But in my opinion (and with no judgement of people who don’t agree) a few rough nights are a small price to pay for a lifetime of restful sleep for you, and more importantly your kiddo.
No. (In response to your first question.) It seems to go faster as I get older. I love that first picture! Looks like he’s giving a big cheer for being four months old now. 🙂
The baby einstein music toy is the one thing I give to every new mom. My niece and nephew were obsessed with it and every mom has thanked me profusely for it. A great toy they love that you don’t want to throw out the window after hours of use.
Chase is such a cutie! Do you plan to go back to work at the gym at all or are you staying home with Chase and sticking with blogging for now?
As a new mamma myself, I can tell you that how Chase is sleeping at 4 months is TOTALLY fine!! It’s rough on you for sure, but I’ve don’t the reading as many of us mammas do and now I’m on the other side with my 8 month old twins so I can tell you, sleep training shouldn’t start earlier than 6 months and after that it can be done with ease! No need for much scheduling now, let him snooze through out the day and keep those night feedings for a bit longer (strange but you just might miss them!).
As an absolutely unbiased observer, I just wanted to let you know your baby is CUTE. Maybe one of the cutest babies I’ve ever known. Seriously, that smile!
I hate to say this, but every baby is so different I feel you just have to do what you feel is best for you and your baby… Not follow a certain method. My son has slept through the night since he was 7 weeks old (“night” as in 6 hours and now usually sleeps 12 hours at 7 months). We are just very lucky. Four months was hard for us too though, he had a solid 3 weeks with 1-2 wake ups a night. He recovered and went back to his normal sleeping on his own, and I really think he was just having a tremendous growth spurt (physically and mentally). That said, we have a very well established bedtime routine, and have since day 1. Bath, book/songs and food, and then put to bed drowsy but awake. He gets a blanky (an old swaddle) and his noise machine and he puts himself to sleep writhin 5-10 minutes. Sometimes he chats with himself, but he is rarely sadabout being in his crib alone. We only use his crib for naps and bedtime, he is just placed on the floor to play no matter what… I figure that if it is suggested that adults only use their bed for “bedtime things” (no computer games, phone, etc) because it can cause confusion and your brain won’t shut off, then for a baby it must be ten times as important! Good luck! 🙂
Oh the joys of babies and sleep! Honestly the thing that saved me (and had us avoid the 4 month sleep regression altogether) was the Baby Merlin Magic Sleep Suit! I know I have talked about it on here before as a comment, but I love love love that thing so much I just have to share again. I put my daughter (now 13 months) in it at about 2.5 months, and the first time I put her in it she slept from 9 pm to 6 am! It really is magic! She slept in it every night (and she slept the entire night) until she was 6 months old. I was nervous to transition her out of it, afraid she would no longer sleep through the night, but she did! I think because she was older and already used to sleeping through the night it was an easy transition.
However, I only put her in the Merlin at bedtime…I didn’t use it for naps (not really sure why LOL). She would nap at daycare just fine, but then when I was home with her on the weekends and my every other Monday off, she would only nap for 30 minutes. She did this from about 4 months to maybe 7 months? Napping was a pain in the butt, but she eventually caught on and she now takes 2, 1-2 hour nap in the morning and afternoon. It is all just a work in progress, and I learned that you just have to roll with it. In time Chase will nap longer. It is hard but hang in there mama! You are doing such a great job!
If it’s any hope for your tired eyes, the 4 month sleep regression was the hardest and the only one we experienced! It lasted a whole month and my good sleeper turned in to a newborn again, but instead of eating and falling back asleep, she wanted to play! Hang in there mama you’re doing a great job. I did a modified version of “Moms on Call” loved the schedule and they had an app that made it easy too! Good luck!
HI Julie,
Happy Four Months Chase! You and Mommy are doing so well. My son was pretty much the same for naps and night time sleeping up until 7months when i decided to sleep train him. My son has always been a happy baby from day one even when naps were very short lived. I read up on sleep training and basically looked at my sons clues on when he starts to get tired. The trick for him was to not allow him to get over tired otherwise his nap would not be long. As soon as I would notice his first yawn I would do a little bedtime routine. It would consist of a five minute quite cuddle time on the glider / rocker then I would put him down. It took a bit of time but the routine and not allowing him to get over tired really helped and he finally was able to have 60min naps. To this day if my son is over tired he will not have a good nap or night time sleep so I try very hard to watch for his clues.
Hope this helps. You’re doing an amazing job and remember you’re the expert on your child ;0)
The book “Babywise” saved my life when I had my third baby and desperately needed him to sleep! I modified it a bit bc I wasn’t able to let him cry very much. But their advice about how to set up a routine (eat, play, then sleep… never let him fall asleep while feeding) was INVALUABLE! My third baby was an awesome sleeper, and I think this routine was what did it. Good luck, mama, you will blink and this stage will be over and you’ll all be sleeping again 🙂
Amen!
His smile is the absolute cutest. My daughter’s smiles always make a difficult day much less painful for me.
I may not be a lot of help, but I can at least say you’re not alone. My daughter will be 4 months this week and over the last few days has been waking up 1-2 times during the night where before she would sleep straight through. The best thing that has worked for me for naps is persistence. If she won’t go to sleep after a little while I’ll go in and get her to rock or cuddle and then try again. One of the times she woke up this morning cooing and wanting to play, I watched her on the monitor and she went back to sleep (phew!). I hope this 4 month sleep regression goes by quickly, for both of us!
Here is what has worked for me and my 7 month old.
First, I think you are doing well by having a small routine at night with his bath and bottle. I bath Maggie (my daughter) every other night, but our routine is bath, pajamas, go into my room where I turn off all the lights, turn on the TV, and turn on the fan, and then I feed her. She’s normally sleepy/fussy every night around 630, so I’m never trying to put her to bed while she’s wide awake. I know she’s ready for bed when I start the process. (I personally think 630 is really early since my son – now 2.5 – went to bed at 830 every night. Goes to show that every baby is different!). She normally passed out (or gets close to it) while eating, but sometimes she doesn’t. If she’s still WIDE awake showing no signs of being tired, then I will stay up with her and play. If she is acting tired and just seems to be “fighting sleep” then I will lay her in her crib (we also have a fan/heater on in her room that provides some noise. I suggest having a noise machine if you don’t have something that makes noise already). Sometimes she cries, but I just let it happen. I don’t let her cry for more than 10 minutes. Using this method I think I’ve only had to go get her 1 time. In a worst case scenario, she refuses to sleep until 830pm. That’s my cut off time of “okay, you’re going to bed”. I lay her in her crib and start the 10 minute rule. She has never cried for the entire 10 minutes at 830pm!
I know it’s hard to listen to them cry, but I personally don’t think it hurts her. Your sleep is just as important as her for you to be a good Mom. It got to the point with my son to where I was so sleep deprived that his crying didn’t bother me because I was at the point where I JUST NEEDED SLEEP! I never got to that point with Maggie, but I think it’s because I was more confident in my methods. I think sometimes first time parents have to get to that point though to be comfortable with letting the baby cry a little. If it’s really bothering me, I will turn down the monitor and just go somewhere in the house where I can’t hear her. Again, I don’t let her cry past 10 minutes.
I hope this helps! You’re doing great and your feelings are totally normal! Feel free to email me if you have any questions!
My son is just about to turn 13 months, and still isn’t a great nap per (usually a 2 hour nap and that might be all)! And he still wakes up once or twice a night. But what really helped us the no cry sleep solution. I couldn’t do cry it out, E has a lot of determination and would scream forever and I just couldn’t handle listening to it-didn’t feel natural to let my kid scream!
It gets better and better as they get older, I was a mess when E was younger but feel like we are finally getting to an easier age! You’re doing great and Chase is adorable!
Oh my goodness–Chase is so adorable! I love seeing update photos and hearing about how he is growing. I don’t know anything about babies or raising a child, but it seems like you and Ryan are doing an absolute fantastic job with him! How is Sadie doing with him as he grows and becomes more aware of his surroundings? Or I guess I should ask, how is Chase doing with Sadie?! We had a husky growing up and he was in every single picture my parents took of me–he was so protective!
My 5 month old generally goes to sleep at around 9, and will sleep through until anywhere from 7-9. A sleep specialist told me that babies need several sleep “signals” in their bedtime routine, so we do 1) diaper change and put on pjs 2) close the curtains/Dim the lights 3) nurse 4) turn on sound machine (don’t do waves, the up and down sound will disturb sleep) 5) sing 3 songs in order while swaying with him 6) put him down
If he whines, I’ll look at the clock and decide how long until I go in there to calm him (usually around 5 mins). If I go in there, I don’t pick him up. I’ll bounce him from his bottom (he’s a tummy sleeper) or rub his back. I’ll leave when he calms down and if he’s still crying, set another timer.
Oh my gosh, that full-body smile is THE cutest!! I have no advice to offer, but know that from the outside you appear to be doing a fantastic job as a new mommy. Reading your posts makes it easier for me to wrap my head around having kids in the next few years, and I appreciate your honesty!
Happy 4 months, Chase!! 🙂
I’ve commented on this before, but I think it’s worth saying again – the fact that I’m not even kind of a baby person and I LOVE reading these posts of yours is such a testament to your writing and charismatic energy! You and Ryan sound like the best parents, and the little guy is so cute.
Also, the note that Chase dislikes “Mom singing to him” made me laugh out loud because my mom loves to sing and was constantly singing to me as a kid, and I gave her so many dirty looks for it haha.
It gets better I promise. Mine didn’t sleep through the night until 7.5 months. I was going crazy, crying, saying “I’m never doing this again!”. Then one night he decides to sleep 12 hours and has every since.
What helped was getting him out of our room, adding to my breast milk with Simulac Supplementation 2 ounce bottles during the day so he’d get more, dark room at night, not getting up for every peep he made, waiting to see if he fell back asleep, a noise machine with white noise. I promise it gets better. I thought to myself a lot back then “WHY THE F would anyone enjoy this?!” haha. But you really do (after you get a good nights sleep of course). 🙂
I have two little boys and sleep trained both of them by 6 months old. Both were terrible sleepers but diff problems.
#2 had a paci addiction. If it fell out he’d wake up screaming. Every hour even. I swear by the sleep sense program. It’s strict but works in two weeks. I mean nights got better within a couple of days but naps took a littke longer to sort out. It’s strict though. Not for the faint of heart. I’ve just found doing it fast all at once works better. They learn so fast and are just happier all around.
Liam’s whole personality changed when he started sleeping better. It’s amazing. Now at 9 months he consistently takes two 1.5-2 hour long naps. And it’s so much easier to make plans to get out or run errands.
What you are doing is already a form of sleep training. Babies that young need to eat through the night, and it sounds like you have a good routine and letting him fall asleep on his own as well. Honestly my advice is to go to bed earlier so you catch those first few hours of sleep, and then if he takes well to bottles you and your husband can take turns with night feedings.
Don’t turn on the lights when you nurse/feed/comfort at night
We used a white noise app to help my son stay asleep