Nighttime was one-on-one cuddle time with my girl every single night. I can so vividly picture lifting up our sheets and Sadie crawling under them, circling her little spot one time and plopping down beside me, resting her warm back against my stomach as I’d pet her and read a book before falling asleep.
She’s everywhere. Her nose prints are on my car window and my office window and the glass of our downstairs doors. I can hear her paws skirting across our hardwood floors. I can see her sprinting down the steps of our front porch, head immediately bowed as she sniffed the grass and soaked up outside smells. I can hear the click of her leash and the shake of her ears as we geared up for a walk around the neighborhood. I can smell her perfect Sadie scent that was strongest by her ears. A scent of home and comfort and devotion. As I sit at the computer, I find myself glancing over at her bed in my office a million times, expecting to see her head pop up. Her head doesn’t pop up and I have to stop myself from reflectively saying, “Good girl, Sadie” or “I love you, Sadie girl,” before turning back to my computer.
I’ve been assured by so many of you who have lost a beloved pet that time is the only thing that makes this ache better. As Ryan and I were talking, he said that there is just nothing we can do to make things feel okay right now. He’s right. There’s no way to fix this hurt or solve it. We’re just going through it. Time. That’s what we need and I am believing all of you who have shared that I’ll find myself missing Sadie forever but remembering her won’t cause me to physically ache and burst into tears over something like seeing a lump under a blanket on our couch that’s not her.
It’s just hard. We miss her so much.
When I went to look for old photos of Sadie to share when I wrote my last blog post about her, I searched the blog and saw that I’ve mentioned Sadie thousands of times in this space. I am so glad I have so many pictures of our girl and shared so many stories of Sadie — some big moments but most seemingly unimportant everyday Sadie antics. The little things I now miss the most. I’m so glad you guys got to know Sadie, too, and when you say she was one of your favorite parts of this blog, my heart soars because it makes me feel like you somehow understood what a special girl she was and how much she meant to our family.
Thank you for loving our girl. I felt it and I’d like to believe she felt it, too.
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Be strong! and best wish to u Juile
❤️
My heart goes out to you and your family. This is such a hard loss and I know nothing any of us says can make it easier it just be reassured that there are so many people with Loving Thoughts going your way. We are going through a similar things with our 14 year old Labradoodle who has been the sweetest kindest dog. Like you we don’t know if she has months weeks or days but I want to thank you for your posts about Sadie. I want to make sure that each minute I have with her is not wasted and she gets all the love and happiness that she deserves. She has been the joy of my last 14 years getting me through more things and making my days happy no matter what. My prayers are with you for strength and comfort.
Julie I’ve been reading since the beginning. I love animals and have had my cat 15 years. I’m so sorry about Sadie. Nothing anyone says will make it better but as you said time will lesson the pain. You’ll never forget her nor do you want to. I know you’re grateful for the time you had with her and that’s what matters. Sending you and your family all the love. XO. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Time takes time, ain’t that the truth. So grateful to you, Julie, for sharing the joy of Sadie’s life and the grief of her death. As a long time reader it is so clear how much Sadie is loved, appreciated and adored and how internal she is to your family and story. Dogs are so funny and specific and idiosyncratic and I love hearing small details of Sadie’s Sadie-ness. I’ve hugged my dog a little tighter the last few days. Dogs are family and love forever. Hang in there ❤️
Sending big hugs your way!!!
♡♡♡
I am so, so sorry. It’s true, time is the only thing that help. I have been following your blog forever… I remember way back when you used to put word bubbles above Sadie like she was talking! And her annual birthday treat challenges. Thank you for sharing her with all of us. Sending you all love <3
It is true about the time. I have been there. Grieving a beloved pet is even different than a human. It is one of those things that can only be explained if you have been through it. Allow your grieving time. I hope that writing is healing. I am praying for peace and comfort for you family.
I am so sorry for your loss. She was an amazing dog and beloved member of your family. Thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts.
Julie, I am so so sorry for your loss and your grief. I have read your blog for years and know how special Sadie was to you, Ryan, and your boys. Losing an animal we love and who is part of our family is horrible and painful. There comfort in knowing how much you loved and cherished her while she was here, and how much she loved and cherished all of you. And in knowing that that love never goes away. She will always be a part of you.
I start crying immediately after reading anything you’ve posted about Sadie this week. I can feel the love and the absolute heartache through the words on the page. I know you’re getting so many stories but I wanted to share that we lost our beloved pup Capone in August of 2019 and it was completely gut wrenching. My kids asked about him all the time and we used it as an opportunity to talk about where we believe people (and dogs!) go after they die. We STILL talk about him all the time- including my two year old who was only 5 months old when he died because he hears about him from his brothers. On Memorial Day we helped my dad put flowers on family graves and my kids asked if we could put a bone on Capone’s grave…so we did (my family has a farm so we laid him to rest in a tree grove after he passed). I tear up every time I see pictures of him with my kiddos and remember when it was just him before there were any babies stealing his spot on the couch. All this is to say- I feel your pain so deeply and I am so sorry your family is going through this. It does get easier but it takes time and eventually you will smile so fondly thinking about all the stories and the tears won’t be so quick to come. Love and hugs!
It definitely takes time, and unfortunately, probably longer than you think. I would get so mad when I would hear someone say “It gets easier” when I was feeling just the opposite because with each day that passed, I would just miss my dog more and more. You will get through this, you’re strong, and we are all here for you.
We all love Sadie and mourn her with you 💖🐾
Oh man, it’s just the worst. I am so sorry you guys are going through this….
i am so, so, sorry for your loss. pets are such a huge part our lives. i don’t read blogs as much as i used to but i remember sadie from your blog long long ago…she seems like the most wonderful dog. i’m so glad you had her. <3
My heart aches for what you’re going through! I know how much joy our animals bring and how much they are part of the family. We’re so lucky to have them for the time we do. I really believe Sadie will always be there, watching over you!
Please don’t forget to take extra time for self-care this week. Thinking of you.
I am so glad that you mention Sadie’s smell! I have a weimaraner who will be 9 this fall and I catch myself wondering how I will capture his scent. I agree the ears are where its at and I always take a few seconds each morning to smell him, which sounds so weird! I’ve even named it his “sleepy Silver smell” and think its strongest in the morning. You are correct in that it feels like love and comfort and truly believe his scent triggers serotonin in me! I wish we could bottle it forever. Thinking and praying for you to find peace and happy in your grief.
Doggie “aromas” of popcorn & even peanut butter are so very strong at times. Most all of our pups had “the aromas.” Unbelievingly mesmerizing, 🐶 and always, always welcome to our noses!!!
Dr. Sue says pups release their profound scent from love, ❤ caregiving and most importantly, comfort.
Hi Julie,
I have been praying for your family since I read the news of Sadie’s diagnosis. My heart aches for each of you and I know it’s hard not being able to do anything to fix that deep, almost physical pain you feel. I am praying God covers you all with peace and comfort during this time. Knowing Sadie is no longer sick, but healthy and running free in heaven. My dad passed away a month ago after years of struggling to breathe due to COPD and emphysema. I can certainly say that God has been a true source of comfort for me and that the pain does lessen. There are moments you will be fine and moments you won’t. That’s okay. My mother-in-law said it best when she said, “What a blessing to have had a dad that you miss. Not everyone gets to experience that.” So what a blessing that you had such an incredible dog like Sadie. Who now every time you think of her, miss her, or long for her, you can remember thankful you are to have had her in your life.
It’s true, you need to take the time to grieve her – and for anyone who says that it’s wrong or silly to grieve a pet (those words have been said to me) – you have no heart. They are a piece of you, part of your heart and when they leave, they take that piece with them. Eventually, the memories will bring you comfort and you will smile over them – but it does take time. I lost my “heart dog” over 6 years ago now and while it doesn’t hurt all day, every day anymore – it still hurts sometimes. I try to focus on how much love and joy she brought to me while she was with me and be grateful that I had her (and yes, I am definitely tearing up as I type this, lol). I have a 13.5 year old boy with me still and he’s starting to show signs that he won’t be with me much longer and I will have to go through it all over again. I would do some things differently this time – I will NOT try to hide my grief, I will take time to feel it and process it and move forward when I am ready, not when someone else thinks I should. Apologies for the wall of text but if anyone is still reading this – if you’ve lost a pet, you know how truly precious that bond is. Hugs for you, Julie, and anyone else who’s gone through this.
I don’t think I’ve ever commented before but I’ve been reading your blog for years and remember when you got Sadie. My heart hurts and is breaking for you and your family. I know that feeling of being so overwhelmed. Take it a second at a time. If you want to talk about Sadie, talk about her. I had to have my beloved cat put to sleep two years ago. He was 17. It was so difficult and I never, ever thought I would get through it. I had to sleep on the couch because being in bed reminded me of him. I remember feeling guilty on the days that I wasn’t sad (if that makes sense). Emotions are strange. Give yourself time to grieve. There is not “right” way. She was very lucky to have such a wonderful family to be a member of. She will always be a member of your family no matter what. I wish I could give you a hug in person.
I’ve been crying with you every single post, because that pain is too real! We lost our 7 year old pup to cancer in January, and I still think I’m going to hear her little sighs or eat the dropped food so I don’t have to clean it. My husband got us a giant pillow from lifelikepillows dot com and while it’s size is incredibly ridiculous, it makes us smile every day to see our Polly pup hanging with us in pillow form. Sadie was a true member of your family! I hope the boys are holding up ok… my son talks about our dog every day and it helps us heal
I’m so so sorry. Lots of love to you guys. <3
I’m so sorry to hear about sadie. I know the feeling well and it comes back so strong when I hear of others who have lost a fur-baby. When our cat died my young at the time child had a hard time. We decided to make a photo book all about Cyrus’ life. My son really enjoyed going through pictures and adding stories to the pages. It was cathartic for me. Once the book came in the mail it was on constant bedtime rotation for months after. It really helped me switch from painful memories to joyful ones. Wishing you all the best.
i am truly sorry about sadie. she was one of the
best parts of your blog and i just loved seeing
every one of her pictures. the hardest thing about
loving a pet so much is that they won’t live as
long as we hope they would. but people are
right—time helps, and you don’t want to ever forget
her, but the memories will be less painful and kinder
as you remember.
💙💙💙
deb
It is better to have loved than to never have had this kind of the privilege to have loved like this before. ❤️ I do get it. She was beautiful and you all were lucky to have her in your lives.
When you give something a big space in your life, its absence leaves a big hole.
6 months since we lost our 15yo lab, our first baby, and the hole is still there, even if it doesn’t hurt so much.
I’m so sorry for your loss Julie. It takes time to heal without crying every day. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
It is so hard, and yes unfortunately nothing you do will make you feel better right now. I truly believe we just learn to live with the ache. My husband deep washed one of my monster pup’s blankets when he passed…I still sleep with that blanket on my side of the bed at night. When it hurts the worst, it brings some comfort to have that with me. I feel like Linus =) Maybe others think this is silly, but I’ve learned that whatever helps a little, we should not feel bad about. Feel what you feel when you want to feel it. Stay strong, Julie – your girl is running around outside in a big playground by a lake with my boy…they’re waiting for us to see them when it’s our time. Remember that dog’s don’t really have concept of time, so when we see them again, it’ll feel to them that we’ve only been apart a few minutes.
Hugs to you and your family. Sadie will always be in your hearts. I hope the memories can eventually soften this blow.
I’ve been reading your blog for 12 years now and what I saw in your blog posts was so much love for that sweet girl. You love Sadie like I wish everyone would love their fur babies. You included Sadie like I wish everyone would include their dogs. You talked about Sadie as much as everyone should talk about their sweet furry friends. You (and your husband) were the best parents a dog could ask for. I loved Sadie from afar and my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry.
I’m so sorry about your sweet girl. My husband was beyond devastated when we lost our Golden. We were on a walk when he suddenly couldn’t keep up. By the time we got him home he couldn’t walk or drink. We rushed him to the emergency vet, they took him into surgery, but cancer had overtaken his body. Our lives changed in less than 8 hours. Scotch spent a lot of time with my husband, and it helped him when he chose to put the dog bed, towels, and toys away. I hope time helps heal your pain. We have a 3 year old pup now and can finally speak about Scotch with huge smiles again!
I am so so sorry Julie. Time will heal your pain but until then just feel it. That is what grief is meant to make you do. Feeling it is how you eventually get through it. Hugs to you and your family. My heart just hurts for you all.
Hi Julie.
Beautiful comments. Wiping away 😥 tears. The ongoing sadness with Sadie’s loss is very difficult to hide. With time, you will heal somewhat. But never forget though.
I’ve had to do the same. Nikki was the first years ago. Then last year, our precious Sabrina became violently ill without any signs at all. We had recently rescued Sabrina just 6 months earlier. Both 🐶 🐶 were victims of terrible cancer. To this day, we are definitely not over Sabrina. Probably never will be. Both pups looked like Toto.
We still talk about Nikki. I think it always helps.
Our holiday trees have pictures in branches of all our special ❤ pets. It’s so nice to do, and even better to remember them all. 💕
My thoughts are still with you Julie.
I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost my let of 17 years on Jan and it hasn’t yet gotten easier. In fact, I think I just miss her even more as rime goes on. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing her with us for so long.
Sobbing for you–absolutely the worst anguish, I know. What a blessed, loved life she lived.
The price of loving them is walking through the soul-torturing heartache when we lose them. I have gladly paid that price for each beloved who has graced my life, but the “after” part is never any less torturous. Ever. Time is the only salve, and there’s no schedule it follows. Walking through it is all we can do.
By the way, after my heart dog, GSD Miko, passed away at the age of 17, my vet shared that she kept the ashes of her beloveds in photo boxes so they’d always be with her. I thought that was perfect, I did just that for Miko. It was a long time before I stopped choking up when I dusted the shelf on which her photo box rested … and every beloved pet who has has joined her in their own picture boxes ever since. It’s like they are all still here and I can (and do) talk to them anytime I like.
Sending you and your family lots of love.
I’ve cried through every post about Sadie this last week or two. That deep, physical ache is so real when we lose our furry family members. That piercing pain does lessen with time, even though we never stop missing them. You loved Sadie so well, and that makes it hurt even more when you have to say good bye. Sending you so much love.
I can only imagine how you all are feeling. Sadie’s light shone through on your beautiful blog posts. She lived an incredibly loved life, you all gave that to her! Sending love and peace your way.
Hi Julie – thank you so much for your beautiful writing about Sadie. I am crying along with you and am sending you lots of love right now. You have portrayed Sadie so perfectly over the past decade that I’ve been reading your blog. I got my first dog about three years ago and I think some part of that choice to get a dog was influenced by your love for Sadie. Thank you for sharing so much of Sadie’s joy, playful antics, and growth over the years. You and Ryan gave Sadie an incredible life.
Julie, I’m sorry to hear about your loss of Sadie. I lost a pet a few years ago and every day I still wish he was here for me to cuddle.
We unexpectedly lost my dog Rusty yesterday and I am truly a mess and really appreciated going back and reading this and knowing time will heal. I miss him so much it hurts. He was with me the past nearly 14 years, almost my entire adult life. Thank you for writing this so I can know it gets better because Rusty was my Sadie. ❤️❤️❤️