I swear Ryan and I are a magnet for lost dogs.
Yesterday on my walk with Sadie, a healthy-looking lab with a collar ran up to us and started sniffing Sadie’s business. (She was not a fan.) We found the owners nearby and returned the dog that just happened to escape out of their backyard fence.
And then there was the unexpected running buddy, a lab that joined Ryan, Sadie and me for two miles of one of the long runs of our half marathon training plan.
I’ve literally reunited at least five missing dogs with their owners in the past three years. It’s insane!
This morning, as Ryan and I drove to the gym, a miniature pincher was wandering in the middle of a busy street. He looked so lost and scared and we pulled over, calling to him and doing our best to coax him into our car so we could check his collar and help him find his home.
He was very timid and I could tell that he wanted to come over to us, but was too scared. We tried and tried to get him to come to no avail. Eventually he took off running in the opposite direction, down a neighborhood street. We then saw a car turn around and put on their hazard lights, so we’re hoping they were his owners. We didn’t see any sign of him when we drove home from the gym, which is a good thing.
Workout
Today’s workout was rather blah. I just wasn’t in the zone, but even a crappy workout is better than nothing, right?
I completed 10 minutes on the arc trainer before doing a super-fast, not incredibly challenging leg workout before concluding my workout with 15 minutes on the elliptical.
Hoping tomorrow’s workout is better!
Breakfast
I just happened to look at the clock right before I started assembling breakfast this morning and noticed that this breakfast staple of mine only takes five minutes to assemble!
That includes the time it takes to cook two eggs, toast a bagel and everything!
And you can grab it to eat on the run if you’re in a rush to get out of the house. Yummy breakfasts don’t have to be time consuming. Mmm!
Plus Ones
Yesterday I got an email from a friend of mine who is currently struggling with the guest list for her upcoming wedding. She asked me about how Ryan and I handled “plus ones” at our wedding… Did we give every single guest a “plus one” regardless of whether or not they were in a relationship or did we invite some people as solo riders?
This was actually one of the areas where Ryan and I differed in opinion.
Ryan thought everyone should be allowed to bring a guest. While I agree with this in theory (and in a budget-free world!), I know that every single “plus one” adds up to a lot of money!
We were trying to work within a budget as most couples are and I thought it was smart to only allow guests who were currently in a relationship to bring a plus one. (I had one caveat: If we knew the guest would know no one else at the wedding, then they could bring a date since we didn’t want anyone to feel awkward or completely alone.) I knew we had a good handful of single people coming to our wedding and figured it wouldn’t be too coupley and weird for those who came without a date. Plus, I didn’t want a whole bunch of people I had never met attending our wedding.
In the end, we ended up giving everyone a plus one. I conceded because I feel like bringing a date to a wedding, regardless as to whether or not you’re in a relationship, can make some people feel more at ease. We adjusted our budget in other areas to allow for this to happen and, as luck would have it, most of the people who were invited with a plus one that we knew weren’t in a relationship came alone hoping to party it up and mingle with other unattached folks.
I can honestly see all sides of the argument for and against the inclusion of plus-ones.
An advice columnist that tackles wedding etiquette questions on the New York Times’ website answered this plus-one question this way:
“Today’s standard plus-one is someone who is married to, engaged to, living with and, yes, in a long-term relationship with the invited wedding guest. Beyond these ‘must invites,’ your plus-one decisions will be based on budget and consistency. If it’s only a few and it’s not a budget buster, you might consider asking them all. But if that’s not the case (and let’s be realistic here), come up with a clear parameter. Even so, without a plus-one invitation, some of your single guests may not want to attend. In the end, that’s their choice.”
So what do you think?
Question of the Morning
- When it comes to the wedding guest list, do you think every guest should be allowed to bring a plus one, or should plus ones be limited to guests who are in a relationship?
- If you’re married, how did you handle the plus one debate?
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As a singleton I would not care if I wasn’t allowed to bring a guest. I’m adult. I can mingle with strangers if that is what the situation calls for. Even if I was in the wedding I wouldn’t care if I didn’t have a date….I’m a better solo dancer anyway…you know, you’ve seen my moves.
Awwww hope that pup found their owner!
I’ve only been to a few weddings but I’ve always been invited with a plus one. I feel like it depends on how many people the single person knows… and how social they are. I think I could have fun at a wedding not knowing too many people, but I am super outgoing. Idk! I’m also really into not having people you don’t know at YOUR wedding… so I can see both sides of the argument! Tough call.
This is such a tricky subject! I was very upset a few years ago when I was not invited +1 to a friends wedding. I was over 30 and finally dating someone and was excited to finally have a ‘real date’ to the wedding. Once I got the invite, I was extremely disappointed. I talked to the bride about it, and she said their numbers were tight. I ended up not going to the wedding. If the numbers were really that tight, she could have my spot.
Then just last year my now husband & I were planning our own wedding. We allowed +1 to everyone over 18. My father in law’s fiance thought it was perfectly acceptable to have her 16 year old son bring his GF to the wedding. They had no clue that wasn’t appropriate (nor was a +1 for him included on the invite!) Needless to say they were no longer dating by the time of our wedding! My point exactly! Good luck to your friend!!
We mostly invited those with families. We put a plus one on our single friends, and even some of them just brought a same-sex friend with them to the wedding because it helped them feel more comfortable. For our friends in committed, long-term relationships, we put both names on the invitation.
Our church was small, and we knew 200 was the absolute *MOST* we could have, but I would rather worship in a full church than an empty one.
Our reception was low-key, outdoors in a giant tent, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was a great day, and I didn’t really want to worry about it. We had leftover food anyway since we did a buffet-style meal.
I think the one thing to remember is that you’re never going to please everyone. Invite the people that you really want there! Your second-cousin’s daughter-in-law that you’ve never met isn’t going to mean much, and it’s more important to have the people you care about.
This is a tricky subject! I’m not married or engaged, but when I receive plus ones for weddings, I only bring someone if I am in a relationship; a relationship that is serious enough that I feel comfortable asking the guy to accompany me to a wedding. I feel bad bringing a guest just to bring one.
Sounds like you have the magic touch with dogs!! Hopefully that puppy found his way home! And my friend recently went through this plus one stress herself- she was a bridesmaid in the wedding and knew no one else but the bride and was not allowed to have a plus one. I feel like situations like that should definitely allow a plus one. I tend to think everyone should get a plus one but I see what you mean about not wanting all these random people at your wedding! It’s a toughie!
Wow I never thought of how intense the guest list could be. It would be hard to be nice without going over a budget.
That’s a great question Julie! I’m actually planning my wedding right now and we’re into the details/decos, etc.
But I struggled so much with the guest list!! I read somewhere that the g.list is the most “dreaded” part of the planning, and I agree 😛
It all came down to who’s single or not, and many of those single people are already acquainted at least, with many of the other guests. So I took that into consideration and knew that they’d most likely be alone, or seeing where they are in their lives, I knew they’re probably going to bring someone. And for most people, I have plus ones, but not everyone. I tried to feel out where certain people are going relationship-wise, and most of them know that we have limited budget and space! So those who really don’t want to be alone they’d be really kind as to ask me if they can bring a friend. 🙂 Either way, I’m being flexible to squeeze in a few extra people in there if I need to.
I just got engaged on Christmas Eve and discussing the ideal size of our wedding was one of the first conversations we had. We’re still torn on how to handle the plus one situation. I was in a sorority in college so I feel pretty ok not having the single sorority sisters bring a plus one just to have a guest, they will obviously know a handful of people. Ideally, with no budget, I’d love to offer everyone a plus one.. But I’m just not sure that’s realistic.
I know how it feels though to not be able to bring a guest. At my cousins wedding, my boyfriend of 5 years was not included on the invite, that ticked me off. AND I was invited to a wedding this summer and my now FIANCE isn’t invited with me.. I think that’s tacky. What next, we get married and he’s still not included on wedding invites?! Haha
I think anyone in a relationship should be given a +1 and the entire bridal party 🙂 Being in the bridal party is a huge expense and time commitment so ti’s definitely deserving!
I know guest lists are tough, but i think in the end the bride/groom will enjoy their wedding more if everyone else is having a blast too!
Oooh boy, do I have opinions about this- as it seems that lots of other people do too!
For our wedding, almost every single guest was married or engaged. There were only a few singles. I gave our very closest friends the option to bring someone, and only one chose to (the rest knew enough people there anyway. But, one of my husband’s friends that I had never even met was sent an invite to “just her” and rsvp’d for two people. She ended up bringing a (female) friend- and they left an hour into the reception! That pissed me off.
I was maid-of-honor in a wedding back when I was single and the bride would not let me bring a date, since I wasn’t in a relationship. I thought that was pretty sh*tty.
We are only giving a plus 1 to those in serious relationships and to those in our wedding party. We don’t have any guests coming that wouldnt know any of the other guests.
We actually are only saving about 10 people by not giving plus ones but that is an entire table not to mention we are already over our allotted guest amount!
We just got married and we followed the serious relationships get a plus one rule. We only had a couple of people that weren’t in relationships but luckily they were friends so they didn’t mind coming alone since they didn’t have a significant other anyways 🙂 It all works out in some way or another. If you can’t afford it though, you’re ultimately inviting people to share in this huge day and I would hope that if they are close enough to be invited to your wedding, they would understand your circumstances either way.
This is a wedding standard problem– I think everyone struggles with this. We had a small venue so had to tell people only plus one for ones we knew and others we simply invited alone and they were cool with it. BUT, we actually had some people show up with plus 2 and one family showed up with their kids (3!) but didn’t mark that on the RSVP card. It’s a touchy situation so just try to plan the best you can while not alienating anyone.
My friend is getting married later this year and suggested to a couple single friends that they come together as each other’s “dates” rather than her wedding photos being filled with temp dates of the month, lol. Make decisions with love and thoughtfulness, and pray for patience and a money fairy when you can’t. 🙂
One of my friends was recently on the other side of this situation – she was told she couldn’t bring her boyfriend as a guest to a wedding because the bride deemed their relationship “not serious enough”…ouch! I think a big issue is that you might have to judge someone’s relationship…and I know my friend was really hurt by that 🙁 But I totally understand about the $$, etc!
This post makes sense for both sides of the arguement, but how wonderful that you were able to shuffle your budget to make your guests feel more comfortable!
Here’s another question on the same topic: how do you address the invites? Say you know you have a friend who’s been in a long term relationship with someone for a number of years; do you put her name plus guest because she was your friend first, or do you put both his and her name on the invite? The reason I ask is because my boyfriend (whom I’ve been dating for 9 years this fall) was invited to his brother’s wedding (they aren’t really close so he wasn’t even considered to be a groomsmen which is fine in my opinion) and of course I know his brother well in addition to his fiancee and the invite said his name PLUS GUEST! Not my name even though we’re common law and we’ve been together for 8.5 years!
To me, that’s just rude. But then again his wife is a nightmare so I wasn’t surprised. I’m curious to know what your thoughts are!
Yes, I do think every single guest should have a plus one. They may be single when they get the invite and when the wedding day rolls around be in a relationship. FYI I attended a friends’ wedding several years ago and was single and still got the plus one. FYI to your friend, if there are single guests with no plus one do not seat them at a table full of couples. This happened at the aforementioned friends’s wedding and it was very uncomfortable. I would have been happier to be seated with the family. No one talked to me or asked me the “how do you know (insert bride or groom’s name here)” question. Another question to be asked is whether or not there should be a “kids or no kids” rule. This includes babies. Same above wedding…nursing at a wedding reception (even if you’re covered up) might make some people uncomfortable.
I got married about a year ago so the stress of the guest list is still pretty fresh in my mind. I think this was one of the HARDEST and most STRESSFUL parts about wedding planning. Although I understand both sides of the story, I have to agree that unless they are in a serious relationship, they should not have a plus one. Guests who make a fuss will not realize the stress this will cause until the plan a wedding of their own. I think it’s sad when guests do make a fuss because they should be there to support their friend who is getting married PERIOD. Sitting a single friend at a table with people who you know will mingle well with others was the remedy that worked for us.
I didn’t realize this was such an issue. I was just in a wedding where the bride actually asked me whether I thought she should allow the wedding party to bring dates if they weren’t in serious relationships. It was a small wedding party (4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen) and none of us were married and only a handful of us were in relationships. I think she ended up inviting the dates of the wedding party but not extending plus 1’s to the rest of us single people. This seems to be against what a lot of people said here, but I completely understood her reasoning. She already was inviting a lot of people and there were space concerns. Plus, she didn’t want a bunch of strangers at her wedding. Honestly, though, this was her day and if she didn’t want us all bringing random dates, I completely understand that. As a bridesmaid, I felt like I had a lot to do anyway and would have felt a little distracted if I had brought a date. There were also plenty of single people at the wedding and we were all able to mingle. Did I know them going into the wedding? No. Was I able to make the best of the situation and enjoy myself anyway despite not having a date? Of course. I even met someone at the wedding!
Essentially, I think it is up to the couple. There are so many factors that play into the decision but ultimately, it is the couple’s big day and it is going to be hard to please everyone.
I included the “and guest” designation on every single guest’s invitation. I’d much rather have “strangers” at my wedding, then a bored and lonely guest. Cost-wise we didn’t worry much because we did a buffet. I didn’t have to worry about a certain amount of money per person. And the seating was open so I didn’t have to worry about adjusting names on a table or anything like that.
Great discussion going on! As someone who has gone to many weddings as a single person I appreciate the option of a plus one. Here’s the thing: there are never as many single people at a wedding as the hosts think there will be. I’m very outgoing so it doesn’t bother me to go dateless, but it is always nice to have a date to dance with especially during the slow songs. On the other hand, I understand that it is a huge expense.
i think maybe lost dogs gravitate towards you because they sense you’re good people and will help them…or maybe they smell sadie ;p
when we got married, i really wanted to keep the numbers down. we gave +1 to those that were in relationships (for the younger crowd that is…all our parents friends/family got +1 out of courtesy…weird i know). the only time we gave singles a +1 were if they were going to pretty much be alone and not know anyone.
if $$ and space weren’t an issue, i’d say bring ’em all! but the venue we chose had a max capacity smaller than we’d like…which made us have to be particularly brutal about our guest list.
I’m maid of honor in a wedding that is coming up, and I wasn’t given a plus one, which I’m actually rather upset about. While being in the bridal party is certainly an honor, it’s also costs a lot of money, time, and effort. Plus, I have to travel for the wedding and many of the other people who are invited are in relationships and therefore got a plus one. I think of it as going to a high school dance stag…it’s only fun if your friends are going stag as well, which is not the case here. It would be nice to be extended the offer of bringing a guest.
I understand the budget constraints, but there are so many areas to cut a budget. Some people say that they don’t want such a huge wedding and they only want people they care about to be there, but the truth is you hardly see everyone at your wedding unless it really is small. Even as a member of the bridal party (four times and counting…) , you only see the bride a lot because of all the prep time you spend with them. Once everyone else arrives, you hardly see anyone.
So funny, Eric and I just had a totally hypothetical and pointless debate about this. I was with you — if I don’t know the SO or haven’t heard about them (because they aren’t serious, presumably) why would I want them at my wedding? And further, why would I want to pressure my single friend to have to find a date and bring someone she doesn’t even like/know that well….and then I have to pay for that person’s dinner!? No way!
We’ll see how I feel when it actually matters haha.
A couple years ago, a friend got married (kind of the first of this group of friends) and she called me to let me know, “Hey, we’re on a budget with this wedding, so all my single girlfriends from college aren’t going to be able to bring +1s. But I’ll seat you all together so you will have tons of fun still. I hope you understand” I thought that was totally fair…I actually didn’t even think twice about it! None of us were in serious relationships at the time and we’d have plenty of fun together. I think it’s probably a case-by-case thing, but yeah, I’m definitely leaning toward fewer random +1s as a general rule.
I think it’s a nice gesture to invite a plus one, but I do understand that it is not always financially possible. I can’t wait to celebrate my friends’ marriages, but as someone who is perpetually single, I appreciate that my friends give me the benefit of the doubt that I might be in a relationship or have a date by the time of the wedding, rather than just writing me off as a single who will find someone to hang out with at the wedding. Weddings are so joyous, but can also remind you that you are very much alone! That being said, I think it’s really rude to reply that you will bring a plus-one and then show up without one.
I just got married this past August, & to be honest, I can’t even remember! haha I don’t think we had too many “issues” with this — most people had steady significant others, so of course they were invited. I’m 99% certain that we gave everyone who was single the option for a plus one though!
Apologies if this answer is repeated up above, but I don’t have time to read all 126 replies right now. SORRY!
For our wedding of 50 people, we only did a plus 1 if the friend was engaged, married or in a “life partner” type situation. I did have one friend who decided, because of this, she didn’t want to come. I was really hurt by her decision, but in the end realized that this is MY special day and if she doesn’t really want to be there, I don’t really want her there…..
I agree with the plus ones for all, just because one wedding I attended I was dating someone at the time and was given the option, but then we broke up right before the wedding! I was able to take a friend at the last minute but going to a wedding recently dumped and alone would have been miserable.
we only did plus ones if we knew the person was in a serious relationship… we wanted OUR friends and family at our wedding.. not a bunch of randoms!
Our rule was +1 if married, engaged or living with your significant other… everyone else, too bad. I only wanted people I was close with at my wedding. Our day, our rules 🙂
Everyone got a plus one at our wedding. I didn’t feel like it was my place to make a judgement call on who they wanted to bring. We had a few people bring their significant others and a few people bring friends. I didn’t care, I wanted everyone to be happy and comfortable.
We budgeted for all our single guests to get +1’s. I am thankful we ended up budgeting it out that way, because 8 of our guests who were not in any type of relationship when we got engaged, were when invitations went out (9 months later).
I’ve heard other brides try and argue what’s a serious relationship and what’s not, but how can we judge someone’s relationship? 3 of those 8 couples are married now and 4 of the 8 are engaged to be married within the next 6 months.
When my husband and I were figuring out our guest list we came up with a fabulous plan that really helped us out in controlling our # of guests. We definitely gave all of our guests that were in serious relationships a plus one, but for those that were not in relationships at all, when addressing their invitation, we filled in the “# Attending” line to their RSVP card. I would have loved to give everyone a plus one, but we could only have a certain number for venue purposes and I wanted to control the budget a little. This plan was fabulous!