Sometimes being a blogger is weird. It can be complicated when it comes to sharing struggles because someone will always have it worse and if you share something difficult, it opens you up to criticism and often times criticism is not delivered with kindness. This can be hard to handle especially if it comes during times when you already feel vulnerable. This sometimes limits me from feeling like I can completely and candidly share what’s going on in my life because I never want to come across as complaining, whining or ungrateful.
I am so ridiculously lucky and thankful to have the life I have, a family I love and a job I adore. I know I am fortunate and focusing on gratitude is something I truly do every single day. Focusing on gratitude is something I attribute to the backbone of the way I live my life and the optimism I feel comes naturally to me. I try my best to be open and honest on this blog and so appreciate you guys following my life and the experiences I choose to share in this space.
The strange thing I’ve noticed lately is that sometimes I struggle to share a lot about the “regular” days that end up feeling like one of “those” days. You know “those” days… the ones that just feel taxing and exhausting for a myriad of reasons. The kind of day where nothing HUGE goes wrong but a lot of little things seems to chip away at your patience and energy. The kind of day that feels a little more challenging than usual for a myriad of reasons. It’s oddly easier for me to share about the big things that are REALLY hard (like miscarriage and loss) but harder for me to share about the small things that can feel tough sometimes. The mom guilt. The parenting struggles. Worry and doubt. The feeling that you’re doing a billion things… but nothing well.
Yesterday was one of “those” days and my first thought as I sat down to blog this morning was move on from the day and work on a blog post for tomorrow instead of sharing a Monday recap like I initially planned. But then I thought about something else that’s been weighing on me. I thought about the way I feel when I find myself scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, blogs and social media in general. It’s almost always a picture-perfect look at someone’s life and that’s just not reality. Maybe people will share about the REALLY hard things (and I’m so grateful when they do!) but so often the kind-of-hard-but-not-really-too-bad-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things things that happen in everyday life don’t get shared. So what are we to believe? Life for everyone else is either perfect OR it’s horrible? What about that place in the middle – our real, everyday life – that’s usually really, really great but also challenging and not-so-great sometimes, too?
Yesterday was NOT a horrible day for me. But it was a rough day and a day I’d classify as one of “those” days.
I had a doctor’s appointment to go back in for some blood work related to my second miscarriage because the lab didn’t get enough blood the first time. As someone who still feels queasy at the thought of anything medical, I surprised myself by feeling okay about the blood draw going into the appointment. The nurse began to take my blood and she said my blood was draining very slow. She then wiggled the needle around in my arm and I began to feel light-headed. She moved the needle around in my vein and pushed it harder. I felt the blood drain from my head and thought I might pass out. I was moved to another room and the nurse apologized for what she called “bad needle positioning,” re-stuck me in my other arm and everything was smooth sailing.
Was it a horrific experience? Absolutely not. But it was kind of sucky in a mostly regular way. Couple that with the flickering concern and worry about what the results from this blood test will reveal and I left the doctor’s office feeling down.
And then I got texts from my mother-in-law, my dad and my best friend in Florida with photos of damage from Hurricane Irma in Sarasota, Orlando and Jacksonville and instantly felt guilty for feeling down. Now THAT is a problem. A hurricane is a REAL problem. And suddenly I felt horrible for feeling even the least bit upset and frazzled. There it was – perspective – to instantly bring me back to reality where I counted my blessings and felt foolish and ridiculous for feeling upset about my not-really-a-big-problem kind of problem.
And this is EXACTLY the kind of thing that prevents me from sharing some of the seemingly mundane things that bring me down in day-to-day life. They don’t even compare to what others are going through at any given time. But, then again, maybe they are worth sharing for someone else who just feels like they had one of “those” days, too. Maybe they’re worth sharing sometimes because real life isn’t solely made up of high highs and low lows but mostly happens in the middle. I don’t know.
I rushed to pick Chase up from preschool on time since my doctor’s appointment ran over and made it with three minutes to spare. His teacher gave him a great report and he nuzzled his head under my chin as we dashed through the rain to our car. I felt good again.
We made it home and as Chase began to eat, he winced at nearly every bite and said “tooth hurt.” I looked in his mouth and his gums were red and inflamed and he began bleeding after he tried to take another bite of his food. I quickly researched local pediatric dentists on my phone and was able to get in to see one in the early afternoon. Mom guilt flooded over me. How did I not see this earlier? He had a high fever on Thursday… was I wrong when I didn’t call the doctor? Are we not doing a good job with our son’s oral hygiene? What did we do to cause this?
The dentist examined Chase’s mouth and immediately told me there was nothing we “did” to cause the inflammation and it was related to a common viral infection and should go down within a week or so. (It’s also not contagious. Thank goodness because I instantly worried about his preschool classmates and teachers.)
We arrived home, I made Chase a smoothie hoping it would help him get some food in his belly in a pain-free way and tried to get him to relax before his (delayed) nap as we rocked and read a book together in his nursery. He quickly fell asleep… for 30 minutes.
I had just enough time to begin working and checking things off my to-do list for two upcoming brand partnerships. I was counting on his naptime for a solid two hours of work but knew that would have to wait when Chase woke up and his mouth was clearly bothering him. He was crying and uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to do to make him feel better. I scrapped my work plans and turned all of my attention to Chase and helping him feel cared for, comforted and loved.
So throughout the day yesterday I felt like I was failing as a mom. I felt like my body was failing me. I felt like I was failing at my work. I felt like I was failing as a wife when I snapped at Ryan at the end of the day.
I felt like I was failing left and right.
And part of me thought all of that wasn’t worth sharing. Maybe it’s not? Maybe it reads as one big whine fest but but then again maybe it doesn’t because maybe a few of you out there have felt like you were failing at times, too. Maybe it wasn’t one horrible, horrific thing that happened in your day to make your day a really bad day but maybe it felt like one of “those” days anyway. Maybe it’s OKAY to share when we have one of “those” days that wasn’t THAT bad but also not THAT good either, because that’s real life and that’s how life goes. It’s not always happy, easy, seamless, beautiful and Instagram perfect.
It’s missed deadlines, feeling sick, feeling defeated, doubting yourself, doubting your parenting and all of the messy things that come along with real life.
So for my recap of my Monday, I’m just here to say that my Monday was one of “ those” days. It wasn’t a BAD day. It wasn’t a GREAT day. It wasn’t the kind of day that deserves pity or sympathy or cards. But it wasn’t perfect either.
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As a mom and blogger who has the exact same feelings some days (and the exact same feelings about sharing those feelings), I have to thank you for being authentic and sharing the everyday. You’re a human being, living a real life, that sometimes comes with not-so-great days. Sometimes sharing the not-so-great helps your readers to feel that it’s OKAY to have days like this, and to take the day to just feel however you need to, to get through it.
Hope tomorrow is better for you, and your little dude gets back to feeling better soon! I know it’s rougher on mom sometimes when they’re not feeling well.
Sorry that your day was tough! Thanks for keeping it real. As a “work outside the home” mom to a toddler, I sometimes feel like most days are like this for me, to be honest. I just get used to them and rely on early bedtimes and wine to get me through 🙂
Seriously, though, I don’t even read many blogs anymore. I think bloggers used to be more real, but since so many bloggers are now blogging as their job, they have become a lot more “vanilla, cookie-cutter, I must protect the perfect brand image.” Which I get since it’s their job……but it’s not what most real people want to see. I think it’s definitely possible to be real and positive though. Maybe one way to do it is talk about how you effectively handle some of the issues you touched upon ie. mom guilt, comparison, etc.
On a different note, glad your family/friends in Florida are safe and sound!
I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling! I was actually just talking to my husband about this last night. We know a family who receently lost their two year old. Everytime I get frustrated at my 2 year old I immediately feel guilty…I know those parents would gladly have my frustrations…Even with yesterday being the anniversary of 9/11…I felt guilty when my daughter was pitching a toddler tantum. Anytime I felt frustrated I felt guilty. We’re allowed to have these feelings, but it’s hard to let them sit for very long…
It’s the sharing of the “regular” days and “those” day that make you more relatable! We ALL have those days. As a full-time working mom and wife with a commute, a busy job, occasional mom guilt, and being determined to fit in daily workouts (endorphins! sanity!), I certainly get that these days pop up every now and then, and it’s perfectly normal! We are all doing great (even on the hard days), and sharing the honesty of the day-to-day is what reminds us that we are all in this together.
Julie, I just want to give you a huge hug! I know those days, we all do. And I feel the same way. Like how could
I feel so down about these small problems when so many people are going through so much worse? But we are allowed to feel. We can’t control our feelings. We can control how we manage them but we are going to have those days where we let our feelings overtake everything else and that’s ok.
I love that you share so much on here. It makes all of us feel better about ‘those days’ and i appreciate you’re honesty and openness with all of your posts. You post the good, and the bad.
I hope today is better for you and I hope chase feels better!! ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear this Julie! Some days are just harder than others. You have every right to feel a little down! You definitely have no reason to feel guilty – you are a great mother and are doing everything you possibly can to make sure Chase has a wonderful life – and it shows.
Thanks for sharing this insight into your life – I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels like this for seemingly minor details. Hope you have a better day today!
As a counselor, I always say- it can always be better and it can always be worse. It is okay to allow yourself to feel down about the little things- it’s human (don’t you hate when that happens! :)). But keeping that perspective is so important too. It sounds like you have a balanced perspective and balanced isn’t achieved by keeping everything in the middle of the scale, it can also be achieved by appreciating the little things as much as you feel down about the “little” things too.
Thank you for this post!
I’m sorry it was a tough day 🙁 Thank you for being real – it truly impacts your readers.
Julie, First a Big Hug. You will have days like this. Not terrible but not great. I hope more great days though. And you have created a place to speak your mind. We have your back. Anyone that isn’t sympathetic to this kind of day isn’t being real. You are a mom, wife, daughter, blogger and trying to keep up with yourself all in one day at a time. That’s hard. Sending you love and support. Hope you have an incredible day today. Always here for you. Robyn
I’m so glad you decide to share this. When I was in college I was depressed and I really should have sought help. I didn’t because my life was perfect and I had no reason to be depressed and I felt guilty about being depressed which made me more depressed. Looking back I was stupid. You feel the way you feel, you can’t help that and actually it was my birth control that was making me feel that way and I had no idea.
My life is pretty close to perfect, but I’ve learned that everyone is entitled to feel down sometimes. Keeping up perfect just isn’t possible. Especially when my LO is sick. That’s the hardest, seeing them so sad and wanting to take it away, but you can’t.
*hugs* thanks for being human!
Thank you so much for sharing! I too feel like most everything on social media is picture perfect and while I do enjoy those posts, posts like yours today actually feel more relatable bease we all hAve those days. Thank you!!!
Totally doesn’t sound like a whine fest. This reads real and authentic and like an attempt to bring both of those attributes to the very stylized, glossy social media world we live in. Thanks for being real and relatable.
Thanks for sharing Julie! I’m still figuring out this Mom thing most days, and now staying home with her I have even more days of doubt. We’re just all doing the best we can ❤️ I remind myself that she just loves her Momma, even on my lowest days!
I get it. Simple as that. I can totally relate.
Hope today is better!
I babysit my friends daughter twice a week , and it seemed like the ENTIRE day yesterday was one or the other baby that was upset about something, plus trying to get two 11 month old babies to eat their lunches and nap and different times wasn’t happening and was really stressing me out. My daughter has been teething so we both haven’t been sleeping well, so sleep deprivation added to the mix definitely made me reach a boiling point at the end of the day unfortunately.
You’re completely right, you never really hear about the in between. Thanks for sharing Julie
I hope you’re feeling, and things are going, much better today.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m sorry that yesterday was tough, but I appreciate your honesty and willingness to admit that life is not always sunshine and rainbows. And I 100% relate to “mom guilt.” Just this morning I had a completely ridiculous overreaction to my toddler throwing (ummm…more like hurling) his sippy cup to the floor from his high chair, resulting in milk spilling everywhere. I felt so horrrible for losing my patience over something so minor. Ugh!
As they say, today is a new day and I hope yours goes better than yesterday 🙂
I get it.
I’ve felt the same way for a few days. From turning off the alarm to skip the gym, which turns into a habit of not going to the gym, working late which causes dinner to be late and late bedtime for my 2 1/2 year old. I had to hand the reigns over to my husband and go for a long, late night walk to have a good cry and some alone time. Still not 100%, but at least I’m not in the snarky mood that my co-worker so nicely told me I was in.
We will have good days and bad days. We just need to focus on the good days and those under the chin snuggles our babies give us.
Thank you for being real and honest. It really does help knowing that everyone has “those” kinds of days. I hope today is better!
Thank you for sharing and for always being real! It’s beautiful and inspiring and reassuring in a world of glossy perfectly staged social media overload. Lots of love to you.
Thank you for keeping it REAL (I loved this post for that)! I hope today is better day for everyone. ?
Thanks for sharing and being so REAL! This is so true… life happens in the middle and it is nothing to hide!
Just thank you for this post. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for showing that life isn’t perfect and that it’s all okay 🙂 I have these days too and sometimes it’s hard to talk about and explain. But you did it perfectly in my book. So again, thank you!
Yesterday was exactly one of “those” days for me too! I forgot my glasses at home when I went to work, and then I was making stupid mistakes at work…like it was my first day! It felt like the day was never going to end. It was definitely not a great day, but it wasn’t a horrible day either. I completely get what you mean by one of “those” days. Luckily I was able to laugh most of it off. I love that you were honest about the day you were having. Life’s not perfect. Sometimes we all have crappy days. Hopefully today is a better day! 🙂
One of my favorite sayings is saying you can be sad/mad because someone has it worse is like saying you cant be happy because someone has it better– which is just silly!
<3
We all have those days. That’s a fact. You’re right that no one shares the “in between” moments because we think they aren’t grand enough OR bad enough. They’re somewhere in that gray middle area most of us shy away from because we aren’t sure how to handle it and how much of it voice.
I think too many of us struggle a little bit most days and no one wants to admit that. But we should because it will make all of us feel better to know that we aren’t the only one.
Thanks for sharing, Julie!
There’s good days and bad days, it’s the way life goes. I appreciate that you’re willing to share both, it feels real and relatable. Work will be there tomorrow, and the next day….but those snuggles will be over all to soon.
Thank you. I had a very similar day and was up all night thinking about all the little things I did wrong. Then I was thinking about all the things I would do wrong the next day because I was sleep deprived!
My little one is about the same age as yours and it’s not always “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Even with healthy beautiful babies it’s still a challenge sometimes!
THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS. I had one of those days yesterday too. It’s so hard to even acknowledge these days on a personal level much less public. Sometimes we just have rough days and letting people in gives us a little support to get through them. You got this, girl!
As a full-time working, mom of a 3-yr old and 8-month old, the regular days can be the hardest; especially a series of regular days in a row. Each challenge you mentioned in the post would be enough to set a “regular” day a little sour, but when all those little challenges happen in one day, it’s a downer. Hang in there (like you are)!
My day sucked yesterday too. I felt defeated, frustrated, tired and just “over it”. I have a 4 month old and I just struggled yesterday. I can’t tell you exactly why, but I just felt down all day. And of course, I snapped at my husband and took it out on him for no reason…
Yesterday was one of those days for me too. I am trying to turn it around today but sometimes I am just in a weird funk.
Thanks for sharing, Julie. I think it’s one thing for people to act like their world is ending over something mundane. But it is TOTALLY ok to be upset over a not-great day. Those days STINK and totally mess up your mood and you can totally feel upset about it! It’s all about taking the day by day and choosing the next day to be a breath of fresh air 🙂 . I know all my mama friends tell me things like this all the time. I think it must be hard because when you want to just be mad at the day and how its going, you really can’t because you still have to give your attention to that little one. 😉 Props to you, mama! I think we all have these days and its worth posting because I think many of us feel this way 🙂
Julie, this was SO refreshing to read. It’s so hard to remember that most of what we see on someone else’s blog or Instagram is their highlight reel and we absolutely cannot compare our lows to others’ highs. I really appreciate you sharing this but I also hope that you did not feel pressured into doing so. You’ve been much more open lately and it means a lot that you feel you can/should share things like this.
On the other hand, I don’t think you should feel bad for feeling bad! Of course there are bigger issues in the world, but other people experiencing technically “larger” problems shouldn’t negate your own problems. That being said, it’s important to put things into perspective, but just know that it’s okay to be upset about your own problems and definitely do not feel bad about being upset over them.
I hope you have a GREAT day today and know that sharing your “small” problems is definitely helping others to know it’s okay to have “one of those days.”
I don’t even have any children yet and I still get frustrated with myself when I get snarky or overwhelmed or tear up over what I know are insignificant things but feel huge at the time. We’re hoping to have kids in the next year or two so I know I should just be flat out enjoying every moment of blissful free time and no responsibilities. Oh well : ) I love hearing about real mom life and reading through the comments you inspired as a result. Keep it up Julie!!
Thank you so much for sharing.
Julie, I’m not a mom, I have had those days though. Yesterday, with being tired and things to do from left to right and the weather(hello early TN fall) I was in a weird funk too. Just, blah and not myself and seeing all the things happening in the world doesn’t help much either. I hope and pray that your Tuesday goes better. Don’t ever be to hard on yourself though, I know, easier said than done. It’s during these moments when we must cling tighter to God. You are enough! Hang on! 🙂
Thank you so so much for sharing. I have a son the same age as Chase, and we’ve had a lot of days like that lately. Especially since as an educator I went back to work after summer break a few weeks ago. The mom guilt can be so strong, and I often find myself questioning choices for our family and the way I respond to both my son and my husband. I remind myself we are all a work in progress, and do the best we can. Though some days its so hard to follow my own advice!
I feel like I have so many more of “those” days as a mom. Thank you for sharing, even though there’s bigger stuff going on that doesn’t mean we automatically have it easier. Hope today is going better, you’re doing a great job!!!
Thanks for sharing this. I’m having a tough day today and it’s always a good reminder that the regular/rough days happen often. In this time of social media where people only post the “good things” that happen, it’s important to realize that we all have rough days and that we’re not alone. Thank you again 🙂
I really appreciate you sharing this. I’ll be honest, I have considered no longer reading your blog (which I don’t want to do because I think you are the cutest!). I have a 2 year old and a full time job and have very challenging days quite often. It seems that your day-to-day life flows so smoothly and your 2 yo never disobeys and never throws fits and never fights bedtime. I certainly don’t mean I wish your life was harder, as you have been through some of the toughest experiences I can’t even imagine dealing with, but it just started to feel unhealthy for me because of my own comparison. I appreciate knowing that you sometimes struggle as well. And I don’t think it’s insensitive at all to share something that is tough in your own personal world just because others have it worse. You are allowed to experience your own emotions. It is clear you are a very compassionate person, and your “off” day doesn’t mean you arent’ concerned about others!
I honestly appreciate the openness you have for your readers. And, I’m even more thankful you decided to share “one of those days.” We all have them. It’s hard when all you see are people sharing “perfect days.” So thank you! It definitely makes me feel, as a mom, that I’m not alone in the trenches of mom life. And trust me, I’m the mom that shares the good, the bad, and the ugly! If it helps, my husband is currently alone with our defiant one and a half year old, who is currently being bossy and telling my husband “no” about 100 times a minute, while I hide in the bathroom ??♀️ Hope you have a much better day today!!
I’ve been reading your blog for years, and this is honestly one of my favorite posts. Thank you so much for sharing this – I could relate to all of it! I think it will help me have self-compassion on some of “those” days.
Love your honesty in your posts — it’s crazy how high the pressure is to have it all together, when in reality — we all have hard days. Hope today is better for you! <3
The simple fact that you have the self-awareness and mindfulness to acknowledge others’ struggles and wonder if you should be bothered by your own shows powerful positivity and compassion. However, I think we’ve been conditioned not to acknowledge our own minor struggles for fear of being called a complainer. I make a conscious effort not to complain too, but the severity of others’ struggles don’t invalidate our own. Is there a sliding scale of suffering? Yes. Should we strive to be the best versions of ourselves, stay positive and keep moving forward? Of course. But sometimes the little things drag you down and create negativity. I think it’s important to acknowledge the cosmic “junk” that drags you down, give voice to it, then give it back to the universe to deal with and move on. Talking about something out loud always makes me feel better about it and usually helps me think of a solution I hadn’t thought of before if it’s a situation that has a solution.
I just want to tell you that I think your blog is wonderful and I think you’re very aware of all your blessings. You don’t brag OR complain, you just express joy and thankfulness and I love coming here to read what you share. Today’s blog is no different because I have these days too, and it makes me appreciate your blog even more because it’s genuine.
I think everyone (not just mom’s either!) have days like this every once in awhile. You feel like you’re not doing things right for your family, you miss something at work, all the little things somehow take longer or are harder to do than they should. I’m glad to hear that your family are all okay.
Thanks for sharing! “Those days” can definitely take their toll, especially a few in a row or if you are recovering from something bigger. I also struggle with feeling guilty about getting upset about things that are small in the grand scheme, but were still hard in the here and now. Hope the little guy’s mouth is feeling better.
I love this post! Everyday I read you blog and see your posts in IG and think “this woman is always up to something and never seems to have a crap day.” You’ve actually inspired me to fill my weekends with more fun activities and less routine things. That being said, i totally feel you when it comes to needles. My stomach started to turn just reading through that. I’ve passed out multiple times and avoid them like the plague. They’re basically a huge Nope in my books. And totally random and I’m not a qualified hygienist by any means, but I have inflammation around 1 tooth. I’ve started rubbing a little coconut oil on it twice a day and after a day it starts feeling much better. Not sure how it would work on an infection but just some food for thought!
Julie,
Thank you SO much for sharing. I love reading your blog, and i totally appreciate when you share the ‘big’ problem/hard things but i almost think it is even more valuable to share the little things! life is HARD. I am constantly asking myself why everyone else seems to be able to fit in everything – exercise, social life, keeping their homes together, work, relationships, etc.. but it feels like a struggle for me. It is so nice to see others share in the struggle – not because I hope for others to struggle – but because I think it is just a normal part of life. From what I can see, you are a fantastic wife, mom, friend, daughter and just the fact that you put thought into how you live your life and how you want to feel grateful on a daily basis proves that. Hang in there and give yourself a little extra self care this week :).
I REALLY like this post. One of the reasons I struggle with social media in general is that it’s a ‘highlight-reel’ of everyone’s great, wonderful life – but what they choose to show isn’t the whole picture. And it’s hard not to play the comparison game with people, and feel sometimes like my life doesn’t match up. Not that you want people to post the awful stuff all the time but a balance of the great and not-so-great keeps it real – it’s a nice reminder that we’re all human and we all have “those”days.
Julie, this was a wonderful post! I could not agree with you more on how we all post the good things, not the “bad” things. I totally understand the guilt you feel thinking you are having the worst day when such horrible things are going on elsewhere. But we are all allowed to be upset, cry, get angry and feel as though things are just not fair. It makes us all appreciate the good days more. Thinking of you as you await the blood work results. xo
Julie, I haven’t commented before, not even on your really hard struggles although I truly empathized with your and your family’s pain and grief during those times of loss, crisis, or challenge. But I didn’t feel I could relate or share anything profoundly helpful to you and so I sent you and your family my healing thoughts and positive wishes instead. Your sentiments in this post really resonate with me, for exactly the reason you stated: real life is so much more about the regular days, the “those days” that are significant for a fleeting period of time and then amalgamate into one blob of time overshadowed by the higher highs and lower lows we hold on to. Thanks for sharing this though, it’s a refreshing reminder that even social media personalities, bloggers and influencers conduct most of the “realness” of their lives offline. I appreciate your authenticity and truly enjoy reading your blog each day. You’re a great writer. I have “those” days more often than not and I tell myself the same thing I tell myself when there is a substantial problem– this too shall pass. Here’s to a better Tuesday!