Our perfect, precious boy!
You entered the world fast and furious and we wept when we met you. Our sweet miracle.
Welcome to the world, Ryder Thomas!
Ryder was born on Monday afternoon – his due date! – at 3:29 p.m. weighing 7 pounds and 7 ounces. He’s 20 inches long and completely perfect. We are so in love!
A couple of hours after Ryder was born he was admitted to the NICU for meconium and fluid in his lungs. It was terrifying as we waited for more information and heard the results from his first x-rays. Not being able to hold our baby, attempt nursing and snuggle up to his face has been so challenging. I’m trying not to focus on the fact that we will very likely be discharged from the hospital today and Ryder will not.
My focus has been on Ryder and his incredible strength and the amazing response he’s shown to his treatments. We’ve seen such incredible progress from our sweet boy in a short amount of time and I have full belief we will continue to see him improve and be able to take him home soon.
Ryder didn’t have a name until late last night. Yesterday he was transitioned off a CPAP machine for breathing and onto a smaller tube for oxygen which allowed us to better see his face and my heart to grow as I soaked in his precious cheeks and perfectly pink little lips. We stroked his dark brown hair and felt like we could really SEE our baby for the first time since he was admitted to the NICU and picked a name we hope will serve him well.
Ryder means warrior. Our guy is so strong. We selected Thomas, his middle name, as a tribute to Chase who knew all along he was going to have a little brother and confidently told everyone his name would be “Thomas the Train.” It’s a name that makes us smile so big.
When I shared some very short updates about Ryder and his time in the NICU on Instagram, I received so many comments and messages from all of you and I cannot thank you enough for your incredible reassurance, prayers and kindness. To those who have had little ones in the NICU, your comments have touched me so deeply. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I am reading every single message and comment and feeling so grateful for all of you right now.
Seeing such tiny babies fighting so hard in the NICU is unbelievable. They are so resilient! The parents we’ve met are so kind and so strong. And I can barely speak about the nurses and doctors who have watched our boy so closely without feeling overwhelmingly grateful for the work they do, their compassion, expertise and knowledge. I know Ryder is in the very, very best hands.
I am hoping to share Ryder’s birth story on the blog but right now that seems so distant from everything that came up after his arrival. I need some time to focus on our baby boy, pumping (which is incredibly challenging since I am getting nothing and my milk hasn’t come in yet), healing and pouring all of my energy into caring for our baby boy in whatever ways I can, even if they’re not the ways I envisioned right now.
Ryder Thomas, we love you so, so much and I am so lucky to be your mama.
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Saw your announcement on instagram but been waiting for you to post here. I think it is so sweet you chose the name that Chase did for his middle name. Congratulations and all the best to your newly expanded family!
Congratulations, Julie! I’m hoping he gets to go home soon.
Congratulations!! Ryder is perfect, and I’m sure Chase will be so happy he got his Thomas the Train brother! Haha. Sending lots of love and prayers your guys’ way—hopefully he’ll be out of the NICU soon! Congrats to the entire Fagan family (including Sadie)!
Congratulations on Ryder! Prayers for him to continue to get well and get to go home with you soon. I hope you get your baby snuggles soon.
I’m so happy for you and your family! I absolutely adore the story behind his middle name. I’ll be thinking of little Ryder today!
I started crying when I saw *he* was here. Congratulations to you and your family ❤
He’s beautiful!! Congratulations!
The toughest thing is to leave the hospital without your baby in tow. I’m sending you all the strength to pass on to Ryder so he can make his homecoming as quickly as possible
This makes me so happy!! What a wonderful name!! I love the middle name and the tribute to Chase (who could be Ryder’s twin btw, whoa!)! Sending prayers your way that his time in the NICU is short and he gets to come home with you very soon! <3
Chase has got to be sooo pumped about that name!! My sister knows your pain and concern, as my niece was a NICU baby. She was given such amazing care, those nurses and doctors are something else! She’s been thriving ever since, and 16 years later, she’s about to start her senior year of high school! Congratulations to your family <3
He is so precious and I love the name. Congratulations! He is a fighter and will be out in no time 🙂
What an angel! Congratulations and prayers. The middle name tribute made me tear up!
My little guy was in NICU for 6 days with breathing problems. I successfully exclusively breastfed after (hardly any bottles ever!) and a tip is once he’s off oxygen you can actually go there and nurse him even if they keep him for observation an extra day or two. Also, pumping bedside versus in a pumping/lactation room REALLY helps. Something about seeing your sweet babe’s face.
He is absolutely wonderful! Congratulations. I’ve been so excited to meet your baby…and I don’t even know you. I can’t imagine how excited you are!!! You are an amazing mom. Keep focusing on what you can do to care for him, and know that you are doing a GREAT job!
Also, I just wanted to share this. I bonded instantly with my first baby. I was madly in love, and her story of coming to us was not complex. I found the bonding process slightly more complex with my second. With the first, I was falling in love with her AND with being a mom. With the second, I already knew I loved being a mom, so there wasn’t a total role shift There was also a loss in between that made the whole thing feel fragile, another child which somewhat complicated the bonding process, and a really weird hospital stay with the second. I wish I would have given myself more grace about accepting the complexity…you can love your baby with a fierce and undying love right away AND it can still be more complex to feel that “bond” feeling. It’s not an either/or thing. Love is a choice and sometimes that euphoric feeling isn’t there, but it comes as you commit to doing what you can to care for that child, as I know you will. I remember being flooded with that bonding feeling later, when she was 2 and 6 and 8 weeks old, and I still feel it now that she’s 3 and I rock her and sing to her. I treasure it all the more knowing it wasn’t as “easy.” <3 Can't wait to hear more about Ryder, but take care of yourself and do what you can to treasure the good parts of this time! We'll be here whenever you're ready to share!
Love the pic where you can see his face in the NICU 🙂 He is perfect! Love the name! Not only will Chase be thrilled about Thomas, as soon as he gets into Paw Patrol, Ryder will become a new hit!
Praying his condition continues to improve and he soon gets to enjoy all the baby snuggles you guys want so desperately to give him! Can’t wait to hear more about his first days of life!
Hi Julie – congratulations! I share a lot of your same emotions and experiences – my full term baby was born after what was a boringly textbook L&D, until the moment she arrived. With an Apgar score of 2, she was taken immediately away from me. They weren’t certain it was meconium or fluid but since she wasn’t breathing, she was admitted to the NICU immediately, before we ever held her, and before I could see if she was a boy or a girl. She underwent a 3 day neonatal therapeutic hypothermia procedure and I didn’t get to hold her or start feeding until around day 5. I understand how scared, terrified, and helpless you might be feeling. I remember the round the clock pumping, esp. day 2-3 before my milk came in, when I would get drops. Keep it up however you can – my milk came in with a force around days 3-4 after pumping 8-10x/day in the hospital, and then at home. Can you get a hospital-grade pump to take home?
Being discharged from the hospital without my baby is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It breaks my heart to see you have to go through this. You are right, babies ARE resilient and incredible little humans. But it takes a toll on a mama’s heart and body and mind, especially after the elation of having given birth. Our little fighter is 6 months old today and has been nursing and growing and doing incredibly well since she was discharged about 8 days after she was born. I’m just now starting to process her birth – to me there are two sides to it – the part before she arrived, and the trauma that occurred in the minutes, hours, and days after. I’ve realized in the last few weeks that reading experiences like this can be triggering and has caused me to revisit my trauma in a way that I almost couldn’t comprehend in the minutes, hours, and days after she was born. I remember the day after she was born, when I was still in Recovery, I woke up at 5AM screaming for my baby. My husband couldn’t get me in the wheelchair and down to the NICU fast enough to see her – I was violently shaking and screaming out for her. I literally felt empty – my heart and my belly and my arms were so empty that it felt like it was eating me alive. I don’t say this to scare you, but rather to let you know that you are not alone in your emotions and that you are doing everything you can and what you are doing is exactly what your little boy needs.
My biggest piece of advice re: pumping is to try to pump within eye-shot of your baby, or while watching videos or looking at photos of him. When I pumped while talking to the medical team, during rounds trying to understand updates, or while furiously texting family and friends scary medical updates, I got less milk. When I tried to simulate as much of an oxytocin-inducing environment as I could, my milk production got better once my milk came in. Perhaps the NICU nurses can give you a blanket of Ryder’s while you pump? And then you can give him a little blanket that you have on you as you pump so it smells like you.
Lily is now 6 months old today, and you would never know she had such a scary start to life. I am sending you so much love and light and strength and just wishing that your baby is discharged soon and that you can finally experience that moment of holding him the way you have envisioned. xoxo
Congratulations. all kinds of pratyers coming your way from TN. he looks just like chase. what a handsome guy!!
that top photo made my eyes water – i am so happy for you julie!!!!! congratulations on your beautiful baby boy and i’m sending all my love and thoughts for him to get better so soon!
Congratulations! What a perfect name for a perfect baby boy. You have been on my mind as I’ve followed your updates on Instagram. I have faith that your little boy will be in your arms soon. Thanks for sharing this special time with your readers.
Totally agree! I have two paw patrol-obsessed kids and that’s all I can think of!!!
Congratulations and prayers for your new baby boy Ryder.
Congratulations on your baby boy! We experienced the same thing after the birth of our third baby in December. He was full term and had fluid in his lungs several hours after birth. He was transported to a different hospital and I was discharged 12 hours after delivering him. It is heart wrenching to leave without your baby, but knowing he is in good hands makes it a tiny bit better. Here’s to a fast recovery for your little guy! Also, I pumped while waiting for my son to come home and it worked out fine. It’s frustrating not getting a lot of milk, but that will change within a few days, just stick with it! I was able to nurse him in the NICU once his breathing tube was removed, so that helped reinforce breastfeeding for us!
Congratulations! What a beautiful little boy. I’m a NICU nurse and have seen time after time how resilient these little babies are. You’ll be at home and snuggling in no time!
I have two boys (4 and 1.5) and had a miscarriage between them like you. I have loved reading the way you compassionately shared your pregnancy updates while thinking of those suffering from loss and infertility. Best of luck to you and your family. Boys are awesome! Seeing my two little guys chase each other around and give each other hugs is the best. Get ready for lots of poop and fart jokes too 😉
Absolutely love the name! Wishing you and your sweet family all the best ❤️
He is precious! Congratulations, and I hope you’re able to bring him home very soon. All the best to you and your family.
Congratulations Julie! So happy for you, Ryan, and Chase! What a wonderful name and I love how you incorporated Thomas for Chase 🙂 I’ve been reading your blog for years and feel like you are one of my closest friends lol. Wishing Ryder a short stay in the NICU so he can be in your arms, he’s a fighter! xoxo
Congratulations! What a sweet name to go with a handsome little guy! I hope he recovers quickly and can go home soon. Best wishes!
He is beautiful Julie, looks a lot like Chase as a baby! Congratulations!
Congratulations on your precious little boy! I trust he will continue to fight and you will welcome him home soon. Best of luck – you deserve the happiness you’ve been waiting for!
Congratulations to all of you! Sending healing prayers for Ryder with peace and comfort for you nad Ryan.
Welcome to Ryder! We also had a full-term (actually, he was 11 days overdue) NICU baby, I am certain he wasn’t suctioned properly at birth and got fluid in his lungs as well. I think he was born on a Friday and we finally brought him home on Monday. It was very hard, especially since our boy was so big (11 pounds) compared to the other NICU babies, we got so many funny looks from the other parents! Will be praying that Ryder continues to improve and will soon be joining you and big brother at home.
Congratulations on the arrival of your new little man! Thoughts and prayers that he will soon be well enough to join you all at home. Also, the tribute to Chase by adding Thomas to his name warmed heart, so sweet and meaningful!
Congratulations Julie and family! Beautiful baby and name! I’ve been following you for a long time and have been and will continue to keep you and Ryder in my prayers.
My oldest daughter was in the NICU for just a couple of days, and I know the feeling of being completely terrified but also so confident in the care she was receiving. I’m sure he will be out of there in no time 🙂
Yay!!!!!!!!!! I loooove that name. I teared up as I read this post.
While I am unable to have children, seeing and hearing about miracle babies.
He’s a fighter for sure. Just like his mama!
You will hold your precious baby soon. I know it.
That must be so hard to deal with but he’ll pull through stronger! Congrats on your baby!
Kim
http://trendkeeper.me .. wrap skirt!
Congrats to your whole family for this beautiful blessing! This post gives me so much hope that our rainbow baby is closer than we think! All the best!
Hang in there with pumping. I had a little guy that I had to pump for for the first 10 days while in NICU and it took a couple days before my milk came in. We were able to transition to breastfeeding and continued for over a year! Pumping is so hard but it will get better!! Sending prayers for you and your sweet family!
Congratulations! What a miracle. I love his middle name. Chase is genius! Prayers for a short stay in the NICU for Ryder and a quick healing process for you!
Congratulations to you and your wonderful family! Love the name you pick out for him. I hope Chase is excited that he now has a baby brother! Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. 🙂
I am so glad he is in the best hands! I understand too how incredibly hard and stressful this must be, and I will continue to keep your family in my prayers! Love and hugs! P.s. what a great name!
I’m in tears. So happy for your family. Sending so much love and prayers for a speedy recovery.
Congratulations! I am praying for Ryder and your family. I hope he is out of the NICU soon. I absolutely love the name and the story behind the middle name!
He looks just like Chase!
Congratulations Julie, Ryan, and Chase!! I am so very happy for you all. Prayers for Ryder’s quick release from the hospital, I know he will be out soon! Also- LOVE, love, love his name. What a sweet tribute to Chase, so special 🙂
Ryder is just precious and I love the inspiration for his name! Both of my babies had to go to the NICU – my son because he had trouble maintaining his body temp and my daughter for being 10 weeks early. It’s so tough for them to be there but you will all come out stronger on the other side. I feel like not being able to hold my babies whenever I wanted made me cherish the times when I could hold her all the more. Praying Ryder gets to come home soon!
As for pumping, when my daughter was born I had a tough time and didn’t get anything for the first few days. I remember texting my husband a picture when I finally got a few drops! The lactation consultants were amazing and said it was likely due to the stress of having an emergency c-section and my body not being quite ready to nurse since I wasn’t supposed to even have a baby for two more months. It does get better, though!
Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy. I love that Chase got to help name his little brother! Sending all the positive vibes to you and your family <3
LOVE his name and the meaning behind it. Your post had me filled with tears. I am so incredible happy for you, your husband, and Chase. He was born into such a wonderful family. The picture you posted where Ryan is holding him- he looks just like Chase!! Sending prayers your way and anticipate a quick recovery for your little warrior!
BROTHERS = Best Friends For Life. What a perfect name for your beautiful baby boy. Sorry that your heart might ache if you have to go home without him for a while. Take comfort that he’s in good care, and hopefully you are all home snuggling with Sadie soon!
Congratulations to you and your family on your wonderful new addition! Ryder is perfect. Although it is undoubtedly difficult that he is in the NICU, it is such a blessing that he has arrived. When my baby needed a little assistance on arrival, I found that the gratitude and connection I felt to all those who helped us with our beginning was a gift and became a beautiful part of my memory. Among the best lessons I am continuing to learn from having my son are that we all need each other sometimes and even the difficult times can be full of happiness.