First things first, check out this new updo that is the current front-runner for Saturday’s wedding look:
I am in love.
I think it’s romantic and classy and might even work with super-thin hair like mine. The wondrous Martha Stewart even posted a tutorial about how to do the ‘do yourself… though I think I’ll leave it to a professional. We’ll see! My updo selection will likely be a game-day decision.
Lunch
Lunchtime!
Lunch today will likely look familiar…
Leftovers from last night’s dinner.
Why only a tiny serving of beans you may ask? I spilled the Tupperware containing the beans as I was plating my meal and that pathetic little spoonful was all I could salvage.
Normally I’m a big proponent of the five-second rule, but with mice running around our apartment like it’s some kind of a carnival, I’m not about to eat fallen beanies.
And now I’d like to talk about jobs and money. Oh, baby.
About a week ago, I was talking with a very close friend of mine who is incredibly unhappy in her job. She’s extremely overworked, stressed out and dreads going into the office every single day. Speaking with her made me want to cry for her and brought back memories of an awful time in my life where I felt like my job ruled my life and the stress was unbearable. I figured that since both my friend and I experienced such similar experiences, others may have been there (or may be there) as well.
When the Money Isn’t Worth It
People measure success in varying ways. Happiness. Money. Good friends. Close family. A top position at work.
One of the things that stuck out to me about Ryan when we first started dating was that he always made me his first priority. I never doubted how much he cared for me, and coming from a previous relationship where I never really knew how much I meant to someone until after we broke up, his affectionate ways and loving demeanor were extremely attractive to me. He made me feel like my happiness = his happiness.
As we continued dating, I learned more about his hopes and dreams for the future and his desire to do well in the business world. But the one goal he always said first? “Be happy.”
I used to simply smile at this remark and think to myself, “Well, duh.”
As the years passed, I realized that this goal is perhaps the most difficult goal to achieve. It takes effort, will power, dedication, strength and constant evaluation of your attitude and surroundings.
When Ryan and I discuss what exactly happiness means to us, we agree that having a loving family and a warm, safe and comforting home life are the key to our personal happiness. A job that is rewarding and makes us feel integral, excited and passionate is also important.
Job and financial success are a tricky one for me.
I was raised in a house that was very, very aware of finances. My sister and I would get in serious trouble if we left a room and left the light on.
This turned me into a serious saver and was a major reason behind my decision to change majors in college to pursue a career I thought might be more lucrative.
My first job out of college paid very little. I was happy in my job, but after a year I got restless and applied for jobs that paid more.
I was offered a position as a marketing manager and it came with more responsibility and significantly more pay.
And more stress.
The intense stress I felt in my job as a marketing manager was so unexpected and so daunting. I had no work-life balance and worked late into the evenings on week days, worked weekends and thought about work non-stop.
When I would arrive home from work, I wouldn’t want Ryan to ask me about my day because I didn’t even want to talk about work. On Sunday mornings I awoke feeling depressed and absolutely dreaded Monday mornings. I remember crying to Ryan saying that I was wishing away five days of my life every week.
The money simply wasn’t worth it.
In the little spare time I had, I began applying for new jobs.
When I received an interview for a writing and editing position with a large website, I felt excited and relieved. And then I learned about the pay. It paid $10,000 less than the position I currently held.
I was so miserable in my current job, but could I really forgo $10,000? Was $10,000 worth having no personal life and feeling such extreme stress and anxiety? Absolutely not.
I cried and worried and freaked out many times before finally accepting the new position and leaving my job as a marketing manager.
From my first day at my writing and editing job, I never looked back. Not once did I think I made a mistake. Did I miss the extra money in my paycheck? Sure. But it was so incredibly worth it.
Two years out of college I learned that the old saying “money doesn’t buy happiness” really is true. I learned early on that I would rather make less money than make a ton of money if the extra money meant countless hours at the office, unyielding pressure, no time with those I love and intense stress.
Yes, money is important. It’s perfectly okay to have the desire to make money, be ambitious and have financially-driven goals. But I never want to forget the most important things in the world. My family. My friends. Personal peace and happiness.
Many jobs are hard at times and easier at others, but unrelenting jobs that provide no reprieve from stress and pressure are draining. My job as a marketing manager took more away from me than just my time. It took away me.
Sometimes it’s okay to take a risk. It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to care more about yourself than your paycheck.
Questions of the Day
- Have you ever been in a job where you were truly miserable?
- Would you have a hard time taking a dramatic pay cut to accept a position you felt would be a better fit for you emotionally?
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It’s sad to see so many people are silly enough to believe that money is at all worth pursuing. It comes down to this: do you want to live a big picture life, or a small one? The factors that determines what professions are “lucrative” are extremely limited. It changes over time. It has nothing to do with you or your talents as a person. Do you want to live in a way that lets society define you? Or do you want to be yourself and do what you can to define society? I sincerely hope people think this way and always choose the latter. Don’t major in what’s lucrative. Don’t think of careers. Do what you are talented with, what you have a passion for. Let the rest work itself out.
To do otherwise is to be small in the world.
Having a job you love is so much more important than money. Yes being comfortable helps but it isn’t worth the stress and no life! I left a 70+ hour a week job because at the end of the day that decent salary was very little at that many hours.
What a great post. I currently feel like that in my current position at times and am trying to plan my next move. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement!
Oh man. I quit a job that promised me the world because I was miserable and took a job in the restaurant world! I’m so much happier at the restaurant… 9-5ing just doesn’t jive with me, personally, so this change was perfect. I am brilliantly frugal so the pay cut doesn’t matter much to me at all. Being happy is priceless.
I am fortunate to have a job that I adore, working with people who feel the same way. I do not make a fortune, but I make enough and I don’t work all the time. I didn’t have an extravagant upbringing in the material sense, but all of our basic needs were met well and I was with my family a lot. I have just carried that sentiment with me in my day to day life and more importantly, my marriage. My husband and I work to live, not live to work. I would rather have extra hours each day together than occasionally glancing toward the next carved out vacation months down the road and never seeing each other until then. It truly is about balance and identifying what is important to you.
This is so great…some people I know who just graduated are all excited because they’re going into the finance industry, and it does pay a ton, but they’re working 80+ hour weeks. Whenever I hear about things like that I always think “Sure you have all this money, but where – and WHEN – are you going to spend it?”
Wow, my husband and I have these discussions from time to time, usually after he bemoans another ceiling being implemented on his overtime. Even without any of his overtime, we are very comfortable financially, and I try to point out the positive aspects of not working those extra hours–more time together, or time to follow hobbies, or just time to unwind before bedtime.
And given that I grew up in a much more financially stable household than he did, I do wonder if that colors our opinions. I had more than enough growing up, so I am well aware of what I can do without, whereas he was always aware of what he lacked, such as when his parents didn’t use the heat in wintertime to save money, and he slept in several sleeping bags to stay warm.
Yes, I’ve had a crappy job…and it didn’t even pay well! What was I thinking?! I agree with you: happiness is much more important than money. I’m a stay-at-home making no money but we are extremely happy that way and we make it work 🙂
Love this post.. Life is too short to be stuck in a job that makes you unhappy!!
First off, I love the hairstyle you’ve chosen! I think that will look beautiful for your friend’s wedding.
Regarding the money question… excellent discussion going on here. I am fortunate to have been with a company that I love, doing what I grew up dreaming of doing for nearly eight years now. At times it’s been tense, but at the end of the day I’m giving back to my community (my company is non-profit) and I usually get to check out a free show that I helped to produce! When I accepted my position, I was making a very meager salary, but it’s paid off in the long run with invaluable experience and relationships. Now, I’m a little more comfortable (still on a non-profit wage) but am also taking more time for home life and ‘me’ time.
Very awesome post. Right now, I have anxiety over a job interview tomorrow. I have a hard time balancing life at home and work. My job, no matter what postiion I hold in my job (law enforcement) is quite stressful. My husband is also a police officer and we have two children. Life can be quite crazy. I am always torn between what I want in my career and my home life. It is a struggle. I hope one day to get myself out of the tangled ropes 😉
I worked in sales for a year selling UPS to local businesses. So much driving, negativity, and rejection! I remember crying to my mom on the phone as I sat in my car, not wanting to go into another office. I quit, took a lower paying job, and applied to Optometry School. I just finished my first year and I LOVE it!
that’s awesome! my best friend just graduated from optometry school at indiana this past may!
Here’s the way I see it: you get one chance at living the life you’ve got. Nothing comes with you at the end of it. Is making money important? Absolutely. I would be surprised to find anyone who doesn’t care about making enough to support themselves/those they care for. I think the problems start when we get greedy–yeah, we’re living a comfortable life, but the Joneses just bought a new Lexus, and it sure would be nice if…. You know? That trap. That’s just a never ending cycle of getting getting getting that, and the end of the day, truly means nothing if you’re miserable. Some people are certainly stuck in stressful jobs for financial reasons. Other people just see themselves as “stuck” in a stressful job because they’re not willing to give up any part of the lifestyle they currently lead.
Great post, btw.
yes, yes, yes. 100% agree. a church service i attended about two months ago touched on this… about being happy with the success you have NOW because it’s in our nature to want, want, want even after we achieve goals we set for ourselves.
Your success is not yours. We may work hard, but do we work harder than people scrounging for a living in third world countries? No. We’re incredibly lucky. That’s all there is to it. Luck. We deserve nothing. Even wanting a “comfortable”living is a big problem. It’s not okay.
I relate to so many items in this post and applaud you for putting your happiness first!
When I moved to NYC, I transferred in a very high stress job at a large PR firm. But while it was crazy in Chicago, it was absolutely out-of-control in NYC. I actually slept at the office a couple of time :-(. Well, more like worked all night. Finally, I realized, it wasn’t just the job, but the environment.
Which is how I found this job I’m at right now. I couldn’t be happier at the place I’m at. It’s literally the perfect fit. The people and the culture fit me like a glove.
But at the same time, my dream of working at a magazine is always in the back-of-my-mind, since I work with so many writers/editors as a part of my PR job. I’d definitely take a pay cut to make that happen. I’m all about pursuing the dream! Even if i’m content with this job, why not go for it all? 🙂
Julie, I am so happy you posted this. I am currently in a situation where I feel like I need to get out. I transferred to this job from a somewhat less stressful situation where I wasn’t overworked, got paid $10K less, but definitely had my sanity! I wanted more money and was “bored”, but now I am so sorry I ever left and am currently looking for other opportunities (“in the little time I have”–any suggestions??) and even contemplating going back to where I was and taking a pay cut. I know the feeling you had and it is absolutely miserable. I crave more time with my boyfriend, more time to cook, more time to blog, I am the same way on the weekends as you were. I wish there was an easy fix, but it takes time!
I totally agree with this post! Money does not equal happiness. It can help, but not always.
I just graduated from university and have been struggling H-A-R-D to find a job in my field. I’m working retail right now with barely full time hours and a minimum wage salary. It stinks and I stress so much every day about it. I think this is one of the cases where a higher pay could help alleviate some of my stress.
Obviously you did an amazing job writing this post w/ the 133 comments. I am adding this post to my twitter as well. I couldn’t agree more. There has to be a fine balance. Overworked–no time for anything, even spending all the money you work so hard for = stress. Love your job, but don’t make enough money = stress. Balance is key. I think less money, but passion for what you do and time to enjoy yourself and others and increase your passion for your job and not dreading always is best. Who knows, the job that makes less now, may make you more later. Reason = your passion shines through more and someone out there sees this, appreciates it and offers you more. Something to think about.
Suzanne
My job isn’t stressful in itself, but there is stress in the fact that the company is currently in liquidation and there is no timeline as to if and when people’s positions will be eliminated. It’s scary and some days I don’t like going to work because it feels like there’s a black cloud over the building. I have a tentative plan for when my time to leave the company comes though, plus I have my husband’s income as well, so it’s not as bad as it would be if I were single. I truly feel for the people at my company who rely solely on their own income to pay the bills…not a good situation at all.
I was definitely there a few years ago. I worked at a law firm for three years after college (it had nothing to do with my major, it just kind of fell into my lap). I enjoyed working with the people there, and the work wasn’t completely terrible. However, I felt like I was wasting my time – I didn’t truly enjoy what I did and I felt no passion for it whatsoever. I was in the process of getting my masters degree in education and was looking for a teaching position. I finally got an offer for the job that I wanted so badly, but the pay was about $7500 less – ouch. Like you, I didn’t want to miss that money, but I did want to be happy. I am going on my third year of this teaching job, and I have no doubt that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I’m so glad you are enjoying what you are doing now! Money definitely doesn’t buy happiness!
this post is great, and i’m just so happy that now you are able to be happy! i’ve always believed that the best thing in life is to do something that you enjoy, surround yourself with people you want to be around, and try not to get too hung up on the material things. that said, duh, isn’t that like a perfect world…and i stress about the finances and am afraid of living in a box, etc.
But i’d like to think that if i were in the position as your friend i’d get out of the situation. in life, i think it has a way of working it’s way out and something will open up for her..a job that isn’t making her life hell. you had a lot of courage to do so and i admire that. i also have to say just how sweet it is that ryan has always put your first and made that KNOWN. that guy’s a keeper, but u knew that…lol. 🙂
thanks for sharing this and on a different note, ya, when u’re living with rats there is no such thing as a 5 second rule! 😛
I’ve had a couple jobs that I absolutely hated. At some point I always would end up in tears because I just didn’t want to go to work.
I finally quit my last job after things got really bad, but it left me with no urge to find another job. Now I’m rethinking what I want to do in hopes that I’ll finally find a job that makes me happy.
Love that style hair! That’s kind of what I did in my brother in law’s wedding, the side chignon. Worked well with my fine hair.
I love my job as a concierge but last year I was unhappy at the hotel I worked at. When I was offered a job at a hotel that I LOVED, the pay was significantly less but I took it anyway because I knew I would be happy. Turned out, a week later, the pay was raised and now I’m making more than I was at the last hotel. 🙂
I knew going into my profession that teaching was not going to be my dream pay job. I am okay with it, because when Monday comes I don’t dread work. The job also allows me so much time to travel and enjoy life. I think happiness is so much more important than money.
My wedding up-do consists of taking all of curls gathering them in the back and putting like 30-40 bobby pins in there with lotsssss of hair spray 🙂
This is sooo true. Nothing compares to job happiness!
I love the latest up-do find! That one is super cute!
As far as the job thing goes, I’m 27 and still in school. I’m a 5th year graduate student and can’t wait to get out of school and get a Big Girl Job. As much as I hate grad school right now, it makes me worry about getting into the real world and getting a job. Will all this schooling be worth it? Will I even find something I like? Or end up opening a bakery or something pretty much not even related to chemistry.
Growing up has it’s ups and downs but it’s nice to know that there are people out there that have similar bumps in the road as me.
Thanks for your post!!
Wow, reading this post today made me realize what I knew all along. I have been following my husband around with his jobs for the last 5 years (which I do not regret for one second! ), as they gave us a perfect opportunity to travel around the world!
However since we have stopped here in the US, I feel like I have just ended up going from one job that made me miserable to another just as it was what I was qualified to do. Even though really I have known since Uni, it’s not what I have any passion towards doing. So now, I am spending my time working out how to get to that job (low paid or not) that will make me not dread going into the office everyday.
Thanks Julie (and all the other commentors!) 🙂
Great post!! I can certainly relate.
I work in fitness the money is not all that great….but I love what I do and I leave work each day feeling great and I don’t spend my hours outside of working thinking about work.
I would not want to be in a job where all I thought about was work and worked extremely long hours…my happiness is not defined by money, nor is my success.
i think a lot of us realized quickly that being in a job we hate isn’t worth anything–we spend so much time working, it’d be nice to at least HALF way enjoy it.
yes, nursing school is hard, and i am making zero money right now, but i am already happier doing something i enjoy.
I was so miserable at Comcast when I worked there for not even six months. I cannot count how many times I cried and that depressing feeling that you got was exactly how I felt. My shift was Saturday through Wednesday so I never had weekends with my boyfriend or my family. It was so terrible. my boyfriend and I talked about it and even with no job lined up, we both decided it was not worth depression because it was affecting EVERY part of my life.
Now, I’m much better off in a new position and haven’t looked back! You can get better and be better. Money definitely does not make you happier, it helps, but it doesn’t last. I might not make a ton, but so much more rewarding and I’m the Jessica I always have been 🙂 all I say is welcome back!!!!
Julie, I have to thank you so much for posting this! I couldn’t have come across this at a better time. I am, like many of the above comments, at a cross-road. I have a pretty decent paying job but the agony has gotten so bad that it has caused me to lose sleep, have anxiety attacks and generally changed my demeanor. I have been struggling to figure out if I would be ok with less pay. This post served as a nice reminder that there are better things to come, in due time 🙂
I hated working at a summer job at an amusement park. I never got any training and my coworkers were not friendly whatsoever. I’ve never quit anything in my life, even when my high school basketball team had drama with coaches. Yet, I was crying after every shift and even cried the first day during a shift. Now, it’s hard coming home and trying to get a job, when you have to go back to college in September. No one really wants you for just 3 months, plus I don’t have a lot of work experience. Apparently its the lowest empolyment for teens this summer, but I”m not 100% on that. Sometimes, my sanity and happiness are worth not being able to buy everything I want.
I think everyone experience this at some point in their life whether it’s before they actually start the job or shortly after entering the work force. For me, I prepared my whole life for being a doctor. I took extra science classes and probably did more than was healthy for me during college to make sure that I was prime candidate for medical school. However, at the end of my senior year I was required to do an internship and worked along side a Pediatric Nurse Practioner and a Pediatrician. One morning of rounds with them and I knew no matter how much it paid it was not worth it to me! I hated rounding, i wanted to interact with the patients. Saving myself hunderds of thousands on medical school and years of my life, I switched to nursing and I could not be happier. I love my job and look forward to the positive impact I make each day:)
Julie this post is so timely for me. I’m a marketing manager at a major agency. Yes there are days I love it (thank goodness) because I love the people I work with and there are days (like today) that I seriously question my career choice. You know what they say, mo money’ mo problems. Its so true! My dad always said that if I based my happiness on my salary it would never be enough and he’s so right.
I absolutely L-O-V-E this post. I am a recent graduate (one year out) and it took me 6 months to find a internship that turned into a full-time position. I’m currently working at the position and I absolutely hateeeeeeee it. I never have anything to do and I have a hard time staying positive with other things in my life when 40 hours of my week are awful. Unfortunately, the student loan payments I have are outrageous so I *have* to think about the $$ and cannot leave this job unless I can find a replacement to pay the loans… but I still loved this post because ALL I want for myself is to be happy and I keep pushing through in hopes that I’ll look back at this job and really appreciate my future 🙂
I have had one job that I truly hated as a CNA. We were ridiculously overstaffed. I felt that I wasn’t even safe going to work and didn’t feel safe doing the things that they asked of me. I don’t know if I could answer the second question honestly right now because I have never had a high paying job since I haven’t graduated yet! I don’t think that money truly buys happiness though.
I read your blog a ton – even the bf recognizes it – but this is the first time I just HAD to comment. I’m five years out of college (gaah), but I am exactly here. Even the careers are similar, both what I do now and where I am hoping to go. I broke down hard to my bf over the weekend. The work dread and the weekday zombie life have become unbearable, especially as it’s putting insane pressure on my weekends to be amazing…and sort of ruining those as well.
Yet I still am having a hard time coming to terms with the inevitable pay cut, even though I know I would be so much happier. It’s not even the money, exactly, since I don’t spend a lot generally. For me it is more about security, but what is the point of being secure in a life I don’t want?
Thanks for giving some of us a strong push in the right direction! I need a lot of those right now 🙂
It will get better! It HAS to. 🙂
Great topic Julie. This is something we all probably struggle with. 🙁
Super cute hair !!! I bet It’d look super cute on you!
let us know how it turns out! I want to try it sometime, too! Though not sure if itd work on asian hair lol.
Great post about financial status vs happiness. I’m kind of struggling wroth the same thing. Im not quite sure where the balance is between being happy by not being overly stingy…vs. Being financially responsible, buying mostly just necessary items and not going overboard especially since I’ll be taking out a loans for med school
WOW! Great post. I just finished nursing school in December and absolutely HATE my job right now. It’s not the money that is holding me back from finding a different job but the countless hours of working so hard to get where I am and then to find out that nursing is far harder than I expected. Tough decisions to make ahead for me.
Fate must have brought me to this blog and post (my first visit, found via twitter)!
I am going through this situation right now and feel stuck due to insurance and finances and even wrote about it last night. I dread going everyday. When I come home I feel sick and tired, literally.
This isn’t worth it…..
Thanks for the post and everyone else for commenting! It is an eye opener that I am not alone out their in the pursuit of happiness. It totally is not worth it, doing a job that makes you miserable and cry all the time. I was there just 3 months ago, up and quit without having anything sound lined up and it was the best decision ever! I feel like myself again, and can’t believe how I was living. While you need money to love, lower paying jobs that make you smile and give you life balance are well worth it.
This post could not have come at a better time. In the last few months i’ve been working 13 hour days and weekends and i’ve been so miserable. It’s suppose to pass, but I don’t really see an end in sight. Everything(cooking/bloggin) & everyone I love have been put on the back burner since i barely have time to brush my teeth before i pass out and have to do it all over again. However, everyone tells me I’m lucky to have a job right now, and that I should just hang in there since it’s a tough time for most companies and i’m not the only one. That’s what I’m going to do for now, but i’m not sure how long i can last! At least I have a vacation to Europe in Sept that can’t be taken away from me! Thanks for the reminder of what’s important, I really need to take some time to reevaluate the situation instead of allowing myself to get sucked into this constant vaccuum of demands.
Love this post, Julie! I just took a PR Manager position that a love, that came with a salary decrease that I hate(d). But the last job was sucking the life out of me — and this one is so fulfilling and rewarding. Money sure does make things easier sometimes when you’ve got it in excess, but it’s not everything.
Congrats to you – hope you’re enjoying the new gig. 🙂
xoxo,
Jenn
I love this Julie!! definitely spot on :). It’s so important to have a good work/life balance otherwise everything will go up in flames. I’ve also been in jobs where I felt miserable and def feel for you and your friend going through this. But I guess when you’re down, there’s nowhere else to go but up!
Such a great post Julie!!!! You are so motivating, I just love ya’ to pieces!!! I miss you and can’t wait for a visit 😉
Love this post! I was in a job that made me truly miserable. I started as a database administrator for a venture capital firm and truly loved it….then we had layoffs and I was left to support the CEO and took a 20% pay cut. Not only was I getting paid less, but the CEO was a egotistical, devil man and horrendous to work for. After putting up with his BS for 6 months, I quit, found a new job that I absolutely love, and have never been happier! I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I will never again put earning more money over my happiness 🙂
Wow- this really hit home for me right now. I’m in a job that pays little (my first out of college) AND gives me little satisfaction/passion fulfillment. I started my blog – http://lavieeuropa.wordpress.com/ in an attempt to rekindle my passion for food, travel and the slower European lifestyle that I had when I traveled abroad.
It has been bringing joy to my day and allows me to have a more positive work/life balance! Did you start your blog for similar reasons?
This post really hits home for me. I’ve planned on going into a particular field since second grade and after an internship I knew I would be completely miserable sloggin it out for the pay I would receive. $ isn’t the be all end all, but if the job isn’t the greatest thing to ever happen to you a crazy-low wage isn’t going to cut it.
Now I’ve transferred to a school in the state where my parents live to switch majors and save money while I figure out exactly what I want to do. Not having a plan is really intimidating, but taking control of the situation and making an effort to figure things out is the best I can do.
Thanks for the great post, Julie!
I was in a very similar situation after I came out of college with my 2nd job that I had. I HATED it. I dreaded each do going to it and was miserable when I was there. I was so close each day to walking in and quiting but I held tight until I did get another job although that job required a $10,000 pay cut. Thankfully, I had a VERY supportive husband and he agreed that money isn’t worth misery. It was the best decision I ever made leaving that job and I never regretted my decision. Being happy is not equated to making more money for that I am c ertain!