First things first, check out this new updo that is the current front-runner for Saturday’s wedding look:
I am in love.
I think it’s romantic and classy and might even work with super-thin hair like mine. The wondrous Martha Stewart even posted a tutorial about how to do the ‘do yourself… though I think I’ll leave it to a professional. We’ll see! My updo selection will likely be a game-day decision.
Lunch
Lunchtime!
Lunch today will likely look familiar…
Leftovers from last night’s dinner.
Why only a tiny serving of beans you may ask? I spilled the Tupperware containing the beans as I was plating my meal and that pathetic little spoonful was all I could salvage.
Normally I’m a big proponent of the five-second rule, but with mice running around our apartment like it’s some kind of a carnival, I’m not about to eat fallen beanies.
And now I’d like to talk about jobs and money. Oh, baby.
About a week ago, I was talking with a very close friend of mine who is incredibly unhappy in her job. She’s extremely overworked, stressed out and dreads going into the office every single day. Speaking with her made me want to cry for her and brought back memories of an awful time in my life where I felt like my job ruled my life and the stress was unbearable. I figured that since both my friend and I experienced such similar experiences, others may have been there (or may be there) as well.
When the Money Isn’t Worth It
People measure success in varying ways. Happiness. Money. Good friends. Close family. A top position at work.
One of the things that stuck out to me about Ryan when we first started dating was that he always made me his first priority. I never doubted how much he cared for me, and coming from a previous relationship where I never really knew how much I meant to someone until after we broke up, his affectionate ways and loving demeanor were extremely attractive to me. He made me feel like my happiness = his happiness.
As we continued dating, I learned more about his hopes and dreams for the future and his desire to do well in the business world. But the one goal he always said first? “Be happy.”
I used to simply smile at this remark and think to myself, “Well, duh.”
As the years passed, I realized that this goal is perhaps the most difficult goal to achieve. It takes effort, will power, dedication, strength and constant evaluation of your attitude and surroundings.
When Ryan and I discuss what exactly happiness means to us, we agree that having a loving family and a warm, safe and comforting home life are the key to our personal happiness. A job that is rewarding and makes us feel integral, excited and passionate is also important.
Job and financial success are a tricky one for me.
I was raised in a house that was very, very aware of finances. My sister and I would get in serious trouble if we left a room and left the light on.
This turned me into a serious saver and was a major reason behind my decision to change majors in college to pursue a career I thought might be more lucrative.
My first job out of college paid very little. I was happy in my job, but after a year I got restless and applied for jobs that paid more.
I was offered a position as a marketing manager and it came with more responsibility and significantly more pay.
And more stress.
The intense stress I felt in my job as a marketing manager was so unexpected and so daunting. I had no work-life balance and worked late into the evenings on week days, worked weekends and thought about work non-stop.
When I would arrive home from work, I wouldn’t want Ryan to ask me about my day because I didn’t even want to talk about work. On Sunday mornings I awoke feeling depressed and absolutely dreaded Monday mornings. I remember crying to Ryan saying that I was wishing away five days of my life every week.
The money simply wasn’t worth it.
In the little spare time I had, I began applying for new jobs.
When I received an interview for a writing and editing position with a large website, I felt excited and relieved. And then I learned about the pay. It paid $10,000 less than the position I currently held.
I was so miserable in my current job, but could I really forgo $10,000? Was $10,000 worth having no personal life and feeling such extreme stress and anxiety? Absolutely not.
I cried and worried and freaked out many times before finally accepting the new position and leaving my job as a marketing manager.
From my first day at my writing and editing job, I never looked back. Not once did I think I made a mistake. Did I miss the extra money in my paycheck? Sure. But it was so incredibly worth it.
Two years out of college I learned that the old saying “money doesn’t buy happiness” really is true. I learned early on that I would rather make less money than make a ton of money if the extra money meant countless hours at the office, unyielding pressure, no time with those I love and intense stress.
Yes, money is important. It’s perfectly okay to have the desire to make money, be ambitious and have financially-driven goals. But I never want to forget the most important things in the world. My family. My friends. Personal peace and happiness.
Many jobs are hard at times and easier at others, but unrelenting jobs that provide no reprieve from stress and pressure are draining. My job as a marketing manager took more away from me than just my time. It took away me.
Sometimes it’s okay to take a risk. It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to care more about yourself than your paycheck.
Questions of the Day
- Have you ever been in a job where you were truly miserable?
- Would you have a hard time taking a dramatic pay cut to accept a position you felt would be a better fit for you emotionally?
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I had the worst of both worlds at the preschool – not only did I hate it, but the money was more or less minimum wage. Because of that, I didn’t have to think twice about the $ when I realized I HAD to leave the place for my mental and physical health.
Leaving was the best thing I’ve ever done, and even though I think there can be stress at any job, there are healthy levels of stress (which you can handle when you’re doing something you love, like writing for me) and levels where you just positively can’t handle it (like getting peed on by other people’s whining, screaming kids).
At the end of the day though, you can’t go with the pay. Money can’t fix being overworked, stressed out and irritable from hating what you do for 8 hours a day. I honestly don’t know how I still have friends after those five months of being a miserable and teary-eyed witch!
Oh jeez, thank you so much for this post Julie! I’m going to be a senior in college this next year, and I’m deciding between pursuing my masters in education or going to law school. I know that I would LOVE being a teacher, but I would make a lot more money as a lawyer. You (and Ryan) make a great point, and I realize that I need to add the happiness I would receive from teaching into my pro-cons list before I make a final decision!
Thanks so much!
Well, if that wasn’t the EXACT thing I needed to hear today. I current work as an Extended Campus Coordinator for my alma mater. I love my school dearly and what better way to pay back than to recruit students to attend one of its many extended campuses?
Well, it’s starting to drain me. I perform the function of recruiter, financial aid, business office, registrar, bookstore, career counselor, and instructor. For as many students as I can recruit. We start an undergrad cohort each August and a grad cohort each January. Nonstop. Year round. No “vacation”, unless you count the 2 weeks of Christmas and the week after. 40+ hours per week on minimal salary.
I’ve considered putting in applications for better paying jobs more in line with my dream career (working in mental health, using my Master’s degree, and working with kids). I even found a job that I would love (that comes with a $6-9k pay RAISE), and yet I find myself not going for it because I don’t want to put anyone in a state of chaos (and right now there is a lot of chaos in my specific region with people being hired new & others on maternity leave). This blog post MIGHT have just given me the push I need to pursue this other job!
I have a hotel management degree and probably took one of the most difficult jobs out of college, as a housekeeping supervisor. I was working at a five star five diamond resort and the demands of the job were crazy! I seriously was getting gray hairs at 22! I literally cried every day after work! After a year I transferred to a supervisor position at the front desk, but after getting cursed out every day by guests for things I couldn’t control, I decided to quit my job and go back to grad school. Fortunately my parents were able to help support me financially as I go back to school! Now I’m about to graduate with two masters degrees and have to find a job that will make me happy, not super stressed out all the time!
Oh wow that updo is beautiful! I actually posted a few days ago I was lookin’ for new ways to do my hair… Julie to the resque!
That updo is great, too!! 🙂
That updo is great, too!!
Thanks so much for this post Julie. I am currently working in a job that I enjoy, but I am paying $12 per day to park in the city. I don’t feel comfortable on the bus and that’s the only other option. It kills me to dish out that amount of cash every day, but I feel like it is integral to my work/life balance, so I do it. Sometimes the money isn’t worth it to sacrifice your happiness!
I loved this post. The only job I’ve had as an adult is the one I’m at now (teacher), and too much money definitely isn’t an issue ; ) But I was just having this conversation with my dad the other day: I know, as a teacher, that I’ll never be rolling in dough, but I’d rather be secure and happy and CONTENT than making a ton of money and being miserable. Now, if I could make a ton of money AND be happy, then we’d be talking!
Thank you for this honest post. I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have a wonderful, beautiful baby and he absolutely is the most important person in the world to us. When he was born I left my good paying job to be a stay at home mom. Yes, the extra income would be nice, but the thought of having to send my son to day care breaks my heart. We may not eat at fancy restaurants or go on any elaborate vacations the way we did pre-baby, but my hubby and I are way happier than we have ever been because family comes first.
I KNOW I could never do a 9-5 office job. I did them in college – and I hated them (thankfully, I knew it was just a short term type of thing). I teach. Does it pay the most in the world? No. Will I ever make as much as some people in the business world make? Nope. Not a chance. Do I love my job.. absolutely. Stil, there are times when I am stressed to the max, come home and cry .. and through myself a pity party. But those are few and far between!
I got a job at a firm right out of law school (and graduating law school in 2008.. i was lucky to get any job). the junior associate training me called me stupid, i cringed everytime my blackberry buzzed and prayed that the morning wouldn’t come. and then something wonderful happened… i got laid off. and a month later took a short-term contract position that paid $10,000 less when pro-rated yearly. my contract position ended up lasting two years, I loved it and it ended up giving me fantastic learning experience and resume builders. as a result of that, i took a more senior position elsewhere (i loved the job but knew there was no growth opportunity), and although i was coming from a lower salary, was able to ask for a salary more in line with where I was right out of law school, thanks to my extra experience. And, they ended up giving me a little more than i asked for.
I’m stressed at work, I’m busy, and i do sometimes log on from home/think about work when i’m not here. but it doesn’t dominate my entire life and i have no more sunday dread. i hope this is encouraging.
I kinda want to cry. I guess nothing was TRULY sad, but just hit home with me. That’s me! Right now I’m working part time and going to school full-time for Photography. Photography is what I want to do, it’s rewarding and I LOVE doing it. If I’m going to spend the days away from my daughter…it better be doing something I love. I’m stuck right now, because I need to work to get thru school, but I’m really hoping after next Spring….I’ll have my own business and find that HAPPINESS!!!
I know if I set my mind to it…it can be done!! (thanks for the reminder) 😉
WOO what a great post – I don’t know anyone who won’t relate to this. It’s very hard to find balance – to ensure you’re making enough to be happy, but to where you’re not working too much to be, well unhappy. Why have lots of money if you don’t have time to spend it?! I try to find balance – and thankfully my company believes in that. I value my one work from home day a week, and my flexible schedule. If ‘the job’ that paid less was THE job, the one that suits me so well, I like to think I could take a cut because it would be worth it in the long-run!
What a great post today! Finding happiness in your work is hard to do, especially sometimes right out of college. I remember my first post-grad job being just that, a job. It was to kill time before heading off to grad school to prepare for a profession I truly loved. A few weeks into the job, I knew that the grad school path was definitely the right one. What I didn’t realize was how much the job changed me while I was working there. It wasn’t until after I was working somewhere else that I felt as if I was returning to my old self. Sometimes, finding the profession you’re happiest in takes time.
So I’ve tried to comment like 3 times and for some reason it hasn’t been cooperating with me. So I apologize if for some reason you’re getting this message multiple times!
But the new updo you posted is beautiful! Let us know which one you decide on! 🙂
I was beyond miserable in my last job. I worked for a micromanager, who basically undermined every decision I made. But after four years of being utterly miserable, I realized it wasn’t worth it. (I couldn’t quit, because I needed some type of income. But I did try like hell to find a new one.) Instead of dwelling on my misery, I tried to be thankful and happy and positive. Then, ironically, a few months later, I was laid off. It’s been over 8 months and I’m still looking for a new job. Even more ironically, I was contacted by my former boss, who was also laid off, about a new opportunity. Who knows what will happen, but I’ve realized I’m in control of my happiness. That’s not to say I will never work in a toxic work environment again, but I think I’ve learned how to deal a little better. At least I think so.
Awesome post today!! 🙂
Yea, money doesn’t buy happiness but you know what really sucks? A job that pays you no money yet gives you major stress at the same time. That must be a huge blow to someone’s ego…i know quite a few people in that situation and I seriously want to cry for them.
My first year out of college I taught 6th grade in a low income school to a group of students who had all failed 6th grade the previous year. I thought I was up for the challenge, but I ended up crying at least once a week over it. I was never so happy as the day that school year ended! I left teaching and took a training job that paid $5K less, and now have worked my way back into a teaching position that I love! It all works out in the end!
Amazing post! and perfect timing. 🙂 I’m moving to Florida in 14 days and I’m getting a ton of pressure from my parents to get a job that will make a lot of money.. I’m moving to be happy and find a job that I will be happy doing. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!
P.S. I hope my blog name doesn’t scare you..I read your post on all about your love for squirrels 😉
Awesome post!!! I currently have never had a job, but your advice is wonderful and I will definitely remember it when the time comes! 😀
I left a job three months ago that made me feel all the things you mentioned above. I hated life M-F from 8-6 pm. I am not a crier, but I cried virtually everyday I worked there because I felt so hopeless and trapped. Now, I can look back and be thankful for spending a year of my life in hell b/c I wouldn’t have the wonderful job I have today. Now, I love getting up and going to work everyday…it’s awesome!
I totally agree with you! I’m studying to become a psychologist and want to work in a children’s hospital later, which will pay 50% less than in a private clinic. Some people don’t understand that choice but I believe I won’t miss the money if I love my job!
I love love love this. I am going into college and these thoughts are on my mind too. We always had the thing with the lights — you DONT leave them on in our house! I especially agree with your relationship with Ryan — that is how I am hoping the current one I am in will turn out. He’s so much better than my previous relationship. Anywho. Money < happiness. You can't buy happiness. Wonderful message mahdear!
SUCH a great post! I think that yes, money is important – but you should never forego on dreams just because of money. My husband and I recently had this conversation because the “B” word came up – he’s worried about money because I want to stay home when we have kids someday. I told him “we’ll make it work. I would be absolutely miserable with someone else raising my babies.” He completely understands and we’re on the same page – yahoo!
BAAAAAAAAABIES!!! 😀 this makes me happy!
eeeek not yet!!!!! haha – but this was the first conversation where the Husband didn’t just completely drop the subject immediately. he knows I’m baby crazed. It was a step in the right direction.
I am so glad I read this today. I, too, had (have) a job that I just don’t even want to discuss when i come home from work, and I am depressed all days of the week except Saturdays. I’ve also cried because I had to go to work and I just didn’t like my job. I feel like I’ve completely lost myself and even my desire to do the things I love to do when I get home from work because I’m so exhausted. Last week I put my notice in at my job to accept a position that offers significantly less money, but it’s what I love to do. I’m really scared and a little stressed about if the money situation will work out, but I’m really excited to spend my days actually happy with what I do. Life is too short and you’re husband right, we should all just seek happiness with our lives, whatever that is for us.
I’m dealing with this now. I was very fortunate to be brought up in a home where none of us ever wanted for anything- there were always plenty of Christmas presents, vacations, cars on our sixteenth birthdays and private schools. I am so, so, so thankful to my parents for giving me those opportunities, but I’m starting to realize that the paths that make me happiest probably won’t support that kind of lifestyle, at least not for a long time. I wouldn’t accept a job in which I had to stress about not paying the bills, but I’m okay with living with less in order to be happy. Money doesn’t make life better, it just makes it easier in certain situations.
Funny you mention the thing about your ex in comparison to Ryan. I just got out of my three year relationship a few weeks ago because I realized I didn’t feel important to him. And while breakups are never easy, I can honestly say that I’m a happier person because of it 🙂
did you blog about this!? how did i miss this!???? i’m so glad things are going well for you now, gabriela. i feel so out of the loop!
I blogged about it very briefly, but I didn’t give it much attention because I’m honestly already over it and I didn’t think it would be nice to splash that all over the internet 🙂
Another post nailed, Julie! I just quit my job because I completely lost interest in and felt like I wasnt getting much out if it. It reached a stage where I’d walk in and count down till the end of the day which is nuts! They were almost begging me to stay but I refused, my happiness and sanity is worth more than any job!
I love the hair-do, hope you do it and maybe you can give us a tutorial on how you did it?
To answer your questions, yes, I was in an absolute miserable job. I was an underwriter for AIG, an insurance company and stayed for 5 years. It just wasn’t for me, I am such a people person and couldn’t stand sitting at a desk all day. But I got my wish, I got pregnant with our first child and took the most amazing, rewarding job of being a stay at home mom. This is what I have always wanted to do! (I am not taking away from mom’s who work, insurance just wasn’t for me). If I find something I truely loved then I would feel differently.
I was miserable teaching. Sad thing is I didn’t even realize it because I was too scared to think that what I had put so much effort into pursuing wasn’t truly fulfilling. I’m MUCH happier now pursuing my dreams. The money certainly isn’t there to compare to a full income but that doesn’t mean it won’t grow into something. And regardless I will be HAPPY. Great post!!!
I can totally relate to you Julie. I quit my job this past November and I never looked back. I’m not at home baby sitting my neice at about a 1/4 of my salary, but I don’t regret it for a single second.
I was so unhappy the way you were, dreading Monday morning and so stressed every night when I got home. Yes I had more money but I wasn’t able to enjoy everyday life with my family because I was so stressed.
Now I’m truly at my best and I’m home where I always wanted to be, here for my son and so happy.
You did a great thing for yourself.
This is SO timely for me Julie! I totally hear what you are saying. I feel like it’s also so easy to get into a rut thinking that I might not have the skills to leave my current job too – it’s hard to break that rut and go for something better!
Julie I have a feeling you will be SO thankful for your decision to follow your passion when you and Ryan have kiddos of your own (if that is your path :)). This is where I have had to make these choices.
I graduated Dental Hygiene school, a job that I love, even with hours that are great! It’s very relaxing to me. But right when I graduated we were blessed with our first child. I have never had a full time or part time job as a hygienist. So I have a degree where I could make $50-$60k+ a year, but I choose to work from home at this point making a lesser income so I can be with them.
When you pursue your passion, it can turn into something that you’ve never dreamed of, and when you help enough people in your life get what they want, you will get what you want (a popular Zig Ziglar quote). Often when you work from your passion, SO many others will benefit because you can give your best :).
So while I love hygiene work and it is A passion, working from home at the moment is more of my passion, because it means I can be at home with my kids while they are in their younger years before school.
While money is obviously important, I do feel that happiness nees to factor in, as well. If you have teh world’s best paying job but you’re miserable then the money really isn’t worth it. I would rather have a slimmer paycheck and be happy. I can’t imagine dreading going to work everyday. Mondays are one thing, but every single day? That would just be awful.
That’s a very interesting post!
I think money definitely doesn’t bring happiness but it contributes to it. I agree with you, what’s important is to be happy and be with the people you love. I think it is also important to have a job that you appreciate a minimum because it’s a big part of your life all the same!
I love this post and you posted it at such a perfect time in my life. I’m currently in the middle of making a couple HUGE decisions that will affect not only job status but more importantly my overall happiness!! Funny how things appear when you need them to! Thanks for your perspective on this – it was nice and helpful to read 🙂
Thank you for writing this Julie. I am feeling similarly toxic about my current work envrionment and this was good to read. Living in the DC area and having the husb to take into consideration makes taking a chance a little harder, but overall I think it will be worth it.
I loved this post! I would love more than anything to get another job. My current job is not anything that I want to do with my life. I am definitely not making enough money to live off of which causes me to work ridiculous hours just to get overtime. I wish more than anything that I could quit. Unfortunately, I am in excessive student loan debt so I couldn’t even if I wanted to. My goal is to get a job that I absolutely love which is in the field of what I want to do and that I will make enough money to support myself financially. 🙂 I hope one day soon that comes true.
I’ve definitely had jobs I hated but I tolerated them because they were short-term with a definite end-date. I would much rather be happy and poorer than miserable and richer. The feeling of dread on Sundays isn’t worth any amount of money! But then that’s easier for me to say as I don’t have any children to support – myself and my boyfriend are happy to scrimp and save in order to have a better working week.
Julie, can I ask what your family thought when you told them you wanted to quit your fulltime job and focus on freelance writing & blogging? I am very curious – only because if I put myself in your shoes, I think my parents would freak out and not be very supportive of that. I guess I’m just curious how that conversation went, though I can tell from previous blog entries that your parents are very supportive of you!
i waited until i was at a point where i could financially afford to make the switch – where my blogging and freelance work equaled an actually salary, so i think that made them stomach my decision a little better. i was nervous to tell them about it, but my dad almost saw it as me starting my own business and they were both unbelievably supportive – thank goodness!
I loved this post and I can relate! When I had my baby I decided half way through my maternity leave that I needed to stay home and take care of my beautiful baby girl. We took a 24,000 pay cut, but I knew it was the right decision and me and my husband have never looked back. It definitely is the hardest, but happiest job i have had, and a whole different kind of stress!
This post could not have hit home any harder! My last job was so stressful. I would go and sit in my car around lunch and cry because I hated my job so much. Every Sunday I woke up with a pit in my stomach! I had been looking for a new position for a few months, then I was let go. While it was very hard for me to understand at the time, I have now realized it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me! Wow, what a long comment! I would definitely take less money if I was happier!
I’m going through this process now but not as extreme. I am a crossroads a little over a year out of college. I could go fo the next big job or do something on my own. Quality of life is huge. Great post!
As one of the lucky ones (lucky few, it looks like, from the comments!) I was able to find a job I loved right out of college and thus don’t have any other work to compare it to, or any other paycheck. That aside, my beau worked a night shift for about a month that paid so great (especially due to weird hours/overtime) but nearly RUINED him, and our time spent together. It is definitely, in my opinion, not worth being so steadily miserable all the time, no matter how much the money (maybe billions would be an exception.)
Great post, clearly received and heard loud/clear by many out there! I hope they all find the job satisfaction and life satisfaction they want!
Oh wow, I’m totally feeling like this at the minute and I feel TRAPPED. I wake every Sunday morning down in the dumps because of the week I have ahead of me. I don’t get the support I need at work and I feel like I’m never out of the place.
I definitely don’t have a work/life balance sorted out and it’s driving me nuts 🙁 I don’t know where to turn as it’s so hard to get a job in the UK at the moment 🙁
Awesome, awesome post, Julie!
You already know that this post speaks to me, since I’m going through some tough times myself with not only trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, but also dealing with the severe pay cut that Jay and I have taken. It’s a tough road, but reminding myself that happiness has to come first is what I need to do more. Hopefully, the rest is going to fall into place soon 🙂
Great post girl! You couldnt be more right! I was actually in a situation at one job where I was staying basically because of the money and we all ended up getting massive pay cuts! My salary was cut by 10k and I continually felt under appreciated as well as extremely under paid. Totally can relate to the sunday blues you get when you hate ur job. That’s the worst feeling. My husband and I are saving to open a gym which is a dream of both of ours and I can’t wait to do what I love!
I’m sort of in the same position–
I’m not necessarily MISERABLE, but I’m not happy. I’m not challenged and I’m not utilized to my abilities. When I show interest in learning other aspects of the office, I’m told I don’t have to worry about it–that it’s not my job. It stinks.
I work for a nonprofit, so I don’t think I can fathom making less than I actually do now, but in new jobs, I don’t turn away from jobs that pay the same as what I make now. I’m just really looking forward to finding that PERFECT job in the big city (BYE BYE car, car payments, + pollution!) where I’m able to use my talents to HELP the community. Geez, I’m such a cheeseball.
I work in non-profit at a job that I love. The pay isn’t spectacular, but I really don’t mind because I’m happy.
This is the first job that I have had, where I’m not searching for other jobs in my free time!
Man oh man I definitely relate to this one!! I have been in the exact situation and I ultimately went with happiness. I left my job before having a back up after many discussions with my husband. Money was tough for a while and there was a lot of self worth issues for having to rely on my husband for support but the bottom line was that I was happy which made my husband happy and our relation even better. In the mean time I worked out a lot, found a LOVE for running, helped my husband by taking over team workouts(he’s a coach) and ended up finding my true passion and worked my way to become a personal trainer. The road to get there was not a short one nor an easy one but I absolutely love what I am doing. I understand more people than not dont have the option to go with out a job to find their passion but I definitely think its worth the time to look for it. I would hands down take a 10k cut if it meant a peace of mind and happiness with my family.