There’s something about our youngest child’s birthday that brings about a swirl of reflective emotions. Has it really been three years since I’ve held a newborn in my arms? Are we really three years removed from the baby days? Is my baby really no longer a baby anymore!? All of the above answers are true but, at the same time, my babies will always be my babies.
As a child and as I grew up, my dad would always say to me, “You’ll always be my little girl.” The sentiment behind those words felt stronger to me than I think he realized. Now, as an adult, I feel a new sense of intensity behind his words. While on the surface they seem like a father assuring his daughter she’ll always have her dad, now that I’m a mother, I feel the depth of what he may have been trying to convey. I feel it fiercely for my sons. They’ll always be my babies. They’ll always have their mother behind them, cheering them on, loving them unconditionally, supporting them, encouraging them, learning from them, growing with them, praying for them and wanting the absolute best for them.
Rhett is three years old and while three seems so old compared to the gurgly baby days, at the same time, it seems so very young. Though we’re convinced Rhett thinks he’s every bit as big and capable as his big brothers, moments pop up every single day that make us realize our little guy is still just that… little.
He still needs and wants Mom a million times a day for love and comfort. His playful personality will turn on a dime if something tragic happens… ya know like a granola bar breaking in half. He’s exploring his independence with a ferocity he exclaims in a yell-scream — “I do it myself!” (And may your patience reach new heights if you don’t let him try.)
Rhett’s vocabulary exploded right after his second birthday and it’s been so fun to be able to talk to him and watch him learn and grow and communicate in new ways. Rhett says the cutest things from the moment he wakes up and I always look forward to going into his room in the morning because I never know what he’s going to say. A lot of the time he’ll begin his day by telling me, “I love Peppy” (our dog), reminding me, “Moon goes down, sun comes up! It’s morning time!” or asking about the weather. “It rainy today? A nice day? It sunny this day?”
Ryan and I joke that the volume at which our children communicate seems to have only increased with each child we’ve had. I have no doubt birth order plays a huge role in this because the squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that but daaang does Rhett love a good yell-talk.
Rhett is fascinated by his big brothers, animals, cooking and baking with me in the kitchen, cars and trucks (especially garbage trucks, fire trucks, Jeeps, Porches and Mini Coopers aka “Mini Groupers”), books, Picasso Tiles, trains, Pepper, puzzles, Biggie Beads, coloring, dancing, cutting paper, swimming, water slides, “helping” Mom and blowing off the driveway with Dad. Talking with Rhett, reading with Rhett, playing with Rhett… it’s all just so yummy at this age. Peak cuteness for sure!
Rhett also loves school and talks a lot about his preschool teachers and friends. His amazing teachers have praised Rhett’s listening skills, willingness to help, kindness toward his classmates and his ability to self-entertain at preschool and I cannot wait for Rhett to fall in love with preschool even more now that he’ll be going four mornings a week this fall! He’s a social kid whose interest is instantly piqued by trying new things and preschool has been the most incredible thing for him. He still doesn’t love separating from me at drop-offs (I blame Covid for this as he wasn’t separated from me as early or as often as his big brothers) but Rhett rallies quickly and his teachers assure me his fussiness stops within a minute of me leaving. He just wants to make sure I get hit with a little mom-guilt at drop-offs.
Three-Year-Old Challenges
Ryan and I often joke that Rhett did not get the “chill baby” memo that often seems to come along with having a third child. From day one, Rhett has kept us on our toes and is not the laidback third child you hear so much about. He plays hard, laughs hard, screams hard, resists hard and loves hard which makes him so wonderfully fun but so intensely exhausting sometimes, too. Please know I share this from a place of overwhelming love for our big-hearted, big-feeling little guy.
If something sets Rhett off it can be hard for him to come around and find his calm again. I quickly learned that when Rhett has these moments of intense emotions, the best way to help him calm down is to drop everything, hold him, love on him and then distract him with a story, something silly, etc. While this sounds like a fool-proof plan, it can be challenging when you’re alone with three kids, rushing out the door on a busy morning or trying to get basically anything done around the house. I’ve always said mothering Rhett is easy if all I have to do is mother Rhett. Isn’t that the truth about parenting young kids in general though? It’s often all the other stuff that makes parenting feel hard whereas when we’re able to drop everything and focus solely on our children, it feels so purely wonderful.
One of our other more recent challenges we’ve had is Rhett’s nap time. Oh my gosh you guys, Rhett fights his naps with such intensity. He screams his little face off when he sees me coming his way to scoop him up for nap time and while I can always get him to calm down and settle with a few stories before putting him in his crib, he rarely sleeps these days. Rhett will happily remain in his crib for more than an hour quietly playing but I feel like a child this young still needs a nap, right!? Chase and Ryder napped until they were almost four so this is blowing my mind. Rhett honestly doesn’t seem tired at all when it’s nap time but then around 4:30 p.m. every day the fussiness and neediness kicks in and I can tell he needs more sleep. It’s a challenge I don’t anticipate ending soon as Rhett will be in preschool until 1 p.m. and Chase’s school pickup is around 2:40 p.m. so when is this kid supposed to nap during the school year?! One blessing of Covid for our family was having Ryan working from home so he could stay with the monitor while Rhett slept so this is a new(ish) challenge for us. Last year I occasionally paid a neighbor to sit in our house for one hour in the afternoon when she was available so I could do Chase’s school pick-up while Rhett slept but she’s not available often so it’s tricky business. Right now early bed times for Rhett are the answer to our no-nap dilemma but man oh man I wish I could count on regular naps for our little guy.
Little Brother Life
We adore little brother Rhett! He thinks Chase and Ryder are the COOLEST and when they’re all playing together, Rhett fuses his big brothers together and refers to them as “Chase-Ryder.” He observes them in a way that makes it so obvious he’s soaking up everything they do and committing it to memory so he can try to do it all, too.
He’s brave and adventurous and never shies away from attempting something his big brothers are doing, even if the skill or activity is well out of his (almost) three-year-old wheelhouse. This is amazing because Rhett is always learning and growing and tackling new skills but it can also be challenging. We don’t want Rhett to feel like we’re holding him back but there’s that whole “keeping you safe” thing that can make Mom and Dad feel like a wet blanket to Rhett sometimes.
We’ve learned to let Rhett try what he wants to try (when it’s safe) and he’ll often shock us with his abilities and determination. Case in point: Rhett’s swimming! His swimming skills absolutely skyrocketed this summer. Though we still require him to wear a life jacket in the lake and ocean, in the pool he’s life jacket-free and can jump in and swim to us and jump off the side of the pool and swim to the ladder. When height restrictions don’t limit him, he’ll go on any waterslide he can and smile so big the whole way down. It’s so fun to watch and when I wear goggles and watch Rhett swim underwater, it’s even more fun because the kid honestly grins from ear to ear when he swims underwater. We call him our little guppy and he’s certainly taken to the pool in a new and crazy-fun way this summer!
As far as Rhett’s relationship with his big brothers, it’s different depending on the brother and how many brothers he’s playing with at once. In terms of one-on-one play, the five-year age gap between Rhett and Chase means that Rhett looks to Chase for help and security a little bit more. Chase is patient and inclusive with Rhett and likes showing him new skills and games. Rhett also loves bringing books to Chase for Chase to read to him which never ceases to melt my mama heart.
The two-year age gap between Rhett and Ryder means there’s a lot more passion involved in their dynamic. This passion can be wonderful — they laugh so hard and play so creatively together — but it can also be challenging as no one elicits intense screams from Rhett more than Ryder. This often boils down to Rhett interrupting whatever Ryder is doing and Ryder telling him “no” which, at almost three-years-old, is basically the worst word in the entire world to Rhett. (Their dynamic reminds me so much of Chase and Ryder’s dynamic at this age when Ryder was in Rhett’s shoes.)
Rhett copies Ryder all day long and has picked up on a lot of Ryder’s interests, making them his own. Rhett noticed Ryder’s love for puzzling and quickly learned to fly through Melissa & Doug puzzles beside Ryder while his big brother tackles bigger puzzles. When Chase is at school and Rhett has Ryder to himself, he follows Ryder everywhere. They have the loudest and cutest dance parties together and will line up cars and trains and come up with the most creative games to play. Rhett is often happy to listen to Ryder’s ideas and I’ve found myself telling Ryder to give Rhett a “job” when they play because Rhett does really well with listening to Ryder’s suggestions and it seems to prevent fights when they have separate roles in their playtime. (Fights over coveted toys are still the most intense fights they have around here.)
Having three boys, three brothers, is truly one of the absolute biggest blessings in my life. I pray so hard that the closeness they share right now lasts a lifetime and watching their relationships grow and strengthen brings me so much joy. While Rhett is too young to fully grasp the concept of gratitude, he doesn’t seem to be too young to realize his big brothers are his favorite playmates and clearly loves them so, so much. It’s a feeling that is 100 percent reciprocated.
Random Things to Remember
- Favorite Foods: Yogurt, pouches, cucumbers, carrots, ice cream, chicken nuggets, toast with butter and honey, fresh or dried mango, Simple Mills almond flour crackers, Bobo’s chocolate chip bites, lollipops
- Favorite Color: Green
- Favorite Books: Little Excavator, Pete the Cat Books, any seek-and-find books, Little Blue Truck Leads the Way (he cracks up at the line, “Better move it Little Beeper!”)
- Favorite Song: “This Little Light of Mine”
- Favorite Show: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Octonauts
- Favorite Animal: Dogs
- Wake Up Time/Bed Time: Bedtime is right around 7:30 p.m. but when he doesn’t nap, he’ll go to bed as early as 6:15 p.m. Wake up time is around 7 a.m.
Likes
- His big brothers
- Pepper (aka “Peppy”)
- Cars, trucks and trains
- Outdoor adventures
- Riding his bike
- Books
- Building with magnetic tiles and blocks
- Imagination games
- Lining up various little toys
- Puzzles
- Coloring, painting and craft projects
- Cooking and baking with Mom
- Biggie Beads
- Dancing
Dislikes
- Initial separation from Mom
- Being told “no”
- When his big brothers have something he wants
- Naps
Three-Year-Old Favorites
- Munchkin Color Lab Bath Toys (a slam dunk for Rhett right now and my current go-to gift for 2-to-3-year-olds)
- Glider Airplanes
- Picasso Tiles
- Surprise Inside Bath Bombs
- Bike (He loves his bike with training wheels and his Balance Bike)
- Scooter
- Plasma Car
- Biggie Beads
- Zebco Fishing Rod (great for first-time anglers learning to cast)
- Water Doodle Mat
- Bounce House
- Cars and Trucks
- Water WOW! Activity Pads
- Trains + Train Table
- LeapFrog Laptop
- Melissa & Doug Take-A-Long Tools
- Arts and Crafts Supplies (Pip-Squeaks Marker Tower, KwikStix, etc.)
- Children’s Knives (for “helping” in the kitchen)
Past Rhett/Baby #3 Updates
- Rhett’s Birth Story
- One Month with Rhett
- Favorite Baby Items for Baby #3 (That I Didn’t Use for Our First Two Babies)
- The Transition from 2 to 3 Kids: Q&A
- 6 Month Update
- 7 Months Postpartum Update
- 9 Month Update
- One Year Update
- Rhett is Two!
- Life with 3 Kids: 1.5 Years In (Part One)
- Life with 3 Kids: 1.5 Years In (Part Two)
- How We Handle Potty Training
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This is such a sweet update as Rhett turns 3! It’s fun to see how your boys are similar but also the distinct parts of their individual personalities. I feel excited for them to have the bond they do and each other growing up. Having a sibling is so special!
On a personal note, I am 37 and not married and do not have children but I want and hope for both badly. I know I cannot relate to your pain of experiencing so much loss via miscarriages but I remember when you wrote about your most recent miscarriage, you put to words my own struggle with singleness, which has been a particular pain point for me, when you said “my heart cannot take this anymore.”
I have thought about that line so many times. I think things like miscarriage and in my case, singleness, and the toll they take are so isolating because they are experiences some have a very difficult time relating to and by extension, I think they are easily minimized and invalidated which hurts. I cannot relate to your experience of a miscarriage and don’t want to conflate the two, but I can related to your feelings that your heart cannot take something anymore and I am grateful you said those words.
You and your family have experienced a lot of loss. Thanks again for sharing your heart (which is scary to do on the internet).
Warmly, Deanna
My heart goes out to you Deanna. I felt that singleness so deeply in my mid 30s and the thing I wanted most was a husband/partner and second-most was children. As such, I tried SO hard to date. I took it really seriously and forced myself to go on many dates and really put myself out there. It was exhausting and discouraging and it is so incredibly frustrating when there is something you want SO badly and are willing to work SO hard for it, but you ultimately have zero control. And not to mention that it seems like it came so easily to so many others. I ended up freezing my eggs (35 is the ideal age, so 37 is still good and if you can’t afford it, something like cofertility.com could be an option.) And I am soooo grateful to be able to report that after all that heartache and loneliness and worry that it’ll never happen for me, it eventually did! And I hope it does for you too. <3
Thank you, Jen for your words. I’ve read them about 6 times. You get it and it’s such a comfort to me. Singleness is exhausting and discouraging and like you, I’ve put a lot of effort into dating which is so hard and takes a lot of work and yes, it seems to come so easily to others. I am so happy that both a husband and kids happened for you, and it gives me hope that it can still happen for me, too. Thank you again for taking the time to share these words and your experience – they are more encouraging and hopeful to me than I can say <3
I’ve read Julie’s posts for years and have never commented, but I saw your thoughtful comment and had to. This is incredibly random, but a good friend of mine is also 37, single and looking for a partner and a family. I feel like God works in such mysterious ways that who knows, what if he could be your person? If you want to email me (emilyd.day@gmail.com) we can chat about it!
God does work in mysterious ways. I sent you an email Emily 🙂
Emily + Deanna, this exchange felt made me smile so much. <3 If anything comes of this, I would love to be in the loop. Throwing up extra prayers and positive wishes!
Deanna, this comment is so full of love, compassion, selflessness and warmth and the way you wrote with such kindness and empathy when you yourself have been hurting in a different way truly touched me. Truthfully, I’ve thought about your comment for days (I initially read it when I was out and about and have been meaning to circle back) and just wanted you to know you’ve been on my mind and heart. Everyone is carrying something and I so appreciate your openness and willingness to share more with me in such a loving way. I truly am thinking of you, praying for you and wishing you the very, very best and for your heart to feel a little less squeezed.
Thank you for these words, Julie. I appreciate your prayers and kindness more than I can find a way to put words to. I have screenshots of every response in this thread to help lift me up that I have read them all so many times. The genuine empathy and care from you and Jen, and Emily reignites a feeling of hope in a space in my life that has felt so hopeless and lonely to me.
I absolutely love when you do these special posts about your boys. What a great keepsake they will be for years to come for all of you to look back on. I hope Rhett has the best 3rd birthday and year ahead. Can’t wait to her how your weekend away went.
Drop the nap! My son stopped napping when he was 2, the pediatrician told me it was perfectly normal. Some kids stop needing naps earlier than others. It might help you without the daily struggle 🙂
It really would! We have our 3yo checkup on Fri and I’m definitely planning to ask our pediatrician about it, too!
Both of my kids stopped napping at 3. Kids are smart and will adjust. Wouldn’t stress about it!🙂
Thanks, Whitney!! It seems we’re headed in that direction!
Happy Birthday Rhett!! My daughter, who turns 4 next week, stopped napping basically the day she turned 3. (I joke that a switch flipped on her birthday and she decided she was done with napping). I mourned the loss of the nap at first, but have come to love it. Bedtime is MUCH easier when she doesn’t nap and we get to do fun things during the day without worrying about being home for naptime.
YESSSS not having to navigate a middle-of-the-day nap does sound so freeing!! I think Rhett is ready so I have a feeling we’ll end up in the same boat. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Happy birthday to Rhett! Our youngest, and 3rd kiddo, also recently turned three, and I SO relate to the spirited nature that you’ve described. We do not have a chill kiddo either – lots of passion and opinions over here. You’re a great mom, and I love reading (and relating) to these posts.
I will never forget when Ryan renamed Rhett “Sour Patch Kid” on our baby monitor during a particularly spicy phase. Haha! These sweet and spicy kids keep ya on your toes, that’s for sure!
Our son (who will be 3 in October) fought naps this summer. I started giving him his older sister’s mp3 player with kid music and headphones that he will sometimes play with in the car. He will fall asleep most times listening and having the headphones to zone out. This may not be the safest thing (although we’ve never had an issue) because of the cord but most I’ll go in and check on him frequently. We’ve also played around with sleeping in the sleeping bag on the floor and other ways to make nap a little more “fun.” 😊
My second born son (who is also a firecracker!) dropped his nap right around 3, maybe even a little before. We figured it was partially FOMO, but it does make bedtime easier and freed up our afternoons for any kind of adventure, plus was one less “task” to complete. Now I kind of can’t wait until my third is done napping! It’s tough with babies/toddlers + elementary pickups.
YES to the FOMO!! I think that’s a huge part of it for Rhett. He’s so aware of his big brothers and doesn’t want to miss a thing.
PS. Our daughter also stopped napping around 3 but we had another child who was 19 months younger who desperately needed to still nap (for him and us). What I started to do is call “nap time” quiet time in her room for her. Her room only had quiet toys, books, etc in it. So she had to be in her room for 1 hour. She would look forward to that time – she would do so much imaginative play, sometimes would fall asleep, but always listened. The way I got her to know that an hour had passed was I used a visual timer (similar to these on amazon – I am in no way affiliated with or receive compensation for providing this link; there is even one with animals on it): https://www.amazon.com/s?k=visual+timer+for+kids&crid=2JR413VJRUHMC&sprefix=visual+timer%2Caps%2C125&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_2_12. Maybe this idea would help for Rhett to take some downtime without it feeling like a battle for you. Just an idea.
I LOVE that this timer is visual!!!!!! We’ve used timers but the fact that they can see when it’s up I think would be very helpful for Rhett. Thank you for sharing!
Happy 7th…. I mean 3rd Birthday Rhett!!! 🙂
“ya know like a granola bar breaking in half” ~ that cracked me up.
Happy Birthday Rhett! Hoping you had the best birthday a 3 year old could hope for 😊
The comment on how everything else in life makes children hard and if we could just focus on them it would be so wonderful is so true!! ❤️❤️
Also how did you teach your boys to swim? And at such an early age! I would love my 2 1/2 year old daughter to be able to swim that well!
Hi Larissa!! We are HUGE believers in ISR and that made the biggest difference for our kids and swimming. Also, the 2(ish) weeks we spend in Florida in the summer is HUGE for their swimming development because they’re truly in the pool every single day (sometimes multiple times a day) and that repetition really seems to work the best for them.