Sometimes being a blogger is weird. It can be complicated when it comes to sharing struggles because someone will always have it worse and if you share something difficult, it opens you up to criticism and often times criticism is not delivered with kindness. This can be hard to handle especially if it comes during times when you already feel vulnerable. This sometimes limits me from feeling like I can completely and candidly share what’s going on in my life because I never want to come across as complaining, whining or ungrateful.
I am so ridiculously lucky and thankful to have the life I have, a family I love and a job I adore. I know I am fortunate and focusing on gratitude is something I truly do every single day. Focusing on gratitude is something I attribute to the backbone of the way I live my life and the optimism I feel comes naturally to me. I try my best to be open and honest on this blog and so appreciate you guys following my life and the experiences I choose to share in this space.
The strange thing I’ve noticed lately is that sometimes I struggle to share a lot about the “regular” days that end up feeling like one of “those” days. You know “those” days… the ones that just feel taxing and exhausting for a myriad of reasons. The kind of day where nothing HUGE goes wrong but a lot of little things seems to chip away at your patience and energy. The kind of day that feels a little more challenging than usual for a myriad of reasons. It’s oddly easier for me to share about the big things that are REALLY hard (like miscarriage and loss) but harder for me to share about the small things that can feel tough sometimes. The mom guilt. The parenting struggles. Worry and doubt. The feeling that you’re doing a billion things… but nothing well.
Yesterday was one of “those” days and my first thought as I sat down to blog this morning was move on from the day and work on a blog post for tomorrow instead of sharing a Monday recap like I initially planned. But then I thought about something else that’s been weighing on me. I thought about the way I feel when I find myself scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, blogs and social media in general. It’s almost always a picture-perfect look at someone’s life and that’s just not reality. Maybe people will share about the REALLY hard things (and I’m so grateful when they do!) but so often the kind-of-hard-but-not-really-too-bad-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things things that happen in everyday life don’t get shared. So what are we to believe? Life for everyone else is either perfect OR it’s horrible? What about that place in the middle – our real, everyday life – that’s usually really, really great but also challenging and not-so-great sometimes, too?
Yesterday was NOT a horrible day for me. But it was a rough day and a day I’d classify as one of “those” days.
I had a doctor’s appointment to go back in for some blood work related to my second miscarriage because the lab didn’t get enough blood the first time. As someone who still feels queasy at the thought of anything medical, I surprised myself by feeling okay about the blood draw going into the appointment. The nurse began to take my blood and she said my blood was draining very slow. She then wiggled the needle around in my arm and I began to feel light-headed. She moved the needle around in my vein and pushed it harder. I felt the blood drain from my head and thought I might pass out. I was moved to another room and the nurse apologized for what she called “bad needle positioning,” re-stuck me in my other arm and everything was smooth sailing.
Was it a horrific experience? Absolutely not. But it was kind of sucky in a mostly regular way. Couple that with the flickering concern and worry about what the results from this blood test will reveal and I left the doctor’s office feeling down.
And then I got texts from my mother-in-law, my dad and my best friend in Florida with photos of damage from Hurricane Irma in Sarasota, Orlando and Jacksonville and instantly felt guilty for feeling down. Now THAT is a problem. A hurricane is a REAL problem. And suddenly I felt horrible for feeling even the least bit upset and frazzled. There it was – perspective – to instantly bring me back to reality where I counted my blessings and felt foolish and ridiculous for feeling upset about my not-really-a-big-problem kind of problem.
And this is EXACTLY the kind of thing that prevents me from sharing some of the seemingly mundane things that bring me down in day-to-day life. They don’t even compare to what others are going through at any given time. But, then again, maybe they are worth sharing for someone else who just feels like they had one of “those” days, too. Maybe they’re worth sharing sometimes because real life isn’t solely made up of high highs and low lows but mostly happens in the middle. I don’t know.
I rushed to pick Chase up from preschool on time since my doctor’s appointment ran over and made it with three minutes to spare. His teacher gave him a great report and he nuzzled his head under my chin as we dashed through the rain to our car. I felt good again.
We made it home and as Chase began to eat, he winced at nearly every bite and said “tooth hurt.” I looked in his mouth and his gums were red and inflamed and he began bleeding after he tried to take another bite of his food. I quickly researched local pediatric dentists on my phone and was able to get in to see one in the early afternoon. Mom guilt flooded over me. How did I not see this earlier? He had a high fever on Thursday… was I wrong when I didn’t call the doctor? Are we not doing a good job with our son’s oral hygiene? What did we do to cause this?
The dentist examined Chase’s mouth and immediately told me there was nothing we “did” to cause the inflammation and it was related to a common viral infection and should go down within a week or so. (It’s also not contagious. Thank goodness because I instantly worried about his preschool classmates and teachers.)
We arrived home, I made Chase a smoothie hoping it would help him get some food in his belly in a pain-free way and tried to get him to relax before his (delayed) nap as we rocked and read a book together in his nursery. He quickly fell asleep… for 30 minutes.
I had just enough time to begin working and checking things off my to-do list for two upcoming brand partnerships. I was counting on his naptime for a solid two hours of work but knew that would have to wait when Chase woke up and his mouth was clearly bothering him. He was crying and uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to do to make him feel better. I scrapped my work plans and turned all of my attention to Chase and helping him feel cared for, comforted and loved.
So throughout the day yesterday I felt like I was failing as a mom. I felt like my body was failing me. I felt like I was failing at my work. I felt like I was failing as a wife when I snapped at Ryan at the end of the day.
I felt like I was failing left and right.
And part of me thought all of that wasn’t worth sharing. Maybe it’s not? Maybe it reads as one big whine fest but but then again maybe it doesn’t because maybe a few of you out there have felt like you were failing at times, too. Maybe it wasn’t one horrible, horrific thing that happened in your day to make your day a really bad day but maybe it felt like one of “those” days anyway. Maybe it’s OKAY to share when we have one of “those” days that wasn’t THAT bad but also not THAT good either, because that’s real life and that’s how life goes. It’s not always happy, easy, seamless, beautiful and Instagram perfect.
It’s missed deadlines, feeling sick, feeling defeated, doubting yourself, doubting your parenting and all of the messy things that come along with real life.
So for my recap of my Monday, I’m just here to say that my Monday was one of “ those” days. It wasn’t a BAD day. It wasn’t a GREAT day. It wasn’t the kind of day that deserves pity or sympathy or cards. But it wasn’t perfect either.
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Will someone always have it worse? Yes. Does that diminish your feelings? No.
Thank you for being honest. It’s what makes you and your blog so special. While I have no words to comfort you, please know that you’re feeling are justified.
I found your blog by accident one day after making your three minute egg white oatmeal that I saw on Pinterest (which I still make all the time btw, one of my favourite breakfasts!) Anyway, I instantly loved your recipes and workouts coupled with your down to earth manner and kindness that shone through. I have followed for a couple years now and just love your updates on your adorable little boy and sweet family. I had tears in my eyes reading about both your miscarriages and worried about your family as well as my own during this hurricane. Please do not stop being you!!! It’s your authenticity that keeps me as well as so many others endeared to your blog and when you have an off day, like we all do, you should definitely use it as an outlet for your feelings. It only endears us more to you and your blog! ?
Thank you for this. It is a good reminder that we all have “off” days, and that it is normal to feel a little down or out of sorts sometimes.
We all have those days, Mama! I had one of those today and I’m glad we’re not alone. Hang in there!
So glad you shared this! Often social media makes me feel down because I compare myself to these picture-perfect, overly happy and peppy scenes and I think “am I doing something wrong in my life?” It’s refreshing to hear the real, not so perfect parts of life.
I can totally understand feeling bad about having ‘those’ days when other do have it worse, but it’s completely acceptable to have those days and to talk about those days, because there will ALWAYS be others who are in worse situations, just like there will ALWAYS be others who are in better situations or are having better days…it’s what makes us human and as long as we don’t dwell on ‘those’ days forever and realize that it was just a bad day/bad moment/bad few hours, etc and are able to move on from it then that’s all that matters. I personally would like to thank you for writing this…I won’t lie, sometimes when I’m having one of ‘those’ days, I sometimes don’t read your blog because yes, your life usually seems to always be picture perfect and you always seem so happy…and sometimes on ‘those’ days, it just makes ‘those’ days that much more…but then on the other hand, it sometimes changes ‘those’ days for me and brightens my mood, but it’s SO nice and refreshing to know that you’re a totally normal person who also has not so great days! Love reading your blog!
2 days, 2 comments (unusual for me).
Love the honesty and the emotion you show. It is unbelievably confusing to see everybody’s “perfect” life via social media, enough to cause jealousy by saying “why do they look like that, why do they go out like that, why do they cook like that”. (And yes, you and Ryan are both active people, in shape, beautiful family and makes me in awe and a wee bit jealous at times).
All I can say is that I thank you for your continued blogging and I hope you keep it up. It is a connection many of us share, albeit electronically, but we all have days where we are not ‘perfect’ or ‘all chipper’. And that’s OK. Makes the rest of us feel all the more human too. And I get what you are saying about relative woes, compared to the real issues people face. But that’s human. After 9/11, I remember when mayor Giuliani went onto SNL and the cast asked, “is it OK to make people smile and laugh again” and he responded, “Well, not like you ever did but…” and even in light of that awful time, we were able to put it aside. So don’t feel guilty. 🙂
Thank you for sharing, I am a teacher and Mom to an 18 month old boy. With the return of school, I feel like i have been having a lot of ‘those’ days lately. The balance between my 22 second graders and my 18 month old, has me feeling like I’m failing quite often. I am so happy to hear I’m not the only one!
I loved that you shared this! It helps when others share their “those days”, because sometimes in this social media picture perfect world it CAN feel like you are the only one that has “those days”, or that everyone else just handles it better. I had one of “those days” yesterday as well. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great, but it’s just the kind of day that wears on you. That makes you start to doubt and makes you feel like, maybe you aren’t so good at parenting or wife-ing or whatever! So thank you. I don’t think it was a whiny, self pity post at all. It was real, and it makes me appreciate and admire you all the more! Here is to better days! =)
I’m so grateful you shared this. Life happens & as a reader, I don’t think it’s “whining” at all. Motherhood can be very challenging & we all can relate!
Thank you for sharing, I needed to hear this today!
I’ve been a mom for 37 years and I must say it’s a job of second guessing yourself, feeling on top of the world or completely inadequate. Rejoice on the good days and know on the bad days that there are women everywhere experiencing the same thing! You do your best and that’s all you can do.
Yes yes yes!!! So much relatable truth in this post. I have an 18 month old and I totally relate to having a lot of those days lately just because of random life events and a needy toddler. Glad you shared this with us!
This is maybe my favorite post from you ever. I love your blog and love reading about your life… but I have to admit at times I can feel a little inadequate thinking that other people’s lives are picture perfect most of the time. Mine certainly isn’t!!! This was just so… relatable. Thank you for posting, and I hope the rest of your week is filled with high highs!
Oh can I relate to this. I have neglected my own blog the last little while because…this feels like the story of my life. So thankful for my hubby, kiddos, job, family, life, etc but boy can everyday life be hard sometimes. Nothing terribly bad, and lots of good, but also lots of those meh days. And similarly, I don’t want to share for fear I seem ungrateful for any of it. But I’ve been coming to realize that those who do share are the ones I relate to the most. We all have those days! So, long story short. Thank you for writing that. I think sharing the highs, lows and in betweens are part of a balanced picture of life!
Dear Julie,
thank you soooo much for this blog post. I felt exactly the same yesterday: failing at work, failing at my triathlon training, failing as a friend, failing at… everything. And same, nothing really big happened and then you start asking yourself, am I allowed to feel that way, when happily married, having a great job, healthy and without any big tragedy going on…
So, please keep sharing! You have no idea how often you have inspired me…
Thank you!
This was a breath of fresh air in the age of digital perfection. There’s always been a genuine quality to your blog (one of the many reasons I’ve been following it for 6+ years!), but sharing “those days” helps us all – it’s normal, it feels good to talk about it, and it feels good to know you’re not alone.
I sometimes wonder what kids and teenagers today will expect as they grow older, because they are exposed to social media and the illusion of perfection at such a young age. But being honest with one another and understanding that just because someone else is having a worse day than you (almost always a possible reality) doesn’t make your day less hard will help them set realistic expectations for life.
Thank you for sharing. Here’s to hoping today doesn’t end up being one of those days. 🙂
Julie,
Thank you for this. You captured it perfectly.
Thank you for sharing! I love how honest your posts are. It’s so good to share REAL life with each other – it helps us know we’re not alone as we navigate things and it’s okay to be real and genuine about how we feel and what we go through. Thank you!!! Sending you a hug and hoping you have some GREAT days ahead soon! 🙂
THANK you for keeping it real with this post. It’s so helpful for those of us who are also having those kind of days. You are such a kind soul, hope the next post you share is “…but my next day was fantastic!!” 🙂
Thank you for this post, Julie. I understand a bit where you are coming from. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. While we all likely know this already, we still think others live these perfect lives. We are all enduring something challenging in our lives. Just because other issues may be grander, it doesn’t downgrade the struggles we are feeling. Our feelings of struggle are just as authentic as someone else’s. They are just different struggles.
Thinking of you and your family.
Julie – I admire your authenticity and it’s one of the many reasons that I fell in love with your blog several years ago. I love that you share your life openly and honestly. The Internet can be a wonderful place, but it can also be very hard to navigate at the same time when all you see are the picturesque moments of people’s lives. We need to remember that life is messy and it can be hard. Please keep sharing! <3
I love that you share these days as a reminder that everyday is not picture perfect for everyone. Those days where multiple things just don’t go as planned or things happen can always get you down. Hope you have a better Wednesday!
Wow, great post. Just started my new (first career-like) job as a surgical PA, and can definitely relate to feeling like I’m failing at a lot of different little things. Love your blog, and your honesty. Keep shining!
God bless, girl!
So very true! As a single, working mama of an 18 month old baby boy, i feel like “those days” surface more often than not. I never feel like I’m giving 100% to any part of my life and it’s hard and it’s draining. We are all human, we are all awesome mamas, but sometimes you just want to feel like you’re having a bad day and be okay with it.
This was one of my favorite posts you’ve ever published. While I love reading blogs, I often struggle that everyone’s life seems so perfect. To be honest, I’ve found this happening sometimes with yours. I have a little girl just around Chase’s age and it seems like he’s the perfect toddler while some days I feel like my daughter is a little demon in an adorable body. It was kind of a relief to see that you have hard days too. Don’t ever hesitate to share that stuff!
Yas! This is the exact post I would’ve wrote… word for word.
There are good days, there are bad days, and there are THOSE days. Definitely relatable. Definitely worth sharing. Thanks 🙂
This is so true – thank you for being so honest. I often struggle to decide what to share on my own blog, wanting to stay positive for my readers but also wanting to be honest and true to myself. Thank you for sharing <3
I am so happy that you posted something like this! You’re right that with today’s social media, I feel like people make it seem like their lives are either really high or really low. Everyone goes through struggles and everyone’s struggles look different. When something is not hard for us to experience, it may be a very grueling time for someone else. Yes someone probably has it worse, but it’s also important to validate your own feelings!
I am in the same exact boat as are many of us it seems based on these posts that I’ve seen this week. We all have struggles, small and large. Sharing our life is a blessing in so many ways but also such a challenge. Huge hugs and thank you for sharing this post Julie!
I feel like I’m just echoing all of the other commenters, but thank you for being so honest. This is such a refreshing post and so relatable. Real life isn’t always picture perfect and some days are just “off” days. Here’s hoping that we all dominate the rest of the week!
This is so spot on. It’s hard for me to not feel a little guilty when I’m feeling down because of one of “those days” when I know there are so many awful things happening and people going through so much more than I’ve had to deal with. In the same breath, it’s also not fair to expect myself to be 100% happy all day, everyday because sometimes we do have those days and although they aren’t life changing or super terrible, they still bring a bit down. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Hi Julie, thank you for sharing and I hope your week has gotten a little better. I really appreciate it when bloggers show “those days” because it 1) helps me feel normal and 2) gives me faith that I’ll be able to handle being a mom, because I see other women struggle with tough days yet still get through it and be great moms. It’s also helpful to remind ourselves that it’s okay if we have some days where we just do the bare minimum to get through it, and that’s okay. We need that sometimes.
I’ve been reading your blog consistently for many years. I have never commented on anything because that is usually just not me. I have to say this post is why I like your blog. It’s 100% real. No nonsense. Life. Thank you for not being another generic person writing about nothing. Good stuff.
Ah, this is such a good point! I wrote about perspective this week too, because I was really frustrated and angry Monday when I couldn’t get my internet to work and felt super guilty about it because my brother and sister in law were trying to get home after fleeing from hurricane Irma, not sure what they were going to find (they live south of Tampa).
I think you make a good point, though. Perspective and being grateful helps, of course, but sometimes you just have a bad day and it is what it is and you don’t have to feel guilty for being cranky.
I think that this kind of thing is important to share! It’s a good reminder that it’s okay to feel what you feel even if it’s not always positive.
Thanks for the insight, Julie!
Oh my gosh Julie, I needed this post soooo badly!! You are sooo right and I desperately needed this reminder. Thank you SO much for sharing…Im so sorry you had one of those days but your blog post gave me a mental boost I desperately needed because I feel like “okay, someone understands and I’m not alone” I unfortunately buy into the perfection showcased on the internet and constantly think “what is wrong with me?” because most days as a mom of two feel less than perfect.
Oh man, can I relate. I run into this issue with blogging as well, and I have at least two dozen drafts full of “those days” content. Honesty is always the best way to go, in my opinion, and your readers respect your honesty as well. It’s what we come back for time and time again. So share the highs, share the lows and share the in-betweens, because they all make up this whirlwind of a thing called life.
Also, wine and/or ice cream is the perfect cure for “those” days. I had mine Monday as well. <3
This may be one of my favorite posts of yours. THANK YOU for writing it like it is! I have a three year old, and I work full time, and our days constantly feel so far from perfection. I often do think in the back of my mind that your life with Chase and Ryan is just about perfect (even though i know of course no one’s situation is perfect, yours seems pretty darn close to me!) Reading your truth from yesterday was such a breath of encouragement. We all have good days, but we all have moments of our days that are not good, and it is so very encouraging to read your story and how you dealt with those moments.
I really loved this post, we are so used to thinking that everyone’s lives are completely perfect because we are surrounded by that notion all day, every day across social media platforms. This was so nice to see a genuine and honest post about a random day in the life. Thanks for sharing!
Julie,
I have followed you now for almost 7 years and this may be one of my favorite posts, as a fellow working mom, that you have ever wrote. Thank you for your honesty , which in turn makes you so relatable. As a working attorney and a mom of a little 2 yr old boy who has also had pregnancy struggles and a miscarriage of twins, I can relate on so many levels to what you are going through. The days that are “those” days are sometimes the worst but so hard to share out loud because it feels like complaining over “spilt milk” and when you read about real struggle (hurricane victims), your own problems seem great diminished and not “worthy.” But everyone has struggles, big and small. Your post was somehow soothing to me because I instantly thought- “I am not the only one!” so thank you:)
Julie, thank you for being vulnerable/honest and sharing this post with us. Resonated on so many levels.
I don’t know when the idea that you have to be suffering “enough” to have it count as suffering came about, but I absolutely HATE IT. I feel like so often we get the message that unless your house caught fire, killed your dog, destroyed your entire life savings and gave you cancer all in one fell swoop, you’re not allowed to be upset about anything because “someone always has it worse.” I don’t doubt that that’s true, but just because your house isn’t on fire/your dog is alive/you have money/you don’t have cancer doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be upset or frustrated or just mad at the world in general. I was sick a couple of weeks ago, and was told to remember that as bad as I had it, other people had it worse (one of my friends’ husbands was recently diagnosed with cancer, so he was the “other people” in question in this particular situation.) Look, I don’t deny that his condition is far more dire than mine, that his cancer is going to have much bigger ramifications on his life than my food poisoning had on mine, or that he was probably higher up on the pain and suffering scale than I was at the moment–but just because he has it worse doesn’t mean that I didn’t have it bad at all. There isn’t a finite amount of “suffer” available in the world–having a day that was personally bad for you doesn’t mean that someone who may objectively have it worse than you in that moment (house fire/dead dog/bankrupt person) all of a sudden doesn’t get to be suffering anymore because you stole it from them. Everyone has bad days for millions of different reasons, and you don’t have to have a “good enough” reason for the day to be bad. If it’s bad enough for it to be bad for YOU, that’s all that matters, because it means that YOU’RE hurting and YOU’RE suffering, and there is not one single reason in the world why that hurt and suffering should be compounded by guilt because your problems aren’t “‘big enough.” If it’s a problem, it’s big enough. Period.
Anyway, what I’m trying to get at is that I think it’s perfectly normal for you to have a less-than-perfect day, and I appreciate your openness and honesty and vulnerability in posting about it.
this was a terrific post and a great reply.
I so agree with Bethany’s comments. they are spot on.
I LOVE this reply, It made so much sense! I have always been told to have an “attitude of gratitude”, which is right, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel we aren’t allowed to have crappy days too. Thanks for posting this!
This is a great post, and you are a very talented writer!
Thank you for your honesty.
I love this post from you Julie. It helps me so much to know that others feel this way, too. <3 lots of love to you!
Thank you for this post! Sometimes being surrounded by social media that always reflects people’s “perfect” lives can make me feel inadequate. This reminded me that no one has a perfect life, and we are all just doing our best!
Completely relatable & one of the most candid blog posts I’ve ever read. Kudos Julie for sharing a day in the trenches that so many can relate to, myself included.
OH MY GOSH – SHE MOVED THE NEEDLE AROUND IN YOUR ARM?!?!?!
That is bad enough to be one of “those” days without a hurt baby and family near a hurricane.
Girl, you a warrior.