As I briefly mentioned on Monday’s blog post, my mom’s visit is due in part to the fact that I thought I was going to need a D&C on Wednesday morning. During my last doctor’s appointment, everything seemed to be heading in that direction and, to be honest, I was really, really upset. It felt like yet another setback and I just wanted to have some kind of closure and the ability to look forward after nearly a month of doctor’s appointments and bad news. Couple the information I received from the doctor last week with a rather small amount of bleeding after my second dose of medication, I felt fairly certain surgery would be recommended during my Tuesday afternoon appointment. My doctors already had my surgery on the books and I went through all of the pre-op phone calls on Tuesday morning.
I headed off to another doctor’s appointment on Tuesday afternoon and was completely shocked — and finally for the better — when everything appeared to be a lot better during my ultrasound. Apparently the remaining blood and tissue that initially concerned the doctors seemed to lessen to the point that a D&C was no longer recommended. I was completely surprised and so grateful. Over the course of the past several weeks, I kept feeling like every time I’d wrap my head around our loss and see a path forward, something would happen and I’d have to take two steps back. My appointment on Tuesday felt like the step forward I’ve been longing for through the grief.
Wednesday
Our Wednesday ended up looking quite a bit different than I initially pictured and I woke up feeling grateful for a morning at home with my coffee and my devotional since every part of me thought I’d be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. instead. I always feel slightly awkward sharing glimpses into my faith in this space because it feels both personal and something I’m still quite insecure in speaking about myself, but I read something in my devotional on Wednesday morning that resonated deeply with me and felt worth sharing.
It touched on fixing our minds on GOOD things and God’s incredible blessings in our life during times when our thoughts seem to meditate on bad things, worry, anxiety and fear. Sometimes I find myself drowning in thoughts that center on worry and fear but when these thoughts creep in, if I can replace them with thoughts of gratitude and praise, there will be no room for the bad thoughts to take over. (This was from the September 18 devotional in Trusting God Day by Day: 365 Daily Devotions and centered around Philippians 4:8.) Gratitude is key!
I said goodbye to Ryan as I sipped my coffee and right at 7 a.m. Chase was up for the day. We read some books in his room and then my mom took over with Chase once Ryder woke up so I could get my littlest guy ready for the day and dig into some oatmeal for breakfast. My mom also offered to handle Chase’s preschool drop off on her way to Jazzercise so I was able to sneak off to an earlier Burn Boot Camp workout with Ryder which felt like a treat!
The workout on the agenda was a leg day workout and it was a serious burner.
We spent 10 minutes going through as many rounds of each triple set as possible and broke up the two triple sets with three rounds of 12 deadlifts. My quads were on fire after this one and I am so sore today. Ooph!
After my workout, I scooped Ryder up from childcare and we headed home where I brought some toys in our bathroom for Ryder to play with while I grabbed a quick shower. Right after I got dressed and threw my hair up, it was time for ISR!
Ryder seems to be on the ISR struggle bus lately which is why we’re still going to lessons right now. After a few weeks of amazing progress, his lack of fear of the water has returned and he seems to enjoy going under and swimming and smiles and gurgles water during his float without caring if his head submerges. He’s a crazy little fish and we’re trying to figure out what the best plan is for him moving forward. We need his float to come back!
After ISR, we came home and I fed Ryder a quick snack before settling him down for a nap and digging into some leftover pizza spaghetti pie as I responded to time-sensitive emails and began typing up the beginning of this blog post and parts of Friday’s post as well.
The rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur of playtime at home with my mom and the boys until Chase was ready for some quiet time in his crib. Once he was settled, I made myself a smoothie and then my mom offered to hang back and play with Ryder while Chase rested so I could enjoy a solo walk with Sadie.
There is something about my one-on-one walks with Sadie that totally rejuvenate me.
Whenever I have some time alone, I often listen to topical podcasts that teach me a little something but yesterday I opted to listen to one of my all-time favorite podcasts, NPR’s Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me. This is the podcast I turn to when I need to laugh and it was one of the first podcasts I listened to years ago when the whole podcast craze first began. (I’d absolutely love to go to a live taping in Chicago one day.)
Sadie and I covered just over three miles and it was wonderful. We finally had a reprieve from 90-degree temperatures yesterday so walking Sadie in 75-degree weather felt like such a treat. Fall, I am READY for you!
I arrived home to find my mom and Ryder in the thick of playtime and it was just the best thing to see.
Hey, family, if you’d like to pack up and move to North Carolina that would be grrrreat.
Eventually it was time for baths for the boys followed by pajamas and dinner once Ryan was home.
On the menu: Tuna seared in TJ’s Everything But The Bagel seasoning (ALDI fans, this is the wild caught sushi grade tuna that I always rave about that’s only $5 for 12 ounces!) + Baked sweet potatoes + Ginger sesame broccoli (aka my all-time favorite broccoli recipe — make this one ASAP and I promise you’ll want to eat a pound of broccoli in one sitting!)
We rounded out our evening with some outside playtime after dinner because it was so darn gorgeous!
(Happy 15 months to Ryder yesterday!)
Once we made it inside and tucked the boys in bed, we called it an early night and I began reading Beautiful Day by Elin Hilderbrand. I recently finished Summer of ’69 by the same author and it fit the bill for a breezy read that wasn’t too heavy or emotional. I figured I’d move right along and read another one of her novels with the hope that it would be a similar style book.
Plans for today include the usual Mom Life business but with Mae in the mix which will make it all the better. I hope you guys all have a great Thursday and I hope to see you back here tomorrow with the return of Things I’m Loving Friday!
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I recommend Blue Bistro by Elin Hildebrand. I’ve read most of her books and enjoy them for easy reads. Blue Bistronis probably my favorite.
Thanks for sharing! I am similar to you in that I can get insecure in faith discussions. If you ever need a daily journal that is unique, I just starting using this one. It gives you scripture to copy down, then a place for pray and praise! It’s really cool and different versions based on needs like love or joy! Our female pastor shared it with us.https://cultivatewhatmatters.com/collections/journals/products/write-the-word-journal-cultivate-joy
Also, have you ever listened to the podcast ,The Ouroose Show? It’s great and I feel like you’d enjoy!
Julie I am SO happy for you that the surgery was not needed. Enjoy the time with your Mom there and your beautiful family. You certainly do have so much to be grateful for in your life. It makes my heart happy for you.
Thank you for your honesty! When people talk about miscarriage, I didn’t realize how long the process could take and that there could be so many complications. I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but I feel as though I have a better understanding now.
Your daily devotional came at just the right time for you!
Praise Him for good news, finally! I know the time after a m/c seems to drag on slower than molasses so I am glad to hear things seem to be moving forward in a GOOD way! And hooray for your mom being in town! My parents are about 11 hours away back in TN so I know what a sigh of relief it is when your mom walks through the door. I usually cry every time, ha!
I’m so happy to hear you didn’t need surgery. It does sound like you came across the right devotional for you, like Josie said!
Humans are designed to really solidify bad experiences in our minds (according to neuroscience, not me). It’s the primitive part of our brain that makes us remember that last time, there was a lion behind that bush, or we burned our hand on the stove, etc. Just wanted to share that in case anyone is trying to focus on the good and finds it doesn’t come easy – it’s not you! It’s how humans are wired. But scientifically, it gets easier the more you do it. It’s still a work in progress for me. 🙂
If anyone is looking, there are daily gratitude reminder apps like Grateful, and other positivity-related apps for affirmations, meditation, etc.
https://www.lifehack.org/788171/best-positive-affirmation-apps
That is such great news, Julie! What a relief! The photo of Ryan holding up Ryder made me immediately think, “Baby Chase!” 🙂
So glad to hear you don’t need surgery! Enjoy your time with your mom!
And thanks for sharing that excerpt from your devotional – I am recovering from deviated septum surgery and it’s so, so hard to focus on the positives and not every little complication that could ever arise. This will definitely be a mind stretch for me.
Praying for you, Julie. I so appreciate your willingness to share your life with us – both the good and the hard. It is helpful to more people than you even know!
Do you like fantasy books? I know you love to read and getting lost in a novel is such a good distraction sometimes. Have you read the series A Court of Thorns and Roses? I just devoured book 1 and am working through book 2. It’s so good! Sort of a mix between Hunger Games, Harry Potter and Outlander (maybe). Sounds weird, but it works.
I know regret is for the birds, BUT do you ever regret moving so far away from family? I actually moved closer to my parents and then they chose to move away (which was initially upsetting, but I am resilient?) — but ughhh, parents who have local (helpful!) grandparents live a different life! Hahaha.
Thank you for sharing that devotional. I love when you speak of your faith!!! I’m so glad to hear that everything is moving forward! Hugs to you!
I try to take a habit of replacing those racing anxious thoughts with a prayer about whatever I’m worrried about, and then let it go. It really helps.