I’d also love to hear from the other parents who might be reading. What is something you wish you would’ve known before your little one arrived? I’m considering rounding up your comments in a follow-up blog post, so please share away!
What I Wish I Knew Before My Baby Was Born
- Stock Up On Self Care Items
Bless my mom and my sister for assembling a basket of self care items for me because if it weren’t for them, I would’ve arrived home from the hospital in dire need of some essentials to make myself feel clean and comfortable(ish). I was so wrapped up in having everything I needed for my baby boy that I didn’t even think about what I might need for myself after birth.
My self care essentials: Tucks Witch Hazel Pads, Perineal Irrigation Bottle, Dermoplast Pain Relieving Spray, Extra Heavy Pads
I actually had two of everything so I had a little basket of these essentials ready for me both in our master bathroom and in our downstairs bathroom. I highly recommend duplicates if you live in a house with two stories!
(Note: I had a vaginal delivery but would absolutely encourage expectant mothers to research self-care items they might need after a c-section as well, as you never know what will happen when it’s time for your baby to make their debut!)
- Your Baby Will Smile At You For The First Time Right When You Need It Most
For the first few weeks of a newborn’s life, all they seem to do is eat, sleep and cry. When they are awake you feel like your only job is to love on them and do anything possible to keep them from crying but the only feedback you get from your baby is them NOT crying. I guess you could say a baby not crying is positive feedback but it sure feels pretty darn neutral. When you’re singing, rocking, making silly faces and doing everything you can to make your baby happy and the best you get is Stone Cold Baby Face, it can be a little rough.
And then, one day, right when you need it most, your baby will smile at you. And that smile will let you know you are doing just fine.
- The Joy Is In The Moments Not The Milestones
Before I gave birth, I noticed that a lot of things new parents highlight in conversations about their babies centered around baby milestones. “Charlie is officially crawling!” “Sophie sat up all by herself today!” I assumed these moments were where the biggest amount of joy came for a parent but I was very wrong. My biggest joys have come in in the quiet of the night when Chase is cuddled close to me as he nurses after a long day. They’ve come during the craziness of everyday life when Chase lets out a loud pterodactyl squeal that makes me laugh which sets off his big gummy baby smile. Joy comes when we watch Chase kick his legs as fast as he can the minute we strip him down before bath time because being naked, in Chase’s mind, is the best. The joy bubbles up when Chase stares at Sadie, absolutely transfixed on our magical dog creature.
While there is absolutely joy in the big milestones, the greater joy for me has been in the seemingly small moments of simply spending time with my baby and watching him grow, change and observe new things every day.
A bunch of you guys recommended this app to me after Chase was born and it truly helped me feel 10,000x better many, many times. If Chase was particularly cranky, I would check the app (and still do reference it regularly!) and it would almost always tell me we were in the middle of a new developmental leap. After reading this, I felt like I could exhale again, knowing this fussy period would likely pass soon and we were in the middle of something many parents had been through before me. I also love the way the app provides ideas for ways to stimulate your baby in line with their current developmental phase.
I actually bought The Wonder Weeks book and reference it on occasion as well, but the app is so darn handy!
- Buy Nursing Clothes Ahead Of Time
Before Chase arrived, I think I had maybe one or two nursing tops and bras. Well, once my milk came in and I had a baby in my arms 24/7, clothes and bras got dirty really fast. And when breastmilk gets on your clothes, it smells! Thank goodness for Amazon Prime and Target! I immediately added a few more nursing items to my wardrobe so I didn’t feel like a hot mess walking around in baby spit up and soggy breastmilk-soaked tank tops all the time.
My nursing favorites (purchased thanks to your recommendations!): Gilligan & O’Malley Nursing Tank (I honestly have at least four or five of these now! I LIVED in them for a solid three months.), Gilligan & O’Malley Seamless Nursing Bra, Bravado Seamless Nursing Bra
I also loved button-up pajamas for the first week or two (or three…) when I wore pajamas all day long. The button up tops worked really well and I lived in this super-soft Shimera night shirt.
Now I’m in the phase where I just love big v-neck t-shirts because they allow me to keep the sleeves of my shirt on but pull the shirt up and over my neck when I’m at home and want to easily feed Chase without living in nursing/button-up clothing. (<—I feel like I’m not explaining that well, but hopefully other nursing mamas know what I mean!) I now have my favorite Victoria’s Secret Essential V-neck T-shirt in five colors (yes, that’s kind of embarrassing…) and think it’s great! I bought it two sizes up when I was pregnant to accommodate my bump but after Chase was born I bought the same larger size because I love the looser fit and lightweight feel of the shirt. It’s my favorite nursing shirt that works well both as casual daytime attire and pajamas.
- Know That What Works For One Mom Might Not Work For You (And That’s Okay!)
Read the above statement a few times. Now read it again and commit it to memory. It can be so, so easy to feel like a big fat failure when you read parenting books or hear from other parents who have had great success implementing certain strategies related to everything from sleep and play to nap times and feeding. Just because one mom had a great experience with a certain parenting method does not mean you will and if you don’t, that doesn’t make you or your baby a failure.
When Chase was a few months old, I legitimately turned to Ryan in the middle of the night after we tried our best to follow a certain sleep strategy to encourage Chase to sleep longer stretches at night and said, “I think our baby is broken,” as Chase was screaming and I was reading some horrible statistic about how basically everyone else who followed this strategy had babies sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. Not my baby! And that’s okay. We got there eventually when we – and he! – were ready.
Different things work for different babies and parents and that’s great! It can just be difficult to remember this when you feel like you’ve tried every strategy under the sun on your baby without any success. Sometimes there is no strategy and just going with the flow and responding to what you think your baby needs is the best route.
- Buy Clothes According To The Size You (Or Your Partner) Were As a Baby
Ryan and I were both small babies (Ryan was only 6 pounds) but I didn’t really think about this ahead of time. I heard a ton of people talk about how they never used any of their newborn clothes, so I had a lot of 0-3 month clothes on hand for Chase after he was born. Well, our little 5 pound 10 ounce bundle of joy was swimming in these clothes and had it not been for a few hand-me-down newborn onesies my friend Caitlin gave me from her son Henry, Chase would’ve been naked until Amazon Prime delivered a bunch of newborn clothes to our house. Consider your size and your partner’s size as a baby when buying clothes for your little one before their arrival!
- You May Feel Ragey When Someone Asks If You Think Your Baby Might Be Hungry
In the beginning, it felt like I was feeding Chase around the clock. He ate all the time and I fed him all the time, so whenever Ryan would innocently ask me if I thought Chase might be hungry when he was fussing, I felt an incredible rage course through my body. As his only food source, I was clearly the only one who could feed him and asking me whether I thought the child I was feeding constantly was hungry made me want to throw a thousand things in the direction of the person questioning Chase’s hunger, as innocent and caring as the questions may have been at the time.
- Ignore Facebook Baby Brags
Oh the Facebook baby brags! These killed me! When I was in the middle of a horrible sleep patch with Chase, I remember reading a friend’s Facebook post that talked about her “amazing little sleeper” who was sleeping through the night at only eight weeks old. Chase was four months old and nowhere close to achieving this milestone. I thought I might slam my phone into a wall while tears of sleepless exhaustion rolled down my face.
I wasn’t upset at my friend for sharing this – as a mom believe me I KNOW how amazing it feels when your baby actually does sleep through the night for the first time and it really does feel share-worthy – but when you see a share like this on Facebook, remember there are a million other moms out there in your boat… And when it doubt, remember the above quote. Everyone is struggling with something.
- The First Few MONTHS May Be Tough
People talk about the challenges that come with the first six weeks of life with a new baby. I read about the hardships new moms may face centering around fluctuating hormones and adjusting to life with a newborn. I feel lucky because I honestly felt pretty great for the first three weeks of Chase’s life and am convinced I was existing on adrenaline and my mom’s incredible help… And then Chase “woke up.” There’s a huge difference between feeding a baby who will go back to sleep in the middle of the night and a baby who eats and then wants to be up for hours at 2 a.m.
I was faced with the kind of exhaustion that brings you to tears. I kept waiting to feel less exhausted but that never really happened. It just kind of became my new normal and somehow included moments of the most intense joy and love I’ve ever felt as I held my little boy. I was surprised by just how little sleep I could exist on, though I was definitely suffering from “Mommy Brain” daily and doing crazy things like putting full cups of coffee away in the kitchen cabinet.
It took some time, but around six months, everything seemed to change for the better. We started to hit our stride. Chase started napping and sleeping better. Breastfeeding was no longer the battle it was when the distracted phase of eating hit at four months. Patterns started to emerge and I began to feel more and more like myself. Oh sleep, I missed you so much!
Some people hit their stride with their little one earlier, some people later. But I think it’s helpful to know that if you’re struggling with a baby who is no longer a tiny newborn, you are NOT alone. Not at all!
- Bladder Control Is A Joke
You guys, I did my kegels. I swear. But something changes after a baby is born that I’m convinced even the best kegeler cannot avoid. First, one thing I did not know is that an epidural can effect bladder control after birth for a few days. This is probably major oversharing, but I literally could not stand up and walk to the bathroom without peeing myself for a couple of days. I freaked out and kept asking the amazing nurses at the hospital about this and they assured me it was likely due to my epidural and I would begin to regain control of my bladder soon. They were right, but it’s kind of terrifying to have absolutely NO control of your bladder for 48 hours!
Now, eight months postpartum, my bladder control is back but it’s definitely not what it once was and I still wear active pads to the gym on days when I know we’ll be jumping a lot as a precaution! (FYI, Tena active ultra thin pads work well! And Knix Wear makes underwear specifically designed for active women who experience light bladder leaks. The underwear features a built in leak proof and absorbent liner moisture wicking and anti-odor technologies.)
- Even If You’ve Never Been A Baby Person, You Will Love YOUR Baby
I have never been a baby person. I think babies are cute and all that but I never really had the desire to hold someone else’s baby (even really good friends’ babies!) and I let this thought marinate in my head a little too much when I was pregnant. I had a good amount of anxiety about whether or not I would really feel that all-consuming motherly love you read about when my baby was born… But OH MY GOSH I felt it. And it grows leaps and bounds every single day.
The love I have for Chase is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s overwhelming in the best possible way. My son is everything to me and I truly feel like the words “I love you” don’t even begin to capture the way I feel about him. He is my world and my love for him is unconditional and all-consuming.
Question of the Day
- For the parents: What is one thing you wish you would’ve known before you had a little one in your life?
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One thing that changed for me is finally understanding parents on a new level (and kind of being impatient with my non-parent friends). It is a whole new world when you have a baby; life changes. My friends without babies will make comments that their dogs are their babies and it is the same. Talk about wanting to throw things at someone! You do not compare caring for a dog with caring for a 6-week old. Oh my. Ha!
Awesome post, and thank you for being honest about bladders! I have been diligent with my keegals but simply cannot run. I hope one day that will improve, but it certainly is frustrating. I don’t see mention of you running much lately and was wondering if that was why or is it just no longer of interest?
I’m not a medical professional, but ladies- you shouldn’t be struggling with bladder control. This signals pelvic floor weakness and will lead to a whole slew of other issues if it isn’t corrected…. Go to a physical therapist (it *should* be covered by your insurance) and get some help! Also, barre classes really help with TA weakness. Kegels aren’t the only (or even the best) exercise to strengthen your pelvic floor. Just FYI as I hate to see so many women mentioning this as being ok; it is common but shouldn’t be misconstrued as “normal”!
I’m a pelvic floor physical therapist and say thanks for this comment! (I’m reading it almost 2 years later, but oh well!) You’re right: leaking urine is common but never normal. If after 6 weeks post partum you’re still leaking, see pelvic floor PT!
Also, beautiful post, Julie! I totally got the feeling “ragey”. Made me chuckle remembering my reaction to the question.
I ended up spending way too much on Victoria Secret button down pjs (CAD currency rate stinks) in an exhausted fog just trying to find something that could make night feeds a bit easier. For me I tried to not spend much before baby came and figured I didn’t need things and after baby came I probably spent more money because I wasn’t prepared and just bought anything that seemed to make things easier. I wish I was a bit more prepared and didn’t short change my comfort!
Thank you so much for posting, Julie! I’m about to be a new momma (due May 8th!) and these tips are wonderful! I’ll be stocking up on all the essentials in the next week or two just in case our little guy decides to make an early debut! 🙂
Oh Julie,
What a great post. This one hit home with me, that’s for sure. Your son reminds me of when my son was his age. I love reading all about your growing journey with Chase. And this may sound like a cliché but each days gets better and better. With regards to your leakage, you may want to look into Pelvic floor therapy. I didn’t have any leakage but I noticed that I was running to the bathroom every half hour and thought this was my new normal after having my son. Well I found out from my Pelvic Floor therapist that is not. I actually had a titled pelvis hence the reason for my frequent bathroom runs. I’m happy to report that after 4 visits that I no longer need to run to the ladies room that often.
Hope this helps you out. Chase is one lucky boy to have such an amazing Mom!!!
Thanks again for another great Post =0)
Thanks for sharing with us, Julie! I love how your post not only focused on your baby but on your body and emotions which is often the piece left out of these kind of articles. That is the advice I feel like all future mamas really need to hear!
My little dude is just 4 months, and I love reading your updates because they feel like a glimpse into the future. And I 100% agree that he will smile just when you need him to. But what else did I wish I knew before he was born? Mostly, just 3 things.
1. Yes, you will love him, but you may not *like* him all the time. That, and at first, your love may not feel like love (because it’s unlike any love you’ve ever had before). I was fiercely protective of him and anxious when he was away from me, but I didn’t have the gush of loving feelings I thought I would have, at least not right away. And it made me feel like a terrible mother (and really, like I didn’t feel like a mom yet). And those first few weeks are SO stressful, that even once I could recognize what I felt was love, it wasn’t always “like” all the time. When he’s screaming and not smiling (like you said) it’s so, so hard.
2. STEP AWAY FROM THE INTERNET. Seriously. For the first few weeks, every time he was nursing (which was all the time) I was on my phone looking up everything, and it drove me crazy. I finally had to decide I was going to trust my gut, and that was when I could finally relax and enjoy him rather than just being a nervous wreck all the time.
3. It disappears. So. Fast. I’m 4 months in and can just barely remember the newborn stage. I can just barely remember how tiny he felt when we first brought him home. It’s probably the lack of sleep, but seriously, take pictures and videos because it disappears so fast.
My SIL made me a self-care basket and I thought it was the best thing I got at my shower (figured that out after the baby was born). I think it’s a great gift to give because the mother never thinks about herself. And the Facebook one is so true….everyone is losing their minds! The one I would suggest is find other mom friends. I had my first and knew a couple of people nearby, but still wasn’t comfortable asking them for help. It wasn’t until my first was almost 1 I joined a moms group which consisted of other kids around the age of my son. What started out on MeetUp quickly spread to Facebook where we always have discussions/questions and it’s so nice everyone is going through the same thing together. My other one is trust the father and take time for yourself. I always felt “guilty” leaving my child to go to something, but you really need the time to re-focus and remember who you are.
Great post, loved reading this and totally agree! One thing I wish I knew was that sometimes breastfeeding gets hard a week or so into nursing; everything went great for me for the first week and then I got super sore and it was a struggle. Would love to see you do a post on losing the baby weight, you look great after baby! I’m three and a half months after baby and still have ways to go:)
I am expecting my first baby next month and I appreciate this post so, so, so much! thank you!
Oh Julie, you nailed it! A few other tips:
1) for working mothers (or moms who will be pumping a fair amount)- get a car adapter for your pump! Pumping takes up so much time and being able to pump durning a commute is awesome; if you don’t have tinted windows (and if you even care at this point 😉 ) just wear an infinity scarf to cover yourself while pumping.
2) buy a kindle or other e-reader before the baby is born, download tons of books from your local library (free!) or buy a handful… Make sure you pick things that seem really easy and dumb to your pre-baby brain… Having something to read one-handed while breastfeeding ALL THE TIME saved me. I also read more idiotic chick lit the first few weeks of my son’s life than I have in my entire life to that point. Mommy brain is real, sleep deprived and hormonal mommy brain is even worse…. You don’t want anything that will cause you to have to think. Safe those neurons for something more important 🙂
3) there will be times that you have no idea WHY things got so hard again or you are so stressed after things were going so well; my son was a great sleeper as an infant and now, at almost a year, he cannot sleep through the night to save his life. Combine that with having (getting?) to chase him around all day = unproductive, exhausted, stressed-out momma. Cue yogic breathing.
Hi Julie,
Great list but I want to say that the peeing thing is actually not necessarily a forever thing you have to accept. I did my kegels, squats, all kinds of things to strenghten the pelvic floor but recently started leaking in exercise class when trying to jump rope. I also started exercising vigorously within a few months of giving birth. After talking to a friend who had this issue before I decided to tell my doctor, who requested ultrasound. It turns out I have a prolapsed bladder, which is super common and very underdiagnosed because mothers accept the fact that they might pee their pants as if it were inevitable. It’s also very likely related to the fact that I ran, and did exercises with jumps a few months after birth (I had been cleared by my doctor and though everything was fine). I’m starting physio soon to fix it and might need an operation if that doesn’t work. I’m just saying, ask your doctor to check you out, I am a little mad that the first few people I talked to about this told me to buy pads and it turned out to be a medical condition. When (if) I give birth again, I won’t run or do any jumping until AFTER doing pelvic floor physio.
Oh man, I am with you on so many of these things!!!
The one thing I would say that I wish I had known before having a baby was that breastfeeding isn’t always this easy, natural process. I’ve talked about it quite a lot on my blog, but we had a really, REALLY hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding, and because it isn’t really talked about I had no idea just how common of a problem it was! It wasn’t until I finally found a breastfeeding support group through my hospital that I learned that MANY women are dealing with breastfeeding issues! I just wish that this was a topic that more people were OK talking about so that moms don’t have to feel so alone (especially when those hormones are going whacko!)
Love this! And thank you for being honest with the “Even If You’ve Never Been A Baby Person, You Will Love YOUR Baby” bullet point. I think it takes a lot for you to be open about that and risk hearing some criticism, and as someone who isn’t a baby person, it makes me so relieved to know that other people have felt the same way!
Oh my gosh- so much of this! I wish I would have known/realized how difficult breastfeeding would be. I took a class while I was pregnant and had read/heard that it was hard, but I totally did not fully realize how much time I would spend feeding (and worrying about feeding!) my little one. Even four months later, planning life around feedings was just not something I was thinking about 9-12 months ago.
The best advice I can give to expectant moms is to hire a doula. I had no idea what a doula was before I got pregnant, but after I researched and heard other people’s experiences, I knew I wanted one. A doula is basically just another support system for mom, dad, and baby. We met with our doula a number of times before I gave birth to talk about and go over all of the decisions we would be faced with during our pregnancy and after he was born. There are a lot of things the hospital does that might seem “normal” but aren’t nessicarily needed. It was nice to know WE were in control of our pregnancy. As it turns out, our baby boy was born at home because he came so fast and we couldn’t have made it to the hospital! Our doula was there with my husband and I and she was phenomenal! She led the way as I delivered a healthy 8 1/2 lb baby boy!
Thank you for sharing, your honesty is very refreshing. I enjoy reading your blog and all of the topics you share. Thank you for inviting us in to see a glimpse of your family and life. Chase is very lucky to have you as his mommy.
I love how candid and honest you are in this post (and all the others). We are planning on starting a family in the next year or two and I am nervous about not being prepared. I really took a lot away from this, thank you!
such a sweet post! love the honesty. and he truly is adorable!
Honestly, I felt relatively prepared. The only two things I wish I would have known beforehand were that
A) Moms often make loose-ish time plans (ie “Tuesday morning”) instead of naming a specific time if they can help it, to allow for their babies to nap as needed. It’s sooo different than the corporate world!
B) I was given a ton of clothes for my son and it would have been super helpful for someone to explain the “bin” system to me…a Rubbermaid bin to store 0-3 month clothes, 3-6 months, 6-9 months, etc. It took me a little while to figure this out!!
Had to come back to read all the comments to see if anyone mentioned the hormones. I knew that you could be hormonal after having a baby, but I thought it would just be like PMS. For me, it was much stronger and more difficult to manage. I would cry about anything/everything. I was so easily frustrated, sad and angry. And it is all exacerbated by exhaustion. And, then I had it again when I weaned from pumping and nursing when my son was around 12 months. I wish I had known to expect this more so I could have handled it a bit better, and prepared my husband haha 🙂
1. I hated breastfeeding so so much and couldn’t wait to stop.
2. It took me three years to start enjoying my son most of the time. Babies are boring, and toddlers are insane.
3. Postpartum depression can show up long after birth. Just because you’re not suicidal or homicidal, that doesn’t mean you’re not depressed.
This list is spot on! Especially about people asking you if your baby is hungry! Not my husband (he was usually right, she really was hungry), but other family members! I would get asked this question literally right after I got done feeding her! So much rage!
It was never a question for me whether I would love my baby. I’ve always been a baby person. But the thing that has changed for me is that I truly understand what unconditional love is. And not just toward my daughter, but my husband, too. Although having a kid has been very trying on our marriage, I love him so much more than ever before.
Julie, what a sweet and honest post. I am not a mom yet, but I’m sure I will feel all these things one day when I am one. You are doing a great job and Chase is so lucky to have you!
Great post!!
As a mommy to a 9 month old baby girl, I can relate to a lot of this stuff
My advice:
Sign up for blue apron meals! Or whatever meal service you like. I wish I did this starting day 1. Would make my life Sooooo much easier. I started doing it a month ago and it is the bomb.com! Saves me so much time from meal planning and grocery shopping :))
I love this post! I am 25 weeks pregnant, so this is all great advice 🙂 Thanks for sharing!!
Love this list! I kept nodding along with every point! I would totally agree with the suggestions about buying newborn clothes, that was my number one ‘rule’ I didn’t follow from helpful other mamas, I just didn’t want to chance it that Sully would be a big baby (and at 6lbs I was right) so I was glad to have newborn clothes on hand. Also, I swore by Depends post c-section. I knew they’d be giving me HUGE pads and no real underwear to support them and those gowns to hide much so I was so happy to have depends for the first few weeks post baby…comfy and discrete 😉 I think I’d have to agree with other moms in saying how hard it was to breastfeed. I remember my mom telling me to ‘rough’ up my nips (legit she said that lol ) but with a poor latch, a tongue tie and a inverted nipple, and a baby who ate for at least an hour on each side, it wore me out and I turned to pumping and formula at 6 weeks. I feel like I lost soo much of the newborn phase because of this and know I can’t blame myself, but the guilt still (Sully is 8 months) gets me…a happy mama is a happy baby 😉
I also wish I would have known how hard breastfeeding would be. I think I just assumed because it’s natural and because I wanted to do it that it would be relatively easy. But it’s been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done and I wish I would have been better prepared for that. I took breastfeeding classes, but I feel like they didn’t prepare me for the things I *really* needed to know. Thank goodness for my fellow mamas who have reassured me that they faced similar challenges, overcame them, and that it’s worth it–they’ve been lifesavers these past weeks!
This is beautiful, Julie!
I agree with ALL of these, especially the whole not being a “baby person” and wondering how you’d react to your own child. I’ve never been around kids/babies, so I was terrified. But, after the normal challenges, it just clicked and now I’m head over heels in love with my child.
I wish I’d known to not put so much pressure on myself. I struggled with nursing at first and then once we got into a great groove, we struggled (still are) with weight gain. I wish I’d known to TRUST MY GUT not the da*n “chart.”
Motherhood is SO HARD but it’s amazing, too. You’re so right – what works for one mom may not work for you and that’s OK. <3
So true! I’m glad I’m not the only one who wanted to throw something at my husband when he asked if the baby was hungry. You perfectly summarized how I felt. Also, so glad you pointed out that you will need newborn clothes. I, too, was told that I wouldn’t and my baby had nearly nothing to wear. We had to have a quick Target run for newborn clothes and pjs. Now I always buy newborn clothes for expecting friends.
Fiiiiiiind a PT who does postpartum pelvic floor therapy. It’s a standard of care in many parts of the world, and I didn’t do it the first time around. I didn’t even know it was a thing the first time around, really. With baby #2, it has made a WORLD of difference. Your OBs office probably has a clinic they usually refer to.
Loved this post. While I don’t have any babies and likely won’t at this point in my life, this post was very real and honest. Reading these types of posts make me wish I had focused on being a mom earlier in life, that bond and being able to be part of someone’s development in life is incredible. Congratulations to you both for smiling through all of the chaos moments!
This was a great post–so honest, open, & beautifully written!
I also think it’s only fair to also share that sometimes some moms feel bad for having an easy transition. I sometimes felt like I couldn’t talk too much about my experience with my first baby because she was so easy and I honestly didn’t have a hard time (nor felt any deep sadness and stuff). Of course I was ridic tired, but in hearing others’ experiences, I didn’t feel a lot of that. However, nursing got tough around month 4 with her!! NOW with that easy transition then being said, my 2nd has been pretty easy as well but BOY did having TWO kids under 2 rock my world! SO TOUGH. That was a MUCH harder transition for me than becoming a mom if that makes any sense? It’s all beautiful and so wonderful, but man, it was survival mode there for awhile, hah!
Also, if it’s any consolation, my bladder control a few months pp after baby #2 is SO much better. No idea why, but maybe there is hope?! 😉
I can relate to so many of these especially the clothes. My husband was a 10lb baby and I was 7, everyone including the doctor kept telling me that my son would be big. That was until he was born premature at 5lbs 8 oz. I mostly had clothes 3 months and up! I wish that there was someway to be prepared for all the unwanted advice. The hardest thing for me is trusting my instincts and not second guessing if what I am doing is right because other people don’t agree.
I love that i can go through this journey with you.
Sarah
http://www.mysimplemomblog.com/
LILLYPADS!!! Genius product for nursing I Wish I would have known about before my third baby.
I could relate to so much of this! Other things I didn’t realize pre-baby
*I’d get ragey hearing people without young babies complain about being tired.
*Breastfeeding would be painful, for a long time! I had so many problems and had just expected it would be easy or at least better after 6 weeks.
*Recovery from a vaginally delivery can take a look time.
*I needed more prepared meals. I never realized how hard it would be to prepare dinner with a baby
*Getting back into shape and loosing all the weight would take until I stopped breastfeeding.
Keep up the honest posts!
These are so spot on. I thought I understand what having a baby would be like but I didn’t. I wish I knew to not talk to other moms about babies meeting milestones. I still get stressed that my baby is ‘behind’ or not doing something my sisters kids are. I also wish I knew that it is okay to call or go to the pediatrician whenever I think my daughter needs to. I’ve found that my intuition is right and I need to not worry about looking like one of those crazy moms. I agree with a lot of the comments that hormones are insane. I still have incredible anxiety even 7 months after my daughter was born. I think so many people think postpartum depression and anxiety go away a few weeks after the baby is born but I haven’t found that to be true. Lastly, I wish every hospital was more open about offering the nursery to new moms. I wanted to send my daughter to the nursery so I could get even an hour of sleep before we went home and no one told me I could. I had to ask. I think moms feel guilty for wanting sleep but after labor, I thought it was so so important to get rest before the madness at home began.
I wish I’d known that it’s ok NOT to feel that overwhelming all consuming love for your baby the second they are born. Because of some severe PPD, it took me awhile to feel that way about my son. I felt so guilty about not being overwhelmed by love, and instead felt regret and resentment for how much my life had changed. But, just know that even if you struggle with depression for the first weeks or months, you will eventually get to the motherly love part, and it’ll be everything you imagined.
Loved your thoughts on Facebook bragging :). I signed out of fb for a few weeks when I was struggling for that very reason. It just made me crazy.
Thank you for all the great insight. As a pelvic floor physical therapist, I’ve treated a lot of postpartum women who assume poor bladder control and leakage is “normal” after having a baby. This is definitely not the case, and with physician clearance, I typically will treat patients who do not have any medical complications as early as 6 weeks following delivery for urinary issues. In my experience, many women do their Kegels incorrectly, and there is research to back this up. If doing Kegels after delivery does not seem to help with urinary issues, this is where a pelvic floor physical therapist may be able to help to determine if you are contracting the correct muscles and at the correct time (many women do not reflexively contract the muscles correctly with coughing, laughing, sneezing, etc.). If pelvic floor muscles are weak (and there are 3 layers of them!), the gluts or inner thigh muscles may try to compensate. There are a lot of ways that pelvic floor/ women’s health physical therapists can help so that the changes in bladder control do not become your new normal. There are also other issues we can help with postpartum – such as pain with intercourse.
I have a couple:
1. I was so tired that I wish I had been more proactive around my house. For example I assumed I would still need to be in maternity clothes post partum. While I was for about a week it wasn’t months and months. I remember thinking that I needed to switch my closet back to all my normal clothes and just crying because I was SO tired and didn’t have the energy to do it.
2. Make as many freeze ahead meals as you can because you will be STARVING while nursing with absolutely no energy or desire to cook.
3. Newborns typically have day/night reversal.
4. Pumping is the single worst experience of a lifetime. I was an exclusive pumper because Trey never (after months and months of trying) latch on. I developed such a strong hatred for my pumping machine ad I even started to get pissed off when I needed to pump. I hated being Trey’s ONLY food source. I beat myself up about it for months. I finally after having a major meltdown introduced formula and it was the BEST DECISION I could have ever made. It made me a better mom because I enjoyed the feeding experience. I became less stressed, less sleep deprived, less upset. I say this because the pressure to breast feed in incredible and I just want all those moms to know that sometimes formula is the answer and makes you a better mom.
Such a cute post, Julie! I am getting married in August and my fiancé and I are debating when we want to have a baby. Do you feel like you waited the right amount of time or, knowing how fulfilled you feel now, do you wish you would have had little Chase earlier in your marriage? Love reading your blog!
I wish someone had told me how HARD being a new mom would be, but that it would get easier with each child. Some women make it seem like its SO easy. But for me it was a huge learning curve. I now have 5 kids.
Babies are all different! Every parent is different. I was 6lbs and change, my husband was about 8lbs. Our children were 9lb, 9.4lbs and 9.12 and a half lbs. My 9.12 and a half lb baby and her 8 lb boyfriend had a 6 lb baby. All babys and parents were healthy through pregnancy and at birth. My daughter was able to use the 0-3’s and I was in tears because my baby couldnt wear the beautiful outfit I picked out for her home!! She never fit into the 0-3!! I guess you gave to be ready for baby to wear whatever fits! All the “BEST” parents dont have children!! So relax and roll with it, being a parent is a wonderful experience. Even through the rough and hard times.
Thank you SOOO much for the post!! We’re 12 wks pregnant with our first so I’m soaking up all the advice I can get! 🙂
I loved this post too! As a new mom of a three month old I am grateful for your wisdom and sharing!
One thing that I had to remember and my husband and I laughed about numerous times, especially when things were really stressful, was to remember this: the baby doesn’t know we don’t know what we’re doing! We’re just all figuring it out together.
For some reason, that made me relax, take a deep breath and smile! In those first few months those three things are important!!!
Thanks for this, I just sent it along to my sister-in-law! My little niece was due on Sunday but we’re still waiting for her arrival!
Thanks for this post! My husband and I have 2 dogs (that we love like babies, haha 🙂 and although we know we want kids, I’ve never been much of a baby person. It’s given me anxiety in the same way that you mentioned and it was so comforting to read twhat you had to say on the topic knowing how much you now love being a mom 🙂
I love this post! I couldn’t agree more!
It took six months for me to hit my stride. I tell every mom-to-be, to be kind to themselves and that at least the first six months are HARD! A random mom told me at the park when mine was a few months old and it was awesome hear I was not alone!
Though not a Mum (cat mama instead), I think you’re doing just great! I think I’ve learnt more about new mums from you (even though no desire for one) if I ever were to be one, I know what to expect!
Everybody likes to look like they’ve got it together and will only show the good bits. I admire you for saying, hey, it’s not all perfect IG photos. My Mum has always liked it to swans. They look so gracefully gliding on the water, but no one sees how hard they’re swimming. No one gets it ‘right’ straight away. What works for one like you said, doesn’t always work for another. Sometimes there’s no right or wrong, just trail and error! And I always love Chase’s nappy/diaper prints. They always make me smile!
Before my baby was born, I was diagnosed with preclampsia around 31 weeks. Of course I didn’t know how serious it was because honestly I felt better than I ever had. I didn’t know why I had to leave work (canceling full days of patients) and sit in a hospital bed to be monitored. Now I know how serious it is and seeing my sweet girls face I wish someone (Doctor nurse or anyone) would’ve looked me in my eyes and said “this is serious! You may feel healthy and fine but your baby is in danger.” It’s crazy but now looking back no one told me what was going on just a diagnosis. Everyone was so quiet so now that I see it now for my next one I will listen and research. I wish I would’ve asked more questions.