We’re going to breeze through breakfast today because the “meat” of this blog post is rather lengthy!
I made myself another egg sandwich on top of a toasted whole wheat English muffin.
Cheese + Egg + Jelly!
Now onto the vulnerable stuff…
Love is a Verb
A couple of weeks ago, Ryan and I signed up to be part of a small group through our church. Though our church has been in Ocala for years, this is the first time in its history that it has organized small groups for people to regularly meet outside of the church.
Neither Ryan nor I have ever been part of a small group within a church before and decided to sign up for 20s Married Life Group, a group that meets once a week on Monday night.
I must admit, I was really nervous going into our first small group meeting last week. Since Ryan and I are both new to the small group atmosphere, neither of us knew what to expect.
When we left the first meeting, we both knew it was going to be a great thing. Our meeting last night only further confirmed this feeling. We adore the other couples and the group is fun, caring, compassionate and vulnerable.
Though we spend much of the time just hanging out, chatting and getting to know each other, the group is following a semi-structured curriculum centered around Andy Stanley’s Staying in Love DVD.
Last night we watched the first 20 minute segment of the DVD (you can watch it on YouTube if you’re interested), and I took a lot away from Andy’s teachings. After our group watched the DVD, we discussed it and I was blown away by the stories the other couples shared and how open everyone was after two short weeks together.
The key message from the first part of the DVD was rather simple: Love is a verb.
(For those of you who may be interested in the Bible verse that corresponds to this teaching, it is John 13:34-35.)
Love is something you do, not just something you feel. It’s something you work at every day. Something that requires dedication, cultivation and care. Andy Stanley states that falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hard.
Though Ryan and I still consider ourselves very much in love, we both agree that we work at our relationship and our marriage and it was refreshing to hear other couples echo the same sentiments. One of the questions our small group leader posed after the video was, “When did you, as a couple, realize that your relationship was going to require work?”
Every single couple had a story to share.
Ryan and I dated for more than six years before we got married and we actually hit that moment before marriage. I talked about it briefly in my previous blog post about moving in together for the first time, but we realized that it would be very easy to just go through the motions of a relationship and cohabitate without feeling like we were in a relationship. The conversation involved a lot of tears, but it was also a turning point because it was the moment I realized that Ryan and I would fight for our relationship forever. We both wanted to make it work and shared the desire to stay in love for the long haul.
Sometimes it’s easy to think that everyone around you has a perfect, care-free relationship. I love my relationship with my husband, but it’s not picture perfect. Our small group agreed that it was helpful to hear other couples share intimate feelings about the effort they put into their relationship and the fact that love is more than just a feeling. It’s something we must try hard to do.
Question of the Morning
- Was there a moment in your relationship (past or present) that you realized you were going to have to work at your relationship as a couple?
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This is a great post! I also want to recommend a book about love and fighting for one another.. it is called “Dancing on Broken Glass” by Ka Hancock. It’s amazing!!! A fictional story but hasn’t left my mind since I finished it a week ago. HIGHLY RECOMMEND for your book club or anyone!
Love, marriage, and relationships definitely take work. Keith is easier to love than I am. I am not trying to be self deprecating but I am difficult to love. I am stubborn, high maintenance, and can be very stoic. But I am passionate and dramatic and vibrant. I am all over the place whereas Keith is very even kill. Keith is nuetral and I am most definitely not. We compliment one another nicely but it takes work to overcome such differences. We fight with each other but we love each other too. Not being in love with Keith is like not breathing….I can’t imagine it.
Ah, Julie. Love your blog for many reasons. Has so many dimensions. I follow a handful of blogs…often times I follow one a short while, then unsubscribe, but I’ve never felt inclined with this one. Great post!
My hubby and I have been together for 8 years, married for over 7. Sometimes due to situations outside your control you have to work extra hard. My mom got sick after we got engaged, and it has been a neverending cycle of crises. Plus, my sister, my partner in caring for our mom, got cancer (and is now cancer-free!) It’s a strain. You have to work on your relationship when other serious things are always vying for your attention. Fortunately, I have a husband who is not selfish and supports me and loves my family, but I always want to be sure he’s not getting the short end of the stick. His heart is so big bc he has Christ in his life!
I’ve just joined a Bible study and we are working through “Stuck” by Jennie Allen. It’s really great for a female study group. It’s been very affirming for me to see that other married couples have disagreements and fight about stupid stuff. It makes you realize that everyone struggles and that’s okay. We’ve definitely grown as individuals and as a couple through our first year of marriage. I am so happy for you both! Finding a good Bible study that you BOTH like is hard to come by!!! 🙂
That’s great to hear, Julie! Andy Stanley is great . Do you ever watch his father preach on Sunday’s? Charles Stanley is awesome.
I can’t remember if I already commented! just wanted to say small groups are where it is at re: your faith. The scripture is filled with exactly what you said—LOVE—I like 1st John, 2nd and 3rd John. Keep the faith to you and your precious family! e
I know I’m a few days late commenting, but I absolutely love this post! My boyfriend and I have only been dating for about five months, but we were friends beforehand so things progressed pretty quickly. We’ve kind of hit that spot where we realize we have to put some work in, but it really doesn’t feel like work. We just graduated college in May, work low-paying jobs (in our field of choice, at least!) and he just had to move back in with his parents for a time. We live about 40 minutes away from one another, but we still drive back and forth to see each other or meet halfway between to get lunch/dinner together or hit up nearby parks. The drive is annoying, but we talk a lot more about what we see in the future, and it’s actually been really great for our relationship.
Whew! That was long winded. But thank you for sharing how relationships aren’t always perfect or easy. Too many people think it is! 🙂
While my husband and I are not overly religious people but we are spiritual. I think every relationship requires much more work than people care to admit. My husband and I have been married for 6 almost 7 years. We are in a “high risk” marriage with a child with many medical needs. It’s tough but you have to make it work by working on it. We’ve had many a tearful conversation, just like you describe. It really is theraputic. Good for you guys doing this before you have kids. I’m not sure my husband and I got there until after we had children.
You & Ryan are so beautiful together 🙂
I am encouraged to hear that you are apart of a small group in your church! Community is vital when it comes to growing in faith and desire for God. I hope you’re continuously suprised to see how the people is your group will bless you, and how you will bless them. Plus you will be amazed to see how your love for your husband will grow as you see him pursue community and the Lord. God is so good. 🙂
Hi! I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Lubbock Texas! Just wanted to mention keep up the good job!