Days that were once filled with marathon feeding sessions, naps and non-stop cuddles are now filled with lots of interactive playtime, goofy faces, breastfeeding that often feels like a small battle and naps that only last for a hot second.
Mothering a four month old baby has me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted but also somehow completely joyful every single day.
When I go into Chase’s nursery after a 20 minute nap that I was really hoping would be closer to 60 minutes, I often walk through the door feeling incredibly frustrated but that somehow fades when I see the big goofy grin on his face, emerging from his cozy swaddled little body.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: God made babies so darn cute as the ultimate defense mechanism against overwhelmed and frustrated parents.
Though the transition from the bassinet beside our bed into the crib in Chase’s nursery went smoothly this month, I am beginning to think we need to do something to encourage Chase to get into a routine and sleep more soundly once he goes down at night… But oh my gosh all of the different sleep training and scheduling philosophies out there leave me feeling lost, overwhelmed and clueless as to where to begin. Please help! I need a Cliffs Notes version of this stuff or something. Some days I feel like I am on the verge of tears all day long after a rough night, super-short daytime naps and little time left to try to work from home during the day.
(Sometimes the only way I get anything done at all is by wearing Chase in the Baby K’Tan as I bounce around and work on the computer from the kitchen counter or let him sleep swaddled on my lap when he refuses to nap in his crib.)
I’ve heard through the grapevine that baby sleep and sleep training is incredibly controversial but I am all for the philosophy that parents are just doing the best they can and trying to make good decisions and that best suit their baby and their family. If there is something you did that helped your baby sleep soundly and nap well, I welcome your advice and thoughts.
Right now, we’re putting Chase to bed between 7 and 7:30 p.m. after bath time (<— we’ve had MAJOR bath time progress since last month) and a big bottle of breastmilk. Chase wakes up to nurse at night between 12:30 and 1:30 a.m. and again around 4 a.m. (Sometimes he falls back asleep immediately, but most of the time several rounds of Paci-Pong occur when we’re getting up to replace his pacifier before he’ll get back to sleep.) We thought this was more or less our new routine but then last night we had the worst night we’ve had in months and Chase was up at 11 p.m. to feed and then awoke again at 2 a.m. and remained awake until 4 a.m. He was wide-eyed, cooing and having a grand ol’ time while Ryan and I stared at him on the monitor, willing him to go back to sleep. I’ve read all about the four month sleep regression and if the sleep pattern we experienced over the weekend and last night is any indication, we’re smack-dab in the middle of it. Mommin’ ain’t easy and babies can totally kick your butt.
But aside from challenges related to sleep, Chase is just the coolest.
He’s playful, smiley and energetic and I never thought I’d have so much fun with a baby who cannot talk, walk or sit up.
He’s my absolute favorite.
Chase has started putting everything in his mouth and loves holding onto toys and fingers. My mommy heart explodes when he grips onto my shirt collar and fingertips. He’s much more observant these days and super interactive! He can generally entertain himself on his activity mat or in the Rock ‘n’ Play (facing a window because OUTSIDE ROCKS!) for about 10-15 minutes before he needs a buddy.
The way Chase smiles is my favorite thing in the universe. Ryan and I say that he smiles in a way that seems to overwhelm him and overtake his whole body. His face lights up, his body scrunches over and he often has to look away when he’s smiling so hard. It’s just the best thing ever and simultaneously makes me want to laugh out loud and cry big fat tears because I know this time is so fleeting.
I’ve learned to cherish cuddletime because it already feels like it’s fading. Chase would now much rather be held upright so he can look around, push off our legs with his feet, nod his head and coo away at anything and everything. He found his voice this month, that’s for sure!
Everyday, I am overwhelmed by the love I have for our sweet baby boy. I feel so blessed to be his mother and I’m pretty sure I have never smiled so much in my life, even if a lot of my smiles are sleepy ones. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for our boy and he is truly the biggest ray of sunshine in my life.
I love you, Chase!
Likes
- Outside
- Faces
- Playing airplane
- High-pitched voices
- His Oball
- Playing in his activity jumper
- Pushing off everything with his legs
- Mirrors
- Lights
- Reading a book with mom at bed time
- Dad’s silly faces
Dislikes
- Being carried like a baby (unless he’s sleepy)
- Mom singing to him at night (Oh the horror!)
- Having his ears cleaned and nose wiped
- Rubbing his back (Patting only, please!)
- Stroking his hair (So hard to resist!)
Four Month Baby Favorites
Below you will find a few of our “must have” baby items from the past month! More detailed lists of our previous favorites may be found in the monthly recaps linked at the bottom of this post.
- Baby Einstein Activity Jumper
- MyBaby Sound Spa Sound Machine (This one lasts forever and doesn’t automatically switch off after 20-45 minutes like so many others)
- Boppy Lounger
- WubbaNubs
- Oball Rattling Ball (He is OBSESSED with this toy! He loves gripping all the different quadrants and putting it in his mouth. I will be giving this toy to all of my expectant friends in the future!)
- Zipper Onesies
- Baby Einstein Musical Toy
Past Baby Updates
![\"Quantcast\"/](\"//pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-1e3-7hOJ_U8Bg.gif\")
Absolutely adorable!
another vote for Moms on Call. I read both MOC and baby wise and liked MOC much better and they have an app that I could keep track of the schedule or send it to my husband. Good job Momma! Keep up the good work, sleep regressions stink but they are short lived.
Hi Julie. I love your blog and have been reading for a while but I am a first time commenter.
I have four children ages 12, 9, 5, and 15months. I read and followed the book On Becoming Babywise (Babywise for short) with all four of my children and all of them slept through the night at 8 weeks of age. It is so hard to be sleep deprived. I highly recommend the book. While it may not be for everyone it worked great for me as I love a schedule and this book will put the baby (and you) on one. I breastfed all of my children too so this process works for moms who breast or bottle feed.
I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to try with Chase. You are a great mom!
He really is the smiliest little guy!! So cute! I think the best advice I ever got when we started “sleep training” right around 4-5 months (aka trying everything until something worked) was always “pause” before rushing in to get them. Pausing meaning every time (no really, every time) they cry, waiting 5-10 minutes before coming in to get them to feed, rock, what have you. So much easier said than done, I know! I actually read this in a book like a year after my daughter started sleeping through the night but looking back that’s exactly what we ended up doing (by accident, no less!) It’s sort of like what some may call “cry it out” but with less complicated instructions. We tried “cry it out” but always ended up going in around the 10 minute mark. It’s hard at first but it worked quickly! Literally less than a week later she was sleeping like a champ! I truly believed that’s when she taught herself how to self sooth and even now at 18 months she NEVER cries in her crib, only plays and rolls around! Best of luck to you mama!
Sounds like you’re doing a great job so far! My only advice is stay on track with the bed time routine (we did bath, books, bed) and keep night time feedings quiet (boring?) and eventually things will fall into place. Good luck, trust yourself!
My daughter is just a few days older than chase and I hear you with the sweet baby whole body smiles!! Makes any bad mood instantly disappear! My 2 year old was a sleep champ..went down at 7pm and up at 8am..at 2 months all on her own! So this secind little baby of mine really stumped me when at months she was up till 11pm and had a couple of night feedings. She’s ebf but I exclusively pump..couldn’t figure out how to stretch out the wakeups. I HATE books bc I feel like they all make you feel like whatever you’re doing is wrong but I took a chance on a book my s.i.o. passed on to me..healthy sleep habits happy child. I SWEAR.. I am a huge believer! Oct 31 she went to sleep at 1130pm. Nov 1 930..Nov 2 630 and Nov 4 6pm. She woke up a few nights for one bottle and now we just celebrated our one month anniversary of no more wakeups! She goes down between 530 and 6 depending on her first yawn and I wake her up at 645 am. She is never awake for more than 2 hours and he teaches a lot about recognizing the first sign of sleepiness and putting them down right away bc once their the littlest bit overtired the ability to sleep longer decreases.
Also I just passed on this method to my friend who has a 6 month old and she came to my classroom today to hug me bc last night she got her first full night of sleep in 6 months. Parenting decisions like this are super personal but for me thus was amazing! !!
Oh and the other thing I did this time around bc she is not a fan of being flat on her back is I bought a crib wedge. She instantly started sleeping in her crib more comfortably!
Another vote for moms on call and babywise. they actually are VERY similar,, only babywise does the dream feed until the child is 5 months or so. My two daughters both slept through the night by 9 weeks thanks to the advice i got from those books.
Some tips (you may be doing these already, but here ya go):
-feed every 3 hours during the day
-don’t let him be up longer than 2 hours max at a time at his age (he may be over-tired and that makes it hard to get a good nap
-try to start the day at the same time (if you want chase to be on a 7am-7pm schedule, then try to have a feeding consistently at 7 am each morning and go from there)
-white noise, dark room, put to sleep drowsy but awake in the crib
-he does not need to be eating in the middle of the night from a developmental, physical standpoint assuming he is otherwise healthy. this is according to my pediatrician! so this means you can try to soothe him in other ways during the middle of the night wake-ups besides feeding him. you may have to let him cry for a bit but it will help break the habit that is messing up his sleep and yours!
-sleep begets sleep. good nighttime sleep leads to good daytime sleep leads to good nighttime sleep…it is counter-intuitive but keeping them awake longer between naps and during the day does not make them sleep better. it actually makes them sleep worse! put him down before he shows signs of tiredness.
(the chronicles of a BabyWise mom blog is super helpful–and indexed by topic with sample schedules fom the author’s own children. good stuff) http://www.babywisemom.com/
you are an awesome mom!! say it loud.
I wish I had and answer for you because sleep is tricky and can be so difficult. I truly feel like some babies are really good sleepers and some are not. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old who are great sleepers. I didn’t read any books, and I just followed their cues to get them on a good sleep schedule. Both of my babies LOVED the halo sleep sack and I feel it is what saved me during nap times. They both slept with it until they were 6 months! Some babies just like to be snuggled up for comfort. It took both of my kids a long time to nap in their crib… it was a process. Nighttime was fine, but nap time was a whole different story. Max didn’t nap in his crib until he was 6 months! I used to carry him around in his carseat to get him to fall asleep. I actually just remembered that as I was typing this. He is 1 now and I don’t even really remember those days. So, this too shall pass my friend. The days are long, but the years are short– so short. Some day you won’t remember the sleepiness and the frustration… just the overwhelming love you have for this little guy and how he changed your heart. Hang in there.
He’s just so adorable!!! Hang in there!
Chase is so cute! You can tell he is so happy in each picture!
We have a 10-month old baby girl, and breastfeeding and baby sleep have become true passions of mine. I echo a lot of the other comments that dealing with sleep is controversial and needs to be the best decision for your family. I’m sure multiple sleep training methods are effective, but baby development is at the root of them all. We read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and found it to be very helpful. It details how babies develop and their need for short awake times and frequent naps during the day. The author explains how babies learn how to sleep at night and how their sleep patterns can change with age. We were surprised at how much this book influenced our parenting philosophy, in a positive way, of protecting our daughter’s sleep. This method promotes a routine (but not a strict schedule) and allows you to read your baby’s cues. This book is great because it lets you know where your baby is at developmentally and gives you options on how to deal with it, depending on what kind of parent you are.
I’ve also heard the Merlin Suit works well for babies who startle awake.
Hang in there! It will get better ?
Re-phrase: Depending on how you want to parent. ?
Or both my children we had stopped swaddling them by 3 -4 months of age. Perhaps that might be something to try since ge is bigger now – having the ability to freely move around might help him to be able to move a bit tank get more comfortable. Just a thought. Hang in there – sleep deprivation is tough!
Hey Julie,
Wow, it’s amazing to see this post now that my kiddo is 8 months old and just started sleeping consistently through the night. We started sleep training at 5.5 months, which made a huge difference, but he still was waking up at 4AM for a feed. We talked to a sleep consultant, who said he just might have a fast metabolism, and so we finally, finally, finally dropped that last feed. I swear, it gets so much better. 4 month sleep regression is BRUTAL, and unsolicited advice: get any and all help you can get. 4 months is the time to ask friends/hire someone to take care of him during the day so you can get rest, or ask friends/hire someone to clean your house. I felt like such a log during that time, but I needed the sleep to manage the every 1.5 hour wakeups. It’s all about supporting their growth while taking care of yourself, finding that balance, and when it comes to advice, “taking the best and leaving the rest”. Big e-hugs from Helvetia, Oregon.
Sorry if someone already suggested this, but I wonder if Chase is staying awake too long between naps. I think when my daughter gets overtired, she has shorter naps. I believe for his age, optimal wake time between naps is still about 80 minutes to 2 hours max.
I am no longer active in blog land but I love checking in on you, Chase, and Ryan. Sounds like you have your hands full for sure : ) I worked at my Aunt’s daycare while I was in HS and College with the little ones (6 weeks – 9 months) and have fooled myself into thinking having kids is going to be a breeze, I think I am sadly mistaken! Luckily we don’t plan on trying for another two years! Keep up the good mommying!!
Oh boy, do I feel you on the sleep thing. I remember just sitting at the dining room table looking at my husband and we were like “we aren’t going to make it”. Or the time I told my husband that “they” say we will eventually forget the exhaustion and he looked at me so seriously and said “I will never forget” (still makes me laugh).
Anyway, a lot of people talk about waking the baby up before you go to bed for a “dream feed”. Might be worth a try – it didn’t work that great for us, but enough people swear by it that it can’t hurt! I always made sure to feed our daughter at least every 3 hours during the day even if it meant waking her up with the thought that she could theoretically get most of her calories during the day. No clue if it helped really, but made me feel slightly more in control.
Fast forward to about 7 months and after much debate and talking to our pediatrician, we did a sleep training method that involved going in at certain time intervals as she fell asleep. It was hard, but (for us) so worth it!! Like, seriously, life changing. Our whole family felt so much better and she’s still the best sleeper at almost 2.
Expecting #2 in a few months and I am sure this one will bring with him or her a whole different set of sleep challenges so we’ll see how it goes!! This time I KNOW we can survive it though and I know from hindsight that it is so fleeting even if it REALLY doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
Bottom line of my novel post: You are doing awesome. Babies are all different. He will get with the program one of these days 🙂
Julie, I’m not a mom yet so I’m not even going to try and give you suggestions with sleeping 🙂 BUT you are making me so baby hungry with these posts! My husband should be concerned haha. Chase is so cute and you make motherhood look like you were made for it. Thanks for blessing us everyday with your fun posts and positive outlook!
Moms on Call saved us! My baby started sleeping 11 hours through the night at 3 months. She never felt better and neither did I! She is a regular napper during the day and still sleeps 11-12 hours a night:)
Hey! I have an 8 month old boy and I have to say the biggest help for sleeping was a gift from my sister–the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child”. I read it starting from when he was born and it has been a LIFESAVER. He’s slept through the night since about 3 months old. I’m not one to preach mommy things, but this book is incredible.
Also, I saw something so true the other day: that when you’re delirious from lack of sleep and questioning your sanity, think of all the people who would give anything to be up in the middle of the night with their own baby. It really made me stop and think–and be so grateful for my little monster! 🙂
My daughter is 16 (!!!) now, but I still remember all too well that feeling of utter frustration when I heard her on the monitor WAY too early & how it completely disappeared as soon as I walked into her room. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to feed her & being so completely exhausted that I wanted nothing more than to just roll over & go back to sleep, but at the same time was excited to go see her. 🙂
Look into Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit! Best $40 I’ve ever spent. Our baby boy refused to sleep anywhere except his swing until he was 12 weeks old when we started putting him in the Sleepsuit! He started sleeping through the night almost immediately and napped great in the suit too! Best wishes!!
Have you heard of the wonder weeks? Great book that explains their developmental milestones which can coincide with sleepless nights! Personally, at 17 months my son still nurses 2-3 times a night. Every baby is different ?
Chase is sooo handsome!! I love these photos! I’ve been a subscriber for awhile now and have loved watching your beautiful family grow! Happy Holidays!!
I am still waiting for sleep to get better. My son is 13 months old, and still wakes up 1-3 times each night. We tried EVERYTHING–CIO twice, dad going to check on him, cereal in his bottle, co-sleeping, down to one nap a day, etc. I’ve read the books, pleaded for help on Fb, but nothing has worked for him. I honestly think sometimes you can do everything, but some parents get lucky with a good sleeper and others don’t. :/ I am also convinced boys are just worse sleepers than girls. Ha! (Of course I’m generalizing.)
He’s so adorable! I definitely see what you mean about his smile taking over his whole body 🙂 So cute!
Chase is just stunning!! What an adorable, happy little baby. I can tell you’re doing a good job momma:)
As far as sleep goes, the only thing that has worked for us is to let our babies cry it out. I was terrified to do this at first but after 10 months of a baby who woke up 4-5 times a night, I didn’t feel like I had any other choice. I was a zombie during the day and unable to function. It was way less traumatic than I’d expected. She cried a little the first and second nights but by the third night she didn’t cry at all, and she slept through the night from then on. I would talk to your ped about what he needs as far as food goes at that age, and then go from there. If he should only need to eat once a night (or maybe not at all at this age-I can’t remember), then maybe feed him that once and if he wakes up again, let him cry. He will learn to soothe himself and in the long run it will be best for everyone. I know this sounds terrible but it really could be what he needs! I always think about the fact that my mom let myself and my siblings cry it out and I turned out just fine-heck, I don’t remember a thing about it:) I only remember having a very loving, nurturing mother. That’s just what they did back then before there was so much information overload via the Internet. Haha
Whatever you choose to do, do it with confidence knowing that you’re an excellent mother. By my second baby, I stopped reading articles and books and simply looked to my mother, MIL, and mom friends for advice. The different opinions all over the Internet made me crazy and anxious. I am on baby number three, and have not read anything baby-care related. Not because I know everything, but because I have found that sticking to one trusted source of info (usually my MIL) as well as my own intuition, saves me a lot of anxiety.
Anyway, that’s just my two cents worth:) Again, he is precious and you are doing a wonderful job momma.
Check out Suzy Giordano’s books on sleep training (they’re on Amazon). My first baby slept through the night for the first time at six weeks old, and by the time she was three months, sleeping 10-12 hours a night was a normal thing. I was sold then, and can’t wait to try it all over again once my 1-week-old is old enough to start sleep training.
I would google 4 month sleep regression (there’s also one around 9 months, 18 months, etc.) Both my kids slept relatively well until about 4 months, and then all of a sudden at 4 months, they wanted to party all night. I think for most babies, as soon as you think you have something figured out (such as sleep), it changes. Anyway, I suggest doing whatever it takes to get through this regression, and then figure out what sleep training works for you.
The best “advice” I can give you is really just encouragement. The thing that made all the tough nights of sleep (inconsistent wake up times) the worst was my attitude about it. I would get so frustrated, then try and do what *I* wanted to do in order to get the baby to sleep better. Let her cry some, send hubby in to give pacifier and try not to nurse, etc. The best thing I could do if she woke up again (even if she was 8 months old and I had just nursed her an hour and a half ago) was to get up, nurse some and then go back to bed. On the nights that I just accepted that if I wanted to get back to sleep quicker I needed to nurse or let her use me as a paci some, that’s when I was less stressed out. And this is with my second child. Going into it, I told myself I knew what I was doing, I’d get her to sleep better than her sister. Well, her sister ended up being the better sleeper (probably because I didn’t fight it as much with her). But neither fully slept through the night until at least 13 months. All breastfed babies are different. My milk isn’t that fatty, so at night, she needed some more. Even when she started food, she still didn’t sleep better. It was also a comfort thing. Books can be helpful, they helped with our daytime routine, but babies sure do know what they want and need. Listen to them. When they’re ready for something, they’ll do it. And it they may backslide too because there is always something new (milestone, tooth, etc). During the day she’d nurse every 3-4 hours, at night it was always different (from about 3mo-12mo). Sounds horrible. Some days can be rough. But as you’ve already noticed, its over before you know it and you hardly remember those days, and actually miss the extra snuggling 🙂 Hang in there mama, you’re on the right track!
I also always recommend kellymom.com for information regarding sleep and breastfed babies. It always reassured me and made me feel better. 🙂
I know it has already been said, but as hard as it was, cio was needed for us around 7 months. We still have a rough night or two, usually teething, but it has changed my life. Naps never really got in line though. You are doing great and you will sleep again !
There is definitely a 4 month sleep regression! We went through it too. *Most* sleep experts (both pro-cry-it-out and anti-CIO) agree that you shouldn’t start much until 6 months of age (though getting on a solid routine/schedule early can be a really great help!)
For us, our son gets way too upset way too quickly and crying it out was never an option (not judging those who do- it’s just different when CIO makes your kid literally puke!) I found a really awesome Facebook group full of literally THOUSANDS of mamas who are in the same boat. It’s called Sleepy Littles. They have tons of resources and files and lots of mamas and experts available to help. All of their stuff is a gentle approach and has been a lifesaver for me! (That, and coffee. Lots of coffee.:) ) Hang in there, mama! My son is 15 months old now and sleeps pretty well finally. It DOES get better. 🙂
Girl, if that baby is awake at night, but happy and not crying – leave him be! At the worst of our sleep regression at 4 months (we call them “the dark days”) – my guy would wake up 8 times between 8pm and 5am, so he was pretty much screaming the entire night. One day, it just started getting better, and a couple months later he was sleeping through the night! Good luck!
Gotta echo the sleep training comments. Instead of thinking about it as CIO, think about it as teaching your baby to self-soothe. I work full time and went back to work at around 3 months. I was a zombie for the next 3 months as my babe woke up at least 2-3 times a night and I would nurse him. I was a disaster at work and always looking towards my next nap. I just couldn’t live like that. At 6 mos, our dr told us that my son was getting enough milk during the day and didn’t need to eat at night. I could also tell that he’s was nursing out of comfort and not because he needed it. I had the hubs do the sleep training and I slept in the basement. We did a modified Ferber method. Took 3 nights and my kiddo who had never slept through the night, was sleeping 12 hours. We had to redo it a few times after when we traveled or he was sick. But, for us, it was the best (and only) decision for our family. Game changer. Good luck!
Hey Julie, I am not up to date on any blogs so I’m not sure if you’ve said you are still breast feeding or not… But if you are (and even if you aren’t!) hang in there.. My pediatrician warned me that the 4 month mark was going to be hard. They hit a big growth spurt and you will prob be so frustrated you’ll want to quit. Hang in there because after 4 months every day will be a little easier. I’ve got 4 kids and I know every baby is different but that 4 month point is no joke 🙂 You’ve got this!
Thank you for this comment! I am still breastfeeding and I am currently in the thick of feeling frustrated. I really am committed to continuing with it, but your encouragement is helpful! Chase is just SO easily distracted these days and only seems to want to snack… and snack often! I appreciate your kindness! <3
Snacking often is SOOO normal during growth spurts and big milestones – you’ve got this mama, hang in there! I am still breastfeeding – my daughter is almost 11 mths – and I am so thankful, like one of the comments said above, babies know what they need. And this time IS so fleeting. You’ll get back to working more regularly in a little while, he’ll only be so little for so long. I can hardly believe mine is almost a year old already, I feel like I JUST had her and she’s already walking (new set of craziness!!!)!
You’re doing a great job, mama. Hang in there, lean on your mama friends, and breathe. Snacking is normal, not sleeping through the night is normal, napping for YOU too, is normal. Just do your best, it’s all you can do <3
I remember this time being hard for me as well. My little guy went through the crazy growth spurt and it felt like he was a newborn all over again, needing to eat every 1.5-2 hours! I was TIRED! Eventually though, after about 5 days, he dialed it back and we fell into a better rhythm. My little guy is 15 months old now and I’ve adopted the attitude of “it is what it is” to not put as much pressure on myself or my son of what we “should” be doing at this age.
You are a good mom and want the best for your son and yourself. That’s all anyone can ask of you. You’ll make the right choice for your family.
Moms on call worked for us, http://momsoncall.com. It takes a bit of work to get the baby on schedule but my daughter is 9 months and sleeps 7:30PM – 7:00AM. It took about 2 weeks to get her on the “schedule” its amazing and I highly recommend it. Thanks for always sharing openly. Being a mommy is the best but also the hardest.
Love your blog
Cassidy
Hey Julie, I am guessing Eric already told Ryan because I think it is his favorite take away from the early days of parenthood, but we relied on the Babywise books for developing routines. I guess it is a “controversial” method, but I am thinking that was perhaps some very early edition because I never read anything in the book that felt neglectful. It has been awhile, but the idea was eat/play/sleep as a routine so that your baby learns to fall asleep (and stay asleep) on their own.
Also, we didn’t use a monitor. Within the first few nights it became apparent that I was seriously listening to see if I could hear Vivian breathe — and any little noise or fuss would wake me up. Without the monitor I only heard her when she really needed me to hear her. 😉 We never even turned the monitor on with George.
It does get easier/better, but being sleep deprived stinks. Hang in there!
We used babywise as well- LIFESAVER! Babywise is more about getting your baby on schedule than CIO. Babies & kids love schedules and knowing whats next. You should really check the book out. By 3 months my son was only waking once around 4-6am and by 6 months 7p-7a.
No CIO until 6 months at least! We just kept at it. Waking twice is really normal for a while yet. Many people have babies who wake up every hour at this stage. Our guy needs a lot of food right before bed to help him sleep. It’s been a rough month of sleep changes and patterns. There have been good nights and there have been horrid nights. Just keep at it and remember that this stage doesn’t last forever. <3
Sleepwellchildren.com. Shannon Glenn will help you and it’s is worth every penny. Sounds crazy hiring a sleep consultant but I have done it with two and tons of my friends have and it is a lifesaver.
Seconding the “No CIO until at least 6 months.” It sucks but sleeping through the night at this age is 5 consecutive hours (really!). He probably won’t sleep through the whole night (10-12 hours) until closer to 6-7 months. My daughter still woke up 1-2 times a night until she was 8 months. Around 4 months she would wake up once, eat, go right back to sleep, then wake up again a few hours later and be ready to party for an hour. It was rough, but I promise it does get better!
Check out The Wonder Weeks. It was pretty spot on for highlighting what changes were going on with our little guy week by week. That may give you some background on each change and when to brace yourself for it! You’re doing great, hang in there.
Hi Julie! First, I hated hearing this when my son was not sleeping, but I promise this phase does end!! And you are not alone….there were many days I was watching the clock until my husband got home and other days where I cried with Carson because I was ssssoooo tired!! Hang it there, mama! Like a lot of other comments, a schedule worked great for Carson. I did a loose Baby Wise. My cousin told me to start his day at the same day each morning and then get him on a schedule….we did the eat, play, sleep schedule. When he was about Chase’s age, we had to let him cry it out a bit and learn to self soothe. I know this is controversial and not everyone likes this, but I was about to lose my mind!!! Once we had a good schedule established, he started taking a morning and long afternoon nap and FINALLY sleeping through the night. Of course there were always nice interruptions like teething, etc. And I believe he also had a 4 month sleep regression as well. He started to thrive on the routine and I did as well. I knew when I could schedule appointments, workout, etc. I also work from home and felt like it was impossible, so you aren’t alone!! Thank goodness for grandmothers who come save your sanity……my mom definitely did too!!
Hi Julie. I don’t usually comment on the blogs I read but since it seems the advice you’ve received so far all seems to be “let him cry it off,” and “try sleep training” Training? I’m sorry, that does not sound natural at all to me. Force yourself to stay away from your baby? What?? I thought I would share what worked for our family. We received the same advice when our son was born. “Don’t spoil him, let him cry himself to sleep”. To us that just seemed so cold and it’s wasn’t the message we wanted to send to our new baby. We found that worked for us was a co sleeping arrangement. After a really long , hopeless night, out of sheer desperation, we removed one side of his crib and butted it up to my side of the bed. What started as a one time temporary fix ended up working for us for 2 1/2 yrs. The 3 of us got more sleep the next few nights than we’d had in weeks. When I was pregnant with our son, we had his nursery set up, like a lot of families do, in anticipation of his arrival. We expected that that would be “his” room and he would sleep there. HA!
For us co sleeping worked well because I didn’t have to get up out of bed to nurse him. I didn’t have to turn on any lights (we had a nightlight on). When it was bed time, the 3 of us would go to bed, I’d nurse him, he’d be relaxed an once he was asleep, I would gently place him on his side, the crib side. This made the transitions SUPER easy and we didn’t fear crushing him in the middle of the night. It allowed us to keep an eye on him and listen to his breathing (as all paranoid new parents do). Eventually, When he was maybe 2 1/2- 3 he basically “broke up” with us. He said he was a big boy and shouldn’t be sleeping with mommy and daddy like a “baby”. It was time for him to sleep in his big boy room. It literally happened over night and we were shocked and kind of sad. At the same time, we were so proud of our big boy. We thought, “Oh, he’ll be back. Yep. He’ll go out in that big world and miss us in that big, cold room all by himself.” Nope. He slept in his room from that day forward. This arrangement, for us, was so much more peaceful. It made bed time very relaxing and allowed us quality time with our little man. When it came time for our daughter to be born, we didn’t even set up a nursery for her. We used the same arrangement and it again worked out wonderfully. Of course everyone thought we were crazy and we got lectured a lot that we were screwing up as parents. The bottom line is we did what worked for us as a family. My daughter took a little longer to move on to her big girl room, but when the time came, she had a blast picking out the things she wanted in her room and it made the transition a really fun time. Especially at a time when they get to that “independent stage” at around 3-4 yrs old. For us, I can’t see how we’d do it any other way. Our kids are now 21 and 16. We can talk about everything and anything together. Through the years my husband and I have held our breaths waiting for the rebellious stage to kick in but so far, so good. We have had no issues with our kids. I feel deeply that having them close to us, in those formative years has a lot to do with how they’ve developed as young adults. Being able to listen to OUR breathing just as we were listening to theirs. Being able to smell us close by, just as we were enjoying their baby smell knowing it wouldn’t last forever, was very comforting to them and to us. To this day, they are very loving and affectionate, even at their age.
So anyway, I’m sorry this is so long but I just wanted to let you know there are other options. Listening to your baby cry is heart wrenching. I never could have survived that. If you have any questions I’d be happy to elaborate on more details. Take care and good luck with whatever you decide to do.
LJ
I’m a lurker of your wonderful blog, but my love of sleep training has drawn me out!
Sleep training may be controversial, but it was a god send for my 7 month old. I was on board with it from the beginning and devoured sleep training books in her first week. I experimented when she was old enough to start a schedule and eventually found what worked for the two of us. I combined information from Babywise, Moms on Call, and the Baby Whisperer into what I could manage, but I honestly mostly ended up following Babywise. I think that’s just what worked for us. (I used the Swaddle from Moms on Call but weaned her off it by four months.)
Cry it out was truly the only thing that worked with my little girl and it could be awful. For two to three days and only during nap time. Then she was over it. Now she soothes herself, plays, and passes it out. As I type, now, she’s sleeping her second nap. Two hours this time. (I also credit sleep training for her sleeping through the night at two months.)
I downloaded the moms on call app and adjust their suggested schedules as she grows to fit our family’s needs.
Whatever you decide, good luck!
Oh, the 4 month sleep regression. I remember it well. I call it “the dark time.” It was brutal. My daughter is 18 months and I still cringe thinking about it. We had a really rough time and decided to do a loose Ferber method. Started on a Friday night (helpful to have husband home all weekend) and by Tuesday night, she was sleeping 7:30-7. We got the OK from our pediatrician, who said babies can learn to self soothe at 4 months. Just personal choice, we waited until she was 5 months to do the sleep training. At that age (and until she was 9 months old), she was getting up once a night to nurse and that worked for us. At 9 months, she dropped the 3 am feeding herself,
My one word of advice: keep consistent on a schedule. Babies are smart and they pick it up quickly. We also used blackout shades in her room and a sound machine, both of which helped tremendously with her naps. Similar to your son, she was a quick napper averaging 20-45 mins naps. Once we got on a consistent schedule and created a simple nap time routine (little bit of rocking and turning on the sound machine), her naps increased to 1.5-2 hours.
Also remember that good naps = good nighttime sleep. Getting the naps in order by following a consistent schedule will naturally lead to good night time sleep.
Being consistent can be inconvenient at times, I know, but it really does make a difference! Hang in there. You’re going a great job!
I have followed your blog for some time now and was so excited to see your transition into mommy hood! Your little man is too cute!
I have a 10-month old and my husband & I have been insanely blessed on the sleep front. The first month was hell on earth, but starting about 4-6 weeks, our daughter was sleeping 8 hours a night. We quickly moved to 10-12 hours a night and she sleeps 7/7:30 – 7/7:30 each night. We had our days of multiple car rides, walks and naps on my chest, but as the months passed, those times became less and less frequent.
I think a few different things worked in our favor. 1) We used Halo Sleep Sacks and there are no words for how wonderful they are! We have a squirmer and she needed to be swaddled to avoid the startle reflex that would wake her back up. 2) We used a swing to put her to sleep after her bedtime feeding. I read a TON about sleep cycles and decided that when she was in her deepest sleep, I would carefully move her into the bassinet/Pack n’Play. Once we moved her into her crib at night (around 4 months), we would do the same thing with the swing. It saved us a lot of arm power rocking her to sleep every night until she was in that deep sleep. 3) We were rigid about her schedule. Feedings, daytime naps, bath time and bedtime were within 5 minutes of the same time every day. I felt this helped her develop a sense of security and predictability. I also believe the better that daytime naps are, the better sleep is. This is a challenge since its hard to plan your day around naps, but I would usually run errands around nap time, even if I was leaving the house multiple times a day, just so she could nap in her swing/crib a the same time every day. 4) We used (and still use) a white noise machine that I am convinced helps! We really made it a point in the first weeks to keep our house as bright/loud as possible so that she would be able to sleep through anything! It’s impossible to be quiet for 3-4 hours some days. 5) I read ‘Moms on Call’. I loosely based our schedule on their schedule. I wouldn’t say I adhered to their sleep training, but it did give me the courage to leave my daughter crying for more than a few minutes. They are pediatric nurses, so I know they would never recommend something that would put a baby in real danger, no matter how heartbreaking it is to listen to their cries.
Every baby is different and every developmental milestone will occur at different times. They have their own little personalities and while they learn to navigate the world, their way of doing so may be different than how we planned. Your son looks extremely healthy, happy and loved. That’s a reflection of a wonderful parenting job!
I wish you the best of luck and will continue to love reading your updates!
I have never commented on any blog I follow so that may tell you how strongly I feel about this subject! I am all for the babywise method! Having a schedule has so many pros. Not only does it help the baby know what’s coming but it is so nice to know when your baby is going to eat or nap so that you can plan outings and know that they won’t need to eat until you get back, etc. Having a schedule is also so nice to help rule out why they are crying. For example, if they ate an hour ago, you know they aren’t crying because they are hungry. All that being said, every single mom will have an opinion on what works best or what the best method or approach is and that gets so overwhelming as a new mom! How are you ever supposed to know what method is the right one with so many opinions and mothers who are so convinced that you need to try what they did?! Just take every piece of advice(mine included) with a grain of salt and you will eventually figure out what works best for you and your baby. Oh, if you do decide to try a form of the babywise method, check out babywisemom.com it has so much good info and has it all broken down into ages,etc. Good luck!
My heart goes out to you on such a deep level with the sleeping struggles. My son was such a tough sleeper until 15 months and it was awhile. I lost weight and wasn’t healthy bc I was so consumed with being tired! With my second we nipped it in the bud right away at four months (also used it for my son at 15 months) We used the book “Dream Sleeper” which is a crying it out style but it helps you take all the necessary measures to ensure they are safe and content and really only crying bc they’re tired and want you too soothe them
But I learned they have to do learn to do it themselves. Check it out and please reach out if you have any questions about it. I feel like I should be this book’s advocate and work for them lol for how much I feel it saved my life!! Best of luck!
Ferber! And schedules. I don’t know how people do it without schedules. We did the Ferber method when my little guy had a sleep regression at 10 months and it worked like a charm.
Also, if you’re trying to work from home, it might help to get a baby sitter. It might cut down on your frustration if you’re planning to get stuff done and he won’t sleep. I’m actually really impressed that you’ve kept up the blog as well as you have. There was another blog I followed that totally went downhill when she had a baby and I was disappointed.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: God made babies so darn cute as the ultimate defense mechanism against overwhelmed and frustrated parents.
——> MADE ME SNORT WITH LAUGHTER!!!!
I love y’all … you make my days stuck at the computer worth it as I can check in on you!!
check out the 90 minute sleep program. Helped so much with naps and understanding timing. Also, no that breastfeeding gets sooo much easier after 6 months and they start solids.