Ryder’s birth story feels like a small part of the way he entered the world. He arrived quickly on a hot and sunny Monday afternoon and we were certain the next few days would include hours of baby cuddles as we soaked up every second with our newborn son.
We had four wonderful hours in our labor and delivery room with Ryder before everything began to change. Chase and my mom came by to meet Ryder about two hours after he was born and Chase was so unbelievably sweet and tender with his baby brother. He called Ryder “his baby” and was so excited to check him out with his new doctor’s kit. Dr. Chase assured us Ryder was “very healfy.”
I remember speaking with my dad on the phone hours before Ryder was whisked away to the NICU and I told him everything was perfect. Months of anxiety finally began to dissipate. Ryder was completely healthy and I felt as good as can be expected after labor. We could all finally relax and soak up the intense happiness that comes after a beautiful baby is born.
Around 6:30 p.m., we were told it was time for us to move out of the labor and delivery room to another room in the Mother/Baby section of the hospital. Ryan, Chase and my mom transported our bags and our nurse pushed me and Ryder to our new room in a wheelchair. As she pushed us, she took note of Ryder’s rapid breathing and inquired about his grunting.
Our nurse asked if the grunting was something we’d noticed occurring regularly since his birth. I said I noticed his rapid breathing but the grunting seemed to occur intermittently. She seemed concerned but not too alarmed. She called for another nurse to look at Ryder when we arrived in our new room. The nurses took his vitals and checked his blood sugar. It became increasingly clear something wasn’t right and I felt my whole body become tense. Fear began to creep in as they called the pediatric nurse practitioner.
At this point I felt overwhelmed by our crowded room and asked my mom to take Chase home. I could see her concern for Ryder escalating along with ours and she encouraged me to ask for more people to check on Ryder if I sensed something was wrong after she left. My mom is a nurse and seeing her concern along with the nurses’ concern made me quickly realize this wasn’t something small.
Shortly after my mom left with Chase, the nurses informed me that after speaking with the nurse practitioner, they wanted to take Ryder back to the NICU. They weren’t sure what this would mean and whether or not he’d be admitted. We were told to wait in our room while they took him because the NICU was incredibly busy on Monday evening. We asked for updates whenever my nurse came into our room and waited two hours to hear anything about our baby.
We tried hard to be patient and understanding but not knowing how Ryder was doing or what was going on with him allowed the fear I began feeling before they took him away to build and build. I prayed hard for our baby boy and reached out to very close family and friends to keep them updated and ask for support and prayers.
At around 9:30 p.m., the pediatric nurse practitioner came into our room. She informed us that Ryder was admitted to the NICU and an x-ray of his chest determined that he had possible meconium and fluid in his lungs. His x-ray was very concerning and what she said scared us. She mentioned breathing tubes and feeding tubes. She mentioned a possible transfer to a bigger hospital and the need for a ventilator if he didn’t show improvement.
We were then escorted to the NICU. I asked so many questions and tried to suppress the anxiety and fear that continued to build inside of me. We entered the dark NICU and were surrounded by beeping machines and buzzing monitors. Ryder was in an infant radiant warmer in the farthest corner of the room and we walked over to his station to find our tiny baby hooked up to a CPAP respiratory support machine to assist with his breathing as well as a feeding tube, an IV for antibiotics and other monitors.
Just hours before we were holding our baby in our hospital room and now we were looking at a face covered in tubes and could barely make out our son’s features under his machines. It was alarming and scary and I felt so incredibly helpless.
The nurse practitioner explained that monitoring Ryder through the night would tell us a lot. She said they were going to perform a follow up x-ray in the morning to check on his lungs. She said his body would need to work to reabsorb the meconium or fluid overnight and we would know a lot more from a second x-ray.
I was then told I should begin pumping if I hoped to nurse Ryder to stimulate colostrum and milk production. Leaving our baby in the NICU was excruciating. Ryan stayed with Ryder while I went back to our room and a nurse brought out a large pump and walked me through pumping. I got a small amount of colostrum from the first pump and was told to pump every three hours. Every subsequent pump was more and more discouraging as I got less and less colostrum. The lactation consultants and nurses assured me this was normal but I began to worry that the one thing I felt like I could do to help our baby while he was fighting so hard wasn’t going to be a success. I wanted to badly to do something and not getting anything from pumping for several days in a row was very hard.
We went back and forth from the NICU several times during that first night between pumping sessions. After my 4 a.m. pumping session, we received what we felt like was our first bit of really, really good news. Ryder was responding well to his treatments and the oxygen level he required had been reduced. His x-ray was coming within two hours so we prayed the positive course he seemed to be on would continue and his x-ray would give us another boost of good news.
After the NICU morning shift change where no one is permitted in the NICU from 6:30 – 7:30 a.m., we entered the NICU and were met by the nurse practitioner who greeted us and delivered some amazing news. She said Ryder’s x-ray showed dramatic improvement and wheeled over a computer with two images. The first image showed blackness in our baby’s right lung. The second image showed a foggy gray lung but very little blackness. She assured us this was a very, very good thing and that Ryder’s progress was wonderful. She said his body was clearly working hard and responding well enough to his treatments to take him off the CPAP and change his oxygen support to a nasal cannula later that morning. To say we were relieved would be a serious understatement!
The next few days that Ryder spent in the NICU passed by in a blur of questions, answers, worry and hope. We learned quickly we were not going to get a timeline for Ryder’s release but that his release from the NICU would depend greatly on small bits of progress achieved through milestones (removal of the nasal cannula, removal of his IV, removal of his feeding tubes, etc.) and these milestones would come little by little, day by day.
We leaned on the NICU nurses and felt so grateful for the care they gave to our boy and their knowledge, compassion and expertise. They were the first ones to hear Ryder’s name when we selected it after the first time we were able to hold him in our arms. They heard all of our name options as we waffled back and forth for two days and it became increasingly clear they were all pulling for the name Ryder. We knew it had to be the one!
We also spoke at length with the other parents in the NICU and were amazed by their strength. I know our experience pales in comparison with what many other parents and babies go through in the NICU and we know we are so, so lucky. We all expressed our intense admiration for the resilience of our incredible babies. It’s amazing how strong such tiny little babies can be!
The day I was permitted to attempt nursing Ryder was wonderful but it coincided with the day we were told we were going to be discharged from the hospital without Ryder.
I was a mess and driving home without our baby tucked snuggly in his car seat was horrible but as we left we held onto the hope and the knowledge that we WOULD be bringing Ryder home with us.
We drove to and from the hospital to visit Ryder for hours and I nursed him as much as possible. The timing of nursing Ryder seemed to coincide with the timing of my milk coming in which was a big blessing. I still kept up with pumping but finally started to see a mix of colostrum and milk drip into the bottles which alleviated a bit of the stress I felt surrounding nursing and the ability to hopefully breastfeed Ryder.
Once we were discharged from the hospital we assumed we would be driving back and forth from the hospital until Ryder was released from the NICU so we were absolutely shocked and so, so relieved when the nurse practitioner approached us with another option that arose the day after we were discharged.
She told us that the hospital rooms were not as busy as they were the day before and that we could be readmitted to the hospital as Ryder’s guests. Since Ryder was now off of breathing and feeding tubes (huge milestones!), she said he could stay in a room with us but he would still be closely monitored until he was ready to be released. It was the BEST news and such a blessing.
The ability to cuddle with Ryder as much as we wanted, nurse him whenever he showed signs of hunger and spend some time with our newborn baby in a private room was incredible and I’m so grateful our hospital was able to make this an option for our family.
My mom and Chase came to visit us in our room once we were settled and Chase finally got to see Ryder for the first time since their brief meeting after Ryder was born. During Chase’s past visits to see me and Ryan at the hospital when Ryder was in the NICU, Chase would come into our room, look around and immediately ask, “Where is my baby?” so it was really wonderful to be able to reunite Chase with his brother and watch them interact.
Chase has been so sweet and tender with Ryder (although trying to get him to understand that Ryder’s name is Ryder Thomas and not JUST Thomas took some time!) and I cannot wait to watch Chase and Ryder grow up together.
The day we got the news Ryder would be going home with us was fantastic. Watching Ryan walk up our driveway holding onto Ryder’s car seat with our baby buckled inside made my heart soar.
Seeing Sadie run around and curiously sniff our new baby was the best. Listening to Chase call Ryder his brother and watching him kiss him on the head and said, “I love you Baby Ryder” made me melt. My boys!
My heart is so full and I am so grateful. Bring on the cuddles and the chaos!
***
There’s no way I can share this update without including another huge THANK YOU to all of you for your support, prayers and kindness. The personal stories you shared with me about your babies and NICU experiences, whether they were short or very, very long, meant the world to me. They helped me so much during a time when I felt so scared and more anxious than I ever have before.
You reassured me and lifted me up and I felt your love and your strength through your comments, messages and emails. THANK YOU. I referenced your comments and experiences to Ryan and my family over and over again because so much of what you said and shared with me detailed exactly what I was feeling and exactly what we were going through at any given time. I appreciate you taking the time to pray for our family, leave a supportive comment and share such personal experiences with me more than you can possibly understand. You all helped me so, so much.
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So happy for your family! Having followed you through the heartbreak of miscarriages, through the trepidation during pregnancy, my heart felt for you when I heard he was in nicu. But your faith is truly inspiring and you are a light in this sometimes very dark world! It is a blessing to have your encouragement on a daily basis. Congratulations on Ryder. Two boys are so much fun!
“although trying to get him to understand that Ryder’s name is Ryder Thomas and not JUST Thomas took some time!” —> This kid!!! I laughed out loud at this. Chase’s little personality is just the best! I have two brothers and I just love them to death– they’ve been very close, even more so as they’ve grown into adults. Brothers are awesome! Congratulations on your new addition– i’m so glad to hear everyone is home and healthy!
Yea for happy endings! Blessings to your lovely family.
Ahh Julie! I am sitting at my desk at work reading this with tears streaming down my face. I am so happy baby Ryder is healthy. You are an incredibly strong momma, and I look up to you! Bless your sweet little family <3 Jenn
A happy ending that left me bawling! So happy for you and your family!
What a happy ending to a tough few days!
I’m so grateful you and your loved ones were able to get all the support you did 🙂 What a blessing!!
(Also, you prob already know this but Ryder is GORGEOUS!!!)
Thank you for sharing!! I’m so happy for you guys ???
Congratulations to your family. You are one strong momma.
Already seeing the resemblances between Chase and Ryder! Especially their noses!
My second son aspirated meconium – but we knew it was a possibility during labor and delivery so the NICU team was sent to our room for delivery. My son couldn’t cry, was trying desperately to grunt and was immediately taken by the NICU doctors and worked on in the delivery room while I was still being attended to. It was honestly the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t see what was happening from my bed, but my husband could and the look on his face was indescribable. They had giant tubes and equipment they were putting down his throat and I could hear a lot of awful auctioning sounds and a lot of pounding on his little body. After what felt like forever but was probably closer to an hour, the doctor came over (who was in a full sweat with glasses fogged) and told us they had weaned him off the oxygen but he needed to be taken to be monitored for a while and that the rest of the work was up to him and his little body to handle. We got to hold him for like 2 minutes and then he was taken again. Everything else is a blur after that but when we were finally reunited with him it was so overwhelming. These little babies are so strong and resilient!
I’m so happy that your NICU stay was short and Ryder is home! This post brought me to tears in that it reminded me of my 9 month olds NICU stay and also the love between Chase and Ryder melted my heart. Being a mom of two boys is no joke, but there is no love like the love a boy has for his mama. Here’s to a healthy, happy summer!
I am so thankful he is doing so well now and is home! I am sure that was a terrifying experience. Like you, I had a relatively easy experience when I had my first son, and a much longer and more difficult journey to have my second son. And one positive to come from my experience is a greater compassion and empathy for parents who have more difficult journeys… whether it is to conceive, post birth, or difficulties their children continue to face. You and I are so lucky that everything led to such a happy ending – precious brothers! I am so thrilled for you and your family and thank you for being so open always.
I totally agree. We know we are so beyond lucky and my heart is so filled with gratitude every single day. Thank you so much for sharing in our joy!
So incredibly happy for you and your family! Motherhood is certainly not for the faint of heart. God is so good, He is THE good.
So happy for your family and that you’re all home together now!!!
Oh Julie, I want to give you the biggest hug right now! Praise God for Ryder’s speedy recovery!!! What a little warrior you have. I cannot imagine the anxiousness you must have felt that first night they were monitoring Ryder and the heartbreak of going home without him. I’m so glad your hospital offered you a room though. It’s so sweet that Chase called him “Thomas” – the mind of a toddler is so funny. Thank you for being so vulnerable and writing your story so beautifully. Ryder will always know the miracle that he is.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this! So happy that he pulled through and is a healthy baby.
Kim
http://trendkeeper.me .. My number 1 tip for Sonoma!
Thank you for always sharing your life so candidly. We’re currently trying for our first baby and a (admittedly short) lifetime with a huge family and seeing all manner of complications and heartbreaks with babies has made me anxious and nervous for all the things that could happen. I appreciate you always sharing both your wonderful and scary experiences as a mom because it fills me with hope that even if things get hard or scary, there is beauty in the experience and family is always a blessing.
You have such a gorgeous family, and Chase is killing me with his big brother adorable-ness!! 🙂
Thank you for your kind comment, Theresa! Becoming a mom has truly made me feel more vulnerable than I ever have in my life but it brings about so much joy. Sending you lots of love as you try for your first little one!!
Thank you so much for sharing! Your entire journey/ story has brought me to tears countless times but I am so happy you are now home and everything is well : ) Wishing you nothing but the best from here on out!
“I love you Baby Ryder” ……. how sweet.
Proof that prayers work! Reading through this, I was struck by the first nurse who noticed Ryder’s breathing, and how that was such a big bit of divine intervention. So glad it all worked out so well. I watched your instastories and can see how happy you all are! Chase on calling Ryder his baby. lol That’s such a great thing!
Anyhow, so glad you’re all home, and glad to be kept in the loop. Sending more prayers for the upcoming weeks and months, and expecting good things for you all!
Hey Julie. I’m so happy to be reading your blog after about two weeks away. I had a bike accident and suffered a brain injury on June 14th and have been restricted from working, driving, reading, looking at screens and generally living my life until yesterday afternoon. While I was away, I honestly thought almost every day about you and whether you had had your baby yet or not. Turns out, you had! (And the story was fraught with its own emotional challenges.) You should know that your collection of pregnancy favorites went into a baby shower gift for my bff and bridesmaid who is due next month, and a “no more nausea” basket for a friend due with twins in October. Your blog is an amazing resource and something I genuinely missed while I was ill. I am not yet healed or cleared to go back to my Colorado lifestyle which is admittedly a rather high risk way to live, but I am genuinely happy to return to screens for 4 hours a day and catch up on your lovely and open life. Thank you for sharing so much and being such a good “friend” to all of us who have eagerly followed your posts for years and years and years. I am sending you healing and happy thoughts from Denver and can’t wait to follow your journey as Ryder grows and you step up to your new role as a mom of two. Xoxo ❤️
Oh my gosh Pamela!! How scary! I am so, so sorry for your accident and really hope you continue to heal and feel so much better every day. That is so scary and I am so, so glad you are okay. Thank you so much for taking the time to check in today and leave such a nice comment, especially when you’re in the middle of recovery. I appreciate it so much! <3
This brought tears to my eyes. I’m so happy for you and your family and in awe of your strength. Best wishes and lots of love to you! – Kaitlyn | http://www.poweredbysass.com
Thank you so much, Kaitlyn! Your comments are always so uplifting and encouraging! <3
Being a mom myself it was hard not getting emotional while reading this post – its true when they say deciding to have children “is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” My heart has never felt this kind of love or pain and for as long as I’m alive it will always feel like this – oy!
That quote is SO true!
So thankful he’s home with you now!! I know that must have been the hardest week, and I know your mama heart is just exhausted. But hopefully now that you’re all home as a family of FOUR things will only get better and better 🙂 Ryder is such a trooper! God is good!
Yay!!! So glad he is home with you! God had him in his hands!
Curious to Chase’s reaction when he found out he had a baby brother since he was SO confident??
He was timid in the hospital but very curious when we told him he had a brother. He walked over to see Ryder but didn’t seem surprised at all when we told him it was a boy and just kind of nodded along since I truly think he never even entertained the thought that we MIGHT be having a girl! Haha!
What a beautiful story <3
Thank you for sharing this scary story with us. While we were not in the NICU when my son was born I leaned on stories like this for comfort to get through our situation. Continuing to pray for you and your boys! I just told my husband after reading your birth story it made me want another little one…our son is 5 months old. HA! Also, thank you for openly sharing your faith on the blog. You make an impact on me every time you mention how full God makes your life.
Thank you for sharing Ryder’s NICU stay. Our little one was born in February and spent a week in the NICU for blood sugar issues. All is well now and you’d never know he had a bit of a different start in life than we thought. (I stopped saying a bad or rough start because there could be nothing bad about our precious boy and opted for different.) You were able to put into words everything I felt from being discharged without my baby, traveling back and forth to the NICU, seeing him hooked up to so many machines and just the complete and total admiration and gratitude for the NICU staff.. It was like you were in my head! I too also kept reminding myself that while this wasn’t what we expected, we were SO LUCKY in what we were dealing with. It could have been so much worse. And that’s exactly what you wrote! 🙂 Your post really helped me deal with how hard that first week was because once he was home, I just tried to forget about it. And I shouldn’t as it is all part of how our baby came into this world and it’s our perfect little story. My sincerest congrats Julie!
I am so glad that everything is okay with sweet baby Ryder! What a roller coaster!!
So happy for you that he is out of the hospital, in your home, and in your arms (and Sadie’s sights). It is unusual to be meconium if you don’t see staining when delivered, so it could have just been normal retained fluid (and that’s a good thing, compared to meconium). Whatever it is–I’m relieved for you and the family. Enjoy the moments as they come, and can’t wait to hear more
Thank you, Alan! I’m so glad everything is okay, too!! I didn’t mention this in Ryder’s birth story but I was told I had meconium in my fluid when they broke my water and there was actually a respiratory nurse in the room when I delivered to check on Ryder. His mouth and nose were suctioned but they initially thought he was okay since he was crying and seemed to be doing well. The pediatric nurse practitioner said they really weren’t sure if it was meconium or fluid after his initial X-rays but seeing his progress after a few days made all of us think it was more likely fluid (possibly with a small amount of meconium) in his lungs rather than a lot of meconium which was the initial scare. I’m just so grateful he’s okay and received such wonderful care!
I’m so, so glad that Ryder is home and doing well after such a scary first few days. When I saw your initial Facebook post announcing that he had been born, my heart dropped when you said that he was in NICU. Even though I don’t actually know you, I felt so connected to everything you had gone through to get to this point, and I so badly wanted you to have a happy, healthy baby! Thank God for all of those wonderful medical professionals who helped get Ryder back on his feet (metaphorically, that is) and get him home where he belongs! I also love that you were allowed to spend the night at the hospital as “Ryder’s guests” – the phrasing makes it sound like he specifically asked the nurses to let you and Ryan come visit him, and even though of course that’s not how it happened, I like to imagine that that’s how it went down 🙂 Sending you lots of love and prayers for continued healing and peace!
just curious, has Ryan cut his hair or has he decided to keep the long locks?
he looks just like my twin brother with his long locks.
I also have two boys and my second is named Ryder (he’s 2.5 now). My two boys are BEST pals and it’s really a joy to watch them together- they are SO much fun. Congrats!
I was a NICU baby for the first 9 months of my life. I had undergone open heart surgery at just 5 days old. I also had cleft palate surgery. I’ve undergone 11 surgeries in the past 30 years. My mom still cries before every single one of them. And I still tell her that if anything goes wrong, to just let me go. It never gets easier. You just love your kids more strongly than most. And they’ll surprise you by their strength all through their life, no matter how old. Your son is strong and a fighter. He’ll be able to get through anything life throws his way!!
So very happy! He is Chase’s “mini me”
I’m so glad everything turned out fine for you guys. I remember when I was pregnant with my 3rd boy the other two had all sorts of names picked out for him as well. The best ones were Batman and Tony Starks. We ended up naming him Anthony Nicholas but the kids and now everyone in our family calls him Tony 😉 They continue to surprise me with their creative imaginations, building things out of boxes and couch cushions. It’s definitely fun with a house full of boys!
That photo of Ryan and Ryder sleeping is just EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD.
We ❤❤❤❤❤❤ you all so so much and am glad the meconium cleared…shit happens, right?, Literally in this case.
Love the pictures…he is such a wee nugget.
Thank goodness your sweet boy is home!!
I am soooooooo happy for you! Thanks to our almighty God that Ryder is such a warrior. And also thanks to the Lord that in this difficult time, you’ve been surrounded by great doctors and nurses. I also experienced that this has a huge effect on our own anxiety as parents. Thank you for sharing the first days of Ryder with us. These good news really made my day and reading your blog sometimes feels like hearing from a very good friend. My family and I (I had to keep my fiance updated too) wish you all the best and we still keep your family in our prayers.
Sunny greetings from Germany!
I am happy for you Julie. It has been a while since I followed your blog because the health tips are amazing, and now you have a kid. The miracle of life is amazing. Welcome Home Ryder.
Even though I know that everything thankfully turned out ok, I was still so tense reading this because of the fear you felt while waiting. I had the absolute WORST postpartum anxiety (which you should definitely be on watch for since you have been through all this). I lived in this horrible fear all the time of something terrible happening to the kids even though there wasn’t any real threat. So I know you had to be dying a thousand deaths. I am SO glad everything turned out ok and I am still praying for your sweet fam.
Oh Julie, my heart goes out to you ! Sully had similar issues being a c-section baby ( which they hadn’t mentioned as a potential complication), so we hadn’t even realized anything was wrong until a nurse at about midnight our first night ran over to us and told us he was choking and grilled us on how long this had been happening. I was so foggy and shocked and luckily our day nurse the next day had another similar situation occur with another baby and took no chances and had our OB/GYN and Pediatrician on call come and assess Sully and whisked him away, I was a MESS….seeing him just in that little incubator and having chest xrays done was enough to leave me in a pile of tears. I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through! I’m sooo glad Ryder has turned the corner so quickly and I’m so happy you guys are home and resting. xo
So happy that you have your boys home with you now! I know we’re all excited to watch you raise them. Congrats to your family!
I am truly so happy for you and your family, Julie. I love seeing pictures of Ryder, he is so beautiful and precious! Continuing to pray for your family always! Xoxo
Awww so happy Ryder is back home and you can all adjust to your new family member! My daughter was in the NICU for 2 weeks and it’s so hard and exhausting to say the least. It makes it even that more exciting when you can bring your new baby home!
You have had quite the adventure with Ryder already! I love that Chase asked ‘Where’s my baby?” So sweet! We’re expecting our second in early November and I hope my son has the same bond that Chase has already built with Ryder.
Enjoy those new baby and family snuggles!
It’s always so fascinating to read these stories. You guys are SO STRONG and I’m sure so happy to be at home and healthy!
Julie, what a roller coaster! It must have been such a shock to have him whisked away after he had been able to be with you right after birth. It sounds like you all had the best care during his NICU stay. I’m so so glad you are all home as a family now. Enjoy your sweet little man! ❤
So wonderful to read this with such a wonderful ending. Many blessings to you and your beautiful family. Bring on that wonderful breastmilk which is the best medicine of all. XOXO
What a beautiful baby! I was a NICU mom too – my first spent some time there due to prematurity. Congratulations on the birth and so happy that he is home now. <3
I read this with a heavy heart and so glad for the happy ending so quickly. My daughter was in the NICU for 39 days due to breathing issues as well-so a lot of those pictures look familiar. I couldn’t hold her for the first 12. She is home now and is a strong and healthy 9 month old. I’m sorry that you family had to go through that, but I’m so glad that he is home safe and sound!
xo Allison
http://clementschronicles.com