The Instagram Stories Q&A post I shared back in May was actually my most popular post of the month that month, so I figured I’d keep the series going! These posts take me longer to put together than I anticipated (since I cannot help but seem to give VERY long-winded answers) so I apologize for the delay in answering these questions many of you sent my way via Instagram when I put a call out for questions back in June. Better late than never, right!?
I’d say about 98 percent of the questions I received from you guys last month pertained to some aspect of motherhood, so I figured I’d roll with that theme for this round of questions. Below I address everything from finding workout motivation post-baby and how my relationship with Ryan changed after Chase was born to losing the baby weight and balancing motherhood with the chaos of everyday life. I hope at least one question interests you and I’ll see ya in August for Round Three of this series!
Instagram Stories Q&A: Round Two
- As someone who doesn’t have kids yet but is married, I would love to know how you balance marriage and parenthood. I am worried about how my relationship will change (even though I know it’s natural/inevitable)!
I love this question because what you said is true… Your relationship will change! But that is not necessarily a bad thing! Yes, you may argue a bit more and lose your temper faster, especially in the beginning when you’re both sleep deprived and trying to figure out how to be parents to a baby who only seems to cry and sleep, but there’s something so incredible about the bond that forms when you are both pouring your heart and soul into loving and caring for a child.
That being said, I remember snapping at each other big-time when we couldn’t figure out how to swaddle a screaming Chase at 3 a.m. when he was a newborn. One thing I learned? Acknowledging the fact that you’re both overly tired and stressed goes a long way. One of my girlfriends told me to ask myself, “Are you tired?” during the first few months when I found myself feeling abnormally ragey toward Ryan and more often than not the answer was YES. This simple question helped me realize I was likely more sensitive and easily upset because I was exhausted (and my postpartum hormones were still all over the place).
Once the newborn phase passed, things got much easier. Ryan and I both agree that we seemed to hit our stride with Chase when he was around six months old. He was napping well (though still not sleeping through the night) and we began feeling more like ourselves again.
To me, the biggest change we made in our relationship after Chase was born was that we now have to be much more intentional in planning quality time together. Things that used to happen all the time, like grabbing dinner for two at a local restaurant for a spontaneous date night, are no longer an option. Yes, it may seem like you’re still together a lot but there’s a HUGE difference in talking with your spouse when you’re not distracted and attempting to have a legitimate conversation with a little one interrupting you every 30 seconds.
Understanding that sometimes we won’t get to really sit down and talk and listen to each other until after Chase is in bed and prioritizing quality time together at home (no TV or other distractions) went a long way for us and helped us to continue to communicate openly. From our dating days, Ryan taught me a lot about airing my grievances with him right away rather than keeping them bottled up and never has that been more important than after we had a child. I want Chase to grow up in a house where he sees that it’s okay for his parents to disagree and talk through conflict in a respectful manner. I tend to want to keep the peace and brush any bad feelings under the rug but that only pushes them down until they explode and I’m a total mess. Telling Ryan why he’s upsetting me or what I need from him (and vice versa) is so helpful in keeping our relationship in a happy place and something that has proven even more important as we do our best to raise a child together.
Also, without family in the area, we didn’t get out much on our own for a solid year after Chase was born. Finding a couple of babysitters we trust and love in the area has truly been a game-changer for us since we now feel like we have more options in terms of getting help for Chase when we need (and want) to get away and reconnect as a couple.
- How did you lose all of your pregnancy weight and how soon did you go back to your pre-pregnancy body?
I received this question from multiple people and sometimes I don’t know how to address it because I don’t really have a quick answer or a specific plan I followed. To be honest, losing the baby weight was simply not a priority for me at all in the beginning. Truthfully, I thought it WOULD be when I was pregnant. But then I had Chase and I just didn’t care. Sure, it would’ve been nice to fit into my pre-baby clothes faster and feel more confident but I was completely wrapped up in Chase and decided early on to give myself a break in the “body after baby” department. There’s enough for new moms to worry about after birth without the added pressure of feeling like you have to look like you did before you had a baby immediately after you give birth. That’s not realistic (at least it wasn’t for me) and so I focused mainly on fueling my body with mostly healthy foods for the first few months and let whatever happened in terms of weight loss happen naturally. I hung onto 8-10(ish) pounds for months after Chase was born and didn’t lose all of my baby weight until Chase was about nine months or so.
All that being said, I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking I lost the weight I gained during pregnancy with no effort or thought. That was definitely not the case but it took me a while to really feel the itch to make an effort to do so. I think the biggest change for me happened around six months postpartum when I decided I wanted to tone up a bit and feel better in my skin before summer arrived. I know it sounds vain and maybe it is a bit, but I was ready to feel stronger and better about myself. I had a baby who was napping consistently (so I felt less overwhelmed and exhausted!) and I was sick of my leggings digging into my sides. I decided to meet with a trainer at Burn Boot Camp for a focus meeting. (BBC offers free focus meetings to all clients.)
I know BBC trainers are not dieticians but, on the whole, I know they prioritize clean eating which I figured wouldn’t be a bad thing for me to focus on, especially since I realized I was reaching for convenient foods over clean foods quite often. My trainer told me to track everything I ate for a week (with no adjustments to try to “eat healthier”) and report back to her. Oh my gosh it was SUCH a pain (I am not a tracker/calorie counter) and I think I only lasted three or four days but it WAS eye opening. You guys, I ate a TON of nut butter every day. (We’re talking 800 calories worth of peanut butter one day! Those spoonfuls added up for me, that’s for sure.)
When I showed my BBC trainer my food log, I knew what she was going to say before she said it. I needed more protein in my diet. My diet was largely lacking in protein and my food journal very quickly revealed that I gravitated toward quick carbs (and nut butters!) when I was hungry. I began doing my best to incorporate some source of protein into every snack and meal and felt 10,000 times more satisfied. I never tracked calories but I did make a concerted effort to swap snacks like a muffin for a protein smoothie or hard boiled eggs, a handful of almonds and an apple.
Eating protein, carbs and fats at every meal and snack probably sounds like a no-brainer and, after reading more than my fair share about nutrition, I know that it is, but knowing what you should do and doing it are two very different things. I felt motivated to make a few small changes to my diet and I think that definitely helped me lose the last bit of baby weight by the time Chase was nine months old.
- Any tips on finding motivation to work out after baby?
YES! I love this question!!!! After Chase was born, I took the doctor-recommended 6 weeks off from exercise with the exception of walking. Once I felt okay enough to walk postpartum, I walked around our neighborhood with Chase and Sadie every day and LOVED spending time outside with both of them. (This also really helped with cabin fever that can set in when it feels like you’re basically hibernating with a newborn!)
After six weeks, I searched for gyms in the area with childcare. (I knew my pre-baby fitness loves likely wouldn’t be an option for me anymore since they didn’t offer childcare.) Since Chase wasn’t good with a bottle (which we later found out was likely due to this issue with my frozen breastmilk), I didn’t feel like I could leave him in the morning or evening for months for fear he’d wake up crying and hungry. Finding a gym with childcare was a priority for me because I know myself enough by now to know that regular exercise does almost more for me mentally than physically. I also wanted Chase to have the opportunity to be around other kids every day since I was planning to stay home with him and didn’t have any other mom friends with little ones in the area yet.
Brittany recommended Burn Boot Camp to me and it was the PERFECT fit from the beginning. Not only did BBC offer free childcare, it was also packed with other moms and some of the most motivated and motivating women I’ve ever met. (I met one of my closest friends, Lauren, at BBC after we discovered our babies were only four days apart!) The workouts were right up my alley and I fell in LOVE. This made it relatively easy to feel motivated to work out regularly since I truly looked forward to BBC. My workouts were also pretty much the only time I felt like I got somewhat of a break from mom duty and focused on myself for 45 minutes so they almost felt like a treat for me.
I am sharing my experience because the number one thing I recommend to anyone looking to feel motivated to work out (postpartum or just in general!) is to find something you LOVE. Looking forward to a workout (or at the very least not dreading it/feeling completely bored) will make it 10,000 times easier to be consistent.
I also want to acknowledge how hard I think it must be for moms who work away from the home to fit in workouts regularly, especially when that often means sacrificing much-needed sleep in the mornings or time with your kids in the evening. This is something I know I cannot speak to so I’ll just try my best to offer one tiny bit of insight: Understand that your workouts do NOT need to last an hour or more to be effective. If you can manage to squeeze in a 30 minute workout at home a few times a week, that’s fantastic! Making small, realistic goals is often really helpful (i.e. working out three times a week for 30 minutes vs. six days a week for an hour) so you are setting yourself up for success and don’t feel discouraged. As you see progress, you’ll likely feel MORE motivated and can increase your goals accordingly.
Even a short workout can be incredibly beneficial and understanding that workouts don’t have to last an hour is HUGE, especially when you have a little one in the mix. I fully embraced this fact after Chase was born and absolutely think it helped with my consistency. My workouts for the first year of Chase’s life looked like a combination of boot camp workouts (45 minutes) and quick naptime workouts. I increased the intensity of my at home workouts but cut my typical pre-baby workout time significantly, so I was often done in 30 minutes or less. Workouts became more efficient and understanding I could work up a sweat and knock out a workout in under 30 minutes and didn’t need a full hour was huge for me as well from a consistency standpoint.
If you would like some 30-minutes-or-less workout options you can do at home, let me know and I can definitely put a blog post together for you guys with a bunch of shorter (but still challenging!) workouts in one place.
- How do you balance motherhood, your job, working out and being a wife among all of your activities and family time?
In the first few months after Chase was born, I really struggled with this because Chase wasn’t on any kind of a schedule. I often felt frazzled because I never knew when I’d be able to work on the blog, workout, have time to do stuff around the house (cleaning, cooking), etc., but now that Chase is nearly two, balancing everything is quite a bit easier.
The biggest key for me is keeping some semblance of a schedule on weekdays. Things don’t always go as planned (aka my energetic little toddler won’t nap for as long as I hoped for that day) but a basic outline of a schedule is really helpful for making me feel like I can accomplish the things I need to accomplish every day.
I generally wake up at the same time (and make a to-do list for the day), workout at the same time, meet up with friends for play dates around the same time, put Chase down for his nap at the same time, etc. I know this isn’t realistic for everyone (and likely isn’t realistic for us long-term either, especially if we have more than one child), but right now it works really well for us and I’m riding this wave as long as possible.
Perhaps the BIGGEST change I made for my sanity was committing to waking up before Chase. I am up at 5 a.m. almost every day and knowing I will usually have about two hours to myself before Chase is awake is huge. This is my most productive work time and helps me begin my days on a productive note. I also know myself enough to know what times I work best and I am NOT good at working in the evening at all. I really, really value my evenings at home with Ryan and Chase and try to shut down the computer and stay away from social media in the evening hours. (This isn’t always realistic, especially when I have a brand deadline, but it is something I try to prioritize.) This also helps me feel connected and present in family time at the end of the day.
In general a weekday looks like this for me:
5 a.m. – 7 a.m.: Work (and say goodbye to Ryan at 6:45 a.m.!)
7 a.m. – 8:15 a.m.: Get Chase up and dressed, feed him breakfast, get ready to head out for a few hours
8:30 – 9:15 a.m.: Workout
9:15-11:30 a.m.: Some kind of activity away from home (Gymboree, play date, park, pool, quick errand, etc.)
12 p.m.: Chase eats lunch while I prep dinner
12:30-3 p.m.: Work during Chase’s naptime
3-6 p.m.: Up in the air – afternoons are usually pretty flexible and we’ll often play at home, read books, meet up with a friend, walk to a local park, etc. Chase is also pretty good about entertaining himself in the early evening (5 p.m.-ish) so I’ll often use some of this time to throw in a load of laundry, straighten up around the house, do some dishes, etc.
6 p.m.: Ryan arrives home (this time varies, but 6 p.m. is a good ballpark) and hangs out with Chase and Sadie while I throw dinner together
6:30 p.m.: Dinner + Quick 10-minute cleanup of whatever part of the house is looking the most disastrous at the moment
7 p.m.: Bath for Chase
7:30 p.m.: Bedtime for Chase
9:30 p.m.: Bedtime for me and Ryan
As I look at this, everything appears quite structured but I don’t want to misrepresent myself at all because sometimes our days just look like one big chaotic mess. I think that as a mom it’s easy to feel like we’re doing a million things and nothing well and believe me I feel like that quite often.
I also really rely on Chase’s naptimes during the weekends to “catch up” on whatever fell through the cracks during the week. This is often when I’ll try to work ahead on blog posts which really helps alleviate some weekday stress.
During the weeks when I feel like I cannot catch my breath, I try to focus on my number one priority: My family. Sometimes this means a blog post won’t go up the next day. Sometimes this means I have to pass on a collaboration with a brand that would be great for my blog/business. Sometimes this means a workout doesn’t happen. Sometimes this means we’re eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner. And that’s okay. Above everything else, I am Chase’s mom and when I’m truly feeling overwhelmed, I try to focus on gratitude and motherhood. I know I am so ridiculously lucky to have a happy and healthy toddler and the fact that I GET to be his mom and care for a little man I love more than anything in this world is not lost on me for one second. If everything else seems to fall apart during the day but I know Chase felt loved and cared for, I try to think of that day as a success, as hard as it can be sometimes when my to-do list is glaring at me at 9 p.m.!
Questions of the Day
- Is there something specific you do in your life to help alleviate stress and make you feel more balanced?
- For the parents: What is one way your relationship changed post-baby?
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Fun post!! I think the biggest stress-relieving thing I did was to let go of the “textbook” advice and just follow baby’s cues. Also, not worrying too much about some things. During the school year (I’m a teacher) my toddler gets to bed later than I feel like most books recommend, but I like having some extra time with her, and she’s happy and well rested. This year she’ll be going to daycare, so things could change and then I’ll just have to soak up more weekend time 🙂
Totally agree with this! I remember feeling SO discouraged (especially in the beginning) when I felt like I was trying all of the “right” things on Chase to get him to sleep through the night and nap consistently and everything failed. Challenges related to motherhood are always changing and reminding myself that every kid is different and what works well for one kid doesn’t always work well for MY kid has really helped me feel less pressure and stress overall. It’s tough sometimes for sure!
I totally agree with the early wake time! I get so much more done and feel much anxiety when I get up and going early.
It really was such a game-changer for me. Instead of waking up and feeling instantly behind, I feel like I’m getting a jump start on my to do list and beginning the day on a productive note. So helpful!
Thank you so much for sharing! I get so anxious when I think about how everything is going to change once we decide to have children (which will probably be soon :))…sometimes I feel like we are so darn busy I can’t even imagine how a baby is going to fit into the mix. I think I’m most concerned about how my relationship with my husband will change and sometimes I don’t think I’m ready for that. Did you feel like this? Any advice?
Love this post! I need to start waking up earlier again, it really is so helpful and I’ve gotten out of the habbit. Something I try to do to relieve stress is using my baby’s Friday morning nap time to just read a book, preferably outside. This helps me feel like Friday is relax into the weekend 🙂
I LOVE this and have been telling myself to do something similar for ages since I seem to go into overdrive during Chase’s naptime every single day. Taking his Friday nap “off” from the usual “must dos” sounds like such a treat and I LOVE that you do this!!!
What a delightful idea! We have to give ourselves some time to just “be” – refreshing for the soul! It is a good example to set for our children as well – we all need time to rest.
I love your Instagram Q&A posts! Although I’m not a mom (I still have a few years!), I love what you said about motivation and that an effective workout doesn’t have to last an hour.
https://maureengetsreal.wordpress.com/
It’s so helpful to keep in mind because I think so many people think it’s not “worth it” to try to work out if they don’t have at least an hour. That is not true AT ALL and I definitely think understanding that short workouts are incredibly beneficial can help with consistency. Thanks for weighing in, Maureen!! <3
I would love a short naptime at home workout post! I’ve been going to stroller strides with my little one (4 months this week!) but unfortunately I don’t think we will go after summer is over because it moves indoors and the indoor location is a much further drive from our house. Plus, he seems to be settling into a firm pattern of first nap at 9am and when we go to Strides, he fusses and cries because he doesn’t sleep great on the go. We lucked out thus far with our little sleeper (3 naps of 1-1.5 hours in the daytime and 11-12 hours at night) but it does make me feel trapped in the house sometimes, unless other moms want to meet up EXACTLY from 10:30am-12:30pm, or RIGHT at 2pm before the next nap…
Navigating nap times is so tough! Chase also took 2 naps (with one beginning right around 9:30 a.m.) when he was a baby and it was challenging to figure out how to squeeze in a workout away from home for a while. Naptime workouts were definitely key for me. I’ll absolutely work on assembling a naptime workout post for you soon!! 🙂
These posts are my favorite! I’m not married or have kids yet at this point, but I do live with my s.o. and feel like I’m still trying to get my stride and often wonder how I’ll do it with kids..in addition to how relationships evolve over time. Thanks for sharing your honesty and making the future less scary for me!
Completely relate to the post baby motivation to workout. I gave myself time to be a mom and adjust and then realized I craved some ‘me’ time, which for me is a workout. And my workouts are a lot shortythan they once were!
I’m a long time reader, but a non-commenter. Please write 3000+ words more often! This was fantastic and very much what I needed to read this morning!
Thank you, Meghan! And thanks for taking the time to comment. So glad you enjoyed this post! 🙂
I love your blog. I look forward to reading it every morning. I also want you to know that I find you super motivating. Thank you for doing what you do.
I love this! Finding a workout/marriage/mom/life balance is so challenging at times. Thanks for sharing.
Im a super early riser and stick to a schedule/routine too. Definitely helps me get things done efficiently. So many baby questions this time! Wish I could chime in on that topic, but thats still several years ahead of me hah!
LOVE this post! Please do post short workouts! That would be great!
For the parents: What is one way your relationship changed post-baby?
You make a really good point – we have to MAKE time for ourselves. Our little one is 7 months old and we have struggled with finding time to reconnect. In the early days, as you mentioned, we were so tired there were more arguments out of frustration than anything. Once we realized it was from pure exhaustion and remembered we were going through this at the same time we were able to take a step back and control our frustration. We still struggle with finding time to make sure we can get some alone time, but it is work in progress!
Sleeping notes – if you happen to have any suggestions on how to get my 7 month old from going to bed at 6:15pm and waking up at 5am I’d greatly appreciate it. There is only so much coffee I can drink during the day! 🙂
it is just a season lady! it will get better as they get older. this is the age where we dropped from 3-2 naps and had a 6pm bedtime. Sucked, but now at 2 years, our life is totally different. hang in there!
What’s wrong with your 7 month old going to bed at 6:15 and waking at 5 am? My 8 month old still wakes up 7 times a night! She has gas and belly pains so we can’t let her cry. Celebrate your baby sleeping so much!
I think after having two kids, our marriage has changed, but its made it way stronger. We are more in sync than we’ve ever been, but also much more aware of what the other person needs (do you need free time away from the house? Do you want to go on a date night? etc.) I think we take better care and consideration for each other now more than ever.
Thank you for this honest post! I will chime in that morning works great to take advantage of for working moms too. I have prioritized the 5-6 am hour as my workout time since my daughter was about 6 months old and it makes the entire day run smoother. I am able to shower before she’s up and then we all get ready and get out of the house. I then have our evenings together with my husband and we can have some wind down time just the two of us once she’s in bed.
My husband and I haven’t always prioritized date nights but do try to spend extra time together doing things like board games, sitting outside on the porch by a fire, etc on weekend nights after our daughter is in bed. Even that extra time with no tv or phones helps us feel connected.
Love when you have honest life posts! 🙂
Love ALL of your advice here! And I agree that I love your long posts 🙂
I have one possible tip for moms who work outside the house: see if you can attend a lunchtime gym class. This has been such a game-changer for me. I too feel that I need exercise almost more for mental fitness than physical fitness, and I wasn’t consistently fitting it in anywhere. I am fortunate to have a full hour break for lunch and work in an office in a downtown setting, so this was feasible for me. I signed up for a Pilates class that lasts 45 minutes. I have exactly enough time to drive there, change, get an energizing workout in, and get back to my desk within my lunch break. It means I often eat PB&J while I’m sitting at red lights, but I also get my workout done most days and don’t have to sacrifice sleep or time with my bud.
If you can’t find a class, but there is a studio/gym nearby, see if they could start a lunchtime class! My studio only began the lunchtime workout class in the last few years, when evening clients asked if the instructor had ever considered doing something during the work day.
Ryan leaves for work so early! Does he have a long commute or does his workday just start early? Not sure if you’ve shared before, but what does he do?
My job is fairly flexible and I’m allowed to wfh 1-2 days a week (I always wfh on Fridays) so I take advantage of my wfh days to do laundry, tackle some cleaning, etc. during my lunch hour. I’m always amazed how quickly I can clean the kitchen when my daughter isn’t there to distract me! I’ve been running with my daughter since she was 6 weeks old and it is the best because I get to exercise, she gets to be outside, and I don’t miss out on time with her! Now she’s started to run a little with me at the end of our runs and I love it!
He’s in meetings for a LOT of his day so likes to be at work around 7 a.m. since he says that’s the time he gets most of his uninterrupted work done in the day. Clearly we both work best first thing in the morning!! 🙂
Love all of your heartfelt, honest answers, Julie. You have some great advice about balancing it all – thanks for sharing! 🙂
Thank you so much for this post. My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years and are in the “should we have a baby now” phase. I appreciate your answer to the first question because that’s one of my biggest questions about how our relationship will change after a baby because it will change, just like you said. I love your honesty! Jessica | http://www.roomforgelato.com
I loved reading these answers! Thank you for your openness and honesty!
The timing of this post couldn’t have been more perfect! We just had our second child and are going through the hard times with a newborn all over again. (I forgot how difficult it was – specifically the lack of sleep.) I really appreciate your honesty and detail in this post because it is so relate-able and comforts me in knowing that nearly all other parents go through a phase like this.
For me, working out is the most important factor in finding balance and relieving stress. It is time for me to just focus on me and not have to worry about the kids. I also find cooking/baking a great stress reliever. My husband and I are thankful to have family nearby because when the kids are young the only time we have with one another is a planned date day/night. Right now I go to bed when the kids go to bed because I’m so exhausted with a newborn!
This is a great post. Really appreciate your honesty! I also didn’t feel like working out (while I was pregnant, or for months after my son was born). I felt the same way– something needed to give at that point and working out just didn’t feel like a priority. Eventually I felt the itch, like you did, and started to be more intentional, but it really took some time. It’s good to hear that the weight didn’t just fall right off for you. I also hung onto about 7-10 pounds until I did the whole 30 to sort of reset.
I love this post!! Thank you for giving such genuine + thoughtful responses. I’m especially appreciative of your acknowledgement that working out may look different for moms who work outside of the home. When my daughter was still tiny, I was actually very motivated to work out (although didn’t have much time to do so). But returning to work full time at 4 months, which included a 45-60 minute commute each way, was overwhelming for me. For 6-12 months after that I was just mentally exhausted, and couldn’t imagine when I’d fit in a workout. I had saved many of your shorter at-home workouts, but just didn’t have the willpower to do them after a full day of work & baby. She’s turning 2 this week and while I still struggle with it, I feel like she’s more self-sufficient (ha – sometimes!), so she’ll play around while I workout in the basement. (And getting a new job closer to home certainly helped.)
Still, I constantly feel like it’s a struggle to balance everything I want: family, work, fitness, and friends. I can never really manage to focus on more than two at a time and am constantly letting the other two down.
You are incredible! <3 It really is hard to feel like you're succeeding in all areas of your life, but the fact that you care so deeply makes me think you are doing great!! xo Also, did you ever see that article floating around the internet that talks about how we, as humans, can usually only thrive in three areas of life? it was really interesting and your comment made me think of it again --> https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/work-sleep-family-fitness-or-friends-pick-3.html
You aee true balance inspiration! I hope I can juggle all the things and stay as cute as you when I’m a mom ?
I agree with the first few questions for sure (especially the snarling at Ryan during the newborn phase!) but don’t you think you should also mention you have it easier as a “working” mom because you blog? It’s easy to find balance when you are able to stay home with your child and take him off on adventures versus a mom who has to time drop offs and pick ups and work meetings.
It just struck a nerve for me and I hope you see that perspective.
Hi Veronica! I’m sorry if this rubbed you the wrong way. I actually feel like I did acknowledge the fact that moms who work away from the home different struggles and challenges than I do in the question about finding workout motivation after baby and also really highlighted the fact that I DO feel incredibly lucky to be home with Chase in the very last paragraph of this post. I don’t think comparing one mom’s stresses and struggles to another moms is really fair or productive. To me this kind of goes back to the working moms vs. stay-at-home moms battle. Each one has its challenges and I think it’s wonderful when we can embrace the roles we have and just do our best to be great moms and supportive to the other moms out there.
I normally don’t try to make it a battle either and that wasn’t my intent. I give SAHMs credit because I couldn’t do it all year (I’m a teacher so I enjoy doing it during the summer). However, just giving us working moms a shout-out in the workout almost feels like a cop out because it’s the first time you mentioned working moms in a post about motherhood. (I read you daily and I do enjoy reading about what you do with Chase).
Mentioning how lucky you are to be home with Chase still isn’t directly explaining that your job as a blogger is big reason why you have balance. I just think about future mothers or current mothers and worry that it may make them think something is wrong with them if they don’t have that. I was that mother who struggled a lot, and a lot of that was due to social media and blogs painting this picture of what motherhood should be. You have such a great following and many women look up to you. It’s just about having that perspective.
I agree with Veronica. Julie’s life is extremely unrelatable … to be a SAHM who can still make money by blogging a couple hours a day, who had her mother’s in-home help for several months postpartum, who was able to afford a trainer to get back to pre-baby body (yet didn’t mention it on her blog focused on lifestyle and fitness?), and who somehow knows 15 women who are able to meet up for daytime playdates (I’ve never met so many non-working women!). Then… to only give working moms a shout out in relation to fitting in exercise. Julie really doesn’t have much to balance … so I’m not sure that this blog post is actually helpful.
Hi Anne. I was specifically asked about balancing the things I have in my personal life so I addressed it. I didn’t claim to have it harder than other moms and apologize if it came off that way because it was not my intent at all! I 100 percent know I’m lucky to be able to bring in an income from home and feel fortunate that I am able to do this while simultaneously caring for Chase.
I do want to clarify that I didn’t pay for a trainer or have a one-on-one trainer (all BBC trainers meet with BBC members at any time if they want for free) and I only met with a trainer twice to examine my food log during the two times mentioned above.
Glad I’m not the only one who can eat 800 calories a day in nut butter, only I don’t have a baby so I don’t even have an excuse.
That stuff is just TOO good.
I’ve had to stop buying it for this reason, haha.
This past year was a doozie for me! My girls were in K and Pre-K and on totally different school schedules, and I had an infant. It was a lot of juggling activities and running around! The key to my sanity was definitely getting things all ready at night (cleaning the kitchen, filling sippy cups, packing lunches and backpacks, setting out everybody’s clothes, organizing my gym bag etc.) so that the mornings weren’t too chaotic and we could get out of the house on time.
Thank you for this post! We currently have a 14 month old and have just started going out on a couple of date nights since we found a great babysitter we can trust. Not having family in the area makes it tough but I can appreciate someone in a similar situation! Great tips!!
I love this post! It took us awhile to find our groove of working full time, getting a work out in, and get baby time in during the week. I’ve found that my workouts are much shorter these days, but way more effective and efficient! I don’t even know what I was really doing at the gym for 1-2 hours prior to baby 🙂 2-3 days a week I do workouts at home before work while my husband goes to the gym, so I would love to see a post on some challenging 30 min home workout ideas you have!
I would love some quick (under 30 minute) homeboy workout options!
It’s funny before having our daughter, everyone said our relationship would change and made it sound really scary. Sure the first few months were hard (like really hard, thank you silent reflux for endless crying and a full year without sleep) but I cannot even do this justice but having a child has made me fall in love with my husband 100x more. He may drive me nuts (so messy? , always late) but he’s an amazing, interactive and awesome Dad and my daughter lights up with him. Now I won’t lie, we have had our second child who is just 7 weeks old and whoa, 2 kids, is no joke! The one awesome thing with the second though is you *know* everything is a phase and the hard will pass.
Oh autocorrect, home not homeboy! LOL
I work outside the home and workouts were very tough when I returned to work 12 weeks after baby. Now he is 15 months and I really agree that telling myself that every bit of working out helps. I no longer feel like I am sacrificing time with my son or my husband by trying to fit in a full 30-45 minute workout. We go on walks after dinner and during evening play time I lift weights or use bands or do a few yoga stretches. It is all mixed in with playtime, so it may be bicep curls followed by chasing my little one around. I know it probably is not as effective as a full committed workout, but it helps and actually feels fun.
My relationship with my husband did change. It is so much stronger. Yes, we too have fights especially during those sleepy first few months, but I think we also love harder. There is nothing better than seeing your husband playing and laughing with your child!
Love this post!
“I think we also love harder.” TOTALLY AGREE with this!!! <3 <3 <3
Love these posts and how real you answer them all. My husband and I don’t have kids yet, but we always talk about how our lives will change when we’re ready and if we’re able to have them. Having open communication is so important and it’s something I’m always working on. I always hold so many of my feelings in until I can’t take it anymore.
Please please please do a workout guide that can be done in less than 30 minutes from home! It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who struggled with finding a new role in my relationship after my mini was born. Parenting is hard and not sleeping while trying to parent and give your all to a relationship is harder. Thanks for some excellent reminders because I am the worst about not saying anything and letting it build until I lose it.
Thank you for your insight! I am newly married and my husband and I are thinking about starting a family soon. As scared as I am, you put it perfectly, at the end of the day, family is what matters. 🙂
I am not a mom so I can’t relate in that way but even as someone in her upper 20s who wants to be a mom, I knew getting a hold of my stress/anxiety before pregnancy is huge. Starting my day with scripture is big for me!
I would love a post of 30 minute or less workouts. I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old and work full time outside of the home, so any help I can get in squeezing a quick one is would be so helpful! Often I find myself wondering what to do!
A post of 30 minute or less workouts would be amazing! My son is 13 months and I work outside the home so I am constantly finding myself scrambling to make time to work out while balancing family time with work and other commitments. My son goes to daycare and he LOVES being there with all of his friends. While I used to feel guilty if I didn’t go straight to pick him up after work, I have started allowing myself an extra 30-45 minutes before I go pick him up where I can squeeze in a workout. I find that doing that has helped me to be more present with my family in the evenings and gives me some “me time” every day.
LOVE the skirt + top in that first photo! Where are they from if you don’t mind my asking?
The skirt is from Express and the top is from Nordstrom Rack!
Beautiful post! I especially love your comments about getting back in shape after baby. (Thanks for recognizing us moms who work a full time job too!) I have had a really similar experience with both my babies, in that losing weight wasn’t really a priority those first months. I’d love to try BBC! There is one so close to me! But I work 8-4:30 every day so I’d have to do the early morning sessions. I love that my 4 month old is sleeping through the night, but it makes exercising before I start work difficult. I’ve considered pumping and then heading out for a class, maybe in a few months! Post baby, I really find that I appreciate my husband so much! He loves loves loves his boys (would have loved a girl too I’m sure) and is a very involved father. It’s wonderful to see that bond.
I love this post. Me and my husband don’t have kids yet, but we will soon and these are the kinds of topics that constantly run through my mind. You touched on every one of them! Thank you for this post. It helps more than you know.
I would love more 30 min at home effective workouts too!
As I hold my 12 week old as she naps and have been mentally struggling with the challenger of no schedule this post was so helpful! All things will come with time, right? Some days I’m itching for a good workout and some days I need nap time to get the house in order. Thanks for your candidness and balanced expectations!
YES!!! I also think people talk about how hard the first 6 weeks are but honestly, for us, the fog lifted at six MONTHS! Sending supportive vibes your way!! xo
Thanks for answering all these questions. As a mom, I am always looking to other moms for what they do and how they balance it all because it is not easy! 🙂 Having mom friends to get ideas is so important! How did you meet all your friends once you had Chase?
Hi Mattie! I met them all over the place! Primarily through boot camp, Gymboree, Stroller Strides and eventually other moms! I actually wrote a post all about this that may be of interest: https://www.pbfingers.com/where-to-meet-mom-friends/
This post couldn’t come at a more perfect time as I am pregnant with our first! Thank you for your honest and open insight into these questions. All of these questions are things I have been thinking about/concerned with lately so your answers really helped me process them even more. Thank you! Also, echoing what everyone else is saying here I would love some quick home work out ideas as I plan to go back to work full time once the baby is born.
You got it, Cara! 🙂 And big congratulations to you!!! Being a mama is the very best thing ever!
Ths was really spot on. Although I will say to everyone who isn’t a parent, you can read this and know it, but it’s a totally different experience when you live it. I can feel in my gut those feelings from the beginning when I was tired and cranky and so unsure of myself. But parenthood it’s still pretty awesome, especially when my now two kids play together, and randomly hug each other.
I would love to see a week of 30 minute workouts or something like that.
Such great insight. I always wonder how other moms do it all 🙂
That last paragraph. It’s my favorite! 🙂
🙂 Thank you!
My husband and I both work full time and after our second kid, I realized something had to give as there were not enough hours in the day to work, workout, clean and spend time with the kids. We wound up hiring a cleaner and it made such a huge difference. Also, learning to not feel guilty spending time away from my kids was huge (though I’m always working on this).
I love this post 🙂 I can totally relate on the body after pregnancy part — especially realizing I reach for peanut/almond butter WAY too often! I would pick something like each meal that included it — oatmeal with it on top, an apple and PB as part of my lunch, a sweet potato with dinner with a drizzle (or two!) of almond butter and then gahhh sometimes even ice cream that contains it, too, for dessert. Not good! Since I’ve recognized that I’ve seen the pounds go down a little more quickly I think…along with exercise like you said — it doesn’t just fall off like it did right after birth, That was pretty awesome though 😛
Staying balanced can be a huge challenge for me sometimes. I recently started a new full-time job, have my blog as a side hustle, lead an active lifestyle and more. If I’m feeling swamped or overwhelmed, I ask myself, “Can this wait?” Sometimes that means having unfolded laundry in the living room for four days straight, sometimes that means not forcing myself to work out hard at 5 a.m. one day. I always want to ensure that I’m prioritizing what is important for me too. Socializing, catching up with long-distance friends and family, fitness, and preparing healthy meals. Life is all about balance, and I strive to maintain it everyday, even if that means sacrificing something, whatever it may be.
This was SUCH a great post! So motivating and inspiring… my fiancé and I are only dealing with a puppy at the moment, but many of your thoughts on life with a baby still apply!