I swear Ryan and I are a magnet for lost dogs.
Yesterday on my walk with Sadie, a healthy-looking lab with a collar ran up to us and started sniffing Sadie’s business. (She was not a fan.) We found the owners nearby and returned the dog that just happened to escape out of their backyard fence.
And then there was the unexpected running buddy, a lab that joined Ryan, Sadie and me for two miles of one of the long runs of our half marathon training plan.
I’ve literally reunited at least five missing dogs with their owners in the past three years. It’s insane!
This morning, as Ryan and I drove to the gym, a miniature pincher was wandering in the middle of a busy street. He looked so lost and scared and we pulled over, calling to him and doing our best to coax him into our car so we could check his collar and help him find his home.
He was very timid and I could tell that he wanted to come over to us, but was too scared. We tried and tried to get him to come to no avail. Eventually he took off running in the opposite direction, down a neighborhood street. We then saw a car turn around and put on their hazard lights, so we’re hoping they were his owners. We didn’t see any sign of him when we drove home from the gym, which is a good thing.
Workout
Today’s workout was rather blah. I just wasn’t in the zone, but even a crappy workout is better than nothing, right?
I completed 10 minutes on the arc trainer before doing a super-fast, not incredibly challenging leg workout before concluding my workout with 15 minutes on the elliptical.
Hoping tomorrow’s workout is better!
Breakfast
I just happened to look at the clock right before I started assembling breakfast this morning and noticed that this breakfast staple of mine only takes five minutes to assemble!
That includes the time it takes to cook two eggs, toast a bagel and everything!
And you can grab it to eat on the run if you’re in a rush to get out of the house. Yummy breakfasts don’t have to be time consuming. Mmm!
Plus Ones
Yesterday I got an email from a friend of mine who is currently struggling with the guest list for her upcoming wedding. She asked me about how Ryan and I handled “plus ones” at our wedding… Did we give every single guest a “plus one” regardless of whether or not they were in a relationship or did we invite some people as solo riders?
This was actually one of the areas where Ryan and I differed in opinion.
Ryan thought everyone should be allowed to bring a guest. While I agree with this in theory (and in a budget-free world!), I know that every single “plus one” adds up to a lot of money!
We were trying to work within a budget as most couples are and I thought it was smart to only allow guests who were currently in a relationship to bring a plus one. (I had one caveat: If we knew the guest would know no one else at the wedding, then they could bring a date since we didn’t want anyone to feel awkward or completely alone.) I knew we had a good handful of single people coming to our wedding and figured it wouldn’t be too coupley and weird for those who came without a date. Plus, I didn’t want a whole bunch of people I had never met attending our wedding.
In the end, we ended up giving everyone a plus one. I conceded because I feel like bringing a date to a wedding, regardless as to whether or not you’re in a relationship, can make some people feel more at ease. We adjusted our budget in other areas to allow for this to happen and, as luck would have it, most of the people who were invited with a plus one that we knew weren’t in a relationship came alone hoping to party it up and mingle with other unattached folks.
I can honestly see all sides of the argument for and against the inclusion of plus-ones.
An advice columnist that tackles wedding etiquette questions on the New York Times’ website answered this plus-one question this way:
“Today’s standard plus-one is someone who is married to, engaged to, living with and, yes, in a long-term relationship with the invited wedding guest. Beyond these ‘must invites,’ your plus-one decisions will be based on budget and consistency. If it’s only a few and it’s not a budget buster, you might consider asking them all. But if that’s not the case (and let’s be realistic here), come up with a clear parameter. Even so, without a plus-one invitation, some of your single guests may not want to attend. In the end, that’s their choice.”
So what do you think?
Question of the Morning
- When it comes to the wedding guest list, do you think every guest should be allowed to bring a plus one, or should plus ones be limited to guests who are in a relationship?
- If you’re married, how did you handle the plus one debate?
![\"Quantcast\"/](\"//pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-1e3-7hOJ_U8Bg.gif\")
I put my invitations in the mail on Tuesday morning – after months of debating about this very topic! We invited all groomsmen & bridemaids with dates, whether or not they are in a relationship. However, for other single guests (meaning no girlfriend/boyfriend, fiance, etc.), it was a case by case basis. There were a handful who did NOT get plus ones because we knew that they would bring someone just because they could. I’d rather have five awkward conversations with people asking if they could bring a date than have 20 people at my wedding that I don’t know.
Ooo this is a good debate!!
For our wedding we pretty much gave everyone a plus one, EXCEPT for a select few that I was worried about WHO they might bring as a plus one. As bad as that sounds, I wasn’t sure who they might bring along as their plus one. I have seen who these select people have dated in the past..and it was kind of worry some & I didn’t want to worry about that on my wedding day.
Ended up being perfect! They came as a group (the ones that we did not give the plus one to were all friends) & had a great time, especially mingling with the singles 😉
Such a great topic. We are in the process of planning for our July 2012 wedding- although we have the guest list more or less done- the issues of plus ones do come up and I love hearing peoples opinion on this.
We used the basic guideline of if they are in a relationship (regardless of length) when we send out the invitation- they get a plus one- however, the name of the guest will be on the invitation – therefore, if they break up, they can not just swap someone else in. .. or so we hope.
We are at the age where most of our friends do not casually use the term boyfriend/girlfriend and the relationships they are in tend to be more serious or on the road to being more serious.
We are also lucky that we did attend university together and have maintained a core group of friends that all know one another. If they are not getting a plus one, they have a ton of people that they will know still at the wedding and won’t feel comfortable.
The only exception to this rule we are making is with the bridal party, they are invited with a plus one regardless. As well as random friends who will not know many other people. In addition, anyone needing to travel a significant distance to attend will be offered a plus one to make their traveling more enjoyable for them.
We are currently going through this as well. We are already at almost 380 invitees, and if we let all the single ppl bring plus ones, it’d be well over 400. So we made the decision to only allow those who are married, engaged or in a serious relationship to bring a plus one. Like you said, if money wasn’t an issue or if the guest list only changed by 10 or so people, it would be NBD, but when you’re talking hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars, it is a huge deal!
My rule was that if it was enough of a relationship that I knew a name, they got the plus one. But there were enough singles and everyone knew folks so I didn’t invite random dates. One girl asked and I caved but was kinda bitter about it (she knew PLENTY of people and was local, the boy was not a long-termer)
It’s hard to weigh in on this because I am in a long term relationship and haven’t really experienced going to a wedding single, but my thought is that if there are going to be other single people there, it would be more fun to go without a date- especially if the other singles are some of your best friends! I wouldn’t want to deal with the awkwardness of a date if my other single friends were going to be there and we could just let loose and have fun. Also, bringing a random person as your date to a wedding is so awkward! I even hesitated to ask my boyfriend to go to one of my best friends’ weddings (even though I got a plus one and we had been in a relationship for almost a year at the time) because I didn’t want him to feel any pressure as far as the whole getting engaged thing goes. Maybe I’m weird though. As far as the budget goes, I think single people just need to understand. No one wants a bunch of randars at their wedding.
Looking back, I honestly don’t think I even thought about this! lol
Many of the people we invited we already married, or had a significant other, whom we invited as well. I think that was it….if we knew the person had a boyfriend/girlfriend, the we invited BOTH (even if we didn’t know the significant other.) We felt that was most appropriate. If we invited a person who was single, we only addressed the invitation the them alone. I think this was because I’ve never felt awkward going to a wedding alone….so I never thought of it that way. No one had problems with it, or mentioned that it was a bummer they didn’t have a “pass” for one guest.
I think it also might depend on the theme, setting, style and atmosphere of the wedding. We had a super fun, laidback, backyard style wedding, which made it a big “hang out”, social type event, where everyone sat where they wanted, chatted wherever, and just had fun. This atmosphere made it easy for people to interact with whomever, so even if they didn’t bring a guest, they could still make their rounds to whomever they wanted to talk to. However, if it were a super formal wedding, where dinner was involved, and specific plate setting existed, I think it might be nice to let them bring a guest! If a person is alone, and is placed at a table of people whom they don’t know very well, THAT would be awkward!
Also, now that I think of it, I think if I were single it would be nice to have the option to bring someone. I never thought about it before, but now that it has been brought up, I think it’d be nice. But hey, when it comes down to it, sometimes the budget has got to win! You can’t please everyone, so I say go with what the budget allows!
I don’t know if previous commenters have mentioned this or not, but I think everyone in the wedding party and immediate family members (brothers, sisters, etc) should be allowed a plus-one, regardless of marital/dating status. I really appreciated the fact that my best friend allowed me to bring a guest to her wedding (I was the maid of honor, but single at the time the invitations went out). By the time the wedding rolled around, I was in a happy, cohabitating relationship, and it would’ve irked me if I hadn’t been allowed to bring a guest. It almost feels like not allowing single guests a plus-one is like a punch in the face. I mean, invitations go out months and months in advance, so who are the bride and groom to say who will or will not be in a relationship by the time the wedding rolls around???
I think everyone who is married, engaged, or living together/in a long term relationship should get a plus one. And I also think that everyone in the wedding party should have the option to bring a plus one because they’re putting so much time and money into the wedding. Both sides of my boyfriend’s family is huge so we’ll have to be extra strict with this. And we’ll be getting married on the younger side because we started dating at age 18, and we’d like to get married a year or two after college. (We graduate in a year.) So our parents will be footing most of the bill and I just don’t feel comfortable asking my parents to pay for random people that no one know. And my boyfriend wants an open bar so there is just no feasible way that everyone at our future wedding will be getting a plus one. In theory it sounds nice, but plus ones add up quick.
I don’t think everyone should get a plus-one. I personally didn’t want a bunch of strangers at our wedding. My husband and I decided to take every single must-invite guest into consideration. Every person is at a different place in their life and in different relationships. Obviously, if they were married or engaged or dating for a long time, they definitely got a plus one. But other people we on a case-by-case basis. We knew every single one of our guests well enough to know if they’re relationship was serious or if they were dating anyone at all.
Plus one always, for everyone. It’s proper wedding etiquette. I think if you are hesitant to give someone a plus one then you shouldn’t invite them. You want everyone to feel comfortable at your wedding whether they have a date or not…at least give them the choice.
This is the same logic my husband and I used for our wedding. While I didn’t love the idea of having “strangers” attend our wedding, it was more important to us that our single friends and family members felt comfortable and enjoyed themselves. Although we did have a few people (mainly hubby’s cousins over 18, which was our plus-1 cutoff age) choose to bring their flavor of the month, it wasn’t a major issue in the end. Probably only cost $300 extra, which was nominal in the grand scheme of wedding costs, and it was honestly the last thing on my mind during our wedding. I think that being thoughtful and welcoming in how you invite guests sets the tone for the wedding.
We followed your original stance on plus-ones. We had around 150 people, and knew everyone we were inviting. For our friends, we told them about our policy on plus-ones. The singles who wouldn’t know anyone else could bring dates. We also got married straight out of college, so most of the single people knew the other single people anyway because they were from the same school. It worked out great! Some people did rsvp for a plus one even though that wasn’t an option, but we still had space, so it was fine.
*are huge. *knows.
I’m going through the same situation… We’ve decided that if I know my guest is in a long term relationship then we must put “Mr. Brian Smith and Jane HEnry” on the invite…. If they aren’t in a relationship, then they don’t get a plus on… and only their name will be on the invite. My RSVP’s don’t even have a place where you can put plus 1…
My hubby and I disagreed on this one, too. I agreed to invite fewer friends (keeping it close friends) so that they could have plus ones (all but two had serious boyfriends or fiances or spouses). He wanted to invite almost every guy from his fraternity pledge class (we’re talking 40 people), so I said no plus ones unless we knew they were in a relationship. Welp, they just texted him to say, “Oh hey, is it ok I’m bringing a date?” Not much we could do at that point but smile politely (and hope it wasn’t a less-than-classy random girl…). I was a bit annoyed I didn’t invite a few more people because of our “deal,” but it all worked out and we had a wonderful wedding!
I was invited to a wedding without a plus 1 (I would have brought my “friend” who is now my husband) and it was kind of miserable. I didn’t really know anyone and the one person I knew left after cocktail hour. Because people weren’t assigned tables, I ended up leaving too. I don’t mind people who actually show up. What I found frustrating were the people who said they were coming and then didn’t. One very good friend of my husband’s (and his wife) did not show up “because he was really tired” but did tell everyone he worked with he had to take a day off to leave and travel to the wedding. VERY ANNOYING!
We are actually getting ready to send our wedding invitations out now, so this topic is pretty relevant at the moment. While we are having a fairly small wedding, and paying for it ourselves (budget friendly!) all of my guests and a good amount of my fiancees guests will be travelling for the wedding, so we decided it would be fair for our single guests to bring a date if they wanted to. While it will be an added cost to us in the end, our guests will be spending money getting there and staying for the long weekend and we want to make sure everyone feels totally comfortable and has a great time.
We would have LOVED to give everyone a plus one, but we had a budget. Our critera was a ring – if she didn’t have one, then there was no plus one. That sounds horrible, but the majority of friends that came to the wedding were all from college, so there was no “odd man out” and it worked perfectly. But I also agree, that if two people have been in a relationship for YEARS, a plus one is totally fine! We did that for one couple and it was no big deal!
PS – The only “real big deal” is when someone ASSUMES he/she has a plus one. That’s when stuff gets real awkward.
When I saw the blog post title and began reading, I thought it meant you had adopted another sweet dog. 🙂 Anyway, I didn’t think much about it and wasn’t too organized with my invitations, so I didn’t specify about “plus one” on the invitation. It was interesting who brought dates and who didn’t. Luckily our wedding was out of town, so that naturally cut down a bit on attendees, so the plus ones were not an issue. But I did look at a few people and think, “Hmmm, who is that?”
May I just have a destination wedding, please 😀 ?
For my friend’s upcoming wedding, I am in a long term relationship but am not invited with a plus one – now that’s taking it to a different level! In my opinion, the bride and groom aren’t going to entertain every single guest all night, so in order to make sure everyone is having a good time, I think it’s respectful to give the option to bring a date. If you can’t afford it, cut down on the guest list or somewhere else so everyone feels comfortable and has a great time!!
PS – I did the ab workout you put up yesterday- it was killer!!
Wow what a debate! My husband and I had conversations upon conversations about this because we met through the workplace and had A LOT of single, mutual friends.
Because over half of our guests would know each other, we finally decided to offer a “plus one” to guests we knew would bring a “plus one” we knew. Husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend we’ve MET was the make or break on this one and honestly it was the only way we could invite everyone we wanted to. We ended up having close to 200 people and if those 40 or so singled brought dates that would have been close to 250! No thank you 😉
At the end of the day, I felt bad, but I had a conversation with everyone personally who didnt have a “plus one” on their RSVP card and since they were my true friends, they understood.
I think it’s different if you don’t invite a plus one for people
Coming from out of town or for a guest list that doesn’t really know each other, but if there are a lot of people coming who hang out together anyways, it shouldn’t be a problem. The main thing to do here is access your guests and see the ratio of friendships among them.
Fast forward to our wedding day and we had 2 single ladies tables who had a BLAST! Carefree, there hanging with the girls, and I wanted to be one of them 😉 just kidding, but they were super fun.
If you’re going through this hard decision, talk to people and explain the situation. Ultimately we decided to have 200 guests we know share our day over 100 and 100 plus ones.
Good luck!!! 🙂
I always like having the option of a +1 when I am invited to weddings. I only bring a date if I’m with someone I’ve been seeing for a decent amount of time. Any other situation, I go alone. A big reason for me going alone is that it’s standard to gift money at Asian weddings, and that just means I need to gift that much more! If it’s not someone I really care about, no use in forking over the extra dinero.
I’m so glad you posted this because my fiance and I are in the beginning stages of planning our wedding for next March.
We’ve already put together a tentative guest list and currently have everyone listed with a plus one. However, if numbers need to be cut, and I’m sure they will, we wil probably select a few people to come solo. Luckily, I don’t think there will be anyone that doesn’t know someone at the wedding.
Oh and get this, one of my fiance’s friends (not a super close friend, but still a friend) is now dating my fiance’s ex. And she is an attention whore. I do NOT want her at my wedding trying to steal the spotlight. Crossing my fingers that they will not be dating 13 months from now. 🙂
My boyfriend and I were talking about this recently (you know, planning our wedding before we’re even engaged. The usual). I think if the budget allows for it, then why not let everyone bring a plus one. But I totally understand that budget constraints are tough to work within, and I’m sure most guests would be flexible, no?
Great topic! My husband and I were married last March and this was a big sticking point with me, for I had attended many weddings in the past where I was not allowed a plus one. Even though my husband (then boyfriend) and I had been together for 3 or 4 years! So the rule for our wedding was that any guest over the age of 18 was invited to bring a plus one. We knew that a lot of our 18ish year old cousins would probably just attend with family, but we wanted to know that we were acknowledging that they were adults and deserve to have a guest! My feeling was that if your budget was going to be that blown by allowing your guests to have a plus one, then you should lower the guest count.
We both had a ton of single friends and we gave them all a plus one. However, only 1 person actually brought a one! Everyone else just came to party!! 🙂 Although… one (different) person responded w/ a plus 1 and brought no one which really realllly irritated me ;p luckily i was able to tell the Matri’d about it and they wrapped up a meal for us to take home. I wasnt wasting any money!!
I had my maid of honor tell a few friends they couldn’t bring dates – they weren’t in relationships and I didn’t want random dates there. Forget about the money part of it…who wants a bunch of random people at their wedding?! They all seemed pretty understanding bc they knew the other people at the wedding.
I think they should be “allowed” to bring a date, definitely, but I understand it’s a hard decision. My brother’s wedding was in August, and a lot of his friends ended up just coming together, so it all works out in the end.
What happened the weddings being a place to meet single ppl around your age? If both you and your ‘plus one’ dont know any one else at the wedding, then you’re stuck babysitting them and making sure they are having fun. I think it’s perfectly fine to go alone and expand your social circle.
I’ve never been at a wedding while having a long term relationship before, since I’ve only been to two weddings, and both of them were before my current 2 year relationship!
I do really think that +1 is important because I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding that much if my boyfriend wasn’t invited too, but at the same time, if I was single I wouldn’t get a date just for a wedding – it could potentially be a good date but also potentially a stinker.
I agree with the “people in relationships” can bring a +1, but otherwise I think it’s a good chance to get to know everyone else at the wedding, like friends and family, so single people should just go and meet the people you already know!
For our wedding we were under a semi-strict budget (we paid for the whole wedding ourselves) so we had to make cuts and decided that only people in an actual relationship were allowed to bring a date. No one seemed to mind at all and all the single people were just as happy as the ones with dates!
I always return pups, too! I think of it as puppy karma, if my dog ever escapes, I hope someone will be kind enough to reunite us!
99.9% of the people we invited were either married or in serious relationships. I blame this on the fact that when I got married I was 25 and this was (as Keith calls it the wedding season…everyone was getting married) and Keith (being 11 years older than me) was 36 and most of his friends were already married. So this wasn’t a big deal for us.
My husband and I struggled with our wedding list in another area: children. We decided to not include the children of our guests because let’s face it, it would have been a lot more expensive and crazy in a smaller venue. We had a few guilt trips thrown our way, and nasty comments by distanct cousins who we don’t talk to that much anyways. Sorry, I can’t afford to pay for your 7 year old to eat fillet, especialy when I don’t even know their name!
This is interesting as my brother is going through this process now. When I got married – we let everyone bring a plus one (if single) and we let all married couples bring kids. It was more important to me that the people we invited come to the wedding and have a good time then the extra money it cost us. I just cut back in other areas. Perhaps they would have come (and, had a good time) if we hadn’t allowed the plus one and any kids but I was happy with my decision.
My brother, on the other hand, is doing it differently. I am not sure what will happen or how people will feel but I guess I’ll learn in September!
Definitely appreciate people who stop to help a stray dog!! Our new rescue dog ran away last month and he spent the night away from our house. I was pretty sure he was a goner as he was pretty new and didn’t really know the area, but we put some toys, our clothes, etc. outside and he found his way back. I was praying a nice stranger would find him!
I am engaged and the issue of plus ones was a big one for us. We are pretty much allowing people to bring dates if theyre in a long-term relationship. We’re also giving our bridal party plus ones regardless just because we feel like it’s the right thing to do. For us it’s less about cost and more about the space limit of our venue!!
This was the worst part of the wedding for me. Our budget and space in the reception area was so tight that I had to have conversations with several friends who were in new relationships that we couldn’t have a plus one. It was horrible. But, at the end of the day I knew we had to do it. We couldn’t even invite our entire extended families, so those singletons that did get invited were people that were very special to us and we tried to emphasize that. I think it’s harder when those people haven’t gotten married yet. Once you go through it you know how heart wrenching it can be. I say if you can afford it allow the plus one.
I just got married last May and shared similar thoughts on the debate. Due to budget and venue space constraints, we couldn’t (and didn’t want) to give everyone a plus 1 – and also same idea too about not wanting total strangers at the wedding!
I’ve been to a wedding before where everyone got plus 1s and the groom had a lot of cousins in college. Several of the groom’s cousins brought their sorority sisters as “dates” or random friends from college just because it was a free party/open bar and they got a plus 1. The bride was pretty upset b/c she had a lot of total strangers at her wedding and in her pictures.
Our solution was to give plus 1s to married, engaged, or long-term relationships and it worked out great! The singles came ready to mingle (lots of college friends who knew each other). There wasn’t any single person who was outside of our core group of friends but if that was the case and he/she didn’t know anyone else, I can totally see how it would be appropriate to give him/her one.
Tough call though!
I’m 28 and honestly, I didn’t even know that people send out invitations WITHOUT a +1, until I received one from my friend last year. In this case, I had two other single friends going and I wasn’t dating anyone, so it didn’t bother me.
But as some people in this thread have said, I like the GESTURE of the +1. If I’m not dating anyone seriously, I’ll just RSVP for myself only. I’ve also brought along my male bestie who was ALSO a friend of the bride (but maybe didn’t make the guest list cut).
My boyfriend and I talk about this sometimes and he is of the opinion that everyone should have a plus one where as I am a bit more money conscious, so I would say it would really have to depend on the person and the circumstance…we’ll see what I end up doing one day!
I think anyone who is an adult should be invited with a plus one. Especially since they can’t invite you in the future without your spouse (unless you’re divorced). I was a bridesmaid that traveled across the country, booked a hotel room, and rented a car and was not given the courtesy of a plus one. I had a boyfriend (not very serious, dating for 3 months) at the time and probably would not have brought him out of courtesy to their budget, but I felt slighted by not being given the option. My expenses were huge for that wedding!
We let everyone have the option of bringing someone else with them. We didn’t want people to feel weird by being alone. Now I personally have been invited to 2 weddings AFTER I got married, where I was the only person invited…I thought THAT was a little tacky.
I agree with the etiquette quote. I actually was just invited to my friend’s wedding in small-town SC (I live in Chicago) and when she gave me a plus one I was actually really surprised, but she explained that since most of my friends are in the bridal party but I’m not, she thought it would be nice for me to have someone with me. However, I felt bad asking a guy friend to pay to fly all the way there for a wedding where he knew no one, so I’m fine with going single and hopefully meeting some new people! (haha okay, new men!)
Do you actually put “plus one” on the envelope? ew.
98% of our guests were family, and most of those are married. For the few people that were not married, if they had an SO we put the SO’s name on the invite. I allowed my sisters who were not married to bring whoever they wanted. … although, in hindsight maybe I shouldn’t have allowed this since I now have an ex-boyfriend in a wedding picture (not mine, one of my sisters)…. Oh well.
LOL that dog sign/picture reminds me of SUAR’s dog Lucky!!! And this is embarrassing…but what is an Arc trainer?!! Is that the Gazzelle thing….? :-/
i think we did let our friends bring a date…we said “so and so plus date” but most of my single friends didnt bring one. i basically just wanted them to know they could, but ultimately they all just hung out together which is what i thought they’d do so no big deal!
I went to a friend’s wedding recently & she didn’t give me the option of bringing a +1 DESPITE knowing that I have a boyfriend (we’ve even double dated with the couple…). I didn’t have anybody to talk to at her wedding & ended up leaving early. To top it off the girl that was supposed to be sitting across from me didn’t even show up & the whole time I was just thinking that my boyfriend could have been sitting in that chair. I’m still a little bit bitter about this because several other guests were allowed to bring dates. I’m not married but I hope that when I do get married my budget will allow for everybody to bring a date.
Thankfully this decision should be easy for Chris and I when we do our invites. The friends I’m inviting are in relationships and he thinks that his friends who aren’t in relationships would feel awkward trying to find a date. Works out perfectly 😀