I’ve actually been working on bits and pieces of this post for weeks and thought about breaking it up but decided against it so everything is in one place. Today’s post touches on everything from Ryder and breastfeeding to newborn sleep and the transition into life with two children. Brace yourselves because you guys are getting a VERY wordy post comin’ at you today!
Ryder
Oh Ryder! My sweet little boy! Ryder is such a gift in our lives and I absolutely love being his mother.
I don’t quite know how to put the way I feel about this little guy into words but he has a personality that feels almost calming to me which I know sounds crazy but there’s something about the way he locks eyes with everyone as he coos away that makes me feel like he’s going to be an introspective and thoughtful little boy. We all say he seems older than his 8 weeks somehow and I cannot wait to watch his personality develop and unfold as time goes on.
As far as babies go, he’s pretty darn easygoing and as Ryan likes to say, “He’s a good baby… but he’s still a baby,” which I think perfectly sums things up around here. It’s basically our way of saying he’s not too challenging but newborns are never a cakewalk! Ryder is admittedly an easier baby than our first (I hate to compare but I think it’s only natural for those with two kids to admit that all babies are different and some are easier than others) and Ryder truly feels like an angel baby to me because most of the time he’s just so content.
He loves to kick and coo and look at lights and fans and faces. High-pitched baby talk works wonders with Ryder and brings about the cutest little expressions that seem to showcase 5,000 emotions in 2.5 seconds. He’ll look at us with a big, gummy smile that will morph into a skeptical look that will quickly morph into a judgmental baby face and I’m trying to soak them all up!
It’s so neat to see Ryder’s personality develop right before my eyes and the past few weeks have brought about tons of smiles, gurgles and sweet baby chirps and coos that I just adore. He loves people and will lock eyes and stare at anyone and everyone who meets him.
Ryder is out of all of his newborn clothes and into 0-3 month and some 3 month clothing already. When he was born, I thought we lucked out and would be able to reuse all of Chase’s old clothes since they both have summer birthdays but I am beginning to wonder if Ryder’s size might not make this a possibility!
I love his squishy thighs, the milky bubbles he blows, the way his gummy smile creeps into his eyes and overtakes his whole face, his fluffy mohawk and the way he’ll come off my chest after nursing and give me the cutest little flirty smiles. It melts me every time and I am so grateful for this little boy.
Postpartum Life & Breastfeeding
Postpartum life has been completely different this time around. Breastfeeding admittedly got off to a bit of a stressful start. When we were in the hospital and I attempted to nurse Ryder for the first time, he latched well but would only take one or two powerful sucks before coming off my breast. We now realize this was likely because he couldn’t breathe well while nursing. Once he was admitted to the NICU, I spent the next few days setting alarms and exclusively pumping which resulted in some incredibly sore nipples and stressed me out because after my first pump, I was pumping next to nothing or nothing at all. I was assured that this was normal and encouraged to continue pumping.
During this experience and also in hindsight, I felt incredibly grateful that I was a second-time mom because I cannot imagine how much more stressed I would’ve felt to have to learn how to pump immediately and then try to navigate nursing for the first time. I also know I am very, very lucky that our NICU stay was relatively short and I was able to nurse Ryder after a few days. I know this is not the case for many and I will always feel so grateful for everything.
Once my milk came in and I was able to nurse Ryder, breastfeeding improved dramatically. I felt my uterus begin to cramp, my bleeding increased and my body seemed to physically respond to nursing Ryder in the most incredible way.
Nursing Ryder in the beginning was a very different experience from learning to breastfeed Chase. It’s truthfully been much, much easier this time. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that Chase had a tongue tie that resulted in bleeding, scabbing and a lot of pain and I needed to use nipple cream like it was my job. I remember dreading the moment Chase would need to latch again because it would hurt so much until he had his frenulum clipped. Another thing I believe has contributed to an easier experience this time around is the simple fact that this is my second time breastfeeding. I truly believe nursing Chase for 15 months permanently changed my nipples and paved the way for Ryder a bit. Is that weird? Unfounded? Maybe! But whatever it is, I’ll take it!
Ryder is nursing well and seems to be a very efficient eater. He rarely wants to nurse for an extended period of time but he definitely wants to nurse often. I am nursing on demand at the moment which means that some days I feel like all I do is nurse, especially when Ryder wants to snack or cluster feed all day long. Ryder will often stay latched well for several minutes but then he likes to come on and off my breast and intersperse nursing with looking at me or looking around the room and cooing. This will often result in a very messy and milky nursing experience (my breasts will often spray milk or drip milk when he breaks his latch), so we’re going through a lot of milk-soaked burp cloths and blankets over here right now.
One obstacle that surfaced for the first few weeks of Ryder’s life that was somewhat related to breastfeeding was a pretty horrible diaper rash. His poor little booty was so red and he had little bloody sores on his bottom. The pediatrician had my breast milk tested to see if Ryder might have a milk protein allergy but everything came back normal. His diaper rash cleared up dramatically around 6 weeks and I think a HUGE part of this was the fact that Ryder started pooping less and his butt finally had time to recover between poops.
In the interim, we did a lot of naked baby time to give his butt a chance to breathe in between diaper changes and tried a bunch of diaper rash remedies, creams and oils. Most diaper rash remedies didn’t work well for Ryder (even a prescription cream) but Triple Paste seemed to work the best for him and we went through that stuff like it was going out of style!
Sleeping
My expectations for newborn sleep were really, really low. Chase was up nearly every two hours for feedings for well over a month or two and when I looked back on my monthly update posts for Chase, I saw that he was still waking up at least two times a night at 4-5 months old. This is what I was expecting from Ryder so I cannot tell you how incredible it has been to have a child who seems to sleep well. It’s pretty darn amazing. But I say this in the same breath that I say we are doing NOTHING different this time around with Ryder so if you have a baby that is a horrible sleeper, you’re doing a GREAT job and you’re doing nothing wrong. I feel you. Chase’s sleep was rough but in the beginning I had no point of comparison and thought all babies woke up a million times a night. (In this instance my naivety as a new mom worked as a benefit for me.)
Once I started to realize some babies were, in fact, sleeping through the night when we were still up all the time with Chase, I began reading baby sleep books which mostly made me feel like a big fat failure. As a second-time mom, I now realize some babies are just better sleepers and some parents just get really lucky. I guess that’s the reality of postpartum life and transitioning to two kids. That’s not to say following sleep training techniques and implementing schedules doesn’t work for babies — I think they totally DO! — but babies are so different and as someone who has had a baby who was a pretty awful sleeper and someone who has a baby who seems to be a naturally good sleeper, I just feel like that’s an important thing to say to any moms out there who might be reading this post with bags under their eyes after months of horrible sleep. You’re doing great and it will get better! That’s something I also carry with me this time around — bad sleep DOES come to an end and it happens faster than you might think. Understanding that all of the baby struggles are temporary somehow makes it easier this time, too.
In the beginning, Ryder was up every three(ish) hours in the night. Some nights were filled with more frequent feedings but as the weeks went on, the time between Ryder’s feedings stretched out more and more. Right now I typically feed him before we go to bed between 8 and 9 p.m. Ryder will then typically wake up between midnight and 2 a.m. and again around 4 or 5 a.m. The fact that I am usually getting at least one solid 4-5 hour stretch of sleep between nursing sessions feels like an incredible gift and has been a huge help when it comes to my energy level every day. We’ve even had a few nights where Ryder skips his middle-of-the-night feed and wakes up to nurse for the first time between 4 and 5 a.m. (I pretty much wanted to high-five everyone I saw the next day after those nights!)
Of course some nights are still rough around here — just last night I found myself pacing around our room and rocking him from 2:30-3:30 a.m. — and I admittedly found myself throwing a dirty diaper in the washing machine last week because I was so out of it but, on the whole, I am counting my blessings in the newborn sleep department at the moment.
Physical Recovery and Changes
My physical recovery from this pregnancy has honestly been pretty good. Labor was fast and my delivery was pretty easy (thank you, epidural) and I only needed two stitches so I wasn’t too sore for too long. I continued to bleed and experience some serious postpartum night sweats up until around 5 weeks postpartum.
I started walking for exercise (and sanity!) when Ryder was about a week and a half old. I kept my pace nice and easy and gradually worked up to walking three(ish) miles almost every day. I feel really good now and just started to return to boot camp classes this week.
I am definitely easing into fitness and currently modifying my workouts quite a bit. After I received the okay from my doctor at my 6-week postpartum checkup, I began doing some moderate strength training in our garage but only a few days and every workout left me feeling so sore!
From an aesthetic standpoint, I’m softer everywhere and the cellulite is REAL over here but I’m not really focused on that right now. I’m not weighing myself regularly (I didn’t before I got pregnant and don’t plan to start now) but I hopped on the scale for the sake of this post and saw I’m up about 12-15 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I know from my experience with Chase that the final 10-15 pounds of pregnancy weight gain took the longest to lose and it took me a solid 9 months to lose it all after my first pregnancy.
My plan for postpartum weight loss is the same this time around: I plan to focus on being as healthy as I can, work out regularly to make myself feel strong (mentally and physically) and trust that my body will do what is best. Breastfeeding is a priority for me and along with nursing comes ridiculous hunger so I feel like I’m an eating machine and I wouldn’t want to mess with anything that could effect my milk supply.
I say all of this in one breath but I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking I’m completely confident with my postpartum body. I feel secure in my body and so grateful for what it has done but getting dressed feels awkward since I’m in a weird transition stage where maternity stuff doesn’t really work and my regular clothes all cling to my body and feel too small. I am just not dwelling on my physical appearance and I am trying to put my focus where it matters — on my two boys — and remind myself that my body just did something amazing and it should look different right now.
Despite what the media and social media portrays, I know it’s not realistic to look like I didn’t just give birth 8 weeks after our baby arrived so I’m trying my best to embrace the softness, cellulite and body changes and focus on the incredible reason my body looks different. It just produced a HUMAN and that’s pretty freaking incredible!
Transitioning to Two Kids
In today’s post I’m focusing on how I’m personally handling the transition into life with two kids but you may read more about how big brother Chase is handling the transition in Chase’s Three Year Update.
To be completely honest, the hardest part about this postpartum period has been the transitioning to two kids. This is not because Chase is acting out or we have a colicky baby or anything dramatic but simply juggling two children is very, very different than one baby. There’s basically NO downtime and every day feels a bit chaotic right now.
When Chase was a baby, I could count on his nap time to work but now I can count on one hand the number of times Chase and Ryder’s naps have coincided which means I am constantly feeling behind on everything. I cannot blog or get work done nearly as often as I used to and our house rarely looks clean but I know this is a season and I’m trying to embrace this time as best as possible.
Possibly the biggest blessing in this postpartum transition period was having my mom here to help after Ryder was born. So many fellow moms encouraged me to accept help during this time and I’m so, so glad I did even if my first inclination was to say, “I’ve got this!”
My mom mostly helped with Chase after Ryder was born which is exactly what we wanted and needed most. Ryan got one week of paternity leave so his time off was all used up while we were still in the hospital with Ryder. Having my mom’s help during this time and right after Ryan went back to work was so incredible and absolutely helped with the transition. Her help made a huge difference to me during the first couple of weeks with two kids and I know how lucky we were to have her here!
When Ryder “woke up” (aka was no longer sleeping all day every day), I had quite a few meltdown days. Seemingly overnight, Ryder needed more attention and soothing to be content and on the days when Chase wouldn’t nap or didn’t nap well, he’d often be in a serious MOOD by 4 p.m. Let’s just say the hours from 4 p.m. until bedtime often felt (and can feel) like an eternity. This is the time of day that is still the most challenging for us and it can feel really long and draining some days since it’s typically the time of day when Ryder seems the most hands-on (they call it the “witching hour” for a reason!) and, depending on his mood, Chase can be needier and whinier than usual.
Ryan often doesn’t arrive home from work until after 7 p.m. (this isn’t a complaint, just a reality) and there have been more than a few days that he’ll arrive home to me telling him I just want to face-plant into bed. (Side note: My back often feels totally destroyed by the end of the day from all the rocking, bouncing and soothing. I don’t remember this happening with Chase but the pain I feel in my mid/upper back is killer at the end of some of the rougher days! Has this happened to any of you!?)
As far as the impact of two kids on our marriage, all is well over here but in full transparency our time to really connect as a couple feels rather limited on a daily basis. I swear an entire week can easily go by where I feel like I’ve barely talked to my husband! By the time Ryan is home from work and we tackle the bedtime routine, the only thing I want to do is go to sleep and since we both seem to fall asleep the minute Ryder goes down for the night, it can be a little challenging to get that one-on-one time to talk and connect. We’re trying our best but many times during the week our conversations feel fragmented by bursts of one child needing this or that or family playtime. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love building airplanes or playing dragons with Chase, Ryder and Ryan but playing dragons with my husband is very different from actual adult communication!
It’s more clear than ever to me that we need to be intentional in our time together as a couple as we’ve been experiencing postpartum life and transitioning to two kids, slowly getting into a better rhythm. I’m not quite ready to schedule a date night and leave Ryder with a babysitter (I still need to pump and get him used to taking a bottle again) but hopefully that isn’t too far off! In the meantime, we’re doing our best to keep communication open, acknowledge our feelings and lean on each other even if we’re not getting as much couple time as usual these days! Thankfully we both seem to understand that this time with a newborn is so fleeting and we are just trying to go with the flow and be great parents and great spouses even though the parenting role admittedly — and understandably — seems to be taking the front seat at the moment.
Sooo there you have it! A bazillion words and way more than you guys all probably cared to know about this postpartum period! I will likely do a followup post to this one in the coming weeks much like I did after Chase was born to address any lingering questions, so please let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to touch on that I may have missed! And if you made it to the end of this post, thank you so much for reading about this special and crazy time in our lives!
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https://www.flandersbuttocksointment.com
This stuff is amazing!
Not very budget friendly but worked amazing for my twins diaper rashes 10 years ago! Haven’t needed it yet with my four month old thankfully, but plan to get this again if needed!
thank you for sharing this!! hope you and your family are doing well, vera! <3
Great post! 🙂
How long do you think Ryder will sleep in your room? Also, did you have to cry it out with Chase when he was older? I can’t remember. If so, and if you have to let Ryder learn to soothe himself or battle regressions, how are you planning on keeping this from waking up Chase? I guess my questions are jumping the gun for an 8 week old, since you probably won’t even think about this for another 4 months or so- but just curious on any thoughts you have (I have an 11 week old and a 2 year old and don’t understand how people make that part work!)
Hi Kate!! Thanks for sharing these questions! I’ll definitely add them to my upcoming post. And I totally get what you mean about crying & then waking up a toddler — we’ve already seen that happen over here when some middle-of-the-night screaming from Ryder occurred and resulted in Chase waking up and that was even with Chase’s white noise machine on! We usually sleep with our bedroom door open and started closing it if Ryder starts to get extra fussy which helps but I’m not sure how we’ll handle all of that when Ryder is in his own room since the boys’ rooms are closer together.
Great update! Do you babywear Ryder?? That can definitely help distribute some of that weight and muscle fatigue. Starting out with 2 kids is a challenge but each day is a do over and they have a momma who loves them and you have a great support network, you got this!
Love this post! I have a 2.5 year old and 3 week old so I can relate to all of this. I actually got a 4 hour stretch between nursing sessions last night and all but danced out of bed once I realized! This was after two incredibly frustrating nights of crying from 9pm- midnight or later ?. The back pain is real over here too between all the carrying/nursing/lifting my toddler. I keep reminding myself that these phases don’t last long. Babies don’t keep! You’re doing a great job, mama!
Aww he’s SO precious!! And I’m excited to her you got a good sleeper 2nd time around!! Cece started out pretty good, months 3-4 were a dream then she regressed and I still Nurse twice a night at 9MO. Keep reminding myself it’s not forever 🙂 I 100% remember that back pain!!! I always Wondered if the epidural had anything to do with where I felt It? My husband got me a weight belt to try to help but honestly just stretching and having time to do barre back exercises was the best for it. Keep up all the awesome mom-ing!!!!
Thank you for sharing the part about your marriage. Our babes are very close in age (May 2015 and Dec 2017), but I had 2 girls:-). I’ve followed you for a while, but don’t post often. As someone 7.5 months post partum, I totally get the marriage component. There were days in the beginning that I felt like I would look at my husband and longingly want to just have a child-free conversation without being interrupted with “Mommy, talk to me!”. We’re slowly reconnecting as husband and wife (not that we ever drifted apart, just the reality of 2 kids) and we’ve found that even when we don’t have time to talk at length, we’ll make sure to embrace and kiss at the end of the day just to connect (even with the 10k toddler questions happening all around us).
Yes!! It seems to be so common and it’s definitely been an adjustment. Sometimes I feel like we get in bed at the end of a particularly rough week and just look at each other and say, “I miss you!!”
Thank you both for sharing because it shows me my husband and I are not alone! Once we had two it was just so hard to find the time (mostly due to exhaustion). Sometimes I “joke” that I feel like we are roommates. I remind myself that this is just a season… we try to have date nights whenever possible but when our second son was a baby, he came with us! He usually slept in his car seat and I would nurse him in the car (I so remember the non-stop nursing Julie! I had a baby who lived to nurse many times for shorter periods of time)
Loved reading this update! I’m so glad Ryder is eating and growing well. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job of juggling it all. As a mom of two children things are in fact busier but as your youngest child grows things calm a bit in some ways and get even more hectic in others. All of this to say I think you are doing a great job and both of your boys are lucky to have you!
Sounds just like my life right now hah! I agree that the hardest thing so far has been going from one to two kids. And AMEN to the hours between 4 and bedtime sometimes feeling like a eternity!!! My little one is so, so happy in the mornings and the evenings are getting better now (she’s 6 weeks) but some evenings are just rough.
My second is definitely a better sleeper, too. She wakes either once or twice at night now and it’s awesome. She hasn’t woken my toddler up yet, which I do worry about, especially since we just put up her toddler bed rail so she’s no longer in a crib!
I look forward to reading future updates 🙂
Girlllll I so feel you in this post. My two boys are 21 months apart and I literally could have written this same post a year ago. The baby stuff seems so much easier (relatively speaking) the second time around. It seems like Chase is at a great age for this and probably able to understand more than if he were a little younger…the 21 month age gap was a veryyyyy tough one for a few months lol.
I think the part that most resonated with me was the marriage talk. Honestly, I remember feeling like we were truly just ships passing through the night. It’s jarring and weird and uncomfortable when you realize that you haven’t had a conversation regarding anything other than nursing or temper tanrums or poopy diapers in weeks with your husband. But I think you’re on the right track! Communication is so important, as is recognizing how your hormones and the like play a role in your moods…at least they did for me! Things changed dramatically for me when my second son weaned (just after his first birthday)…like holy cow, I remember how much I actually DO like my husband hahaha.
This is super long-winded, but I just wanted to say that YOU GOT THIS! You guys seem like incredible parents and you’re doing a GREAT job. 🙂
Some kids are sleepers, some are not. My daughter is NOT a sleeper. She rarely independently naps, even now at 20 months old. So I never got a break. She was a preemie born at 29 weeks and then spent almost 2 months in the NICU. Everyone said oh she is already on a schedule it will be easy for you…not so much. She never slept in her bassinet, would only sleep on me. It was a hard…oh 12 months. She still gets up once a night. I will say I refuse to let her cry it out. She had a rough start to life and I just don’t have it in me to let her cry. My husband tried twice (he sent me out of the house two nights in a row) and she screamed so much she damaged her vocal folds, they swelled, and she occluded her airway! So now we aren’t even allowed to let her cry for extended periods of time (she has a little tracheomalacia from her prematurity).
The 2 kids thing gets easier once the baby gets on more consistent nap schedule and you can get them both napping at the same time! It’s at least an hour of heaven! Haha
“but the pain I feel in my mid/upper back is killer at the end of some of the rougher days! Has this happened to any of you!?”
YES!! It does lessen over time but I found that incorporating a lot of postnatal, restorative, or super gentle yoga helped SO much. There are a ton of postnatal/postpartum restorative yoga videos on Youtube and I’m also a huge fan of Yoga with Adriene who has videos for pretty much every body part. I also limited the weights I used during workouts because you really do get quite a workout from taking care of little people all day. So I mostly used my newly postpartum workout time to focus on stretching and restoring instead of muscle building/fat burning (although I recognize what feels good to one mom might not be good for another mom!). Your boys are beautiful and even though you are still in survival mode right now, it will get easier and they will be so much fun!!
I have a 2 year-old and a 3.5 month-old! I feel like I wrote this post, haha. I totally feel you on the cellulite and the destroyed back! It’s so frustrating, but I constantly remind myself that my body has done and is doing amazing things.
I loved every bit of this post! We currently have one child (20 month old son) and are thinking of expanding the family so it is so great for me to be able to read all of this and see your side of things. I was wondering did you buy any new baby items this time? (Stroller, breastfeeding pillow etc) And since this is your second time going through it did you decide certain products were must haves vs no worth it because of your previous experience? Congrats on both of your boys they are so adorable!!!
I love this post! I’m not a parent, but kids are (hopefully) in my near future and love reading about others’ experiences :).
On a totally different note – who do you think Ryder looks like?!
Right now I think he mostly looks like Chase!! 🙂 As far as me or Ryan, Ryder looks a lot like I did as a baby. I also had a mohawk!
Glad you are getting some sleep – I can’t imagine the transition to two without a little sleep! My first is almost 4 months old and I didn’t realize how lucky we were – she had a similar schedule to Ryder and began sleeping 12 hours all of a sudden at 9 or 10 weeks!
Julie you are so great! Thanks for such a lovely and honest post! Our first is 7 months old and I can’t imagine how much busier it gets with two kiddos, because everything you’re saying about connecting with hubby definitely rings true with just one for us right now. So happy for you guys and your beautiful family.
Ohhh newborn sleep. We had our sleep issues with my (now) 14mo when she was in the 3-6 month range. She was SUCH an amazing newborn sleeper, she slept 20 hours a day, slept through the night from day 1, she was absolutely amazing. And yes, I initially tried to wake her in the night to feed but I literally couldn’t. When I told the pediatrician that I was doing everything I could think of to wake her and it wasn’t happening, she told me to just forget it lol. I am terrified that if we have another baby, I’ll get one that doesn’t sleep. I’m not sure how I will handle it! Like I said, we did get our payback in the 3-6 month period but having her sleep immediately after birth when I desperately needed to rest and recover myself was so, so fantastic.
I saw someone else mention it above, but do you wear him? If not, I can’t recommend it enough. You can join baby wearing international for something like $30/year and try out all different kinds of carriers to see which one you like best. It’s kind of like a library for carriers. You can check them out for a month at a time and see what works before committing to buying one. I still use mine, I’m actually using it a LOT lately while she’s getting molars and wants to be held all day. I have a Lillebaby and I just put her on my back and go about my business. It’s a lifesaver for sure!
I have a carrier that I really like but usually just use it to wear him outside of the house — I should use it for inside, too! And that baby wearing international group sounds amazing!!! What a great resource!
As always, thanks for your transparency and for sharing so much with your readers. I have a toddler and will be having a baby in a few months, and I am NERVOUS! Like, what have we done?! But, as you mentioned, it’s about enjoying the moments while also just trying to survive.
I had horrible mid back pain/tingling after having my first baby- I think baby wearing, breastfeeding, and constantly bending over really takes a toll on those muscles (or lack of muscles, in my case).
You are doing an amazing job! Again, thank you for all of this.
It’s definitely a big transition but even though it can feel really overwhelming some days, I truly wouldn’t change it for the world. I hope everything goes well for you as you enter the final months of pregnancy! <3
I can’t believe how much Ryder looks like Ryan! I feel you on the back pain- the struggle is real. I have a 2 year old and a 7.5 month old and I know how you feel! Bed time can feel like a count down some days. I can tell you that it will get easier to have more time with your husband- my littlest is a much better sleeper than my 2 year old was and we were able to start having quality evening time again after baby #2 by 4 months when we were able to get on more of a schedule. I always say, no stage lasts forever, so you will get that time back! So happy that over all things are going well for you:)
How wonderful 🙂 Your family is so beautiful. I also had one great sleeper and one awful sleeper (mine were in the reverse order) and man did it make me realize how little control we really have! haha. My back also kills after the 2nd. I think it is partially picking up the toddler, being more active in that regard, but also way less active in that my abdominal muscles are basically non-existent after 2 back to back. Sometime I am working on now. One question I have – can you share more about your pediatrician testing your breastmilk? I have 2 kids with milk protein allergies and have never heard of that from my pediatrician or in my allergy communities. Milk protein allergy runs in my family and we’re considering a third (who I expect will also have an allergy) so I’d love to know more so I can bring it up with the ped. Thank you!
Oh boy is Mom back pain REAL! I ended up in physical therapy from constantly lugging around my 30lb little guy. He just loves to say “up mama” and how can you say no? You left out what we are all dying to know…will Ryan chop his flowing locks now that Ryder is here (and 8 weeks! time flies!) haha
Thank you for this post! I have a 2 year old and am due with my second in a month, so all of these topics (especially the transition from 1 to 2 kids) has been at the forefront of my mind. I had terrible upper back pain with my first and I would attribute it to breastfeeding posture. A few really good professional massages helped me tremendously!!
Hi Julie! Congrats on your beautiful family! I am expecting my first in November, and would love to hear your thoughts/experiences with family visiting/staying to help. My mom has generously offered to stay with us for 3 months after our baby is born, but I’m worried tht it will be too long, and I will crave family time, but I also don’t know what to expect since it is our first baby! What have your experiences been, and how long did you want/need/have help? I’m really close with my mom and we don’t have other family in the area, so I know this is a huge gift, I am just nervous to commit to it without really understanding our needs once baby comes.
I know this question was directed at Julie but wanted to chime in since I have had my parents stay with me for about 6 weeks after each baby was born (I have 2). My experience was very positive, and my husband and I had a great relationship with my parents leading up to having kids, but I think there are 2 really important questions to ask yourself when thinking about this.
1) Is your house roomy enough that you won’t be on top of each other all the time? It helped for us that we had a dedicated guest room and bathroom for my parents so everyone could have their own space.
2) This is probably most important…is your mom expecting to primarily help with the baby (i.e. holding and playing with the baby) or is she willing to take over everyday household maintenance tasks or whatever you feel you need? And is she comfortable doing those things without a lot of direction from you? I am convinced that what made our experience so positive was that my mom jumped in to do SO many things without even being asked. She did most of the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. so that I could focus on nursing, sleeping, bonding with my babies and recovering from birth, and it was SUCH a blessing to me. I have a lot of friends, though, who realized early on that what their moms were really expecting to do was hold the baby, and they felt resentful that they were stuck doing all the household stuff, which is really what you need help with, especially in the early weeks.
Three months is a long time to commit, so if there’s any way you could commit to less than that up front and then re-assess when the time comes, that would probably be ideal. That said, I ended up asking my mom to stay longer than we had initially planned because it was so great, and it was nice that we were able to get out for a couple of date nights early on before I would have really been comfortable leaving my babies with a sitter. Good luck with whatever you decide! I am having my 3rd in November as well and am already looking forward to my mom staying with us, haha 😉
Hope it’s ok to comment on your post… I had my third baby the beginning of June and my mom stayed with us for 2 months (my husband travels for work and we move cross country the end of July so having her there was a life saver!). If you’re planning on having more kids, my suggestion would be to take a rain check on her amazing offer for when you have a toddler that needs to be cared for and entertained while you care for another newborn. The best part of having your first is not having to share the attention with another little! Congrats and enjoy that sweet baby!
Those early days with 2 are so crazy. I remember laughing about how when my first was a baby, I felt BORED a lot of the time, and when I had my 2nd I had no time to be bored because someone always needed something! It felt nuts at first, but once I got used to the chaos I came to enjoy the faster pace. I also remember the witching hour being so gnarly with my 2nd. My husband would come home from work and just sit in front of the tv and hold him while I put my 2 year old to bed, and I’d hear him just screaming his head off the entire time. Now, though, at 3.5 years and 15 months, it is SO much fun to see my 2 kids starting to really enjoy each other. You are in for such a treat as they both get older, it’s really just the best!! I’m gearing up for my 3rd in November and can’t really even fathom how crazy it’s going to be the third time around, but if there’s one thing you realize once you have multiple kids, it’s that you can pretty much survive anything when you have to!
Oh, also, I had horrible back issues after my 2nd as well. It’s what finally pushed me to do some sleep training to teach my son how to fall asleep on his own, because my back just couldn’t take the bouncing anymore!! It completely cleared up after the bouncing to sleep phase was over. Good luck with everything, you look amazing and Ryder is precious!
It’s good to hear your comparison of both Chase and Ryder as sleepers, because we were not blessed with a naturally good sleeping baby, and I’ve always wondered if we did something wrong, in spite of reading a lot of books. And at 10-months-old, Brady still gets up at night at least once. Oh well! We’ve had a lot of improvement though. I love how in-depth you get in this post, because it’s refreshing to see that things aren’t perfect. Momming is hard, and I can’t imagine juggling two. But the MOST important thing to remember, as you said, is this special time is fleeting. Just keep doing your best! 🙂
Thanks for such a great post, Julie! I really appreciate you sharing so much and being so open and honest. I’m due with our first baby in December so I’m trying to soak up all the knowledge I can now 🙂 I love hearing about how things are going for you, and I’m so glad that everyone is healthy and doing well!
I have a boy who just turned 3 on August 2, and a little girl who is 5 months today. Like you, I remember feeling so disconnected from my husband those first 12 weeks. I actually joked with my mom and sisters that sometimes it felt like women should kick the guys out and just gather together in the early postpartum weeks to care for the baby and any siblings! Haha. But rest assured it does start to “even out” as your baby becomes more predictable and less needy and soon you’ll be back to your regular date nights! (I’m only a few months ahead of you and I really noticed a difference once my little girl was almost 4 months). Thanks for another great post! Always love to read what you write!
I so appreciate you sharing all of this! I hope to have a family with multiple kids, and even though that day isn’t in the super immediate future, reading about your experience is so helpful. I know every baby, family dynamic, situation, etc. is different, but just having some sort of idea on what it’s like to have two kids around is super interesting and informative. Thank you so much for the bazillion words – I appreciate every little piece of insight I can get!
Your long posts are always enjoyable so don’t apologize! I have two kiddos, 25 months apart. They are now almost 5 and almost 3! It does feel like chaos as you get used to juggling two little ones. But, i think having multiple children is wonderful in that they learn to share from the beginning-because they share YOU! They have to learn to be patient and content when you cannot meet their ‘need’ right away 🙂 And once your boys get older they will love having a play friend!!
Yes to the back pain! all the bending, nursing, heavier breasts, losing weight in your abdomen from after delivery, and picking up toddler just made my back SCREAM at the end of the day. Stretching, using a pillow to support while nursing, and light back exercise and abdomen strengthening exercises helped some. But honestly just part of it is par for the course. Your boys are very loved and it is so evident you love them so well. And continue communicating with your husband-even small snippets of conversation is helpful. Along with early kiddo bedtimes 🙂
Out of curiosity what kind of test did your pediatrician do on your milk? My 14 month old had a milk/soy protein allergy (and is still allergic to the dairy protein) but we didn’t figure that out until I cut out dairy and then soy and his nasty rashes, constant pooping and screaming (he was in pain trying to digest it) stopped. They told me they couldn’t test for it since it isn’t a true allergy but an intolerance and that he’d more than likely eventually outgrow it. Just wondering if there is a way to test him as we try to get dairy into his diet without causing him pain. And I miss cheese, ha! Thanks!
Massage, stretches and chiropractic visits are what saved my back with newborns!
After 5 years of infertility and kissing 4 babies, we just adopted our first precious baby boy! He was born July 30. I’d love to see a post on your current baby must-haves! I completely clueless but in love with motherhood!
Oh Karley I am so happy for you!!! Congratulations on your precious little guy!! <3 And I'll try to get a post about this up soon! Love the idea!
That sucks Ryan only got one week off! We just had a baby on Friday and my husband is taking two week off which just seems so short. Paternity and maternity leave need to be better in this country! Have you considered hiring a cleaning person to come clean your house? It’s a bit of a splurge but we hired one a few months ago and it has been so worth it! She comes every other week and deep cleans the entire house and we have more time to spend together and with our kids on the weekends.
First things first — congratulations on your little one!!! I hope you’re feeling okay and healing well!! <3
As for house cleaning -- I had someone deep clean our house right before we had Ryder after a blog reader suggested it and it was AMAZING. I'd love to have someone come 4x a year for a deep clean because I now realize what a huge difference it makes. Definitely keeping it on my radar because our house could really use some attention!
What an exciting time in your life, Julie! I don’t have any children of my own yet, but that’s the hope, and I love following in your journey! You, Ryan, Chase, and Ryder are a beautiful family, and it sounds like you are doing a great job as a mom AND a wife!
Thank you for this post! I have a two week old baby and almost three year old (both boys, too!) so it’s interesting and helpful to see what may be just around the corner for us.
You mentioned Ryder “waking up”… when would you say that happened? Our little one sleeps so much and I’m trying to remember how long that lasts!
Right around 3-4 weeks! 🙂 And congrats on your little one! I hope things are going well for you guys so far amid the chaos!! <3
I had my son the day after you had Ryder, I believe, and I also have a toddler, so I love being able to read these updates because they look so much like my own life right now! YES on the back problems being way worse with my second baby (it’s been getting really bad—I started doing some core work over the last couple weeks, and I’m hoping that will help), and YES on the feeling that there literally isn’t a chance or time or opportunity to do everything, or to do even a fraction of what I did before. I remember with my first that things started to settle down significantly once she hit 3 months, so I’m hoping for a similar experience this time. Loved the update!
I totally feel you on the back pain – I had it majorly after my son. What helped me was foam rolling my upper back for a few minutes every day, doing some very light body weight back strengthening exercises daily, and trying to rest it as much as possible (aka handing off the baby when someone else is around). It slowly improved over a few months. I also started going to the chiropractor, which was very helpful.
Thanks for sharing! I really appreciate your note about some babies being good sleepers and some babies being not so good sleepers. I have a recently turned 4 year old and a 5 month old and my first was a pretty good sleeper, but my second at 5 months is still up 2 and sometimes 3 times at night which has been so hard! It was a nice reminder that all babies are different and his time will come to be a good sleeper as well. Here’s to hoping it’s sooner as opposed to later ;0)
The second baby is a total game changer. I feel like it’s so much easier to adjust to the actual baby “stuff” with the 2nd, but adjusting to life with two little ones is really HARD! They both have different needs at the same time, and there is really no break. It did get easier when the baby started going to bed at the same time as the toddler (i don’t remember exactly when this started though). Mine are 4 and 2 year old now and it has gotten A LOT easier (still not easy but awesome). They are the best pals.
I love this post. As a recent mom of two boys as well (3 weeks postpartum), I agree with the chaos. Thankfully my husband gets a good paternity leave, so he has basically taken over my SAHM duties with my toddler while I focus on nursing, which sounds pretty similar to your experience – mostly good, but sometimes I spend all day nursing. And I also agree with the postpartum body thing – I’m fairly close to my pre-pregnancy weight, but not my pre-pregnancy body. My husband and I had several miscarriages and adopted our first, so I actually find that I’m showing off the last bit of my baby body with my little pooch with the same tight tops I wore in pregnancy to show off my belly. I birthed a human, and that’s awesome. I also love sharing the experience with my toddler. He was a real handful the first week we brought our second home, but he is doing much better (as are we), and is now so sweet. This morning he even read books with me while I nursed instead of jumping on me! Although, in the interest of full disclosure, he did start playing monkeys jumping on the bed shortly after. . .
Thank you! I am a mama with a frost baby who was a terrible sleeper (and at 3 still struggles!) I am currently 36 weeks with (surprise) baby no 2. I have been stressing for months worried this new one will be a tough sleeper and how I will do that by myself (hubs works nights)! Your post at least gave me some hope things might be different this time around!
Love your update! I’m a couple days away from 8 weeks PP with baby boy #3 and pretty similar with having 12 to 15 pounds to pre-baby weight. You’re a great reminder that it takes time and to focus on nursing and kids while incorporating pre baby fitness. Would love to see some of your favorite post-partum routines!
MAD respect for writing so many great posts with two little ones, and responding to so many comments! I love your thoughts about embracing your body at every stage and trusting in its wisdom, and your advice for new moms to not get stuck in comparison. Thank you for sharing!
Caught myself smiling when I finished reading this. Sounds like you’re doing awesome and adjusting perfectly well to a family of four. Just like the sleep all the phases are short(ish) and come to an end, and then morph into something else! Date nights are so important and will continue to be but it’s so hard early on! You’ll get there! So happy for you. Ryder is precious!
I love this and can relate to so much. Love seeing you all as a family of four! Where does Ryder sleep? Not to scare you (every baby is different) but my second son slept really well from two weeks until six months…in his rock n play. Once he outgrew it, it was a nightmare getting him to sleep in his crib (he wouldn’t until 12 months and only for a one hour nap). I Co slept or held him from six months til 12 and almost lost my mind. He naps two hours in his crib now but up until his brother was in full day school, it was a major struggle
Squirting milk, super sore baby bums, and even more sore mama’s back! You are speaking my language in this post Julie! 🙂 Congrats on Ryder! Just had my first 2 weeks after you and loving her so much, especially for sleeping similar stretches to Ryder. Motherhood is incredible. So happy you’re all doing well!
Hey Julie! I can totally relate- my oldest is 3 and our baby is 10 months now. The transition to 2 is tough. One of my mom friends told me that I’ll feel “in the thick of it” til the baby is at least 1, and I appreciated her honesty. Though things at 10 months are definitely easier than the newborn phase, things are stillborn pretty chaotic here! I would love to read a post sometime about clothes that are working well for you postpartum. I am sooo fashion challenged and always think you do such a great job with that! At 10 months I still have a belly (which is mostly skin so I may never lose it I guess) but a lot of my pre-preg clothes cling too much and I feel like I don’t know what to wear. Thanks for all your hard work on the blog, it’s hard to keep up with my real life friends since we all have kids now so I always love reading your posts since it makes me feel like I’m chatting with a friend!
Seems like you are doing a great job!!! Thanks so much for sharing. I don’t usually comment but I wanted to mention that you might want to think about seeing a pelvic floor physio. I was cleared to exercise by my doctor and an exercise professional also checked out my abs and said I was fine. But when my baby was 6months old my back pain was still really bad so I went to a postpartum pelvic floor physio and she helped SO much! (I had no symptoms ie I wasn’t peeing when jumping or anything like that). I wasn’t turning on my abs correctly and my hips were still kind of messed up from pregnancy. I know you are a trained professional and are highly aware of your body so maybe this doesn’t apply to you but thought it might be worth a mention!! Wishing you easy days and long stretches or sleep!
What you are doing is amazing! My youngest just turned one and my oldest just turned 3 and I had a really hard time being home with both of them on my maternity leave. I kept my daughter in daycare some days and my husband also got home around 4 and I was so ready for a helping hand by that time. Hang in there because it does get better….maybe not easier but you get better at it. I’m now dealing with the threenager and very mobile but not quite walking toddler but finally able to get into a normal routine and focus on myself a bit. 🙂